The Black Cow is Life, Part I, G (There's some slight language)deifireSeptember 2 2015, 14:50:39 UTC
Text: (915):
I told you I was good to drive
(1-915):
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Another tale from the "ten years later" 'verse.
***
There was a cute girl at the counter of the World O’ Stuff that night. She looked up and smiled when Simon walked in.
Unfortunately, Simon wasn’t alone.
“See, I told you I was good to drive,” Marshall was saying.
“Yes, and you did a great job with that, Mars. Now just hand me the steering wheel.” Marshall looked at the paper plate in his hand, then reluctantly passed it over to Simon as they made their way toward the counter.
Dash X followed them. He tripped over his own coat on his way down the stairs. “I meant to do that,” he said. “That was all part of my cunning master plan. Clearly.”
Simon just sighed and helped him up.
“Beer?” Radford asked. He was already preparing three identical versions of the same order: one black cow with a nip of java.
“Angry pixies. The good news is, thanks to the heroic actions of my associates, that troop of missing Girl Scouts narrowly avoided getting hit with this same spell and are now safely on a bus back to Muncie. Also, we got paid. The bad news is,” here Simon raised his voice to be heard over Mars and Dash’s spontaneous rendition of “We Are the Champions” in several different keys, “this is going to take a while to wear off.”
“I see.” Radford set the black cows down on the counter.
“Yes!” said Marshall. “The black cow is life! Mooooo!”
“Moooo,” Dash agreed. “If I didn’t get one soon, I was going to die.”
“So you said twenty-seven times on the way over. Now drink them, so we can go home and you guys can sleep it off,” Simon ordered.
The cute girl laughed. She had long, brown hair and was wearing an Indiana University sweatshirt. She looked to be around Simon’s age, if not a little older. “You’re a good friend,” she said to him. “I’m Tiffany.”
“I’m Simon. These are Mars and Dash. They’re not usually like this.”
“Mars and Dash. Are those code names or something?”
Dash looked up from his cow with a highly offended expression. “No,” he said. Then to Marshall, “Hey, we should get code names.”
Marshall nodded. “Good idea. Yours can be Annoying Dumbass.”
“Funny, I was going to suggest the same for you. You know, I don’t think I like you very much.”
“You know, I don’t think I like you, either.”
“Remind me again why we live together?”
Mars appeared to ponder this. “Because you look cute wearing ice cream,” he said at last, before catapulting a spoonful into Dash’s face.
“Unfortunately, they’re usually exactly like this,” said Simon apologetically, before turning to face the other two. “Hey! What’s the policy on food fights?”
“Sorry,” Marshall said. He returned to sipping his cow. Dash who was about to launch his own spoonful of ice cream, dropped it and did likewise.
“So, I’m a little lost,” Tiffany said when Simon turned back to face her. “I’m supposed to meet some friends at the…Eerie Bait Shop and Sushi Bar? That’s gotta be a joke.”
It wasn’t, but Simon didn’t bother explaining. Instead, he said, “It’s actually not too far from here. I can walk with you, if you want.”
“Thanks, I’d really like that,” said Tiffany.
Simon glanced over at his associates, who were now earnestly debating whether or not “Mr. X” made a good code name for somebody who went around using that letter as a last name all the time.
“Um, Mr. Radford?” he said. “Would you mind keeping an eye on these two for, like, five minutes?”
“I don’t know,” said Radford. “Can you promise me nobody’s going to pass out on anything, throw up on anything, or shoplift anything?”
“Um…yes?”
Radford raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sure they’ll behave themselves for five whole minutes. Well, mostly sure.”
The eyebrow remained raised.
“You still owe us one for the thing with the possessed jukebox.”
Radford gave in. “Okay. I’m sure my best customers will be fine for five minutes.”
Simon turned to Marshall. “I will be right back. Stay here, okay?”
“’K,” said Marshall. “Can I have your black cow?”
“Yes,” said Simon. He left with the cute girl named Tiffany.
(915):
I told you I was good to drive
(1-915):
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Another tale from the "ten years later" 'verse.
