Eight Ways to Say "I Love You"
Pairing: Kai/Sehun
Rating: R
Words: 3,340
Summary: Eight different ways Sehun could tell Jongin how he feels. Based on 8 Ways To Say I Love You by R. McKinley.
A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY adw1017!!!! I LOVE YOU!! I said pretty much everything I needed to say on Facebook but thank you for being my irl fandom buddy and I love you <3 Translated to Vietnamese here.
I.
A shot of whiskey for courage. That’s what Sehun tells himself. Just one shot and he’ll let go of his inhibitions and finally tell Jongin how he feels.
One shot turns into three, and Sehun doesn’t even like whiskey. Though it’s hard to tell now if he likes it or not because he certainly enjoys the warm feeling in his veins and the sudden notion that he’s invincible.
He flops down on his couch, dizzy in the darkness. Dizziness isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength. Everything about Sehun is strong right now. He can tell Jongin with no problem whatsoever.
It’s a good thing Jongin’s number is the first one on his list of favorites because he’s not sure if he could dial it on his own.
“Hello?” comes Jongin’s voice. “Sehun?”
“Hi, Jongin,” Sehun slurs, feeling happy to hear his best friend’s voice. They won’t merely be best friends for long, Sehun thinks naively, because after he tells Jongin what he’s about to admit, it’s going to be sex and sweet nothings for years to come.
“Sehun, you sound funny,” Jongin says, concern evident in his voice. Or at least, it would be evident if Sehun wasn’t so inebriated.
“Funny?” Sehun giggles. “No, Jongin, I can rule the world. Nothing can stop me right now!” He laughs again and Jongin sighs.
“Are you drunk?” Jongin asks. “Sehun, it’s lame to drink by yourself, you know.”
“I love you,” Sehun spits, still feeling giggly until he doesn’t hear Jongin reply with Oh, Sehun, I love you so much, please come over and let us fuck until dawn. No, that never comes.
“What?” comes instead, and Sehun suddenly feels awash with shame. He’s not invincible. He can’t rule the world, and Kim Jongin is just his best friend.
And maybe, after this, they won’t be best friends anymore.
Sehun hangs up.
Jongin doesn’t mention it when they see each other next, acting as if nothing had ever happened. Sehun’s torn in three. He wants to get drunk and call Jongin again and tell him that he meant what he said. Maybe he wants to try it sober. Maybe he just wants to forget all about it like Jongin seems to be doing.
The last option seems the most reasonable. It’s ridiculous to think that Jongin feels the same way about Sehun as Sehun feels about Jongin. It’s never going to happen.
So he pretends to forget about it. And it hurts.
II.
Jongin’s lips are soft-oh so soft-and his tongue inside Sehun’s mouth is fucking fantastic. Jongin’s hands are on Sehun’s waist, bronze fingers digging into smooth, pale skin. Sehun’s in Jongin’s lap, rolling his hips against Jongin’s hardness and it’s the furthest they’ve ever gone but it’s amazing and Sehun can’t wait to go further. Maybe they’ll make it all the way today, maybe next week, maybe next year, but right now, Sehun’s content with this.
He’s never been wanting when he’s with Jongin. They’ve been together for five months and talking to Jongin is right up there with kissing the breath out of Jongin at the top of Sehun’s list of favorite things. Sehun’s never been so happy in his life.
And oh-Jongin’s hand has made its way past the waistband of Sehun’s boxers. Fuck, that’s nice. Jongin knows exactly how to twist his hand, exactly how firmly he should hold Sehun’s cock, exactly how fast he should pump his fist up and down to have Sehun coming all over everything, their mouths still sliding against each other so, so perfectly. And when Sehun comes, he feels adrenaline pumping through his veins at ridiculous speeds. He feels his heart beat a hundred times a second. He sees everything go white and the only thing he can still feel is the slickness of Jongin’s tongue on his.
His body comes down from the high but his mind doesn’t as he sighs three words against Jongin’s lips. Jongin doesn’t hear them, but that’s okay, because Sehun is sure that Jongin can feel Sehun’s meaning as he pulls him close that night, kissing him and telling him that he’s happy.
Sehun’s happy too. He’s really happy.
III.
Sehun has approximately three hours. He tells the florist this, and she chuckles good-naturedly.
“I’m sure we can find you something much quicker than that,” she says. “What are you looking for? Roses? Lilies? Carnations?”
Sehun looks at the wide array of flowers. There are so many colors and he’s sure all of these flowers have some sort of meaning that his mother told him at some point or another but he doesn’t remember in the least. He needs a grand bouquet because just a dozen roses is not going to cut it. He has more feelings for Jongin than a few roses can express.
