Update time...
Well where to start... Fuck... Life has gotten so weird and so bizarre that I don't even know what to say. I have another date coming up... With a catholic chaplin of the local catholic High school. She is so awesome, so "good", that I hardly know where to start. We've gone out a few times and I guess it will be more clear if I say a bit about her. She spent the last few years in India and a few other countries working for some organization trying to feed, and generally help the poor. She had the most amazing story of why she "believes":
"One day, I was working in the home, and one of the nuns handed me this poor woman whose leg had rotted away. There were maggots eating at her flesh, and it had already been a bad day. One of my friends there had pricked her arm with a needle that had last been used on a prostitute. The nun passed the woman to me who couldn't have been more than 40lbs and said: This is body of the lord."
She said that in that moment she understood the connection that everyone shares and the way in which we are all obligated to help the people around us. At the time, I had been talking about work, and the various other bits of nonsense going on in my life and at that moment I realized how different our lives had been. I am not saying that her behavior somehow makes her superior or anything but, it did make me stop and recognize that her having spent the last 3 years in the worst areas of the world and helping those who were truly suffering was worthy of some major respect.
I am not exactly an "evil" guy or anything like that. but you know... I am not at her level. She seems to really like me, and I really like her, but truthfully, I have seen and done so much that was wasteful, or hedonistic that I just can't understand what she could possibly see in me. Its made especially strange considering the last few girls/women I've dated have all been somewhat less than pure or noble. I suspect privately that what I am really looking for is someone who can help me make it to where I want to go, and I am tired of drinking, drugs, sexual relationships, and people who are devoid of any greater thought then what they themselves want.
Only time will tell whether this will work or not, but till then, wish me luck :)
"One day, I was working in the home, and one of the nuns handed me this poor woman whose leg had rotted away. There were maggots eating at her flesh, and it had already been a bad day. One of my friends there had pricked her arm with a needle that had last been used on a prostitute. The nun passed the woman to me who couldn't have been more than 40lbs and said: This is body of the lord."
She said that in that moment she understood the connection that everyone shares and the way in which we are all obligated to help the people around us. At the time, I had been talking about work, and the various other bits of nonsense going on in my life and at that moment I realized how different our lives had been. I am not saying that her behavior somehow makes her superior or anything but, it did make me stop and recognize that her having spent the last 3 years in the worst areas of the world and helping those who were truly suffering was worthy of some major respect.
I am not exactly an "evil" guy or anything like that. but you know... I am not at her level. She seems to really like me, and I really like her, but truthfully, I have seen and done so much that was wasteful, or hedonistic that I just can't understand what she could possibly see in me. Its made especially strange considering the last few girls/women I've dated have all been somewhat less than pure or noble. I suspect privately that what I am really looking for is someone who can help me make it to where I want to go, and I am tired of drinking, drugs, sexual relationships, and people who are devoid of any greater thought then what they themselves want.
Only time will tell whether this will work or not, but till then, wish me luck :)