Thorn Lily Chapter 25
Well it's past 12am on my side of the world now, so HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! ^^
Hoped that last chapter shocked all of you awake haha! Read on for the final chapter of Thorn Lily :)
Eventually the tears stopped and I sat alone in the cold and dismal corridor. My heart was filled with tears, and then out of the blue, I thought I could smell a familiar cologne. I raised my head slowly. It's him... The man I loved with my life.... And now he belongs to me, and me only... He walked closer to me...
"Yunho ah..."
I couldn't see his face clearly because of the lighting angle, but he looked worn out. He walked towards me without saying anything.
And then, he stopped in front of me, and stared at my hands on my knees. My hands were still soaked in blood, and in front of him, I had nowhere to hide my hideous guilt. I started crying again...
I heard Suh-hee is dead, Yunho ah, the mother of your child... Lee Suh-hee... She's dead... What should I do...
I saw her in pain, saw her beautiful lips moaning in agony, but now she could no longer speak. Why was I so cruel then? Did I really hate her so much that I had to kill her? Yunho, my Yunho... What should I do...
"I'm scared..."
In that deafening silence, I could only whimper to myself in the depths of my heart...
Soon... I'll have to pay for my crimes. I thought of that white cage again, and it sent involuntary shivers down my spine...
You'll be heartlessly abandoned, and left to drown in that endless swamp... Deep and dark...
I started trembling at that frightening thought...
He reached out to caress my cheek, and then he knelt down on the cold floor before me. Even though his eyes were closed, I could feel his gaze upon me. He'd already forgiven me, and now he's simply asking if I was alright. If love had a color, then surely his eyes would be dyed in that brilliant hue! Like a watercolor painting in azure, like tears.
His hands moved downwards and rested upon mine. He held my bloodied hands with those beautiful hands of his, and our tears fell at the same time...
"It's all my fault... Jaejoong ah, it's all my fault.... I'm so sorry, Jaejoong ah..."
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight, calling my name over and over again while he wept. His arms were so warm... Like the sun in May. Even if a storm is tearing the world apart outside, as long as I am in his arms, I'll be warm and in bliss. I caught the scent of a 17-year-old Yunho again...
"Name..."
In his embrace, I whispered to him softly. I'd seen her clutch her belly, chanting that name as she was pushed into the surgery room, her weakening voice refusing to abandon that name...
"A-hyun..."
"...Jaejoong ah..."
".....Jung A-hyun...."
His tear-stained eyes stared at me questioningly...
"A-hyun... Is your daughter... Your beautiful baby daughter... She's still alive! A-hyun...."
His body gave a violent jerk as he buried his face in his hands, sobbing as hard as he could. I lifted my head gingerly and looked at him. How would you treat me now, since you know how it all turned out? My heart was filled with uncertainty about the future...
"My angelic Yunho ah... I was the one who saved A-hyun...! Yunho, you must praise me... You wanted a child... And I saved her..."
"...... Jaejoong ah!"
"I saved her... So don't chase me away... Yunho ah, I love..."
"Jaejoong ah... Enough..."
"Alright... Just once more... Let me say it one last time..."
You really should have stopped me from going on... If you understood, you would have stopped me...
Hate me... Abandon me if you wish... But his eyes held nothing. Jung Yunho could never bring himself to blame anyone, instead pulling a face that looks worse than when he cries. Looking at it only made me even less able to withstand the painful sorrow in my heart. It's all because of me, and I should be the one apologizing instead. It's me who pushed my guilt onto him, and let him face all this sadness. The truth is, Jung Yunho is my original sin. But he had embraced me without caring for anything else, embracing everything in his broad chest...
"Then I won't ever cry again..."
Then I can believe that your heart still belongs to me...
I finally understood what they mean when they say it hurts more than death, but I don't have the courage to face death. If I died, will this man who's holding me now still live on? I can never commit suicide, because Jung Yunho still exists, so I must live on.... If I died, he would disappear too, and that is such a terrible thought! He was lost in his own grief and I buried my face in his chest, trying hard to purge all thoughts of suicide from my mind. I'm such a coward...
When I came to my senses, I found myself lying on the sofa in his study. When he saw me waking up, he reached out to massage my icy feet. So warm... He patted my head and tucked my head under his chin. I could sense that his heart had been thoroughly shattered...
"Wishing for death, but denied its release. What should I do?"
He cupped my face in his hands and I raised my head to look at him. If I died, I wouldn't need to worry about him anymore. And would that be a perfect ending to all this? I closed my eyes like a coward. I can give up all this; if he wants to kill me, I would gladly accept my fate.