“Something impressive,” Sehun settles on, because he does want to impress Jongin. He wants Jongin to know that he’s not nervous.
The florist smiles and guides Sehun to one side of the store. “We call this one ‘Declaration of Love.’ White and pink roses, lilies, lilianthus, and sweet pea. What do you think?” she asks, showing Sehun what is indeed quite a nice bouquet.
“It’s so small and pale,” Sehun shrugs.
“Well,” the florist says, “we do have this one over here.” She brings Sehun to a different side of the store. “This one is called ‘Golden Sunshine.’ Roses, orchids, Asiatic lilies, tulips, and more. Is this more suitable?”
It’s much more suitable. It’s big and colorful and even the name seems to suit Jongin. Jongin’s not pale and small and meek-looking like ‘Declaration of Love.’ Jongin is Golden Sunshine. It’s perfect.
“I’ll take it.”
He also buys chocolate and a teddy bear, just for good measure. He thinks Jongin likes teddy bears.
They meet at Yifan’s favorite steak house, the one that neither of them can really afford. Jongin looks as uncomfortable in a suit and tie as Sehun feels, but he blushes when Sehun gives him the flowers and the chocolate and the bear.
“Sehun…” he stutters, “this is...so…”
Sehun panics. What? Over-the-top? Nice? Weird? Amazing?
“Thank you, Sehun,” Jongin smiles, and Sehun concludes that that, at least, is a good sign. He’s not nervous. He’s just shaking-no, shivering-because he’s cold. Yes, it tends to get cold in mid-July. That’s the reason Sehun is shaking. Not because he’s about to say something very special to Jongin.
They sit at a table that has entirely too many forks and Jongin comments on it with a laugh.
“Do you think you use a different fork for every bite you take?” Jongin jokes, and Sehun swallows thickly. His collar is too tight. He’s shivering and he’s not even sure if it’s that cold but it certainly feels like it is.
Sehun only clears his throat about five or six times every minute. He only tugs at his tie about as often. He’s picking at his food because he’s not that hungry, even though he hasn’t been able to eat all day.
He knows he’s being ridiculous. It’s just three little words, not a proposal of marriage. And he’s always been in love with Jongin. There’s never been a question in his mind of that fact. He’s absolutely sure he is and he won’t regret saying it.
That doesn’t make him any less terrified.
“Sehun,” Jongin says when Sehun tries to pay for a hundred-dollar meal with a twenty-dollar bill, “are you okay? You’ve been acting a little off all night.”
Sehun clears his throat again. “Um. Um, I...Well, Jongin, we’ve known each other for a long time, and...well, I...I think I might-no, I know. I know that I...um, fuck. I just um...Well, you know. I…” He trails off, lowering the volume of his voice to an absolute minimum. “I love you,” he squeaks.
“What?” Jongin asks. “I couldn’t hear you.”
He clears his throat again. “I love you,” he says a little louder, and he’s nervous until a giant grin breaks out on Jongin’s face.
“You didn’t have to be so nervous to tell me that, you know. And you really didn’t have to make this all so fancy. Just a simple ‘I love you’ when we’re eating peanut butter out of the container with spoons would have sufficed,” Jongin laughs. Sehun chuckles too, because he really doesn’t realize why he was so worried. “For a second there, I thought you were gonna propose.”
And Sehun thinks that one day he will.
IV.
Sehun doesn’t understand how Jongin can fall asleep during movies like Skyfall because they’re so action-packed and exciting. Sehun couldn’t fall asleep even if it was muted because it’s that intense to him.
Yet here they are, Jongin sleeping soundly on Sehun’s shoulder as the credits roll.
Jongin looks really peaceful when he’s sleeping. His eyelashes are dark against his cheeks, which are tinted a light pink from being wrapped up in a blanket. His lips look oh-so-kissable, reddish and plump as usual. But Sehun’s not gonna kiss him right now. Jongin may be a sleeping beauty, but Sehun is content to admire right now.
Jongin’s breaths are slow, relaxed. There’s two, three seconds between each inhale and exhale. Sehun leans in, breathing deep in Jongin’s hair. It smells of lemon and something else...olive oil, maybe. He does use weird shampoos, but somehow, they always smell amazing.
Sehun lets his head rest on top of Jongin’s. He’s wonderful. Not perfect; nobody’s perfect, but Jongin is wonderful in such a way that Sehun doesn’t want perfection. Jongin is all Sehun wants.
“I love you,” he says quietly.
Jongin stirs, and Sehun jumps momentarily before shutting his eyes.
