EXHUMING TALES FROM THE CRYPT: The Secret of Television Terror
We did it, kiddies! We’ve covered season two with a solid six feet of high-quality, artisanal dirt. We laughed, we cried, we died, and then did it all over (and over) again. We’ve faced zombies, dismemberment, psychopaths and ventriloquist dummies with a smile. So what’s our coda for such a delightfully deadly season? Such putrid pieces of televised tragedy? Well, we have two of the best episodes in the whole season in my humble opinion, and one last goofy one starring a horror legend.
It’s exactly what our dearly departed season two would have wanted, so let’s grab our shovels and pay our last respects.
Season 2, Episode 16: “Television Terror” based on Haunt of Fear #17
Director: Charles Picerni
Written by: Randall Jahnson
Originally aired: July 17, 1990
Director and writer horror pedigree: Charlie “Charles” Picerni directed 2009’s action-horror film The Bleeding. Much more interesting than that, however, is the fact that he’s been a stunt artist and coordinator for over 5 decades, starting with The Untouchables TV show and continuing to work in the field now. In his 80s. I don’t think I have to tell you that he’s cooler than us all.
Randall Jahnson has an interesting place in Tales from the Crypt history, but I’ll get more into that when we get to his later episode, “King of the Road.” More recently, he wrote Zombie Day Apocalypse, a clever short film that shows both his sense of humor and horror is still intact.
He also wrote Oliver Stone’s The Doors film, which I only bring up because there’s a Jim Morrison joke in this episode, and I feel he was purging that experience a bit here.
Other notables: Composer J. Peter Robinson would continue on to score three more Tales episodes. Some of the genre work in his massive career includes Wes Craven’s Vampire in Brooklyn and Nightmare Cafe, Kindred: The Embraced, Eerie, Indiana, The Wraith and Return of the Living Dead II.
Does it deliver?: This episode is truly Tales from the Crypt firing on all cylinders. Morton Downey Jr. plays Horton Rivers, a play on both his own rancid reputation as a TV provocateur and Geraldo Riveria’s ill-fated 1986 special on opening Al Capone’s vault (which is even referenced in the episode!) Aired live, Horton Rivers and a crew that can’t even pretend to hide their hatred for him enter a notorious “haunted house” where actual murders took place. Their expectation to spice up a lot of nothing gets upturned when it turns into a REAL house of horrors, with corpses in bathtubs, bleeding doors, and even the crew getting knocked off by the current residents. Be careful what you wish for when you ask for killer ratings!
Downey’s show ended exactly a year before the airing of “Television Terror,” and while it might have been a surprise for viewers to see him on a scripted show, it was a pretty clever way to keep his face and reputation front and center during a transitory period in his strange career. This episode reveled in the then-current trash TV phenomenon, and as someone who appreciates things being “dated” so we get a real sense of pop culture in their respective time periods, I appreciate the occasional episode that eschews the timeless morality tale for something a little dirtier.
I also couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite ghost movies, Ghostwatch, which would air on BBC television two years later and use a similar “television crew in a haunted house” plot. 2013’s WNUF Halloween Special would also take an ultra-fun and unique stab at this framing device, which I’m clearly a sucker for. While ghost hunting shows are a dime a dozen these days, it was a fresh idea at the time, and it’s so tightly paced and well-orchestrated that it still feels fresh today. Short (this one clocks in at about 20 minutes!) and brutal, this one is an ideal choice for an episode to air during a Halloween mini-marathon.
Best Cryptkeeper line: “No wonder he’s such a hit on live… or is it dead?… TV!”
It’s exactly what our dearly departed season two would have wanted, so let’s grab our shovels and pay our last respects.
Season 2, Episode 16: “Television Terror” based on Haunt of Fear #17
Director: Charles Picerni
Written by: Randall Jahnson
Originally aired: July 17, 1990
Director and writer horror pedigree: Charlie “Charles” Picerni directed 2009’s action-horror film The Bleeding. Much more interesting than that, however, is the fact that he’s been a stunt artist and coordinator for over 5 decades, starting with The Untouchables TV show and continuing to work in the field now. In his 80s. I don’t think I have to tell you that he’s cooler than us all.
Randall Jahnson has an interesting place in Tales from the Crypt history, but I’ll get more into that when we get to his later episode, “King of the Road.” More recently, he wrote Zombie Day Apocalypse, a clever short film that shows both his sense of humor and horror is still intact.
He also wrote Oliver Stone’s The Doors film, which I only bring up because there’s a Jim Morrison joke in this episode, and I feel he was purging that experience a bit here.
Other notables: Composer J. Peter Robinson would continue on to score three more Tales episodes. Some of the genre work in his massive career includes Wes Craven’s Vampire in Brooklyn and Nightmare Cafe, Kindred: The Embraced, Eerie, Indiana, The Wraith and Return of the Living Dead II.
Does it deliver?: This episode is truly Tales from the Crypt firing on all cylinders. Morton Downey Jr. plays Horton Rivers, a play on both his own rancid reputation as a TV provocateur and Geraldo Riveria’s ill-fated 1986 special on opening Al Capone’s vault (which is even referenced in the episode!) Aired live, Horton Rivers and a crew that can’t even pretend to hide their hatred for him enter a notorious “haunted house” where actual murders took place. Their expectation to spice up a lot of nothing gets upturned when it turns into a REAL house of horrors, with corpses in bathtubs, bleeding doors, and even the crew getting knocked off by the current residents. Be careful what you wish for when you ask for killer ratings!
Downey’s show ended exactly a year before the airing of “Television Terror,” and while it might have been a surprise for viewers to see him on a scripted show, it was a pretty clever way to keep his face and reputation front and center during a transitory period in his strange career. This episode reveled in the then-current trash TV phenomenon, and as someone who appreciates things being “dated” so we get a real sense of pop culture in their respective time periods, I appreciate the occasional episode that eschews the timeless morality tale for something a little dirtier.
I also couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite ghost movies, Ghostwatch, which would air on BBC television two years later and use a similar “television crew in a haunted house” plot. 2013’s WNUF Halloween Special would also take an ultra-fun and unique stab at this framing device, which I’m clearly a sucker for. While ghost hunting shows are a dime a dozen these days, it was a fresh idea at the time, and it’s so tightly paced and well-orchestrated that it still feels fresh today. Short (this one clocks in at about 20 minutes!) and brutal, this one is an ideal choice for an episode to air during a Halloween mini-marathon.
Best Cryptkeeper line: “No wonder he’s such a hit on live… or is it dead?… TV!”