Independence
You know me.
I am not an independent person. I hate being alone. But this trip is going to take my hatred of being alone and turn it into the most blessed love anyone could possibly have.
I'm a little nervous, thinking about going into the world of Ireland alone... but I want to get away from my classmates SO FUCKING BADLY. They can't talk about anything except guys. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. They're not my type of theatre people. For one, their respective schools are: Drake University (Iowa), University of Minnesota (but for musical theatre- which is awesome, but not particularly academic), USC (and she's a sorority girl) and Southwestern (Texas tiny private school where her theatre major consisted of being in two plays... and no technique). I get along with them. I even have fun with them. I don't dislike any of them. But GODDAMN IT i miss people who are passionate and adventurous. All three of the actresses seem to be here just to find boys, which may or may not be grossly unjust but its certainly how they spend every moment not in class, and the other directing girl firstly keeps saying we should just give up the pretense of being an acting/directing program because it's clearly just acting to which I say BULLSHIT I am NOT here to act and I can learn just as much from an acting class as a director but I want to scrounge up every relationship to directing that I can thank you VERY much and secondly is feeling left out because she doesn't invite flirting the way the other three do which means she's always cranky.
When Daniel and I finally decided to make the commitment to be together for the summer, I was nervous. I was really nervous, in fact. Remembering my issues last summer and how I just wanted to be free. But I had been freed to the tiny community of techies in Poughkeepsie... ReadyMade Community. I don't think I could have been more afraid for nothing. And I am so lucky to have made the right decision. I didn't think I'd share Daniel's opinion of just wanting someone there who loves you... apparently we're more similar than I thought. I'm still just as set on making this work when we get back but I owe Daniel a night of non-worked-up-ness... hopefully I'll find some way to actually spend a night with him before moving into Branner.
This really wasn't meant to be a long entry. I've just been very very turned off by everyone I've met for no good reason- they're just not people I can interact with. And I absolutely fear it's me being an elitist bitch, but then again Emily says that Stanford kids at Oxford were the same way. It's certainly a shock from last summer when I was amazed to be meeting people from all different life experiences... but they were all people who knew what they wanted. These kids are just out to have fun. Except not if it means actually exploring, or anything like that. Just drinking and hookups.
Tomorrow I'm researching my weekend. I think I will go to Wicklow on Saturday and then Howth on Sunday, regardless of whether anyone else is going. Next weekend is Northern Ireland, so I don't have to worry about big independent trips until the following weekend. At which point I will have two weekends to see Kerry, Cork, Killarney... and whatever else I'm going to see. There's an interim weekend in which I'm also going to Scotland. And then I get my five days in Germany... that's going to be amazing, it really is.
Ok I'm done. Thanks for reading, if you did. As I just wrote in my AIM profile, it is time for Alex's Great Independence. Love.
~aLeX
I am not an independent person. I hate being alone. But this trip is going to take my hatred of being alone and turn it into the most blessed love anyone could possibly have.
I'm a little nervous, thinking about going into the world of Ireland alone... but I want to get away from my classmates SO FUCKING BADLY. They can't talk about anything except guys. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. They're not my type of theatre people. For one, their respective schools are: Drake University (Iowa), University of Minnesota (but for musical theatre- which is awesome, but not particularly academic), USC (and she's a sorority girl) and Southwestern (Texas tiny private school where her theatre major consisted of being in two plays... and no technique). I get along with them. I even have fun with them. I don't dislike any of them. But GODDAMN IT i miss people who are passionate and adventurous. All three of the actresses seem to be here just to find boys, which may or may not be grossly unjust but its certainly how they spend every moment not in class, and the other directing girl firstly keeps saying we should just give up the pretense of being an acting/directing program because it's clearly just acting to which I say BULLSHIT I am NOT here to act and I can learn just as much from an acting class as a director but I want to scrounge up every relationship to directing that I can thank you VERY much and secondly is feeling left out because she doesn't invite flirting the way the other three do which means she's always cranky.
When Daniel and I finally decided to make the commitment to be together for the summer, I was nervous. I was really nervous, in fact. Remembering my issues last summer and how I just wanted to be free. But I had been freed to the tiny community of techies in Poughkeepsie... ReadyMade Community. I don't think I could have been more afraid for nothing. And I am so lucky to have made the right decision. I didn't think I'd share Daniel's opinion of just wanting someone there who loves you... apparently we're more similar than I thought. I'm still just as set on making this work when we get back but I owe Daniel a night of non-worked-up-ness... hopefully I'll find some way to actually spend a night with him before moving into Branner.
This really wasn't meant to be a long entry. I've just been very very turned off by everyone I've met for no good reason- they're just not people I can interact with. And I absolutely fear it's me being an elitist bitch, but then again Emily says that Stanford kids at Oxford were the same way. It's certainly a shock from last summer when I was amazed to be meeting people from all different life experiences... but they were all people who knew what they wanted. These kids are just out to have fun. Except not if it means actually exploring, or anything like that. Just drinking and hookups.
Tomorrow I'm researching my weekend. I think I will go to Wicklow on Saturday and then Howth on Sunday, regardless of whether anyone else is going. Next weekend is Northern Ireland, so I don't have to worry about big independent trips until the following weekend. At which point I will have two weekends to see Kerry, Cork, Killarney... and whatever else I'm going to see. There's an interim weekend in which I'm also going to Scotland. And then I get my five days in Germany... that's going to be amazing, it really is.
Ok I'm done. Thanks for reading, if you did. As I just wrote in my AIM profile, it is time for Alex's Great Independence. Love.
~aLeX