an unthinkable event
hello world. lemmie tell you, i feel like shit right now, and i will feel like shit for the rest of my life. i am disgusted at myself, my choices, my morals (or lack of them, my everything. right now, i am going to begin to explain what happened this weekend. it will be confusing for some who read it, because it will be to amanda more than anyone else, but this is something i want people to know about me. . .to know what bad decisions i have made, and to judge me, no bars held; this is my worthless repentence.
first off, i want to tell amanda that i feel like shit. i am not even going to try and compare my feelings of shit to your pain and heartbreak (?). i have been crying all day, i have been talking to my friends and telling them that i am shit, and that i am such a stupid person, and all that, and i have been most of all thinking of how much i love amanda. . .even though my actions may not have shown it.
okay, to begin: i cheated on amanda and we are now broken up. there is no way around this fact, for anyone, and i am now dealing with the consequences of that decision. i made this choice, and i am going to accept full responsibility for what i have done. now, i am not going to say who i cheated with, b/c it doesnt really matter, and for those of you who know, please do not mention the persons name. . .for both amanda's and that person's sake. the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone any more.
okay, so i cheated. i have only one thing to say about why i did this. . .i am in love with 2 people at the same time. i am. i have only found out this about myself today, when i was crying. i love amanda. whatever anyone thinks, this is the truth, its what i feel and know. i was torn apart by this breakup so much, i think that this has been the most difficult things i have ever been through. this was like losing a significant other. i am ashamed and i feel that i have wounded myself by hurting amanda, the beautiful and sweet girl that loved me. i have done two things this weekend that i had promised myself that i would never do. . .i cheated on someone and i hurt the person i was with. amanda, for hurting you, i am so sorry.
this journal entry is a way to begin to say "im sorry" to amanda, and to begin (i say begin twice because i am not able to fully appoligize and express my feelings to you (amanda) in one sitting, probably not in a weeks worth of sittings. i am a dickhead, a jackass, a prick, a fucking cheating bastard. this entry is also a way to tell amanda what i feel.
so, the last little bit is for amanda. . .i want to tell you my feelings. i want to talk to you, very badly. if you think you are able to talk to me, please find me. call me, approach me at work, write me a letter, an email. i miss you, and i still love you, and if it is still possible, i want to remain friends. i will write you a letter this weekend, after i (and you) have had time to think about this much much more. please respond in some way, even if it is angry. if this is the last time we ever write to each other, so be it and goodbye. i want you to know that i will always remember you, now and forever more. please. . .well, no, dont forgive me. i dont have any right to ask that at all. 'till another time.
the disgusting and cheating sack of putrid shit,
dylan bauer
first off, i want to tell amanda that i feel like shit. i am not even going to try and compare my feelings of shit to your pain and heartbreak (?). i have been crying all day, i have been talking to my friends and telling them that i am shit, and that i am such a stupid person, and all that, and i have been most of all thinking of how much i love amanda. . .even though my actions may not have shown it.
okay, to begin: i cheated on amanda and we are now broken up. there is no way around this fact, for anyone, and i am now dealing with the consequences of that decision. i made this choice, and i am going to accept full responsibility for what i have done. now, i am not going to say who i cheated with, b/c it doesnt really matter, and for those of you who know, please do not mention the persons name. . .for both amanda's and that person's sake. the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone any more.
okay, so i cheated. i have only one thing to say about why i did this. . .i am in love with 2 people at the same time. i am. i have only found out this about myself today, when i was crying. i love amanda. whatever anyone thinks, this is the truth, its what i feel and know. i was torn apart by this breakup so much, i think that this has been the most difficult things i have ever been through. this was like losing a significant other. i am ashamed and i feel that i have wounded myself by hurting amanda, the beautiful and sweet girl that loved me. i have done two things this weekend that i had promised myself that i would never do. . .i cheated on someone and i hurt the person i was with. amanda, for hurting you, i am so sorry.
this journal entry is a way to begin to say "im sorry" to amanda, and to begin (i say begin twice because i am not able to fully appoligize and express my feelings to you (amanda) in one sitting, probably not in a weeks worth of sittings. i am a dickhead, a jackass, a prick, a fucking cheating bastard. this entry is also a way to tell amanda what i feel.
so, the last little bit is for amanda. . .i want to tell you my feelings. i want to talk to you, very badly. if you think you are able to talk to me, please find me. call me, approach me at work, write me a letter, an email. i miss you, and i still love you, and if it is still possible, i want to remain friends. i will write you a letter this weekend, after i (and you) have had time to think about this much much more. please respond in some way, even if it is angry. if this is the last time we ever write to each other, so be it and goodbye. i want you to know that i will always remember you, now and forever more. please. . .well, no, dont forgive me. i dont have any right to ask that at all. 'till another time.
the disgusting and cheating sack of putrid shit,
dylan bauer