Eerie, Indiana fanfiction: Truth in Advertising
Radford smoothed his moustache with the thumb and index finger of his right hand, his left drumming a strange staccato rhythm against the polished wood surface of the World o' Stuff's ice-cream counter. He shook his head, bewilderment writ large across his kindly face.
"I don't see what the problem is," he said. "It seems to me that you got exactly what you paid for."
Marshall brushed chocolate crumbs and brightly coloured foil wrapping out of his hair, wincing with every movement.
"Back in Jersey, when a guy buys a dinosaur Easter egg, all he's getting is two oval-shaped chocolate halves with a picture of a stegosaurus stamped onto the front," he said. "It's not supposed to erupt into three tons of prehistoric reptile right there at the breakfast table, destroying his mom's Peep-and-daffodil centrepiece and getting him grounded for the foreseeable future, which in this town is apparently just over seven years."
Radford nodded ruefully. Seven years was an embarrassingly low rate of precognition for any town with a municipally-approved psychic on the city payroll. Still, the guy's father was a friend of the Mayor, so...
He became aware of an expectant silence and glanced up to see Marshall watching him with increasing irritation.
"So... would you like a different dinosaur?" he hazarded. "It's after Easter, so I can give you a deep discount if you buy two or more." He gestured to an end-cap display full of eggs in candy colours, decorated with cartoonish depictions of prehistoric beasts, leering bunny rabbits, and poultry of sinister aspect, and added, "I've sold out of most of the more popular theropods, but I'll give you three for two on the ankylosaurus. They barely sold at all this year."
"Uh," said Marshall, backing up and eyeing the unsold over-stock with, in Radford's opinion, wholly undeserved trepidation. Everyone knew the eggs went dormant after the Easter weekend, returning to their chocolate form until the next Good Friday rolled around. Now was the perfect time to stock up on cut-price chocolate and celebrate another year of thwarting the risen dead. What were they teaching kids these days?
"No," said Marshall, shaking his head emphatically. "No more eggs. What I need are flowers and non-monster-resurrecting candy to make it up to my mom, and a stun gun and a very big net to catch a candy-coated stegosaur who broke through the eastern wall of my house and ran off down the street in a panic because my dad tried to feed it Things Incorporated macaroni and cheese."
Radford winced.
"I don't know that you'll get it back, son," he said gently. "I've stocked some of the food your father's company puts out and, well, between the fright and the impenetrable sugar shell that protects an Eastersaur's body, I'd say any tranquilizer dart I could sell you would bounce off and any net you used would tear like a tissue paper garland caught in a tornado that's not pleased with it's picnic buffet."
"Great," said Marshall.
Easter Weekend
Eeriemat by froodle, in which Lodgepoole reflects on Eerie's laundry habits
Equinox by froodle, in which Mister Lodgepoole adjusts to life on the surface
Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities
Teller Family History
First Date by froodle, in which a young Edgar Teller shows off one of his earlier inventions
Popcorn by froodle. Friday night is always movie night in the Teller household.
The Teller Home for Displaced Youth by froodle, in which Edgar harbours some doubts about his new home town
Lawn by froodle, in which Marilyn Teller contemplaces some yardwork
Tornado Day, Revisited by froodle, in which Syndi learns exactly what it means to be Miss Tornado Day
Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach
Culinary Delights by froodle, in which Syndi's terrible cooking may or may not have been an accident
Camping by froodle, in which Syndi cannot sleep
Artist in the Family by froodle, in which an immortal creature takes a liking to Syndi
Without Due Care and Attention by froodle, in which Syndi finally becomes mobile
Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive
Brunch by froodle, in which Marilyn does not appreciate Edgar's help in the kitchen
Handmade by froodle, in which the Tellers receive a Christmas package from Marilyn's mother
Poor Life Choices by froodle, in which Syndi loves her brother anyway
Lillian by froodle, in which Marilyn's mother has concerns
Visitor by froodle, in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay
Nap by froodle, in which Marshall has a quiet moment in the Secret Spot
Fresh Sheets by froodle
Tradition by froodle, in which Dash and Marshall decorate a Christmas tree
Hometown by froodle, in which Mars and Syndi visit New Jersey
Trusted Associates, Inc.
