(no subject)
I've been having incredible nightmares lately. Fantastic ones. And by fantastic, I mean so incredibly real that I may have cried in my sleep. I had two the other night, both about Zachary.
In my first dream, I was living in New York and I was waiting for a train. Just as the train arrived a news flash came on a t.v that was mounted on the wall of the station. Zach's picture was split-screened with a helicopter-view video of a de-railed train. Some terrorist had blown it up or something of the sort. Everyone in the station looked at me because, for some reason, they knew he was my boyfriend. I had this pit feeling that I was stuck in City of Angels and Zach was my Meg Ryan. I cried so deeply in my dream that I woke with tears. I was so upset and so afraid for a few seconds and then I was angry with myself for dreaming something like that.
I fell asleep again and, shortly after, had another dramatic nightmare where Zach's life was at stake, except it was his job to save the lives of many others. In order to save everyone's lives he had to complete some foolish task that involved standing on the lunch table in a cafeteria, while hoisting a string of glass bulbs into a tube without breaking them. It was a competition between him and someone else, a friend, i don't know who. The whole thing was filmed by a professional camera crew, and he completed the task in the alotted time, but somehow a friend of his was hurt, Jennifer Landon. There was some argument, or some uneasy feelings about him going to see her, for some reason it meant it could possibly be the end of he and I. He had to bring her something, I don't know what, maybe a gift, maybe something to heal her. We reluctantly kissed goodbye, and he walked away wearing a midnight-blue sportsjacket toward the library at FIU. I can't remember anything after that.
After telling Zach about these two dreams, although not so much in detail, he reminded me of a nightmare he had the previous week about my death. This brings me to my next dream, as I have never in my life had a dream or nightmare about myself dying.
I vaguely remember meeting with Flip, Tatanka, and some of their other faceless friends outside a Church that had been boarded up, we sat at a dirty white patio furniture set. It was Fall, there were dead leaves everywhere, it was windy. Night time. There was a purpose to the meeting, but none of us ever got around to it. I found myself feeling unwanted and left. Now heres the tricky part, I died in my dream, and I saw my death in my dream, but I can't remember it now that I'm awake. I was on a bike or a motorcycle of some sort after I died. There was no sky or defined ground beside the path I traveled on, a yellow brick road. Everything else seemed to fade into this milky smoke, like a cheesy movie version of what heaven is. I parked my bike in the middle of the path near a step or a turn or some bushes...(you know how vague dreams can be)and I ran the rest of the way. I didn't know where I was going but I was drawn in a specific direction. Then I came to, what I am now realizing, was the church I met the boys outside of, except it was new and resembled a post office. There was a line of 5 or 6 people out the door. I waited in line for some instinctive reason and when I got in to the building it looked almost like a very busy mail room, but there was something more going on. Everyone was very concerned with doing there job, although their jobs seemed very unclear to me, I didn't even know what I was waiting for. There was a counter to me left where there were cashiers or customer service reps, or something of the sort. And there was a round balding man with a gray beard rushing about the front of the room. He was dressed in brown work pants with a white t-shirt and brown suspenders. He seemed to be the Manager of the place. For the first time in my dream I spoke "God?"
The bald man stopped "yes?"
He knew all my questions, yes I was dead, no there wasn't any going back.
"Is there a hell?"
"you bet, infact most people go there"
I didn't want to ask where I was, probably purgatory. "what do people do to go to hell?
"anyone who has genital herpes, for starters"
I remembered a statistic that 1 in 3 americans will test positive for atleast 1 of 3 forms of herpes.
"Is it morally wrong to have herpes?"
"No, its just that so many people will have acquired it within the next century that it will cause another disease that humans cannot cure and, ultimately, it will cause the downfall of the human race."
I didn't want to go back any more. I turned around and headed out the door, there at the foot of the church was a group of kids playing. One of them was the younger brother of a friend of mine. I asked him what happened and he told me he got into a car crash. He pointed to his little sister next to him. "she doesn't understand"
I thought about my sister, Jill, and I fell to my knees, screaming. He told me it was no use crying, nobody would hear me and the pain would only grow with time.