“Sehun? Did you say something?” Jongin asks groggily, turning his head towards his boyfriend. He pauses for a moment, no doubt wondering if perhaps he made Sehun’s words up in his head. “Ah, the TV is still on,” he muses to himself after a minute, reaching for the remote and turning off the TV. Jongin sighs contentedly as he settles back in comfortably against Jongin’s shoulder.
Sehun meant what he said. He’s just not sure he wants Jongin to know quite yet.
V.
“Hey, turn on the radio,” Jongin suggests as he dons an apron. He reaches for a pan as Sehun reaches for the radio, clicking the button. It starts playing a pop song they’ve heard a million times, but they don’t mind, because it’s fun to shake your hips to. They’re both dancers and there’s nothing Sehun likes more than dancing (except maybe kissing Jongin, but that’s another story).
Jongin measures out the rice, and he’s still shaking his hips as he dumps the rice into the rice cooker. Sehun dances to the fridge, pulling out a slab of meat that they’re going to cook up. They splurged on it, but it’s totally worth it, because it looked amazing in the store.
The meat is on the grill when Sehun starts to stir fry the vegetables, laughing when Jongin grabs his waist and sways his hips behind Sehun’s.
“May I have this dance?” Jongin asks, and Sehun rolls his eyes.
“Let me finish cooking,” Sehun chuckles, letting Jongin sashay across the kitchen to grab a broom.
“Fine,” he says loftily, picking up the snapback that Sehun had left lying on the counter, “I’ll get a new partner then.” He puts the snapback on top of the broom handle and swings it around, dancing across the floor with the broom.
Not everyone can dance with a broom, much less while looking sexy. But Jongin can. Jongin could do anything and Sehun would find it sexy; he’s that infatuated.
“Hey,” Sehun says, tapping the broom handle and letting the vegetables simmer for a moment, “may I cut in?”
Jongin grins at his boyfriend, leaning the broom on the counter. Sehun takes Jongin’s waist and swings him around so suddenly that Jongin can’t hide the pleasantly surprised expression on his face.
“Sehunnie, look at you,” Jongin laughs as they prance around the kitchen, still holding each other close and swinging to the lively music. “You’re improving.”
“Of course I am,” Sehun sticks out his tongue, “I have a good teacher.”
“Stop, I’m blushing,” Jongin says sarcastically. The music comes to a swell and Jongin grabs Sehun by the waist, dipping him down.
“I love you,” Sehun blurts out before he can stop himself. Jongin’s eyes widen, and for a moment Sehun thinks he might drop him. He has to say something. In that shirt? When you cook meat? “When we do this. I love...when we do this.”
Jongin smirks, as if he knows exactly what Sehun meant, but Sehun’s glad he doesn’t press. Instead, he spins Sehun around until the song ends, and then he kisses his boyfriend on the lips before sending him into a twirl back to the stove, where Sehun thanks the stars that the vegetables haven’t burned.
VI.
“Sehun?” Jongin calls, picking up a suspicious-looking piece of crumpled paper out of the wastebasket in their bedroom. “Sehun?” He looks around the apartment, but Sehun’s nowhere to be found. He finally finds a sticky note on the fridge: “Went to buy us some bubble tea; I’ll be back later.”
He unfolds the piece of paper.
Dear Jongin,
It’s been six years that we’ve been acquainted; four years that we’ve expressed mutual interest and a year since we decided to cohabitate.
That sounds dumb. It sounds formulaic when it’s definitely not. I don’t know what to say to express what I’m feeling - but don’t worry, it’s nothing weird. Or maybe it is. I’d like to think it’s not. I’d like to think it’s perfectly normal, but on the other hand, nothing about us is normal. And I like it that way. I really like it, almost to the point of really really really liking it. To a point further than that. That’s how I feel.
I suppose it started in dance class, the first day we met. Maybe not the first day or even the first week but definitely the first month. Maybe the third week. The fourth day of the third week. I’m not exactly sure. I just know that it was quick. And I was quite happy to discover that you felt the same way. I think you still do, anyway. Feel the same way about our relationship as I do. Not that there’s anything to define, you know. It’s not as if this letter means we’ve passed some milestone.
That sounds grand in and of itself, and this letter isn’t supposed to be. This is supposed to be something simple just like us. But we’re not that simple, we’re just simple in a good way. The way that it’s supposed to be. But we don’t follow rules. We transcend rules. Although, I guess that makes us sound really spacey or something, which we’re not. We can be, sometimes, and that’s good, but on the whole I’d say we’re pretty typical. Not typical as in boring, just typical as in not totally insane like some other people. Totally insane is not something we are.
