Where's life headed?
I'm living in Texas now, but where to next? Not that I want to move...but with one of my roomies losing his job and all we may e forced to move, and I don't know whether I will follow, or if God wants me to go back wit my family. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Here, I am missing my niece growing up. I missed her first steps and first words. I missed her first birthday. I don't know. But I don't miss that terrible feeling of emptiness and the suicidal feelings that were always there. Here at least I here the voices and yes every once in a while I get suicidal, but if the urge hits to do something, I would rather go to the hospital than follow through with anything, whereas back home I tried following thorough several times. The decision doesn't have to be made today, praise God, but soon. And how would I break it to either party if I decide not to go with them? Life sucks really bad. I wish it would end, but I won't end it myself. My friends from Trinity, except Prof Poteet and Esther have abandoned me. Where am I supposed to go next? Am I supposed to be happy right now? Why don't I feel like it, if I am? I don't understand. Life isn't supposed to be this hard, and no one should want to die this bad. I can't let it show though. I must put on a happy face. I must go the distance that God has set for me. I see my new psychiatrist tomorrow. maybe she can figure me out. Ha! Yeah, like anyone can figure me out.