The Reasons I am Different
So here I am, enjoying my life without you. Why in the hell of the world I wanted to put you back in it, I don't know. So we are talking about all of the reasons you don't want to be my friend. Sure, I said things because I was angry. I've said awful things. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you are a fucking loser. YOU are the one that screwed things up--honestly I didn't do anything to make you stop talking in the first place. Same thing you did last January when we were dating and then one day you decided we weren't. I let you walk all over me. I know it is because you wanted other people and didn't want to feel guilty about cheating. Sure, I've never been the prettiest. I've never been the sexiest. I've never been a stand-out. But I was yours. One hundred percent yours. And that should have been enough. That should have been enough for a lifetime--at least that is what all of the songs say. I didn't do ANYTHING to make you hate me in the first place. All of my transgressions took place after you were STUPID. And you wonder why I'm a jealous person. Because every single time you had the chance with some other girl you took it. Regardless of how slutty or stupid she was. You took what you wanted from me. I never wanted it. You called me a prude yourself. You took what you wanted and then threw me away so you could be with other people. I don't know why I continue to let you walk all over me. I don't know why I continue to let you control the way that I feel about myself. And then you ask me why I think that I deserve to be your friend. Why I think that I deserve some semblence of attention from you.
First of all, how about three years worth of happy memories. We had the best of times. Sure....we weren't ALWAYS happy...but conflict seemed to make us stronger. Second, I ditched the people that love me and care about me to hang out with you just so you would be mad at me the whole time and sit on the other couch. Do you know how much closer val and I would be if it weren't for you? Do you know that Leslie may not have done some stupid things like hurt herself if I weren't so focused on making your ass happy? Do you know that I would have had that many more family memories if I hadn't chosen you over them? Third, I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. You can't deny that I didn't push you to work harder in school. You can't deny that I didn't keep you involved in band, which was probably the best thing you ever did for yourself. You can't deny that I motivated you to be a better person. I changed you for the better. I influenced your life in ways that other people couldn't. I was there for you when no one else was. Sure, now you say that you had other people all along. But whatever. You know that you didn't. When all of your friends decided that you were an ass and didn't want to be your friend anymore, I stepped in and helped you even though you screamed at me the day before.
And still, you say that I have to find a REASON for you to want to be my friend. If anything. You should be the one finding the reason that I should let you be my friend. You took who I was and destroyed me. You made me hate who I was and every time I would pick up the pieces and pull myself together you'd throw me back down. And yet I'm the one who has to find the reason. I'm to blame for everything. I'm the reason we aren't friends. I'm the loser. And maybe I am for not realizing that I'm way too good for you. That I can do better and find someone that cares about me more than they care about themself. Call me selfish, but I want to be the center of someone's world. And clearly, you don't have room for me. Clearly you obviously don't think that I'm good enough. And clearly that means that I'm too good.