Jongin, I just feel that you’re really important to me, and I hope I hold the same place in your heart that you do in mine.
I guess that it would be simpler if I just said that I
You mean a lot to me and I
I feel that maybe you
I love you.
Jongin hears the door open and he hurriedly stuffs the letter into his pocket.
“I’m back,” Sehun calls. “Jongin, are you up?”
“I’m up!” Jongin calls back from the kitchen. Act natural, act natural.
He wonders if Sehun really meant what he wrote.
VII.
Late at night is the only time they can really walk hand in hand. All other times, people give them funny looks, and while they don’t mind terribly what other people think, Jongin and Sehun definitely feel more comfortable when there aren’t as many people around to stare at them.
“Tonight it’s just us and the stars!” Jongin says, swinging Sehun around with a laugh.
“And the drunks,” Sehun sighs, side-eyeing a man who’s weaving around on the sidewalk.
“Them too,” Jongin agrees as they get out of the man’s way. He laughs at them drunkenly and Sehun frowns.
“It’s okay, Sehun,” Jongin says, taking Sehun’s hand, holding it tight. “Hey. Wanna get ddeokbokki?”
“It’s midnight,” Sehun deadpans.
“So? We can get ddeokbokki whenever we want. We’re adults.” Jongin grins at Sehun, and Sehun finds himself smiling back, because he doesn’t feel like an adult with responsibilities and worries when he’s with Jongin. All that goes away and he just feels happy. He’s lucky to have someone like Jongin to help him forget his worries even for a little.
“Come on!” Jongin cries, running across the street.
Everything happens in a flash, a car zooms by without stopping and Jongin jumps back right in time but Sehun is already shaking when Jongin runs back to him.
“Fucking asshole!” he cries after the car. “Learn to drive, douchebag!” Jongin takes Sehun’s hands in his own, and Sehun is shaking more than Jongin.
“I’m okay, Sehun, it’s fine,” Jongin says soothingly.
“I love you, Jongin,” Sehun says, shaking hard and looking into his eyes. “Please look both ways before crossing the street.”
Jongin pauses for a moment before laughing and ruffling Sehun’s hair. He takes his hand.
“Okay,” he says, pulling Sehun along to the ddeokbokki shop. “I’ll be more careful from now on. Don’t worry, okay?”
“How can I not?” Sehun grumbles, but he lets Jongin treat him to a midnight snack anyway.
VIII.
Sehun pours the ground coffee into the press.
“Jongin, did you set the hot water to boil?”
“Yes, mom,” Jongin replies sarcastically from the living room, where the TV is playing some American show that Jongin really enjoys. Sehun rolls his eyes. He turns to the water heater, which is not in fact set to boil, so he clicks the on button.
They have cereal in the pantry, so Sehun pulls that out and pours it into two bowls.
“Jongin,” Sehun calls.
“What?”
“Come into the kitchen. Aren’t you going to make eggs?”
“Sure,” Jongin calls back, padding into the kitchen on thick woolen socks. He grabs Sehun’s waist and kisses him good morning, and Sehun doesn’t mind the morning breath that much because he likes sleepy Jongin, who’s extra affectionate and cuddly.
Jongin gets a pan out of the cabinet and sets it on the stove. He reaches for the oil to grease the pan when Sehun stops him.
“Jongin, that’s sesame oil. Use vegetable oil for the eggs.” Jongin turns and grins at Sehun.
“Just testing you.”
“Mmhmm,” Sehun nods. The water has started to boil so he picks up the pitcher and pours the hot water into the press, letting it sit for a moment before pushing it down. The smell of coffee is already permeating their sleepy auras and Sehun’s in a good mood this morning. Jongin cracks the eggs into the pan, letting them sizzle.
“Cereal and eggs,” Jongin muses. “Delicious.”
“Shut up, it’s all we have,” Sehun says, pushing Jongin lightly.
“No, seriously, everything’s good when you make it.”
“Stop, you’re disgusting,” Sehun laughs, pulling two mugs from the cabinet. He sets them on the table and pours coffee into each, just as Jongin flips the eggs over.
“Runny? Not runny?”
“In between, as always,” Sehun says, sitting down at the table. Jongin lets the eggs cook for a little longer before sliding them onto plates.
“Your highness,” Jongin says with a smirk, setting a plate in front of Sehun. He takes his seat across the table, and for a moment, they just watch each other, communicating silently.
“Hey,” Sehun says, taking a sip of coffee.
“What?”
“I love you.”
Jongin’s smile grows, reaching over the table to take Sehun’s hand.
“I love you too.”
+ happy birthday annie!! i actually finished a birthday fic on time for once in my life!
