(no subject)
I'm OK. I'm getting OK-er by the minute.
Hey, I just remembered- gotta go take my horse pill! Antibiotics are harder to remember when you're pretty much back to normal . . . no physical abnormalities to want to beat down with wiffle bats.
I'm mentally better, too. There's still anger, there's still sadness, they're just . . . being slowly covered by layers of silence. I'm not angered by the silence anymore, either. It needs to be, I guess. I know I'm strong enough to break it when it gets too awful, but I still kind of hope we'll find a way to meet halfway, so that nobody's pride needs swallowing.
Strange side note: Jane has commented on my LJ twice recently. She told me to buzz off hers long ago, and I have. Does she need to be ripped into to comprehend that I don't want her scent- er, words- on my LJ? I hope not, I'm feeling rather mellow now. Leave me alone, Jane, you'd rather not like the torrent of insults with which I mentally reply to your schoolyard jabs.
But my illness has died down, and thanks in no small part to my angel Julius and Ezra, I am not actively obsessing over my situation with Otto. In fact, Ezra came by this evening and I managed to barely think of him. It was a lovely night for walking and shmoozing, and I'm glad I had someone to do both with.
I panicked briefly today, when I tabulated that my various debts (mainly groceries and car repairs, I've gone on no Carribbean vacations or charged tuition) were close to equalling the total money I made last year. It's good that we picked up Julius' temporary work permit today. I wish I could stay his sugarmomma forever, but the time is drawing close when I'll have to juggle my bills using my credit cards . . . two of which are full. But with him working and me working (and perhaps some help from a URI program to help us poor folk grow some of our own food), we'll grasp at the ends and tug them and twist them 'til they meet. I refuse to be terrorized by uncertainty: I have things to sell on eBay and new business concepts to try, and perhaps enough office experience to demand higher-paying assignments than I was getting last time. There were some employment ads in the paper worth replying to last week, too!
I love "the TV" as Julius calls it: the mice cages, still sitting just to the right of this monitor. Ohhhhhhh! Stumpy's grooming one of his brothers! That's soooooo cute! They're technically adults now (and we're keeping them all, so far, out of love or soft-heartedness) but they still have ridiculous gigantic ears, soft grey fur, and enough curiosity to kill several cats. They love the intricate jungle gyms Julius makes for them out of cardboard tubes and bits of rope. I think I'll join in, and give them a few simple wire or cardboard playstructures next week.
*yawn* I gotta go sleep now, I promised myself I would an hour ago.
Hey, I just remembered- gotta go take my horse pill! Antibiotics are harder to remember when you're pretty much back to normal . . . no physical abnormalities to want to beat down with wiffle bats.
I'm mentally better, too. There's still anger, there's still sadness, they're just . . . being slowly covered by layers of silence. I'm not angered by the silence anymore, either. It needs to be, I guess. I know I'm strong enough to break it when it gets too awful, but I still kind of hope we'll find a way to meet halfway, so that nobody's pride needs swallowing.
Strange side note: Jane has commented on my LJ twice recently. She told me to buzz off hers long ago, and I have. Does she need to be ripped into to comprehend that I don't want her scent- er, words- on my LJ? I hope not, I'm feeling rather mellow now. Leave me alone, Jane, you'd rather not like the torrent of insults with which I mentally reply to your schoolyard jabs.
But my illness has died down, and thanks in no small part to my angel Julius and Ezra, I am not actively obsessing over my situation with Otto. In fact, Ezra came by this evening and I managed to barely think of him. It was a lovely night for walking and shmoozing, and I'm glad I had someone to do both with.
I panicked briefly today, when I tabulated that my various debts (mainly groceries and car repairs, I've gone on no Carribbean vacations or charged tuition) were close to equalling the total money I made last year. It's good that we picked up Julius' temporary work permit today. I wish I could stay his sugarmomma forever, but the time is drawing close when I'll have to juggle my bills using my credit cards . . . two of which are full. But with him working and me working (and perhaps some help from a URI program to help us poor folk grow some of our own food), we'll grasp at the ends and tug them and twist them 'til they meet. I refuse to be terrorized by uncertainty: I have things to sell on eBay and new business concepts to try, and perhaps enough office experience to demand higher-paying assignments than I was getting last time. There were some employment ads in the paper worth replying to last week, too!
I love "the TV" as Julius calls it: the mice cages, still sitting just to the right of this monitor. Ohhhhhhh! Stumpy's grooming one of his brothers! That's soooooo cute! They're technically adults now (and we're keeping them all, so far, out of love or soft-heartedness) but they still have ridiculous gigantic ears, soft grey fur, and enough curiosity to kill several cats. They love the intricate jungle gyms Julius makes for them out of cardboard tubes and bits of rope. I think I'll join in, and give them a few simple wire or cardboard playstructures next week.
*yawn* I gotta go sleep now, I promised myself I would an hour ago.