friday
Felt a bit better yesterday. Maybe some of my recent blaa was just being so tired from being sick. This morning I got up in the middle of the night (2 am), couldn't sleep and came out to the couch. I felt less antsy reclining on the couch and fell asleep finally. I got up at 5:30 like usual, got the animal chores done and then went back to bed. Had some interesting dreams - maybe they were healing dreams. I haven't been sleeping at all well lately. So many hot flashes and night sweats - it is the hormone pill I take for the breast cancer. But what am I going to do? Taking it gives me a much better chance of the cancer not returning. Anyway, the thing is to get along, and keep going the best I can. I'd like to find a way to get better deeper sleep. I miss dreaming. I love dreaming. I love waking up with a story in the fringes of my mind to occupy me during the day. I dreamed this morning that I was part of a party of explorers, or maybe we were survivors. We were crossing a desert and only had a little water and a few valuable things that we were carrying to win the war, or survive or deliver safely somewhere. I can't remember now what the story was. I had a little bit of water left and I took a sip and then gave the rest to a young dark man who I felt I was trying to make friends with. I told him that I don't drink much anyway and he could have the rest. That was all I had but I thought I could tough it out. If I couldn't then it was okay - it was better that he keep going since he was young. Looking back on the dream afterwards I think this person was Sebastian.
Then another dream about a magic Goodwill (good will?) shop in a city. Dave and I were there with others and it was a part of the underground resistance. It was a really cool little place with a doorway that opened from the corner of the building. There was a hidden hallway that we went back and halfway back we came to a magic mirror. There were 4 parts to the mirror and it was set up in such a way that when you looked into it with someone else then you saw yourself, but your face showed the expressions of the other person. If they stuck their tongue out then it looked like you were sticking your tongue out. It was entertaining to see your own face not being under your control and be able to control the other person's face. I thought the magic mirror was so neat that I was sketching the parts on a piece of scrap paper and I hoped to build one myself later. Then an evil thing came and we were all afraid. It was coming to steal all the good from the shop and there was something very valuable in a back room that it wanted. It swept in and started to fill the shop. A dark frightening thing. End of that part of the dream.
New dream. Weeks later we returned to the shop and it was nearly empty of things to sell and the magic mirror was gone. There was a new person managing the shop and they didn't know about the past and the evil thing that had come to destroy things. Dave told me not to tell her, leave her blissfully innocent but I thought about it and knew I would want to know if I was her - suppose the evil came back. When I was telling her my voice started to crack and I started to cry - telling about all the damage it did and all that we lost to it. Made me so sad. Then I woke. That sounds like a nightmare but to me it felt healing.
****
Yesterday Jan and I went to Erie to see Berdella at St Vincent's hospital. She had had a procedure done and they had kept her overnight. After visiting Berdella we had lunch at Cheddars (I had never heard of it before) and I had a baked fish dinner. Then we went out and walked on the multipurpose trail at Presque Isle. I really enjoyed that - there are so many different kinds of environments out there on the edge of Lake Erie. Plants and flowers that are unfamiliar.
This was a structure called (I think) The Feather. You could walk up a ramp to a viewing platform that overlooked a marsh, and farther out there was the lake.
It had little symbols carved into it. A crescent moon and a marsh?
The railing was pleasantly uneven.
The lake in the distance.
Watery plants.
This was the marsh seen from a different place as we continued to walk along the trail. It felt like the scenery was constantly changing. I liked that about it.
Another watery place.
A view of the lake on the north west side of the peninsula. This side of Presque Isle is very different - sandy beaches with drift wood all along it. The weather is much harsher here and there can be waves. This is the side that has all the public beaches on it but we hadn't walked that far north for our walk to come to any of those.
Jan taking a picture too.
Then another dream about a magic Goodwill (good will?) shop in a city. Dave and I were there with others and it was a part of the underground resistance. It was a really cool little place with a doorway that opened from the corner of the building. There was a hidden hallway that we went back and halfway back we came to a magic mirror. There were 4 parts to the mirror and it was set up in such a way that when you looked into it with someone else then you saw yourself, but your face showed the expressions of the other person. If they stuck their tongue out then it looked like you were sticking your tongue out. It was entertaining to see your own face not being under your control and be able to control the other person's face. I thought the magic mirror was so neat that I was sketching the parts on a piece of scrap paper and I hoped to build one myself later. Then an evil thing came and we were all afraid. It was coming to steal all the good from the shop and there was something very valuable in a back room that it wanted. It swept in and started to fill the shop. A dark frightening thing. End of that part of the dream.
New dream. Weeks later we returned to the shop and it was nearly empty of things to sell and the magic mirror was gone. There was a new person managing the shop and they didn't know about the past and the evil thing that had come to destroy things. Dave told me not to tell her, leave her blissfully innocent but I thought about it and knew I would want to know if I was her - suppose the evil came back. When I was telling her my voice started to crack and I started to cry - telling about all the damage it did and all that we lost to it. Made me so sad. Then I woke. That sounds like a nightmare but to me it felt healing.
****
Yesterday Jan and I went to Erie to see Berdella at St Vincent's hospital. She had had a procedure done and they had kept her overnight. After visiting Berdella we had lunch at Cheddars (I had never heard of it before) and I had a baked fish dinner. Then we went out and walked on the multipurpose trail at Presque Isle. I really enjoyed that - there are so many different kinds of environments out there on the edge of Lake Erie. Plants and flowers that are unfamiliar.
This was a structure called (I think) The Feather. You could walk up a ramp to a viewing platform that overlooked a marsh, and farther out there was the lake.
It had little symbols carved into it. A crescent moon and a marsh?
The railing was pleasantly uneven.
The lake in the distance.
Watery plants.
This was the marsh seen from a different place as we continued to walk along the trail. It felt like the scenery was constantly changing. I liked that about it.
Another watery place.
A view of the lake on the north west side of the peninsula. This side of Presque Isle is very different - sandy beaches with drift wood all along it. The weather is much harsher here and there can be waves. This is the side that has all the public beaches on it but we hadn't walked that far north for our walk to come to any of those.
Jan taking a picture too.