+ come say hi on twitter or tumblr or ask.fm
Rating: R
Words: 3,340
Summary: Eight different ways Sehun could tell Jongin how he feels. Based on 8 Ways To Say I Love You by R. McKinley.
A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY adw1017!!!! I LOVE YOU!! I said pretty much everything I needed to say on Facebook but thank you for being my irl fandom buddy and I love you <3 Translated to Vietnamese here.
I.
A shot of whiskey for courage. That’s what Sehun tells himself. Just one shot and he’ll let go of his inhibitions and finally tell Jongin how he feels.
One shot turns into three, and Sehun doesn’t even like whiskey. Though it’s hard to tell now if he likes it or not because he certainly enjoys the warm feeling in his veins and the sudden notion that he’s invincible.
He flops down on his couch, dizzy in the darkness. Dizziness isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength. Everything about Sehun is strong right now. He can tell Jongin with no problem whatsoever.
It’s a good thing Jongin’s number is the first one on his list of favorites because he’s not sure if he could dial it on his own.
“Hello?” comes Jongin’s voice. “Sehun?”
“Hi, Jongin,” Sehun slurs, feeling happy to hear his best friend’s voice. They won’t merely be best friends for long, Sehun thinks naively, because after he tells Jongin what he’s about to admit, it’s going to be sex and sweet nothings for years to come.
“Sehun, you sound funny,” Jongin says, concern evident in his voice. Or at least, it would be evident if Sehun wasn’t so inebriated.
“Funny?” Sehun giggles. “No, Jongin, I can rule the world. Nothing can stop me right now!” He laughs again and Jongin sighs.
“Are you drunk?” Jongin asks. “Sehun, it’s lame to drink by yourself, you know.”
“I love you,” Sehun spits, still feeling giggly until he doesn’t hear Jongin reply with Oh, Sehun, I love you so much, please come over and let us fuck until dawn. No, that never comes.
“What?” comes instead, and Sehun suddenly feels awash with shame. He’s not invincible. He can’t rule the world, and Kim Jongin is just his best friend.
And maybe, after this, they won’t be best friends anymore.
Sehun hangs up.
Jongin doesn’t mention it when they see each other next, acting as if nothing had ever happened. Sehun’s torn in three. He wants to get drunk and call Jongin again and tell him that he meant what he said. Maybe he wants to try it sober. Maybe he just wants to forget all about it like Jongin seems to be doing.
The last option seems the most reasonable. It’s ridiculous to think that Jongin feels the same way about Sehun as Sehun feels about Jongin. It’s never going to happen.
So he pretends to forget about it. And it hurts.
II.
Jongin’s lips are soft-oh so soft-and his tongue inside Sehun’s mouth is fucking fantastic. Jongin’s hands are on Sehun’s waist, bronze fingers digging into smooth, pale skin. Sehun’s in Jongin’s lap, rolling his hips against Jongin’s hardness and it’s the furthest they’ve ever gone but it’s amazing and Sehun can’t wait to go further. Maybe they’ll make it all the way today, maybe next week, maybe next year, but right now, Sehun’s content with this.
He’s never been wanting when he’s with Jongin. They’ve been together for five months and talking to Jongin is right up there with kissing the breath out of Jongin at the top of Sehun’s list of favorite things. Sehun’s never been so happy in his life.
And oh-Jongin’s hand has made its way past the waistband of Sehun’s boxers. Fuck, that’s nice. Jongin knows exactly how to twist his hand, exactly how firmly he should hold Sehun’s cock, exactly how fast he should pump his fist up and down to have Sehun coming all over everything, their mouths still sliding against each other so, so perfectly. And when Sehun comes, he feels adrenaline pumping through his veins at ridiculous speeds. He feels his heart beat a hundred times a second. He sees everything go white and the only thing he can still feel is the slickness of Jongin’s tongue on his.
His body comes down from the high but his mind doesn’t as he sighs three words against Jongin’s lips. Jongin doesn’t hear them, but that’s okay, because Sehun is sure that Jongin can feel Sehun’s meaning as he pulls him close that night, kissing him and telling him that he’s happy.
Sehun’s happy too. He’s really happy.
III.
Sehun has approximately three hours. He tells the florist this, and she chuckles good-naturedly.
“I’m sure we can find you something much quicker than that,” she says. “What are you looking for? Roses? Lilies? Carnations?”
Sehun looks at the wide array of flowers. There are so many colors and he’s sure all of these flowers have some sort of meaning that his mother told him at some point or another but he doesn’t remember in the least. He needs a grand bouquet because just a dozen roses is not going to cut it. He has more feelings for Jongin than a few roses can express.
