Work Guilt
This is a short post because I need to wake up in a fewish hours to flag for CIA and because I can't really elaborate on my thoughts too well right now. Shrug.
I think I've felt this way all semester but have only just noticed: I feel a degree of guilt for not doing work when I'm at some sort of extracurricular or fun event. It's like CMU has hammered commitment to work into my head, but not in a good way. It's not that I want to do work and receive good grades and better myself so much as I don't want the opposite to happen. I don't want to lower my QPA further, get into academic trouble with my sorority or the university or my parents, and completely fuck over any hope I have of getting into a grad program or a job or whatever.
I definitely didn't use to be this way or at least not much--often I would have no problem with taking time for myself or an org. Now, however, it seems like with every commitment I make, if it isn't to getting something related to school or my job done, I feel a bit guilty for doing it. I'm not really sure why this is. Maybe I'm just getting used to CMU classes. But not in a good way. Basically I feel oppressed and trapped with academic obligation that I never seem to be able to catch up to.
Well... I'll try my darndest to get those linguistics articles read and summarized and maybe even actively incorporated into my thesis so I can meet with Naoko (Second Language Acquisition teacher) on Tuesday. And then I can focus a bit on getting that Russian novel read so I can write a long essay for it by the 16th. And all the work in between... well, one day I'll catch up in the Russian workbook. Until then, I'm at bay with Russian Film and Language & Thought.
Things could be worse. My grades aren't abysmal. If I fuck up and miss an assignment or am behind, it's not a personal slight against the professors I like learning under. Everything is going to be okay... maybe even better than that.
Brief other tidbits of news:
I'm dating someone. He likes me a lot and is obviously interested in my well-being. I'm not sure why. The fact that I can't see a good reason why sort of worries me (I might have a bit of an inferiority complex sometimes, but then again, who doesn't?)
I can't minor in music. This is probably a good thing, since now I can afford to take the bare minimum of 36 units each semester. Given that I'll probably be even more busy in the Spring, I'll need one fewer class.
"academics" has been tagged in too many recent posts. And it's been tagged first in all of them. I am not pleased by this.
I think I've felt this way all semester but have only just noticed: I feel a degree of guilt for not doing work when I'm at some sort of extracurricular or fun event. It's like CMU has hammered commitment to work into my head, but not in a good way. It's not that I want to do work and receive good grades and better myself so much as I don't want the opposite to happen. I don't want to lower my QPA further, get into academic trouble with my sorority or the university or my parents, and completely fuck over any hope I have of getting into a grad program or a job or whatever.
I definitely didn't use to be this way or at least not much--often I would have no problem with taking time for myself or an org. Now, however, it seems like with every commitment I make, if it isn't to getting something related to school or my job done, I feel a bit guilty for doing it. I'm not really sure why this is. Maybe I'm just getting used to CMU classes. But not in a good way. Basically I feel oppressed and trapped with academic obligation that I never seem to be able to catch up to.
Well... I'll try my darndest to get those linguistics articles read and summarized and maybe even actively incorporated into my thesis so I can meet with Naoko (Second Language Acquisition teacher) on Tuesday. And then I can focus a bit on getting that Russian novel read so I can write a long essay for it by the 16th. And all the work in between... well, one day I'll catch up in the Russian workbook. Until then, I'm at bay with Russian Film and Language & Thought.
Things could be worse. My grades aren't abysmal. If I fuck up and miss an assignment or am behind, it's not a personal slight against the professors I like learning under. Everything is going to be okay... maybe even better than that.
Brief other tidbits of news:
I'm dating someone. He likes me a lot and is obviously interested in my well-being. I'm not sure why. The fact that I can't see a good reason why sort of worries me (I might have a bit of an inferiority complex sometimes, but then again, who doesn't?)
I can't minor in music. This is probably a good thing, since now I can afford to take the bare minimum of 36 units each semester. Given that I'll probably be even more busy in the Spring, I'll need one fewer class.
"academics" has been tagged in too many recent posts. And it's been tagged first in all of them. I am not pleased by this.