***
There was a cute girl at the counter of the World O’ Stuff that night. She looked up and smiled when Simon walked in.
Unfortunately, Simon wasn’t alone.
“See, I told you I was good to drive,” Marshall was saying.
“Yes, and you did a great job with that, Mars. Now just hand me the steering wheel.” Marshall looked at the paper plate in his hand, then reluctantly passed it over to Simon as they made their way toward the counter.
Dash X followed them. He tripped over his own coat on his way down the stairs. “I meant to do that,” he said. “That was all part of my cunning master plan. Clearly.”
Simon just sighed and helped him up.
“Beer?” Radford asked. He was already preparing three identical versions of the same order: one black cow with a nip of java.
“Angry pixies. The good news is, thanks to the heroic actions of my associates, that troop of missing Girl Scouts narrowly avoided getting hit with this same spell and are now safely on a bus back to Muncie. Also, we got paid. The bad news is,” here Simon raised his voice to be heard over Mars and Dash’s spontaneous rendition of “We Are the Champions” in several different keys, “this is going to take a while to wear off.”
“I see.” Radford set the black cows down on the counter.
“Yes!” said Marshall. “The black cow is life! Mooooo!”
“Moooo,” Dash agreed. “If I didn’t get one soon, I was going to die.”
“So you said twenty-seven times on the way over. Now drink them, so we can go home and you guys can sleep it off,” Simon ordered.
The cute girl laughed. She had long, brown hair and was wearing an Indiana University sweatshirt. She looked to be around Simon’s age, if not a little older. “You’re a good friend,” she said to him. “I’m Tiffany.”
“I’m Simon. These are Mars and Dash. They’re not usually like this.”
“Mars and Dash. Are those code names or something?”
Dash looked up from his cow with a highly offended expression. “No,” he said. Then to Marshall, “Hey, we should get code names.”
Marshall nodded. “Good idea. Yours can be Annoying Dumbass.”
“Funny, I was going to suggest the same for you. You know, I don’t think I like you very much.”
“You know, I don’t think I like you, either.”
“Remind me again why we live together?”
Mars appeared to ponder this. “Because you look cute wearing ice cream,” he said at last, before catapulting a spoonful into Dash’s face.
“Unfortunately, they’re usually exactly like this,” said Simon apologetically, before turning to face the other two. “Hey! What’s the policy on food fights?”
“Sorry,” Marshall said. He returned to sipping his cow. Dash who was about to launch his own spoonful of ice cream, dropped it and did likewise.
“So, I’m a little lost,” Tiffany said when Simon turned back to face her. “I’m supposed to meet some friends at the…Eerie Bait Shop and Sushi Bar? That’s gotta be a joke.”
It wasn’t, but Simon didn’t bother explaining. Instead, he said, “It’s actually not too far from here. I can walk with you, if you want.”
“Thanks, I’d really like that,” said Tiffany.
Simon glanced over at his associates, who were now earnestly debating whether or not “Mr. X” made a good code name for somebody who went around using that letter as a last name all the time.
“Um, Mr. Radford?” he said. “Would you mind keeping an eye on these two for, like, five minutes?”
“I don’t know,” said Radford. “Can you promise me nobody’s going to pass out on anything, throw up on anything, or shoplift anything?”
“Um…yes?”
Radford raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sure they’ll behave themselves for five whole minutes. Well, mostly sure.”
The eyebrow remained raised.
“You still owe us one for the thing with the possessed jukebox.”
Radford gave in. “Okay. I’m sure my best customers will be fine for five minutes.”
Simon turned to Marshall. “I will be right back. Stay here, okay?”
“’K,” said Marshall. “Can I have your black cow?”
“Yes,” said Simon. He left with the cute girl named Tiffany.
***
[Stupid LJ comment length limit]
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i was already smiling at the text but what you did with it was AMAZING. and poor simon and his constantly disrespected policies!
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“So you said twenty-seven times on the way over.
Simon must have such love in his heart for these two... because otherwise hed have fucking murdered them years ago.
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