Frustrated
So, I've apparently done something bad to my knee. I've had weak knees for years now, ever since I used to do hunter-jumper riding as a teenager. Usually, they've just gotten twingy or achy for a while, then they'll slack off for a few months. My preferred method of exercising is to do step workout videos, and sometimes I'll have to make sure not to do anything high impact like jumping kicks. But it was never anything too extreme. Annoying, but it would usually die off right before I got concerned enough to go to the doctor.
About two weeks ago, though, I did something to it. Jorm was helping me take posters around campus, and I stepped up one small, shallow step, and felt this stabby pain in my knee. I went around gingerly, and it seemed to get better, but that night we went to the Tom Petty concert at the BOK center. In the nosebleed section. By the end of it, I'd gone up and down the stairs enough that Jorm practically had to carry me out at the end. So I babied my knee for a week, and it seemed to go away, and I pretty much forgot about it.
Except today, when I was starting to exercise, it went completely haywire again. I can't go up and down stairs without it hurting, can't bend over to pick anything up, have to get out of chairs too carefully.
I'm going to have to make a doctor's appointment, I know. And I will, because I think Jorm will drag me by my hair if I don't. But it frustrates me. I feel like I'm too young to have knee problems, even though I know that's silly--lots of people have things like this at lots of different ages in life. I feel frustrated with myself, like I should be able to just make myself better. But I don't know why. I don't usually get this way about medical stuff. If you have a problem, you fix it. End of story. It doesn't mean anything about you.
So why do I feel irrationally annoyed and frustrated with myself over this? Like I did something wrong, or I should just be able to suck it up and deal with the pain. I tell myself that lots of people deal with worse pain all the time, even though I know that, if I don't get it checked on, I could be setting myself up for much bigger problems later in life.
The whole thing just makes me so irritated. But I'm mostly irritated because I can't quite figure out my emotional reaction to it. Grrrr....
About two weeks ago, though, I did something to it. Jorm was helping me take posters around campus, and I stepped up one small, shallow step, and felt this stabby pain in my knee. I went around gingerly, and it seemed to get better, but that night we went to the Tom Petty concert at the BOK center. In the nosebleed section. By the end of it, I'd gone up and down the stairs enough that Jorm practically had to carry me out at the end. So I babied my knee for a week, and it seemed to go away, and I pretty much forgot about it.
Except today, when I was starting to exercise, it went completely haywire again. I can't go up and down stairs without it hurting, can't bend over to pick anything up, have to get out of chairs too carefully.
I'm going to have to make a doctor's appointment, I know. And I will, because I think Jorm will drag me by my hair if I don't. But it frustrates me. I feel like I'm too young to have knee problems, even though I know that's silly--lots of people have things like this at lots of different ages in life. I feel frustrated with myself, like I should be able to just make myself better. But I don't know why. I don't usually get this way about medical stuff. If you have a problem, you fix it. End of story. It doesn't mean anything about you.
So why do I feel irrationally annoyed and frustrated with myself over this? Like I did something wrong, or I should just be able to suck it up and deal with the pain. I tell myself that lots of people deal with worse pain all the time, even though I know that, if I don't get it checked on, I could be setting myself up for much bigger problems later in life.
The whole thing just makes me so irritated. But I'm mostly irritated because I can't quite figure out my emotional reaction to it. Grrrr....