Halloween by froodle, in which Mars and Simon celebrate a Von Orloff-free All Hallows Eve
Surprise by froodle, in which Mars tries to make sure Simon's birthday goes a little better this year
The Glade by froodle, in which Simon and Mars visit a place that only exists on February 29th
Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities
Boardwalk by froodle, in which Simon and Mars are swayed by radio advertising
Lady in Red by froodle, in which Simon experiments on the old-fashioned radio in the Secret Spot, and horror ensues
Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive
Seafoam by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the seaside
A Night at the Circus by froodle, in which a carnivale comes to town, and Marshall and Simon do not enjoy themselves
Taking a Break by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall enjoy some much-needed R&R
Model Railway by froodle, in which a new business prepares to open in Eerie
Shoreline by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall investigate strange happenings on the shores of Lake Eerie
Parade by froodle, in which Mars takes issue with the Eerie Beekeepers Association's choice of mascot
Homestead by froodle, in which Marshall finally gets something useful out of shop class
Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend
Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list
Slyboots by froodle, in which a certain corporal of the infernal regions comes to Eerie. Crossover with Johannes Cabal the Necromancer.
Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall
Festival by froodle, in which Eerie's local businesses celebrate the summer
Strawberry by froodle, in which there is unauthorised hubbub in Eerie
Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach
Facilities by froodle, in which the Eerie Bus Station and Supper Club has a problem with the men's toilet
Anticipation by froodle, in which Simon and Harley look forward to the Equinox
Castle by froodle, in which there is unexpected architecture in Eerie
Visitor in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay
Euclid by froodle, in which Marshall and Simon investigate strange events at the Eerie Cemetery
The Hut by froodle, in which Simon takes on the forces of Eerie solo
"I don't see what the problem is," he said. "It seems to me that you got exactly what you paid for."
Marshall brushed chocolate crumbs and brightly coloured foil wrapping out of his hair, wincing with every movement.
"Back in Jersey, when a guy buys a dinosaur Easter egg, all he's getting is two oval-shaped chocolate halves with a picture of a stegosaurus stamped onto the front," he said. "It's not supposed to erupt into three tons of prehistoric reptile right there at the breakfast table, destroying his mom's Peep-and-daffodil centrepiece and getting him grounded for the foreseeable future, which in this town is apparently just over seven years."
Radford nodded ruefully. Seven years was an embarrassingly low rate of precognition for any town with a municipally-approved psychic on the city payroll. Still, the guy's father was a friend of the Mayor, so...
He became aware of an expectant silence and glanced up to see Marshall watching him with increasing irritation.
"So... would you like a different dinosaur?" he hazarded. "It's after Easter, so I can give you a deep discount if you buy two or more." He gestured to an end-cap display full of eggs in candy colours, decorated with cartoonish depictions of prehistoric beasts, leering bunny rabbits, and poultry of sinister aspect, and added, "I've sold out of most of the more popular theropods, but I'll give you three for two on the ankylosaurus. They barely sold at all this year."
"Uh," said Marshall, backing up and eyeing the unsold over-stock with, in Radford's opinion, wholly undeserved trepidation. Everyone knew the eggs went dormant after the Easter weekend, returning to their chocolate form until the next Good Friday rolled around. Now was the perfect time to stock up on cut-price chocolate and celebrate another year of thwarting the risen dead. What were they teaching kids these days?
"No," said Marshall, shaking his head emphatically. "No more eggs. What I need are flowers and non-monster-resurrecting candy to make it up to my mom, and a stun gun and a very big net to catch a candy-coated stegosaur who broke through the eastern wall of my house and ran off down the street in a panic because my dad tried to feed it Things Incorporated macaroni and cheese."
Radford winced.