“Something impressive,” Sehun settles on, because he does want to impress Jongin. He wants Jongin to know that he’s not nervous.
The florist smiles and guides Sehun to one side of the store. “We call this one ‘Declaration of Love.’ White and pink roses, lilies, lilianthus, and sweet pea. What do you think?” she asks, showing Sehun what is indeed quite a nice bouquet.
“It’s so small and pale,” Sehun shrugs.
“Well,” the florist says, “we do have this one over here.” She brings Sehun to a different side of the store. “This one is called ‘Golden Sunshine.’ Roses, orchids, Asiatic lilies, tulips, and more. Is this more suitable?”
It’s much more suitable. It’s big and colorful and even the name seems to suit Jongin. Jongin’s not pale and small and meek-looking like ‘Declaration of Love.’ Jongin is Golden Sunshine. It’s perfect.
“I’ll take it.”
He also buys chocolate and a teddy bear, just for good measure. He thinks Jongin likes teddy bears.
They meet at Yifan’s favorite steak house, the one that neither of them can really afford. Jongin looks as uncomfortable in a suit and tie as Sehun feels, but he blushes when Sehun gives him the flowers and the chocolate and the bear.
“Sehun…” he stutters, “this is...so…”
Sehun panics. What? Over-the-top? Nice? Weird? Amazing?
“Thank you, Sehun,” Jongin smiles, and Sehun concludes that that, at least, is a good sign. He’s not nervous. He’s just shaking-no, shivering-because he’s cold. Yes, it tends to get cold in mid-July. That’s the reason Sehun is shaking. Not because he’s about to say something very special to Jongin.
They sit at a table that has entirely too many forks and Jongin comments on it with a laugh.
“Do you think you use a different fork for every bite you take?” Jongin jokes, and Sehun swallows thickly. His collar is too tight. He’s shivering and he’s not even sure if it’s that cold but it certainly feels like it is.
Sehun only clears his throat about five or six times every minute. He only tugs at his tie about as often. He’s picking at his food because he’s not that hungry, even though he hasn’t been able to eat all day.
He knows he’s being ridiculous. It’s just three little words, not a proposal of marriage. And he’s always been in love with Jongin. There’s never been a question in his mind of that fact. He’s absolutely sure he is and he won’t regret saying it.
That doesn’t make him any less terrified.
“Sehun,” Jongin says when Sehun tries to pay for a hundred-dollar meal with a twenty-dollar bill, “are you okay? You’ve been acting a little off all night.”
Sehun clears his throat again. “Um. Um, I...Well, Jongin, we’ve known each other for a long time, and...well, I...I think I might-no, I know. I know that I...um, fuck. I just um...Well, you know. I…” He trails off, lowering the volume of his voice to an absolute minimum. “I love you,” he squeaks.
“What?” Jongin asks. “I couldn’t hear you.”
He clears his throat again. “I love you,” he says a little louder, and he’s nervous until a giant grin breaks out on Jongin’s face.
“You didn’t have to be so nervous to tell me that, you know. And you really didn’t have to make this all so fancy. Just a simple ‘I love you’ when we’re eating peanut butter out of the container with spoons would have sufficed,” Jongin laughs. Sehun chuckles too, because he really doesn’t realize why he was so worried. “For a second there, I thought you were gonna propose.”
And Sehun thinks that one day he will.
IV.
Sehun doesn’t understand how Jongin can fall asleep during movies like Skyfall because they’re so action-packed and exciting. Sehun couldn’t fall asleep even if it was muted because it’s that intense to him.
Yet here they are, Jongin sleeping soundly on Sehun’s shoulder as the credits roll.
Jongin looks really peaceful when he’s sleeping. His eyelashes are dark against his cheeks, which are tinted a light pink from being wrapped up in a blanket. His lips look oh-so-kissable, reddish and plump as usual. But Sehun’s not gonna kiss him right now. Jongin may be a sleeping beauty, but Sehun is content to admire right now.
Jongin’s breaths are slow, relaxed. There’s two, three seconds between each inhale and exhale. Sehun leans in, breathing deep in Jongin’s hair. It smells of lemon and something else...olive oil, maybe. He does use weird shampoos, but somehow, they always smell amazing.
Sehun lets his head rest on top of Jongin’s. He’s wonderful. Not perfect; nobody’s perfect, but Jongin is wonderful in such a way that Sehun doesn’t want perfection. Jongin is all Sehun wants.
“I love you,” he says quietly.
Jongin stirs, and Sehun jumps momentarily before shutting his eyes.
