life
What can I say about life right now...
I love my boyfriend to bits. I seriously see him everyday and could never get sick of him. I love being with him, talking to him, holding him... everything. I guess I'm a bit crazy over him. I hope he doesn't get bored with me.
I barely work, nor do I do a lot with my empty days. I wake up late and hang around till 4:30, when Jeff can come pick me up from work. Thinking about it right now makes me feel like I might be letting life pass right by me. There are so many things I want to do this summer, such as: rent a boat/canoe/kayak at some-point, go to six flags or some amusement park with a bunch of people, go to Canada, see the fireworks at HarborFest in Oswego, of course go to HollowFest, and hit up whatever other shows are gonna go on. I want to see people, as much as I love seeing and being with Jeff-- the poor thing must miss hanging out with his friends as often as he used to. I need to get out more and do something.
I am so scared for college. I had orientation the last day of June till the first of July. To say the least it wasn't what I expected it to be. In fact, I had a panic attack around 12:30am while everyone in the dorm rooms were running around screaming, dragging mattresses and whatnot, and my roommate was sleeping. I called my brother and talked to him for a good 10 minutes, then he sent his fiance to go pick me up. I guess its good that Le Moyne is 3 minutes from my brothers house and 15 minutes from my house. Ugh, I feel so lame. I hated the whole experience. I got to hang out at Nate's for a bit though, which was nice. I love how he lives right next to campus. The girl I was supposed to be rooming with, Ari Coursen, decided she didn't like me or something and said she didn't want to room next year- kindof hurt a bit. I have no idea what I did wrong, but I didn't really make any friends and didn't feel comfortable whatsoever. Yeah so I hope summer drags on for a while.
My mom is still crazy as ever. I wont go into that anymore but she is- oh god I hate her. Her and my dad wont let me drive much/ get my license cos 1. they don't trust me 2. they haven't taught me how to parallel park and now 3. cos I have panic attacks. I have had these attacks for years, but was never diagnosed till the end of last year. Its not my fault they never believed me when I cried out for help! They thought I was just demanding attention when I started shaking, chest pumping so hard it felt like a heart attack, and basically acting crazy. I'm on meds now and there is nothing that says I can't drive. And besides, when I'm focused on something- like work or driving- I don't let the panic attack get over me. I mean yeah it's still there but I can focus on what is ahead of me and what I need to do. My parents are just control freaks. God I hate them. OH! And now they think I make up my panic attacks and copy Jeff, because every year they get worse and they just don't notice till they can have something or someone to blame. Yeah Jeff had panic attacks, but his are different and he is doing great now. AND! He is the only one besides Becky and Nate who can talk me down and calm me... unlike my parents how they just yell at me while I'm having one. Jeff comes over no matter where he is and holds me. Last time I was shaking for 3 hours outside and it was just a bad panic attack, Jeff talked to me the whole time- and finally he drove to my house in under 10 minutes from downtown Syracuse. He held me outside my house for a while and got me to calm down. My parents have never been able to calm me down- they only add to it. And they don't believe me.
Anyway... I think thats all my news. I'm kinda boring, I'll work on that.
I love my boyfriend to bits. I seriously see him everyday and could never get sick of him. I love being with him, talking to him, holding him... everything. I guess I'm a bit crazy over him. I hope he doesn't get bored with me.
I barely work, nor do I do a lot with my empty days. I wake up late and hang around till 4:30, when Jeff can come pick me up from work. Thinking about it right now makes me feel like I might be letting life pass right by me. There are so many things I want to do this summer, such as: rent a boat/canoe/kayak at some-point, go to six flags or some amusement park with a bunch of people, go to Canada, see the fireworks at HarborFest in Oswego, of course go to HollowFest, and hit up whatever other shows are gonna go on. I want to see people, as much as I love seeing and being with Jeff-- the poor thing must miss hanging out with his friends as often as he used to. I need to get out more and do something.
I am so scared for college. I had orientation the last day of June till the first of July. To say the least it wasn't what I expected it to be. In fact, I had a panic attack around 12:30am while everyone in the dorm rooms were running around screaming, dragging mattresses and whatnot, and my roommate was sleeping. I called my brother and talked to him for a good 10 minutes, then he sent his fiance to go pick me up. I guess its good that Le Moyne is 3 minutes from my brothers house and 15 minutes from my house. Ugh, I feel so lame. I hated the whole experience. I got to hang out at Nate's for a bit though, which was nice. I love how he lives right next to campus. The girl I was supposed to be rooming with, Ari Coursen, decided she didn't like me or something and said she didn't want to room next year- kindof hurt a bit. I have no idea what I did wrong, but I didn't really make any friends and didn't feel comfortable whatsoever. Yeah so I hope summer drags on for a while.
My mom is still crazy as ever. I wont go into that anymore but she is- oh god I hate her. Her and my dad wont let me drive much/ get my license cos 1. they don't trust me 2. they haven't taught me how to parallel park and now 3. cos I have panic attacks. I have had these attacks for years, but was never diagnosed till the end of last year. Its not my fault they never believed me when I cried out for help! They thought I was just demanding attention when I started shaking, chest pumping so hard it felt like a heart attack, and basically acting crazy. I'm on meds now and there is nothing that says I can't drive. And besides, when I'm focused on something- like work or driving- I don't let the panic attack get over me. I mean yeah it's still there but I can focus on what is ahead of me and what I need to do. My parents are just control freaks. God I hate them. OH! And now they think I make up my panic attacks and copy Jeff, because every year they get worse and they just don't notice till they can have something or someone to blame. Yeah Jeff had panic attacks, but his are different and he is doing great now. AND! He is the only one besides Becky and Nate who can talk me down and calm me... unlike my parents how they just yell at me while I'm having one. Jeff comes over no matter where he is and holds me. Last time I was shaking for 3 hours outside and it was just a bad panic attack, Jeff talked to me the whole time- and finally he drove to my house in under 10 minutes from downtown Syracuse. He held me outside my house for a while and got me to calm down. My parents have never been able to calm me down- they only add to it. And they don't believe me.
Anyway... I think thats all my news. I'm kinda boring, I'll work on that.