I'm told by a friend that in some survey of the new year you decided you were disappointed most in me. It's posted on some livejournal page that I don't know about. I remember once you were simpler
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I have a new livejournal-- one I've used instead of this one for about a year now. I posted the link in THIS journal many, many times.
The last time we spoke was over a month ago when I was at James' place. You called me, completely plastered, and said some absolutely horrible things to me. All because I told you that I would hang out with you in a few hours once you sobered up-- that I didn't want to hang out with you when you were drunk and angry. That was the moment I decided that I don't want-- I CAN'T-- have you in my life until you stop drinking. You have a serious problem and if you think that's another expectation I have of you, I want you to sit down, or go talk to Ken, and seriously evaluate the situation. I told you these same words that night, but clearly you don't remember them.
I also asked you to stop talking shit about me, that I had heard from so many people that you were telling people I tried to sleep with you and sabotage your relationship with Brandi. So let's get it out in the open. One night at a party in Plymouth I got drunk and told you that it would be fun to have sex with you because we had been friends for so long and nothing had ever happened. I kissed your neck and you pushed me away and told me to stop. We left the party. And because of that night, I have since essentially stopped drinking.
And who are you to judge, really, Jay? After all this time when I've kept all your stupid dirty secrets about the things you've done, the things you did to one of my closest friends. All the reasons I can't even look her in the eye anymore. You chastize me for a drunk comment and a kiss?
I miss you constantly. Every day I think about you. But you are a different person than the person you were when we were best friends. I'm sure that I am, too, but I'm proud of that, because for the first time in years I'm happy.
So how am I doing? I've stopped drinking and stopped talking behind other peoples backs, I'm in a healthy relationship in a brand new house in a brand new city in a brand new school. I don't like Fitchburg much, but it's not a particularly great area anyway, so I wasn't expecting much. I won a law competition and am being flown to Iowa in two days to compete nationally on CNN. For Spring break I got an invitiation for a paid vacation to Washington DC to argue in front of the supreme court of appeals. Alex is amazing. He came home from Germany and I doubt if I've ever been happier in my life or in any relationship. I feel like I finally have some part of me that has been missing the rest of my life. I can't make ends meet with money, but I have a great job teaching light early american history and accepting applicants into the global ed program for my college. I've been busy on the DYC (we're becoming autonomous from the UU church because the district board tried to make it a dictatorship instead of having active dialogues about new safety policies) and planning Summers End this summer. I've been hanging out with Alec Koumjian and Matt Morin constantly and that has been wonderful. I haven't visited Plymouth since I left, except for one short hour long visit that made me uncomfortable because so much has changed there. I saw Lizzie when she came home for a while, that was nice. She is doing very well. My brother moved to San Francisco and hangs out with Kyle and Lizzie out there, now. Everything is wonderful.
I'm not mad that you don't call me. I don't call you, either. I think it's better this way. I don't think there are any solutions to these problems-- I think we have grown apart and both need to accept it.
The last time we spoke was over a month ago when I was at James' place. You called me, completely plastered, and said some absolutely horrible things to me. All because I told you that I would hang out with you in a few hours once you sobered up-- that I didn't want to hang out with you when you were drunk and angry. That was the moment I decided that I don't want-- I CAN'T-- have you in my life until you stop drinking. You have a serious problem and if you think that's another expectation I have of you, I want you to sit down, or go talk to Ken, and seriously evaluate the situation. I told you these same words that night, but clearly you don't remember them.
I also asked you to stop talking shit about me, that I had heard from so many people that you were telling people I tried to sleep with you and sabotage your relationship with Brandi. So let's get it out in the open. One night at a party in Plymouth I got drunk and told you that it would be fun to have sex with you because we had been friends for so long and nothing had ever happened. I kissed your neck and you pushed me away and told me to stop. We left the party. And because of that night, I have since essentially stopped drinking.
And who are you to judge, really, Jay? After all this time when I've kept all your stupid dirty secrets about the things you've done, the things you did to one of my closest friends. All the reasons I can't even look her in the eye anymore. You chastize me for a drunk comment and a kiss?
I miss you constantly. Every day I think about you. But you are a different person than the person you were when we were best friends. I'm sure that I am, too, but I'm proud of that, because for the first time in years I'm happy.
So how am I doing? I've stopped drinking and stopped talking behind other peoples backs, I'm in a healthy relationship in a brand new house in a brand new city in a brand new school. I don't like Fitchburg much, but it's not a particularly great area anyway, so I wasn't expecting much. I won a law competition and am being flown to Iowa in two days to compete nationally on CNN. For Spring break I got an invitiation for a paid vacation to Washington DC to argue in front of the supreme court of appeals. Alex is amazing. He came home from Germany and I doubt if I've ever been happier in my life or in any relationship. I feel like I finally have some part of me that has been missing the rest of my life. I can't make ends meet with money, but I have a great job teaching light early american history and accepting applicants into the global ed program for my college. I've been busy on the DYC (we're becoming autonomous from the UU church because the district board tried to make it a dictatorship instead of having active dialogues about new safety policies) and planning Summers End this summer. I've been hanging out with Alec Koumjian and Matt Morin constantly and that has been wonderful. I haven't visited Plymouth since I left, except for one short hour long visit that made me uncomfortable because so much has changed there. I saw Lizzie when she came home for a while, that was nice. She is doing very well. My brother moved to San Francisco and hangs out with Kyle and Lizzie out there, now. Everything is wonderful.
I'm not mad that you don't call me. I don't call you, either. I think it's better this way. I don't think there are any solutions to these problems-- I think we have grown apart and both need to accept it.
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