“Sehun? Did you say something?” Jongin asks groggily, turning his head towards his boyfriend. He pauses for a moment, no doubt wondering if perhaps he made Sehun’s words up in his head. “Ah, the TV is still on,” he muses to himself after a minute, reaching for the remote and turning off the TV. Jongin sighs contentedly as he settles back in comfortably against Jongin’s shoulder.
Sehun meant what he said. He’s just not sure he wants Jongin to know quite yet.
V.
“Hey, turn on the radio,” Jongin suggests as he dons an apron. He reaches for a pan as Sehun reaches for the radio, clicking the button. It starts playing a pop song they’ve heard a million times, but they don’t mind, because it’s fun to shake your hips to. They’re both dancers and there’s nothing Sehun likes more than dancing (except maybe kissing Jongin, but that’s another story).
Jongin measures out the rice, and he’s still shaking his hips as he dumps the rice into the rice cooker. Sehun dances to the fridge, pulling out a slab of meat that they’re going to cook up. They splurged on it, but it’s totally worth it, because it looked amazing in the store.
The meat is on the grill when Sehun starts to stir fry the vegetables, laughing when Jongin grabs his waist and sways his hips behind Sehun’s.
“May I have this dance?” Jongin asks, and Sehun rolls his eyes.
“Let me finish cooking,” Sehun chuckles, letting Jongin sashay across the kitchen to grab a broom.
“Fine,” he says loftily, picking up the snapback that Sehun had left lying on the counter, “I’ll get a new partner then.” He puts the snapback on top of the broom handle and swings it around, dancing across the floor with the broom.
Not everyone can dance with a broom, much less while looking sexy. But Jongin can. Jongin could do anything and Sehun would find it sexy; he’s that infatuated.
“Hey,” Sehun says, tapping the broom handle and letting the vegetables simmer for a moment, “may I cut in?”
Jongin grins at his boyfriend, leaning the broom on the counter. Sehun takes Jongin’s waist and swings him around so suddenly that Jongin can’t hide the pleasantly surprised expression on his face.
“Sehunnie, look at you,” Jongin laughs as they prance around the kitchen, still holding each other close and swinging to the lively music. “You’re improving.”
“Of course I am,” Sehun sticks out his tongue, “I have a good teacher.”
“Stop, I’m blushing,” Jongin says sarcastically. The music comes to a swell and Jongin grabs Sehun by the waist, dipping him down.
“I love you,” Sehun blurts out before he can stop himself. Jongin’s eyes widen, and for a moment Sehun thinks he might drop him. He has to say something. In that shirt? When you cook meat? “When we do this. I love...when we do this.”
Jongin smirks, as if he knows exactly what Sehun meant, but Sehun’s glad he doesn’t press. Instead, he spins Sehun around until the song ends, and then he kisses his boyfriend on the lips before sending him into a twirl back to the stove, where Sehun thanks the stars that the vegetables haven’t burned.
VI.
“Sehun?” Jongin calls, picking up a suspicious-looking piece of crumpled paper out of the wastebasket in their bedroom. “Sehun?” He looks around the apartment, but Sehun’s nowhere to be found. He finally finds a sticky note on the fridge: “Went to buy us some bubble tea; I’ll be back later.”
He unfolds the piece of paper.
Dear Jongin,
It’s been six years that we’ve been acquainted; four years that we’ve expressed mutual interest and a year since we decided to cohabitate.
That sounds dumb. It sounds formulaic when it’s definitely not. I don’t know what to say to express what I’m feeling - but don’t worry, it’s nothing weird. Or maybe it is. I’d like to think it’s not. I’d like to think it’s perfectly normal, but on the other hand, nothing about us is normal. And I like it that way. I really like it, almost to the point of really really really liking it. To a point further than that. That’s how I feel.
I suppose it started in dance class, the first day we met. Maybe not the first day or even the first week but definitely the first month. Maybe the third week. The fourth day of the third week. I’m not exactly sure. I just know that it was quick. And I was quite happy to discover that you felt the same way. I think you still do, anyway. Feel the same way about our relationship as I do. Not that there’s anything to define, you know. It’s not as if this letter means we’ve passed some milestone.
That sounds grand in and of itself, and this letter isn’t supposed to be. This is supposed to be something simple just like us. But we’re not that simple, we’re just simple in a good way. The way that it’s supposed to be. But we don’t follow rules. We transcend rules. Although, I guess that makes us sound really spacey or something, which we’re not. We can be, sometimes, and that’s good, but on the whole I’d say we’re pretty typical. Not typical as in boring, just typical as in not totally insane like some other people. Totally insane is not something we are.
Jongin, I just feel that you’re really important to me, and I hope I hold the same place in your heart that you do in mine.
