(no subject)
I've been three-quarters dead for a few days. As I was still dreaming in the morning, I knew I'd be only half-dead. And, right now, I feel only slightly sluglike.
There's a lot of anxiety and pressure in my life. I'm not being as productive as I want to be. And, for three days, instead of continuing to rush forward, work as fast as I could . . . I just froze. Rabbit in headlights. Don't eat me, car! Don't shoot me, hunters! I just . . . let me stay still for a little bit, and I'll . . . *sigh*
I'm sure I wasn't much fun at the Hiddenflame game, even though I love interacting with most of those characters. I should've had a ball with the humorless metis and the lame-ass elder "Ragabash", but I really didn't. They stepped on my toes and I just wanted to pout in a corner. Very much like the latter character's usual mode of being- how embarrassing! But really, as people, we're very similar. Some part of my emotional development stopped as a dreamy-eyed eleven year old, and some part of his stopped when he was a bitter fuck-the-world adolescent. I'm not bitching about Monsieur AC: in real life, we're pretty good friends. Which is why it's so much fun for our characters to hate each other. Same for my and Soxboi's characters. My no-moon is the biggest bee in Soxboi's full-moon's bonnet. Or at least, I try to be. *bow*
Heh, I just thought of a cute little trick for the metis. I've also decided to break out my bamboo flutes and compose a sad melody. The Gathering for the Departed that Hailie gets to . . . uh . . . MC? Is definitely going to be one (or two) to remember. But more importantly than the flute is finishing those songs. kikthegreek, got anything for me yet? I got to have your stuff this week.
Yeah, I'm a rpg geek. So? Sew your pants!
There are strains in my life, and strains between me and others. Am I projecting my stresses onto them? I shouldn't. I know I am stretched in every direction, but I have to keep the pulsing starfish in my head. It's an image I came up with recently: yes, all my limbs need to keep reaching in all their many directions. But at the same time, love has to radiate out of me. With every beat of my heart, I have to love more and more and more. It's not anybody else's fault that there are some bumps in this path. Stop tripping, stop kicking out, and skip.
'Tis the season for skipping. Oh, shit, is it too late to call Bob?
Culture Shock is this weekend, but I'm not sure if anybody besides beetiger is interested in going. Sounds like the next AE class will be a good one, I don't want to miss it. So should I go for Friday night, leave Saturday morning? Or skip two Culture Shocks in a row? It's a moot point if I can't pull together the transportation money, anyways. I want to go to Culture Shock. I want to go to class. I want to not spend any money, since I'm not pulling in any this week. Grrrrrrrrrr. I want my wings, please. Then I could do all of the above.
Well, for now, I'll play with some more card designs. Then I'll snuggle up to my lover and go to sleep. I'm so thankful to be more awake.
There's a lot of anxiety and pressure in my life. I'm not being as productive as I want to be. And, for three days, instead of continuing to rush forward, work as fast as I could . . . I just froze. Rabbit in headlights. Don't eat me, car! Don't shoot me, hunters! I just . . . let me stay still for a little bit, and I'll . . . *sigh*
I'm sure I wasn't much fun at the Hiddenflame game, even though I love interacting with most of those characters. I should've had a ball with the humorless metis and the lame-ass elder "Ragabash", but I really didn't. They stepped on my toes and I just wanted to pout in a corner. Very much like the latter character's usual mode of being- how embarrassing! But really, as people, we're very similar. Some part of my emotional development stopped as a dreamy-eyed eleven year old, and some part of his stopped when he was a bitter fuck-the-world adolescent. I'm not bitching about Monsieur AC: in real life, we're pretty good friends. Which is why it's so much fun for our characters to hate each other. Same for my and Soxboi's characters. My no-moon is the biggest bee in Soxboi's full-moon's bonnet. Or at least, I try to be. *bow*
Heh, I just thought of a cute little trick for the metis. I've also decided to break out my bamboo flutes and compose a sad melody. The Gathering for the Departed that Hailie gets to . . . uh . . . MC? Is definitely going to be one (or two) to remember. But more importantly than the flute is finishing those songs. kikthegreek, got anything for me yet? I got to have your stuff this week.
Yeah, I'm a rpg geek. So? Sew your pants!
There are strains in my life, and strains between me and others. Am I projecting my stresses onto them? I shouldn't. I know I am stretched in every direction, but I have to keep the pulsing starfish in my head. It's an image I came up with recently: yes, all my limbs need to keep reaching in all their many directions. But at the same time, love has to radiate out of me. With every beat of my heart, I have to love more and more and more. It's not anybody else's fault that there are some bumps in this path. Stop tripping, stop kicking out, and skip.
'Tis the season for skipping. Oh, shit, is it too late to call Bob?
Culture Shock is this weekend, but I'm not sure if anybody besides beetiger is interested in going. Sounds like the next AE class will be a good one, I don't want to miss it. So should I go for Friday night, leave Saturday morning? Or skip two Culture Shocks in a row? It's a moot point if I can't pull together the transportation money, anyways. I want to go to Culture Shock. I want to go to class. I want to not spend any money, since I'm not pulling in any this week. Grrrrrrrrrr. I want my wings, please. Then I could do all of the above.
Well, for now, I'll play with some more card designs. Then I'll snuggle up to my lover and go to sleep. I'm so thankful to be more awake.