"I don't know that you'll get it back, son," he said gently. "I've stocked some of the food your father's company puts out and, well, between the fright and the impenetrable sugar shell that protects an Eastersaur's body, I'd say any tranquilizer dart I could sell you would bounce off and any net you used would tear like a tissue paper garland caught in a tornado that's not pleased with it's picnic buffet."
"Great," said Marshall.
Easter Weekend
Eeriemat by froodle, in which Lodgepoole reflects on Eerie's laundry habits
Equinox by froodle, in which Mister Lodgepoole adjusts to life on the surface
Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities
Teller Family History
First Date by froodle, in which a young Edgar Teller shows off one of his earlier inventions
Popcorn by froodle. Friday night is always movie night in the Teller household.
The Teller Home for Displaced Youth by froodle, in which Edgar harbours some doubts about his new home town
Lawn by froodle, in which Marilyn Teller contemplaces some yardwork
Tornado Day, Revisited by froodle, in which Syndi learns exactly what it means to be Miss Tornado Day
Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach
Culinary Delights by froodle, in which Syndi's terrible cooking may or may not have been an accident
Camping by froodle, in which Syndi cannot sleep
Artist in the Family by froodle, in which an immortal creature takes a liking to Syndi
Without Due Care and Attention by froodle, in which Syndi finally becomes mobile
Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive
Brunch by froodle, in which Marilyn does not appreciate Edgar's help in the kitchen
Handmade by froodle, in which the Tellers receive a Christmas package from Marilyn's mother
Poor Life Choices by froodle, in which Syndi loves her brother anyway
Lillian by froodle, in which Marilyn's mother has concerns
Visitor by froodle, in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay
Nap by froodle, in which Marshall has a quiet moment in the Secret Spot
Fresh Sheets by froodle
Tradition by froodle, in which Dash and Marshall decorate a Christmas tree
Hometown by froodle, in which Mars and Syndi visit New Jersey
Trusted Associates, Inc.
Halloween by froodle, in which Mars and Simon celebrate a Von Orloff-free All Hallows Eve
Surprise by froodle, in which Mars tries to make sure Simon's birthday goes a little better this year
The Glade by froodle, in which Simon and Mars visit a place that only exists on February 29th
Egg Hunt by froodle, in which Simon and Mars partake of some traditional Easter activities
Boardwalk by froodle, in which Simon and Mars are swayed by radio advertising
Lady in Red by froodle, in which Simon experiments on the old-fashioned radio in the Secret Spot, and horror ensues
Waiting In by froodle, in which there is an ice-storm and a handyman does not arrive
Seafoam by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the seaside
A Night at the Circus by froodle, in which a carnivale comes to town, and Marshall and Simon do not enjoy themselves
Taking a Break by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall enjoy some much-needed R&R
Model Railway by froodle, in which a new business prepares to open in Eerie
Shoreline by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall investigate strange happenings on the shores of Lake Eerie
Parade by froodle, in which Mars takes issue with the Eerie Beekeepers Association's choice of mascot
Homestead by froodle, in which Marshall finally gets something useful out of shop class
Hound by froodle, in which Simon makes a friend
Errands by froodle, in which Simon has a to-do list
Slyboots by froodle, in which a certain corporal of the infernal regions comes to Eerie. Crossover with Johannes Cabal the Necromancer.
Waterlogged by froodle, in which Eerie experiences heavy rainfall
Festival by froodle, in which Eerie's local businesses celebrate the summer
Strawberry by froodle, in which there is unauthorised hubbub in Eerie
Wildlife by froodle, in which Simon and Marshall go to the beach
Facilities by froodle, in which the Eerie Bus Station and Supper Club has a problem with the men's toilet
Anticipation by froodle, in which Simon and Harley look forward to the Equinox
Castle by froodle, in which there is unexpected architecture in Eerie
Visitor in which Marshall's grandma comes to stay
Euclid by froodle, in which Marshall and Simon investigate strange events at the Eerie Cemetery
The Hut by froodle, in which Simon takes on the forces of Eerie solo