Scared.
Dear cast, Allison and Takeo,
The following e-mail is a gathered stream of consciousness resulting from tonight's discussion, so please read it, and realize that these thoughts are in no way resolved in my mind.
Tonight was the most intense rehearsal of my life.
After hearing that Scott had begun to question his integrity as an actor playing a role that he would not want his friends to see, I wondered if having a group discussion would help convince him that there was a reason to put on the show, and that it would have positive outcomes.
I never imagined what a zoo that discussion would become. I felt completely at a loss to direct the discussion, or even to mediate it. It seemed that everyone wanted to be heard and no-one willing to step back and listen, or even let one point go that did not align with their beliefs (with the exception of Langston ;-)).
I wanted people to open up and talk about their opinions. But I didn't want people to feel attacked, or the sense of divisiveness that I felt in that room. I felt absolutely helpless, and as such a failure as a director.
It led me to question my responsibility to art, to truth, and to activism. It led me to question whether socially active theatre was even possible.
I was afraid that people would walk out of that room feeling isolated and having a weakened commitment to the show.
Coming out of that discussion, I realize that this discussion should have happened a long time ago. I wanted Goliath to be a collaborative process from day one, but attempts to create a cohesive ensemble never seemed to click, save for the one night of Freeze, which was truly incredible.
The past several weeks have been completely stagnant, and the conversation tonight helped me to realize that something needs to change. I never wanted to tell people where to go and have that be the blocking of the show. I wanted it to come out of the ensemble that we didn't have time to create.
In realizing what has been lacking from the rehearsal process, even in the last few hours I have opened my ears to the ideas of others. As a result, I am going to try reshaping the show over break. The structure of the show will become more focused around the community of the ensemble. Instead of six distinct characters who shape David's life, the chorus as an ensemble will clearly be the community from which David emerges. This idea is still in baby-form, but I intend to fully develop it over the next few days and convey it to you clearly. I welcome your input on the process, in whatever form you would like to give it. I realize that this is a huge change to make with so little time left in the process, but I truly think that it will result in a more powerful and rewarding performance.
I want to emphasize how lucky I am to have such a talented and capable cast, and I really want to make the most of that for all of us. This night has been eye-opening to me in terms of the show and my career as a director pursuing political theatre. I hope that all of you took something good away from tonight as well that you will use in the future, even if you have not realized it yet.
My brain has shut down and my head aches, so I am going to end this e-mail here. I have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head right now, the largest of which is "Have I said the right things? Have I said enough?" But I can't know the answers to those questions, so I'll cut it off here. Thank you for your patience, your vitality and ultimately your understanding.
But one last thing. This show is about you. When you walk away from the show, no matter what the audience says, I hope that you feel a sense of ownership and pride toward Goliath, as I know I will feel with it in your hands.
Sincerely,
~Alex
Efilsiertaeht.
Theatre is life. Backwards.
The following e-mail is a gathered stream of consciousness resulting from tonight's discussion, so please read it, and realize that these thoughts are in no way resolved in my mind.
Tonight was the most intense rehearsal of my life.
After hearing that Scott had begun to question his integrity as an actor playing a role that he would not want his friends to see, I wondered if having a group discussion would help convince him that there was a reason to put on the show, and that it would have positive outcomes.
I never imagined what a zoo that discussion would become. I felt completely at a loss to direct the discussion, or even to mediate it. It seemed that everyone wanted to be heard and no-one willing to step back and listen, or even let one point go that did not align with their beliefs (with the exception of Langston ;-)).
I wanted people to open up and talk about their opinions. But I didn't want people to feel attacked, or the sense of divisiveness that I felt in that room. I felt absolutely helpless, and as such a failure as a director.
It led me to question my responsibility to art, to truth, and to activism. It led me to question whether socially active theatre was even possible.
I was afraid that people would walk out of that room feeling isolated and having a weakened commitment to the show.
Coming out of that discussion, I realize that this discussion should have happened a long time ago. I wanted Goliath to be a collaborative process from day one, but attempts to create a cohesive ensemble never seemed to click, save for the one night of Freeze, which was truly incredible.
The past several weeks have been completely stagnant, and the conversation tonight helped me to realize that something needs to change. I never wanted to tell people where to go and have that be the blocking of the show. I wanted it to come out of the ensemble that we didn't have time to create.
In realizing what has been lacking from the rehearsal process, even in the last few hours I have opened my ears to the ideas of others. As a result, I am going to try reshaping the show over break. The structure of the show will become more focused around the community of the ensemble. Instead of six distinct characters who shape David's life, the chorus as an ensemble will clearly be the community from which David emerges. This idea is still in baby-form, but I intend to fully develop it over the next few days and convey it to you clearly. I welcome your input on the process, in whatever form you would like to give it. I realize that this is a huge change to make with so little time left in the process, but I truly think that it will result in a more powerful and rewarding performance.
I want to emphasize how lucky I am to have such a talented and capable cast, and I really want to make the most of that for all of us. This night has been eye-opening to me in terms of the show and my career as a director pursuing political theatre. I hope that all of you took something good away from tonight as well that you will use in the future, even if you have not realized it yet.
My brain has shut down and my head aches, so I am going to end this e-mail here. I have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head right now, the largest of which is "Have I said the right things? Have I said enough?" But I can't know the answers to those questions, so I'll cut it off here. Thank you for your patience, your vitality and ultimately your understanding.
But one last thing. This show is about you. When you walk away from the show, no matter what the audience says, I hope that you feel a sense of ownership and pride toward Goliath, as I know I will feel with it in your hands.
Sincerely,
~Alex
Efilsiertaeht.
Theatre is life. Backwards.