Time may change me, but I can't change time
So it's been over a year since Luke and I split and I haven't had a boyfriend since. I've had a couple Bad Situations and one almost-boyfriend at the end of summer, but overall: no [good] luck in the romance/sexy-times department. I find myself going back and forth between being extremely annoyed about it, to shrugging it off and thinking "it will happen when it happens." I hate feeling so conflicted. The mature side of me (lol) realizes that yes, I'm still young (and pretty attractive, if I say so myself :P) and that I have plenty of time and I shouldn't go looking for love (thank you, mom). However, my emotions (and libido) are wondering if there is something wrong with me (because obviously there is something wrong with everyone else as well) because I haven't had a boyfriend or more than 3 dates in a year. I suppose I could chock it up to my standards, or my pesky conscience that I wish I could squash. Sometimes I really do want to be the slut I know I could get away with being, but I just can't. It's not who I am.
Who I am is different. I love engaging in sex, but I don't love strangers. I love my friends, but friends aren't for fucking (especially when at the time, deep down, you still aren't over a break up even when you convince yourself on the outside that you are). I learned that the difficult way (please listen to this song by my friend's band - it's basically exactly what I went through).
When I get distraught over my past mistakes, at some point when tempted to engage in similar bad decision-making, I remember those mistakes, and I stop. Mistakes are for learning, woo psychology. :P Sometimes I feel awesome about making those mistakes, because now I know better and wish to impart my knowledge on those who may make those same mistakes. Of course, they'll never really know until they make those mistakes themselves... but I can always try.
God I'm such a teacher. :P
And when I think about that... the more I wish I had some support waiting for me back home. It's not easy for me right now with all the work, life, and personal changes I'm going through right now. Having someone to talk to and cuddle (among other things) with would be fantastic, The Best Thing Evar even. I can't help not being a creature of solitude. I need people, I love people.
AHHH train of thought lost. God I'm hungry... and also in need of a shower. For srs.
Who I am is different. I love engaging in sex, but I don't love strangers. I love my friends, but friends aren't for fucking (especially when at the time, deep down, you still aren't over a break up even when you convince yourself on the outside that you are). I learned that the difficult way (please listen to this song by my friend's band - it's basically exactly what I went through).
When I get distraught over my past mistakes, at some point when tempted to engage in similar bad decision-making, I remember those mistakes, and I stop. Mistakes are for learning, woo psychology. :P Sometimes I feel awesome about making those mistakes, because now I know better and wish to impart my knowledge on those who may make those same mistakes. Of course, they'll never really know until they make those mistakes themselves... but I can always try.
God I'm such a teacher. :P
And when I think about that... the more I wish I had some support waiting for me back home. It's not easy for me right now with all the work, life, and personal changes I'm going through right now. Having someone to talk to and cuddle (among other things) with would be fantastic, The Best Thing Evar even. I can't help not being a creature of solitude. I need people, I love people.
AHHH train of thought lost. God I'm hungry... and also in need of a shower. For srs.