"I hate this..."
"......"
"There's no way I could bring myself to kill you!"
His hands tightened around my neck. Yes... Just like how I could never bring myself to end my life, he could never bring himself to kill me personally. The reason's the same, because we're such miserable creatures who depend on each other's existence in order to survive...
"Sob... Just what did we do wrong in loving each other...?"
I cried as I grabbed hold of him desperately, asking him again and again. But he only sighed and said...
"You'll be fine!"
I thought of the deceased Lee Suh-hee suddenly. She's the reason behind all the things that happened recently. Because I'd always had nightmares about her, seeing her clutch her belly, seeing her fierce determination to let her child live on, and I would think of that moment again. In one week, I'd lost 5kg, but the mental torture isn't over yet...
"Suh-hee... Did you ever love her...?"
Even though he's the reason why I was clinging on to this world, I still wanted to know the answer, even if the answer may become a reason for me to die...
"She was a woman I tried to love in order to forget you."
"......"
"But I couldn't do it..."
"...Really...? And if you did fall in love with her...?"
I moved away from his arm and sat on the floor, leveling my eye with his. Luckily his floors were carpeted, though it sell hurt a bit when I sat down because of my sudden weight loss. My slight frown didn't escape his notice and he pulled me into his arms once more so I could sit on his thigh. Thank you...
His arms remained tightly wound around my waist and I reached out to wrap mine around his neck. Our hearts were plastered against each other, beating in unison. Somehow it felt like I wasn't used to this. I wonder when was the last time we'd held each other like this?
"Are you happy...?"
"Mm, so happy that I could die!"
He asked me through his tears...
Why are you crying? I feel so happy...
"Meeting you was the happiest moment of my life..."
"......"
"Just a single drop of tear from you, and I would feel like I'm the happiest person in the world...."
He lifted his head from my shoulders and I examine it carefully. His eyes were like a deeply-colored lake, a slight ripple from the wind, and it would spill over onto his handsome face. I held his face in my hand and licked away his tears. My beautiful Yunho, how could he be crying? I tried to lick away as much as I could. Everything you have belongs to me, so you can't waste them without my permission...
"If one of us has to cry, then let it be me! So please don't cry..."
I'll be fine! A kind heart will never be wounded, so don't worry!
I won't regret this, since there is no turning back now...
Hoped that last chapter shocked all of you awake haha! Read on for the final chapter of Thorn Lily :)
Eventually the tears stopped and I sat alone in the cold and dismal corridor. My heart was filled with tears, and then out of the blue, I thought I could smell a familiar cologne. I raised my head slowly. It's him... The man I loved with my life.... And now he belongs to me, and me only... He walked closer to me...
"Yunho ah..."
I couldn't see his face clearly because of the lighting angle, but he looked worn out. He walked towards me without saying anything.
And then, he stopped in front of me, and stared at my hands on my knees. My hands were still soaked in blood, and in front of him, I had nowhere to hide my hideous guilt. I started crying again...
I heard Suh-hee is dead, Yunho ah, the mother of your child... Lee Suh-hee... She's dead... What should I do...
I saw her in pain, saw her beautiful lips moaning in agony, but now she could no longer speak. Why was I so cruel then? Did I really hate her so much that I had to kill her? Yunho, my Yunho... What should I do...
"I'm scared..."
In that deafening silence, I could only whimper to myself in the depths of my heart...
Soon... I'll have to pay for my crimes. I thought of that white cage again, and it sent involuntary shivers down my spine...
You'll be heartlessly abandoned, and left to drown in that endless swamp... Deep and dark...
I started trembling at that frightening thought...
He reached out to caress my cheek, and then he knelt down on the cold floor before me. Even though his eyes were closed, I could feel his gaze upon me. He'd already forgiven me, and now he's simply asking if I was alright. If love had a color, then surely his eyes would be dyed in that brilliant hue! Like a watercolor painting in azure, like tears.
His hands moved downwards and rested upon mine. He held my bloodied hands with those beautiful hands of his, and our tears fell at the same time...
"It's all my fault... Jaejoong ah, it's all my fault.... I'm so sorry, Jaejoong ah..."
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight, calling my name over and over again while he wept. His arms were so warm... Like the sun in May. Even if a storm is tearing the world apart outside, as long as I am in his arms, I'll be warm and in bliss. I caught the scent of a 17-year-old Yunho again...
"Name..."
In his embrace, I whispered to him softly. I'd seen her clutch her belly, chanting that name as she was pushed into the surgery room, her weakening voice refusing to abandon that name...
