saturday
Dreamed last night (last dream of the morning) that The Covid (that's what I called it in the dream) was over and it was like we were all coming out of our houses after a big storm to look around at the damage and at the beauty of the world again. The grandkids were going back to school and I was going out to wait with them at the school bus stop like I used to do when they were little. They were grown up in the dream, big tall handsome young men and beautiful tall Hazel. I was at the bus stop before them and watched them as they approached me coming up the driveway. The sun seemed to glow on the morning scene. Nice. Hopeful.
They say eventually you'll know personally someone who dies from it. I don't know anyone yet (except famous people) but I do know a few people here on my LJ friend's list who have had it and got over it. That is encouraging. I feel like we are facing a big test. Will I pass it? Will Dave pass it? We will be 67 and 69 this year. I want to think we will make it through cause we are pretty healthy. Though prior health isn't a total deciding point on how sick it could make you.
Oh well, what to do about it? Nothing. Except try to not get it for as long as possible - not just for my sake but for others. Sometimes though I almost feel like it would be best to get it now and get it over with. Maybe I would be better able to defeat it now than I would be later?
Which all leads me to think about death and how IT is inescapable. Okay, so maybe I could make it through The Covid but then what is next? Is that all my life will become someday - trying to stay alive as long as possible? I want it to be about LIVING - not just staying alive.
This is me thinking out loud (typing freely) what I think.
So for now to live will be to enjoy life, enjoy what is available to me, be there for others in the ways I can, feel all the feelings (sometimes I do need to feel the fear, the sadness, the horror of it), but most importantly stay in the present moment - that is where life is.
*****
The question today:
11 It’s Celebrate Teen Lit Day! What’s a favorite book from your teen years?
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.
Today is supposed to be a mostly sunny day. It might get up to 50 F. Options for my day:
OA conference call meeting this morning,
make a couple more masks,
take a walk,
who knows what the day will bring?
Probably more TV watching...
They say eventually you'll know personally someone who dies from it. I don't know anyone yet (except famous people) but I do know a few people here on my LJ friend's list who have had it and got over it. That is encouraging. I feel like we are facing a big test. Will I pass it? Will Dave pass it? We will be 67 and 69 this year. I want to think we will make it through cause we are pretty healthy. Though prior health isn't a total deciding point on how sick it could make you.
Oh well, what to do about it? Nothing. Except try to not get it for as long as possible - not just for my sake but for others. Sometimes though I almost feel like it would be best to get it now and get it over with. Maybe I would be better able to defeat it now than I would be later?
Which all leads me to think about death and how IT is inescapable. Okay, so maybe I could make it through The Covid but then what is next? Is that all my life will become someday - trying to stay alive as long as possible? I want it to be about LIVING - not just staying alive.
This is me thinking out loud (typing freely) what I think.
So for now to live will be to enjoy life, enjoy what is available to me, be there for others in the ways I can, feel all the feelings (sometimes I do need to feel the fear, the sadness, the horror of it), but most importantly stay in the present moment - that is where life is.
*****
The question today:
11 It’s Celebrate Teen Lit Day! What’s a favorite book from your teen years?
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.
Today is supposed to be a mostly sunny day. It might get up to 50 F. Options for my day:
OA conference call meeting this morning,
make a couple more masks,
take a walk,
who knows what the day will bring?
Probably more TV watching...