(no subject)
For my 1,977th post on Twitter, I thought it would be fun to post a little... something. I don't know what to call it since I don't even know I'm going to write.
I was born on March 6, 1977 to Herbert and Sharon Bell, two mismatched yet both slightly misanthropic characters. I was generally healthy, and lived a mostly happy childhood up until 6. One day that year, in 1983, my mother came upstairs and told me that she was leaving, that it wasn't our fault, and that she would see me a lot.
Well, she tried. My mother is an alcoholic, and she never really had much interest in being a mom, despite having three kids. I saw her some weekends and we had the summers, but those were mostly spent with the other divorce kids in the apartment complex. My dad got remarried to a woman who smelled like a skunk. She also got our house taken away from us. That relationship didn't last too long.
When I was 11, I liked my best friend, Brandy. Her dad was insane, but he liked me and took me places a lot. I asked her to a movie, Halloween 4, and she said yes, but she only liked me as a friend. Turned out I felt the same. We didn't hang out so much after her parents split up, too. But we smoked out first cigarettes together. I'll never forget the taste of that first one or the visceral high we felt from doing something we weren't supposed to.
At 13, I met Meredith. She and I were in different grades, I in 8th and she in 7th. We had a whirlwind romance which ended in disaster when we attempted to run away together and we got caught by my dad. We never made it out of my apartment because we were too busy making out. I thought I was in love with her. To this day she has had some influence in my life. I don't know what she is like now, but I'm pretty sure she's still an unhappy person.
At 15 I met Astrid. Astrid was a wonderful person who taught me that living life is important and not to be afraid of doing something wrong. It's a lesson I still haven't learned. I'm always afraid of doing something wrong.
I dropped out of high school when my dad kicked me out of the house at 17. I was in my senior year of high school, but couldn't get to the school, which was an hour away. I missed too many days. I never went back.
While I was homeless for a couple of years, I met Jenny, a girl in Alaska, online at LambdaMOO. Jenny was the first girl who ever genuinely loved me. I loved her, too, but the relationship was doomed by 2500 miles and two people who had no money or way to meet. I damaged her in some way. We finally met in 2000. Things were never the same between us.
At the age of 20, I met Felicia, shortly after getting back on my feet after a couple of years of homelessness and drug use. She became a recurring figure of significance in my life over the next twelve years and has been there for me as I've tried to be for her (though she is no doubt better at it than I). We dated on and off for years, and she remains a best friend to me.
Jode became a father figure to me shortly after I got back on my feet. He became my mentor and went out of his way to make me into a man who believes in truth and doing the right thing and love. His family is wonderful and makes me feel at home with them.
I spent a semester in college, but it's just not for me. I did well, though.
There have been so many more people who have touched my life in many ways, but I think I was shaped most by my parents and these people.
Today, I'm a 32 year old almost-tech at Apple. I suffer from mild social anxiety. I have developing allergies. I love music. I escape in movies. I have a cat. I still believe in romance, even if no one else does. I'm single, and will probably remain so for a long time. I like tea and coffee. I'm afraid of dying alone. I like to read. I'm better with technology than I am with people; I wish I was better with people. I love to laugh and I love to have a good time. I'm mood-swingy. I am often in unrequited love. I write poems that I don't share. I have sleepless nights when I feel lonely. I am pretentious. I am transparent. I am loved. I am unloved.
I am so different from everyone and yet so much the same.
And that's what I wanted to say with my 1977th post.