Mother's Day, K+yarol_2075August 30 2015, 18:13:35 UTC
The thing about selling your soul is that if you’re a minor? You have to get your parent or guardian’s permission. Now, not many demons and devils know this, after all it’s a handy training tool. Smart demons use the time to cultivate the potential seller. But what the rather dim demon who was trying to tempt Dash into selling his soul didn’t realize was that Dash had found out about that little tidbit of information.
So when the contract wouldn’t validate, the demon huffed and sent out a summoning to bring one of Dash’s parents to the old mill; it was nearly scared out of its skin when the Norse God of Mischief turned up. It disappeared is puff of smoke and fart of brimstone, leaving Dash gaping at an exceptionally beautiful man with gold red hair and eyes that couldn’t seem to settle on any one color at any given moment who face-palmed with groan.
“Did it ever occur to you that I stashed you here for your own protection?” Loki muttered as he gave his shocked son a hug.
“You’re my father?” Dash finally managed to get out.
“No, I’m your mother,” Loki said absently as he looked Dash up and down, tsking as he brushed away some dust from Dash’s shoulder, before fussing a little with Dash’s hair a little.
“So who is my mother really?” Dash asked still on auto-pilot.
Loki rolled his eyes, and sat them both down on a settee that had not been there a moment earlier.
“No, sweetie, I mean I am your mother,” Loki said very slowly, “before you ask, I don’t know who your father is. Yet. You were conceived at a wild party the Greek Pantheon was throwing for inter-deity understanding and I had had waaaay too much ambrosia.”
Dash was trying valiantly to wrap his mind the information and so grasped on to a bit that had made some sense.
“My own protection? You just dropped me in weirdsville with no home, no money and no name?” The God of Mischief looked uncomfortable and sad for a moment.
“Your oldest brother got thrown into the ocean, your second oldest brother is chained up with a sword in his mouth, and while it’s all well and good that your sister is the ruler of a realm, it doesn’t make for happy family moments when you’ve got dead people all fussing at you for news of their more heroic relatives when you visit,” as he handed Dash a cup of hot chocolate, “I don’t want to announce your birth until I get your paternity settled. Hopefully it’s someone Odin doesn’t want to piss off, or a relative of someone Odin doesn’t want to piss off. Honestly Odin is the worst blood brother."
“A name’s a powerful thing, Child, and I’m not giving you one until I’m certain no one can use it to find you or harm you,” Loki carefully explained, as he placed a kiss from scarred lips on Dash’s forehead, “and if you believe one thing, and only one thing, then believe this; you are safer here in ‘weirdsville’ then you would be in any other place in the nine realms. Now,” he said as he stood up and dusted himself off, “I have a demon to catch before he goes blabbing all over the place about you.”
Then he was gone, leaving Dash to make sense of what he had just learned.
Re: Mother's Day, K+lipstickcatAugust 30 2015, 20:41:30 UTC
This is so wonderful. I was beaming at just the premise set up in the second sentence and then it went off in a completely unexpected direction and just got even better.
Re: Mother's Day, K+eviinsanemonkeyAugust 30 2015, 23:31:00 UTC
OR
ORRRR
WHAT IF HIS DAD IS ZEUS?!
AND HERA'S LIKE "FUCK THIS NOISE. Take responsibility for where you put your fun stick!"
And Zeus is like "LA DI FUCK I"M ZEUS"
So Hera's like. "I'M DONE!" and she decides to Parent Dash on her own because Loki is fucking Loki and Zeus is a useless sack of...Zeus.
And Dash is like UBER CONFUSED because he's pretty sure based on what Loki told him that this TERRIFYING woman is his father and he's like "OH FUCK" 'cause if more kids fathers were like Hera....
So when the contract wouldn’t validate, the demon huffed and sent out a summoning to bring one of Dash’s parents to the old mill; it was nearly scared out of its skin when the Norse God of Mischief turned up. It disappeared is puff of smoke and fart of brimstone, leaving Dash gaping at an exceptionally beautiful man with gold red hair and eyes that couldn’t seem to settle on any one color at any given moment who face-palmed with groan.
“Did it ever occur to you that I stashed you here for your own protection?” Loki muttered as he gave his shocked son a hug.
“You’re my father?” Dash finally managed to get out.
“No, I’m your mother,” Loki said absently as he looked Dash up and down, tsking as he brushed away some dust from Dash’s shoulder, before fussing a little with Dash’s hair a little.
“So who is my mother really?” Dash asked still on auto-pilot.
Loki rolled his eyes, and sat them both down on a settee that had not been there a moment earlier.
“No, sweetie, I mean I am your mother,” Loki said very slowly, “before you ask, I don’t know who your father is. Yet. You were conceived at a wild party the Greek Pantheon was throwing for inter-deity understanding and I had had waaaay too much ambrosia.”
Dash was trying valiantly to wrap his mind the information and so grasped on to a bit that had made some sense.
“My own protection? You just dropped me in weirdsville with no home, no money and no name?”
The God of Mischief looked uncomfortable and sad for a moment.
“Your oldest brother got thrown into the ocean, your second oldest brother is chained up with a sword in his mouth, and while it’s all well and good that your sister is the ruler of a realm, it doesn’t make for happy family moments when you’ve got dead people all fussing at you for news of their more heroic relatives when you visit,” as he handed Dash a cup of hot chocolate, “I don’t want to announce your birth until I get your paternity settled. Hopefully it’s someone Odin doesn’t want to piss off, or a relative of someone Odin doesn’t want to piss off. Honestly Odin is the worst blood brother."
“A name’s a powerful thing, Child, and I’m not giving you one until I’m certain no one can use it to find you or harm you,” Loki carefully explained, as he placed a kiss from scarred lips on Dash’s forehead, “and if you believe one thing, and only one thing, then believe this; you are safer here in ‘weirdsville’ then you would be in any other place in the nine realms. Now,” he said as he stood up and dusted himself off, “I have a demon to catch before he goes blabbing all over the place about you.”
Then he was gone, leaving Dash to make sense of what he had just learned.
Reply
my.
GOD
THIS IS FANTASTIC
and hilarious.
AND OMFG I LOVE IT
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Because:
A) SUPER DRUNK LOKI
B) I FUCKING LOVE HAPHAESTUS
C) My headcanon of Dash is good with technology thing.
Reply
Reply
Reply
and yes, I think hera could use some fun. she spends most of her time being cheated on and getting sour about it - she deserves to cut lose
Reply
ORRRR
WHAT IF HIS DAD IS ZEUS?!
AND HERA'S LIKE "FUCK THIS NOISE. Take responsibility for where you put your fun stick!"
And Zeus is like "LA DI FUCK I"M ZEUS"
So Hera's like. "I'M DONE!" and she decides to Parent Dash on her own because Loki is fucking Loki and Zeus is a useless sack of...Zeus.
And Dash is like UBER CONFUSED because he's pretty sure based on what Loki told him that this TERRIFYING woman is his father and he's like "OH FUCK" 'cause if more kids fathers were like Hera....
well.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment