Poly
For those somehow not yet aware, I'm dating Mel (aka PurpleKecleon), and have been for some two and a half years. She is also married, and has been for about the same amount of time.
Mutual friends of ours still occasionally "discover" this, and are surprised. That's to be expected; I know it's an unusual situation, and I secretly enjoy being inherently surprising anyway. What I don't really appreciate is the inevitable question, which almost everyone asks:
Does [the husband] know?
Please take a moment to consider what you're very, very strongly implying here.
I made a thousand bucks!
You didn't rob a bank, did you?
Hey so I just had sex with my girlfriend.
Oh, did you rape her?
You are double-checking that I'm not facilitating cheating. Even beyond that, you're double-checking that I'm not also announcing it publicly, giving it a legitimate relationship label, and putting the burden on you to keep my dark secret. I can't think of any other possible way to interpret this question; what else could a "no" mean?
I've visited Mel quite a few times. She's visited me. The three of us have gone on trips together. Is the expectation of monoamory so strong that my being some kind of relationship-destroying mastermind is a more likely explanation than this being exactly what I say it is?
I always get asked followups like "do you have sex", too. What the hell else would I mean by "girlfriend"? I wanted to give a ridiculously exaggerated example alternative here, but I can't, because I really don't know any other interpretation.
Can we just come out and ask is this what it sounds like, rather than playing process of elimination with the wildest alternatives first? The world needs far less double-take questions.
I'm not so easily offended, but man, having good friends ask condemning questions is quite a kick in the gut.
Mutual friends of ours still occasionally "discover" this, and are surprised. That's to be expected; I know it's an unusual situation, and I secretly enjoy being inherently surprising anyway. What I don't really appreciate is the inevitable question, which almost everyone asks:
Does [the husband] know?
Please take a moment to consider what you're very, very strongly implying here.
I made a thousand bucks!
You didn't rob a bank, did you?
Hey so I just had sex with my girlfriend.
Oh, did you rape her?
You are double-checking that I'm not facilitating cheating. Even beyond that, you're double-checking that I'm not also announcing it publicly, giving it a legitimate relationship label, and putting the burden on you to keep my dark secret. I can't think of any other possible way to interpret this question; what else could a "no" mean?
I've visited Mel quite a few times. She's visited me. The three of us have gone on trips together. Is the expectation of monoamory so strong that my being some kind of relationship-destroying mastermind is a more likely explanation than this being exactly what I say it is?
I always get asked followups like "do you have sex", too. What the hell else would I mean by "girlfriend"? I wanted to give a ridiculously exaggerated example alternative here, but I can't, because I really don't know any other interpretation.
Can we just come out and ask is this what it sounds like, rather than playing process of elimination with the wildest alternatives first? The world needs far less double-take questions.
I'm not so easily offended, but man, having good friends ask condemning questions is quite a kick in the gut.