"A-hyun..."
"...Jaejoong ah..."
".....Jung A-hyun...."
His tear-stained eyes stared at me questioningly...
"A-hyun... Is your daughter... Your beautiful baby daughter... She's still alive! A-hyun...."
His body gave a violent jerk as he buried his face in his hands, sobbing as hard as he could. I lifted my head gingerly and looked at him. How would you treat me now, since you know how it all turned out? My heart was filled with uncertainty about the future...
"My angelic Yunho ah... I was the one who saved A-hyun...! Yunho, you must praise me... You wanted a child... And I saved her..."
"...... Jaejoong ah!"
"I saved her... So don't chase me away... Yunho ah, I love..."
"Jaejoong ah... Enough..."
"Alright... Just once more... Let me say it one last time..."
You really should have stopped me from going on... If you understood, you would have stopped me...
Hate me... Abandon me if you wish... But his eyes held nothing. Jung Yunho could never bring himself to blame anyone, instead pulling a face that looks worse than when he cries. Looking at it only made me even less able to withstand the painful sorrow in my heart. It's all because of me, and I should be the one apologizing instead. It's me who pushed my guilt onto him, and let him face all this sadness. The truth is, Jung Yunho is my original sin. But he had embraced me without caring for anything else, embracing everything in his broad chest...
"Then I won't ever cry again..."
Then I can believe that your heart still belongs to me...
I finally understood what they mean when they say it hurts more than death, but I don't have the courage to face death. If I died, will this man who's holding me now still live on? I can never commit suicide, because Jung Yunho still exists, so I must live on.... If I died, he would disappear too, and that is such a terrible thought! He was lost in his own grief and I buried my face in his chest, trying hard to purge all thoughts of suicide from my mind. I'm such a coward...
When I came to my senses, I found myself lying on the sofa in his study. When he saw me waking up, he reached out to massage my icy feet. So warm... He patted my head and tucked my head under his chin. I could sense that his heart had been thoroughly shattered...
"Wishing for death, but denied its release. What should I do?"
He cupped my face in his hands and I raised my head to look at him. If I died, I wouldn't need to worry about him anymore. And would that be a perfect ending to all this? I closed my eyes like a coward. I can give up all this; if he wants to kill me, I would gladly accept my fate.
"I hate this..."
"......"
"There's no way I could bring myself to kill you!"
His hands tightened around my neck. Yes... Just like how I could never bring myself to end my life, he could never bring himself to kill me personally. The reason's the same, because we're such miserable creatures who depend on each other's existence in order to survive...
"Sob... Just what did we do wrong in loving each other...?"
I cried as I grabbed hold of him desperately, asking him again and again. But he only sighed and said...
"You'll be fine!"
I thought of the deceased Lee Suh-hee suddenly. She's the reason behind all the things that happened recently. Because I'd always had nightmares about her, seeing her clutch her belly, seeing her fierce determination to let her child live on, and I would think of that moment again. In one week, I'd lost 5kg, but the mental torture isn't over yet...
"Suh-hee... Did you ever love her...?"
Even though he's the reason why I was clinging on to this world, I still wanted to know the answer, even if the answer may become a reason for me to die...
"She was a woman I tried to love in order to forget you."
"......"
"But I couldn't do it..."
"...Really...? And if you did fall in love with her...?"
I moved away from his arm and sat on the floor, leveling my eye with his. Luckily his floors were carpeted, though it sell hurt a bit when I sat down because of my sudden weight loss. My slight frown didn't escape his notice and he pulled me into his arms once more so I could sit on his thigh. Thank you...
His arms remained tightly wound around my waist and I reached out to wrap mine around his neck. Our hearts were plastered against each other, beating in unison. Somehow it felt like I wasn't used to this. I wonder when was the last time we'd held each other like this?
"Are you happy...?"
"Mm, so happy that I could die!"
He asked me through his tears...
Why are you crying? I feel so happy...
"Meeting you was the happiest moment of my life..."
"......"
"Just a single drop of tear from you, and I would feel like I'm the happiest person in the world...."
He lifted his head from my shoulders and I examine it carefully. His eyes were like a deeply-colored lake, a slight ripple from the wind, and it would spill over onto his handsome face. I held his face in my hand and licked away his tears. My beautiful Yunho, how could he be crying? I tried to lick away as much as I could. Everything you have belongs to me, so you can't waste them without my permission...
"If one of us has to cry, then let it be me! So please don't cry..."
I'll be fine! A kind heart will never be wounded, so don't worry!
I won't regret this, since there is no turning back now...