I woke up crying.
In my first dream, I was living in New York and I was waiting for a train. Just as the train arrived a news flash came on a t.v that was mounted on the wall of the station. Zach's picture was split-screened with a helicopter-view video of a de-railed train. Some terrorist had blown it up or something of the sort. Everyone in the station looked at me because, for some reason, they knew he was my boyfriend. I had this pit feeling that I was stuck in City of Angels and Zach was my Meg Ryan. I cried so deeply in my dream that I woke with tears. I was so upset and so afraid for a few seconds and then I was angry with myself for dreaming something like that.
I fell asleep again and, shortly after, had another dramatic nightmare where Zach's life was at stake, except it was his job to save the lives of many others. In order to save everyone's lives he had to complete some foolish task that involved standing on the lunch table in a cafeteria, while hoisting a string of glass bulbs into a tube without breaking them. It was a competition between him and someone else, a friend, i don't know who. The whole thing was filmed by a professional camera crew, and he completed the task in the alotted time, but somehow a friend of his was hurt, Jennifer Landon. There was some argument, or some uneasy feelings about him going to see her, for some reason it meant it could possibly be the end of he and I. He had to bring her something, I don't know what, maybe a gift, maybe something to heal her. We reluctantly kissed goodbye, and he walked away wearing a midnight-blue sportsjacket toward the library at FIU. I can't remember anything after that.
After telling Zach about these two dreams, although not so much in detail, he reminded me of a nightmare he had the previous week about my death. This brings me to my next dream, as I have never in my life had a dream or nightmare about myself dying.
I vaguely remember meeting with Flip, Tatanka, and some of their other faceless friends outside a Church that had been boarded up, we sat at a dirty white patio furniture set. It was Fall, there were dead leaves everywhere, it was windy. Night time. There was a purpose to the meeting, but none of us ever got around to it. I found myself feeling unwanted and left. Now heres the tricky part, I died in my dream, and I saw my death in my dream, but I can't remember it now that I'm awake. I was on a bike or a motorcycle of some sort after I died. There was no sky or defined ground beside the path I traveled on, a yellow brick road. Everything else seemed to fade into this milky smoke, like a cheesy movie version of what heaven is. I parked my bike in the middle of the path near a step or a turn or some bushes...(you know how vague dreams can be)and I ran the rest of the way. I didn't know where I was going but I was drawn in a specific direction. Then I came to, what I am now realizing, was the church I met the boys outside of, except it was new and resembled a post office. There was a line of 5 or 6 people out the door. I waited in line for some instinctive reason and when I got in to the building it looked almost like a very busy mail room, but there was something more going on. Everyone was very concerned with doing there job, although their jobs seemed very unclear to me, I didn't even know what I was waiting for. There was a counter to me left where there were cashiers or customer service reps, or something of the sort. And there was a round balding man with a gray beard rushing about the front of the room. He was dressed in brown work pants with a white t-shirt and brown suspenders. He seemed to be the Manager of the place. For the first time in my dream I spoke "God?"
The bald man stopped "yes?"
He knew all my questions, yes I was dead, no there wasn't any going back.
"Is there a hell?"
"you bet, infact most people go there"
I didn't want to ask where I was, probably purgatory. "what do people do to go to hell?
"anyone who has genital herpes, for starters"
I remembered a statistic that 1 in 3 americans will test positive for atleast 1 of 3 forms of herpes.
"Is it morally wrong to have herpes?"
"No, its just that so many people will have acquired it within the next century that it will cause another disease that humans cannot cure and, ultimately, it will cause the downfall of the human race."
I didn't want to go back any more. I turned around and headed out the door, there at the foot of the church was a group of kids playing. One of them was the younger brother of a friend of mine. I asked him what happened and he told me he got into a car crash. He pointed to his little sister next to him. "she doesn't understand"
I thought about my sister, Jill, and I fell to my knees, screaming. He told me it was no use crying, nobody would hear me and the pain would only grow with time.
I woke up crying.