(no subject)
Holy shit, even an unrepentent bratty kid like me knows a real, true-to-life adult. I tip my hat to you, freeko! See the comments of my last post if you missed the circus.
OK, I'll take one stab at this and then leave it to fester again. There are reasons I became a vicious asshole towards janelemon, and reasons that it gives me great pleasure to still play that role, rather than one of a many-times-dissed friend who still loves the disser unconditionally. Let's see if I can couch this problem in words generic enough for others to comprehend.
Let's say you had a friend, and her name was . . . Nonesuch. Now, Nonesuch grew to be, for whatever reason, one of your best friends in the world. You decided you wanted to share as much of your life with your wonderful friend Nonesuch as you possibly could. It seemed only natural, when the opportunity presented itself, to push Nonesuch into bed with your dearest, closest lover. The two of them hit it off! How marvelous! More joy for Nonesuch, more joy for you! Happiness for months and months, spending every weekend lazing with Nonesuch and your other lovers. Fabulous! But, eventually, Nonesuch started to annoy you. She seemed to get leechier and try to stick closer to you the more you tried to get a little comfortable distance away from her. You and Nonesuch started to bicker and fight. Through the course of the fight, you find out that you did a bad thing . . . Nonesuch badly wanted to tell you something while you were pushing her away. Having noone else to confide in, she kept the secret inside her where it rotted her from the inside. When Nonesuch finally told you the thing she'd been suppressing, you apologized for not being able to listen at the time, and Nonesuch forgave you. But you weren't ready to go back to being super-best-friends with Nonesuch. More fighting ensued, and Nonesuch again told you that you were a horrible person for not listening when she had something bad to tell you. The same bad thing, the same instance you had already apologized for. Apparently, Nonesuch didn't have much capacity for true forgiveness. You apologized again, she forgave you again, and then the fighting started again, and Nonesuch again expressed anger at the same thing you'd already apologized for. Twice, now. You apologized six or seven more times for the same incident before you finally realized you were wasting your time. Friendship with Nonesuch would be impossible, at least until you'd both cooled off some. Except you found it nearly impossible to cool off. Sharing at least one lover kept you avidly affecting each other's lives in subtle and obvious ways. When you broke up with her lover, you found yourself in the unique position of resenting Nonesuch both as the current partner of your eX (for you Monogamous people, read: the ex-girlfriend that your recent ex takes up with again immediately after breaking up with you) and as a person you now knew to be unworthy of your closest lover. (For you Monogamous people, read: you find out your lover might possibly be cheating with someone you have no respect for at all.) You let off some steam towards Nonesuch. It feels good and Nonesuch's reaction is priceless. Of the people you currently care about, only your lover is uncomfortable. So you resolve to dampen your impulse. You soon see that a single insult or two slung at Nonesuch makes just as amusing reaction as a venom-dripping page of text. You resolve to air your resentment of her in as insignificant a way as possible. One small insult, perhaps as seldom as once a year.
And yet, your eX and a friend of his are still horrified at your behaviour. At these tiny, silly non sequitur insults. I wonder if they have a better suggestion. I get no joy, no release from silence. Would it be a better thing to make active steps to break them up? I think not: they're people in love, capable of their own decisions. It took me years to see Jane's shortcomings and faults, of which her incapacity for forgiveness is one of the least alarming. I can hardly expect my lover to notice them so soon. Is it better to point them out to him? No. The best solution is to keep it small but petty, just between me and the one I don't like.
Yesterday was an interesting day, but I'll keep that for another post. I'm sure I just lit another firestorm, best to let it rage on its own. freeko, no need to defend my honour, I'm not on the moral high ground here at all. I'm in an icky situation, and dealing with it to the best of my ability. I am incapable of simply shutting up. janelemon as usual, your comments will only appear in my journal until I notice them, then they'll be summarily removed. I have the right to remove whatever comments I want: if you want your opinions about my villany to be permenant, best to put them in your own damn LJ.
OK, I'll take one stab at this and then leave it to fester again. There are reasons I became a vicious asshole towards janelemon, and reasons that it gives me great pleasure to still play that role, rather than one of a many-times-dissed friend who still loves the disser unconditionally. Let's see if I can couch this problem in words generic enough for others to comprehend.
Let's say you had a friend, and her name was . . . Nonesuch. Now, Nonesuch grew to be, for whatever reason, one of your best friends in the world. You decided you wanted to share as much of your life with your wonderful friend Nonesuch as you possibly could. It seemed only natural, when the opportunity presented itself, to push Nonesuch into bed with your dearest, closest lover. The two of them hit it off! How marvelous! More joy for Nonesuch, more joy for you! Happiness for months and months, spending every weekend lazing with Nonesuch and your other lovers. Fabulous! But, eventually, Nonesuch started to annoy you. She seemed to get leechier and try to stick closer to you the more you tried to get a little comfortable distance away from her. You and Nonesuch started to bicker and fight. Through the course of the fight, you find out that you did a bad thing . . . Nonesuch badly wanted to tell you something while you were pushing her away. Having noone else to confide in, she kept the secret inside her where it rotted her from the inside. When Nonesuch finally told you the thing she'd been suppressing, you apologized for not being able to listen at the time, and Nonesuch forgave you. But you weren't ready to go back to being super-best-friends with Nonesuch. More fighting ensued, and Nonesuch again told you that you were a horrible person for not listening when she had something bad to tell you. The same bad thing, the same instance you had already apologized for. Apparently, Nonesuch didn't have much capacity for true forgiveness. You apologized again, she forgave you again, and then the fighting started again, and Nonesuch again expressed anger at the same thing you'd already apologized for. Twice, now. You apologized six or seven more times for the same incident before you finally realized you were wasting your time. Friendship with Nonesuch would be impossible, at least until you'd both cooled off some. Except you found it nearly impossible to cool off. Sharing at least one lover kept you avidly affecting each other's lives in subtle and obvious ways. When you broke up with her lover, you found yourself in the unique position of resenting Nonesuch both as the current partner of your eX (for you Monogamous people, read: the ex-girlfriend that your recent ex takes up with again immediately after breaking up with you) and as a person you now knew to be unworthy of your closest lover. (For you Monogamous people, read: you find out your lover might possibly be cheating with someone you have no respect for at all.) You let off some steam towards Nonesuch. It feels good and Nonesuch's reaction is priceless. Of the people you currently care about, only your lover is uncomfortable. So you resolve to dampen your impulse. You soon see that a single insult or two slung at Nonesuch makes just as amusing reaction as a venom-dripping page of text. You resolve to air your resentment of her in as insignificant a way as possible. One small insult, perhaps as seldom as once a year.
And yet, your eX and a friend of his are still horrified at your behaviour. At these tiny, silly non sequitur insults. I wonder if they have a better suggestion. I get no joy, no release from silence. Would it be a better thing to make active steps to break them up? I think not: they're people in love, capable of their own decisions. It took me years to see Jane's shortcomings and faults, of which her incapacity for forgiveness is one of the least alarming. I can hardly expect my lover to notice them so soon. Is it better to point them out to him? No. The best solution is to keep it small but petty, just between me and the one I don't like.
Yesterday was an interesting day, but I'll keep that for another post. I'm sure I just lit another firestorm, best to let it rage on its own. freeko, no need to defend my honour, I'm not on the moral high ground here at all. I'm in an icky situation, and dealing with it to the best of my ability. I am incapable of simply shutting up. janelemon as usual, your comments will only appear in my journal until I notice them, then they'll be summarily removed. I have the right to remove whatever comments I want: if you want your opinions about my villany to be permenant, best to put them in your own damn LJ.