I guess that it would be simpler if I just said that I
You mean a lot to me and I
I feel that maybe you
I love you.
Jongin hears the door open and he hurriedly stuffs the letter into his pocket.
“I’m back,” Sehun calls. “Jongin, are you up?”
“I’m up!” Jongin calls back from the kitchen. Act natural, act natural.
He wonders if Sehun really meant what he wrote.
VII.
Late at night is the only time they can really walk hand in hand. All other times, people give them funny looks, and while they don’t mind terribly what other people think, Jongin and Sehun definitely feel more comfortable when there aren’t as many people around to stare at them.
“Tonight it’s just us and the stars!” Jongin says, swinging Sehun around with a laugh.
“And the drunks,” Sehun sighs, side-eyeing a man who’s weaving around on the sidewalk.
“Them too,” Jongin agrees as they get out of the man’s way. He laughs at them drunkenly and Sehun frowns.
“It’s okay, Sehun,” Jongin says, taking Sehun’s hand, holding it tight. “Hey. Wanna get ddeokbokki?”
“It’s midnight,” Sehun deadpans.
“So? We can get ddeokbokki whenever we want. We’re adults.” Jongin grins at Sehun, and Sehun finds himself smiling back, because he doesn’t feel like an adult with responsibilities and worries when he’s with Jongin. All that goes away and he just feels happy. He’s lucky to have someone like Jongin to help him forget his worries even for a little.
“Come on!” Jongin cries, running across the street.
Everything happens in a flash, a car zooms by without stopping and Jongin jumps back right in time but Sehun is already shaking when Jongin runs back to him.
“Fucking asshole!” he cries after the car. “Learn to drive, douchebag!” Jongin takes Sehun’s hands in his own, and Sehun is shaking more than Jongin.
“I’m okay, Sehun, it’s fine,” Jongin says soothingly.
“I love you, Jongin,” Sehun says, shaking hard and looking into his eyes. “Please look both ways before crossing the street.”
Jongin pauses for a moment before laughing and ruffling Sehun’s hair. He takes his hand.
“Okay,” he says, pulling Sehun along to the ddeokbokki shop. “I’ll be more careful from now on. Don’t worry, okay?”
“How can I not?” Sehun grumbles, but he lets Jongin treat him to a midnight snack anyway.
VIII.
Sehun pours the ground coffee into the press.
“Jongin, did you set the hot water to boil?”
“Yes, mom,” Jongin replies sarcastically from the living room, where the TV is playing some American show that Jongin really enjoys. Sehun rolls his eyes. He turns to the water heater, which is not in fact set to boil, so he clicks the on button.
They have cereal in the pantry, so Sehun pulls that out and pours it into two bowls.
“Jongin,” Sehun calls.
“What?”
“Come into the kitchen. Aren’t you going to make eggs?”
“Sure,” Jongin calls back, padding into the kitchen on thick woolen socks. He grabs Sehun’s waist and kisses him good morning, and Sehun doesn’t mind the morning breath that much because he likes sleepy Jongin, who’s extra affectionate and cuddly.
Jongin gets a pan out of the cabinet and sets it on the stove. He reaches for the oil to grease the pan when Sehun stops him.
“Jongin, that’s sesame oil. Use vegetable oil for the eggs.” Jongin turns and grins at Sehun.
“Just testing you.”
“Mmhmm,” Sehun nods. The water has started to boil so he picks up the pitcher and pours the hot water into the press, letting it sit for a moment before pushing it down. The smell of coffee is already permeating their sleepy auras and Sehun’s in a good mood this morning. Jongin cracks the eggs into the pan, letting them sizzle.
“Cereal and eggs,” Jongin muses. “Delicious.”
“Shut up, it’s all we have,” Sehun says, pushing Jongin lightly.
“No, seriously, everything’s good when you make it.”
“Stop, you’re disgusting,” Sehun laughs, pulling two mugs from the cabinet. He sets them on the table and pours coffee into each, just as Jongin flips the eggs over.
“Runny? Not runny?”
“In between, as always,” Sehun says, sitting down at the table. Jongin lets the eggs cook for a little longer before sliding them onto plates.
“Your highness,” Jongin says with a smirk, setting a plate in front of Sehun. He takes his seat across the table, and for a moment, they just watch each other, communicating silently.
“Hey,” Sehun says, taking a sip of coffee.
“What?”
“I love you.”
Jongin’s smile grows, reaching over the table to take Sehun’s hand.
“I love you too.”
+ happy birthday annie!! i actually finished a birthday fic on time for once in my life!
+ come say hi on twitter or tumblr or ask.fm