Men Discuss Challenges of Life as a Single Dad
By: Sophie Nielsen-Kolding
WMBD/WYZZ-TV
Updated: May 9, 2013
http://centralillinoisproud.com/fulltext?nxd_id=323082
PEORIA - When it comes to single parents, the phrase 'single mother' comes up a lot, but what about the single fathers who are raising the kids? The most recent census data from 2011 shows there are almost 2-million single fathers in the U.S. But what numbers cannot show are the kinds of challenges some of these men face, like single dad Jeff Schaeffer. "I'm from a family with just myself and my brother, so all of a sudden I'm raising two daughters and had really no clue which way to go," Schaeffer said.
Schaeffer is one of a growing number of single fathers in the U.S. The Caterpillar employee has two daughters; he said their mother died when they were in 5th and 7th grade. "It was about six months is what we had and one night she wasn't right and ended up in the hospital and about two days later she had passed."
Now his oldest daughter is in college and Schaeffer is busy helping his youngest, Abbey, with high school graduation announcements. As his nest empties, Schaeffer said there were some moments in his girls' lives that would have been easier to discuss with mom.
"Talking about the birds and the bees and all those things. It was kind of awkward at first," Schaeffer said. Shaeffer had to juggle his time when it came to school events. He said his daughters were involved in band, cheerleading and other activities.
"A lot of days leaving work and jumping in the truck and going to a basketball game or a band competition or something," Schaeffer said.
When asked what was the most difficult thing about being a single father, Schaeffer said, "Not having somebody to lean on and maybe just talk to occasionally. As an adult it's kind of, some days it's lonely."
Abbey said there is a silver lining to her family's struggles. "It just made me get so much closer to my dad and I like that because I have that one guy that's my best friend that I tell everything to," she said.
That's the outcome Marlon Green can only hope for; he's just starting out his journey as a single father. Every day Green waits for his two children at the bus stop. He said it's a routine he's been doing by himself since the mother of his children deserted them.
"It's a handful I'll tell you that much. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into when I you know, first got custody of them," Green said.
Green has sole custody of his 6-year-old daughter Alyssiya and 8-year-old son Jaylen. He said the only contact he has with their mother is a monthly check in the mail.
"You know, she's pretty much, I get $30 in support and that's pretty much what we were left with so, it's been pretty tough."
Green has his own set of challenges balancing single father with full time student.
"I got my associates degree, and now I'm working on my bachelors and I'm just trying to get to it it's very tough, especially helping the kids when they get home with their homework," Green said as he looked over Alyssiya and Jaylen's assignments. Green relies on government aid, which he says doesn't always feel like it's geared towards Dads, for instance when he had a Women Infants and Children assistance card.
"I actually do well, I had a WIC card but my children are too old for WIC now so we just go off of the Link card." Green said he knows he has a lot of years left, so for now he keeps busy trying to be mom and dad, hoping that sometimes just dad will be enough.
"A few weeks ago we went to a movie night at the school, I went with my daughter and I was just like the only guy there, and I'm just looking around and you know I see faces from each angle they kind of just like, oh he's a guy," Green said.
Both men are about to take large steps in their lives.
Green hopes to finish his degree within the next year. As for Schaeffer, he said dating hasn't been a priority, but with both girls out of the house he might look at giving love another try.