*yawn of contentment*
My two most important apetites came raging back today. I feasted on flesh, both attached-to-Julius'-body and nicely-seared lamb. My heart is picking up its pace, marking the season. In my veins, my blood is singing, racing, laughing.
Tomorrow's May Day. I'll be singing, laughing, and frolicking, myself. No large Beltane Fire tonight: I'll probably just do a simple ceremony over a candle, like last year. It's definitely more thrilling to be dancing nude around a large fire, dancing fast enough and close enough to warm myself up, heat my blood to boiling, then leap! And burn last year's skin away, crumple to the still-cold Earth as a newborn. When the ceremony is intense enough (even if it's just done over a candle), I see visions. Sometimes a new totem will appear, or I get an idea of a new direction to grow in this year. My most powerful Beltane-vision was a series of metamorphasis-images, like a dragonfly pupae spliting its back open, bursting out, flying as a full adult. And I did change a lot that year, but I think I've changed the most this year.
There'll be a lot to reflect on, before I light my candle. There's been a lot to this year. A mix of positive and negative aspects, but overwhelmingly positive. I finally decided what career-star to follow first, even if it's a silly dreamer's star. I'm still gonna walk its path, try to make my way as a Digital Animator.
But I'm not all that concerned about this year's Beltane ritual, because, in a way, my illness was Beltane. My fire was internal, the flames were more agonizing than any I can remember. (My memory for pain is very short.) And I forced my fists to unclench, forced myself to let go of someone I'd been leaning on for years, and now I'm calm, now I'm happy. It might as well be May Day already. I don't feel empty or sorrowful or full of longing any more.
What once was, still is, and what has been, may someday be again. And if not, we'll bow, smile our secret smiles, and find new partners for the Dance. I'm dancing now, and my feet are so light, it's a wonder they're still touching the ground. Maybe they won't be, tomorrow.
Happy New Year, everybody! Merry May Day! Fuck carefully tonight, unless pregnancy is your hearts' desire! I love you all!
Tomorrow's May Day. I'll be singing, laughing, and frolicking, myself. No large Beltane Fire tonight: I'll probably just do a simple ceremony over a candle, like last year. It's definitely more thrilling to be dancing nude around a large fire, dancing fast enough and close enough to warm myself up, heat my blood to boiling, then leap! And burn last year's skin away, crumple to the still-cold Earth as a newborn. When the ceremony is intense enough (even if it's just done over a candle), I see visions. Sometimes a new totem will appear, or I get an idea of a new direction to grow in this year. My most powerful Beltane-vision was a series of metamorphasis-images, like a dragonfly pupae spliting its back open, bursting out, flying as a full adult. And I did change a lot that year, but I think I've changed the most this year.
There'll be a lot to reflect on, before I light my candle. There's been a lot to this year. A mix of positive and negative aspects, but overwhelmingly positive. I finally decided what career-star to follow first, even if it's a silly dreamer's star. I'm still gonna walk its path, try to make my way as a Digital Animator.
But I'm not all that concerned about this year's Beltane ritual, because, in a way, my illness was Beltane. My fire was internal, the flames were more agonizing than any I can remember. (My memory for pain is very short.) And I forced my fists to unclench, forced myself to let go of someone I'd been leaning on for years, and now I'm calm, now I'm happy. It might as well be May Day already. I don't feel empty or sorrowful or full of longing any more.
What once was, still is, and what has been, may someday be again. And if not, we'll bow, smile our secret smiles, and find new partners for the Dance. I'm dancing now, and my feet are so light, it's a wonder they're still touching the ground. Maybe they won't be, tomorrow.
Happy New Year, everybody! Merry May Day! Fuck carefully tonight, unless pregnancy is your hearts' desire! I love you all!