Dear Narcissus Boy-4/?-TVD fic
Title: Dear Narcissus Boy
Author: Eena_Angel2001
Rating: M
Disclaimer: TVD belongs to Smith.
Spoilers: General S1 Spoilers, starting specifically with ‘You’re Undead to Me’.
Summary: She will fight, claw, scratch, and (now) bite to be free of him . . .
Warnings: Violence, Sexual situations (but nothing explicit)
Notes: Response to the “What if Damon turned Caroline instead of Vicki?” question floating around LJ.
Notes2: Title from Alanis Morisette’s “Narcissus” from her album Under Rug Swept.
~O~
~O~O~
~O~O~O~
Chapter Four: Final Hour
The low hum of the fluorescent lights is broken up only by the occasional drip-drip of water hitting the tiled floor. It’s an odd sort of quiet, one that seems artificial. It’s hard to believe that she’s really here, and she knows what the problem is. She hears the hum of the lights, the drip of the water, but she doesn’t hear herself breathing.
She’s not breathing.
It’s a nice bathroom, all dark wood and granite top. The sink is bone-white with an ornate dark gold faucet that is all curved and embellished with carvings. The mirror is one of those old-fashioned oval ones, framed in that same dark gold as the faucet. It doesn’t have a shower, only a large bathtub that matches the sink. The only out-of-place object would have to be the lights. The bathroom was too nice to have the same fluorescent tube lights they used at the school.
She hates fluorescent lights. It’s hard to look good under them, especially when you’re already fair-haired and fair-skinned. And now, it’s worse. Her skin is whiter than before, a paleness that is not flattering in the least. She looks ill, or maybe like an albino. She’s not sure which is worse. She doesn’t want to sound snobby, but the only albino she’s ever seen is that crazy-monk-killer in the Da Vinci Code (Bonnie made her watch it) and he was, well you know, crazy.
Usually she can make this lighting work for her. She’s spent the last three years playing with makeup and colours to make herself presentable under those lights. The key is in keeping the blush light and to play up the natural colour in her cheeks. Colour that comes from the blood under the surface.
Caroline leans closer to the mirror and stares at her cheeks. They’re pale and colourless. She tries pinching them, slapping them, huffing and puffing rapidly-but nothing will bring the colour back.
She supposes that it never will come back.
Caroline steps away from the mirror, feet splashing in the puddle of water she has left on the floor. Stefan suggested she clean herself up and she has just spent about an hour doing that. Now she’s just standing there, dripping water onto the floor, staring at her reflection. The changes are subtle, but she sees them. The lack of colour in her cheeks, the absence of the rise and fall of her chest, the chill of her skin-all the trappings of a walking corpse.
She starts rummaging through the drawers, soon finding a comb. She runs it through her damp hair, de-tangling all the knots. Done, she replaces the comb and looks uncertainly at the robe Stefan has left for her. He sent her in here without anything to change into, though he promised he would find something. She could hear him, pacing the floor of his room just beyond the door. She wonders if he’s gone and done just that. Certainly, she’s been in here for a while and he’s fast enough to have come and gone at least five times. Caroline isn’t sure why he bothered to offer in the first place. Stefan seems pretty sure that she wouldn’t (or rather, that she shouldn’t choose to) live out the night. He gave her a whole bunch of reasons, but all she understood was that he thought she should die.
Maybe she should. The alternative isn’t that appealing. Yeah, there’s the whole living forever thing, but it isn’t free. No more sunlight, no more friends or family, no more cheerleading, no more college, no more future-none of the stuff she had been dreaming of for years. No wedding, no awesome husband, no adorable blonde toddlers, no amazing career-nothing. It’s all gone. There’s nothing left but blood, eternity, and . . . Damon.
She shudders, just thinking his name. The fear is back, but it’s barely covering the anger. The outrage has been building since her enlightening conversation with Stefan and above all things, she wants to know just who he thinks he is! Her life was never his business, but he’s gone and taken it all the same.
There’s knocking on the door. “Caroline?” Stefan calls from the other side. “You okay?”
No Stefan; she is most certainly not okay. She’s standing naked in Stefan Salvatore’s bathroom and she can’t even enjoy the idea of it because she’s dead. Another flare of red-hot rage shoots through her belly before the shock comes back and squashes it.
What good would it do anyway?
She grabs the too-big robe and pulls it on. She walks to the door, where Stefan’s still knocking lightly, taking a moment to kick at her ruined bikini. She never wants to see the pink thing again. Of course, she just might get her wish.
She opens the door and Stefan stops knocking immediately. By the time she gets the door fully open, he’s already on the other side of the room, standing in front of his bed. She can see some white bags on the floor and he’s looking nervously at something that she assumes is for her. Caroline clutches the robe close to her body, out of anxiety rather than the cold. She hasn’t felt cold since she woke up.
“I didn’t know . . . I just guessed for most of it,” Stefan mumbles as she approaches. He’s really uncomfortable and a glance at the bed reveals why. She feels her lips quirk up in the beginnings of a smile. The image of Stefan wandering the underwear aisle in the women’s section is too funny for words.
He catches her smile and gives an embarrassed chuckle. “I just went for comfort,” he says, showing her the track pants and plain white t-shirt he got her. “Also, the cap and the glasses are for you. You’re going to need to cover your hair when we go.”
Of course she has to. Damon’s done such a fine job of covering his tracks that the whole town is out in the woods looking for her. She thinks back to the flashes of the morning news, seeing Logan Fell looking pale and distressed while telling the citizens of Mystic Falls about her disappearance. There’s mention of a wild animal attack and a ‘group of unfortunate souls’ who fell victim to the creature. There’s no mention of the fact that she’s Caroline Forbes, so what the hell would she be doing out in the woods with a bunch of druggie losers? Damon laughed at her when she asked this, going on about how he’s a genius and Vicki Donovan finally proved to be good for something. She doesn’t care to find out what he means exactly. The sound of his laughter is enough to remind her of the night before and how he laughed while she was bleeding out on the floor.
That’s the point when Stefan drags her back upstairs and suggests she clean up. He talks about having to take care of a few things, but she refuses to be left alone with Damon for any amount of time. So he agrees to take her along and pushes her towards the bathroom to clean up.
She runs her hands over the clothes, hating how dull and drab they are while knowing that she has bigger problems. And it’s not Stefan’s fault that the clothes are dull and boring. He’s shopping for her with discretion on his mind, not the high label standards of Caroline Forbes. It’s beyond stupid to care so much about the cheap clothes, but she feels tears gathering in the corners of her eyes nonetheless.
“Caroline?” Stefan sounds worried. He puts a hand on her shoulder and she does her best not to flinch. She turns her head away, not wanting him to see her crying over something so trivial.
“I’m okay,” she assures him, blindly gathering the clothes into her arms. “I’ll just go change.”
She escapes to the bathroom with further interruption. She shuts the door behind her, knows that it offers only the flimsiest barrier between her and Stefan. But it’s solid and hard enough to give her a sense of privacy. She sinks to the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest. She rests her forehead on her knees and lets herself cry once again.
Five minutes later, she wipes her cheeks and gets dressed.
~O~O~O~
The town’s organizing a search for her and it kind of makes her feel good to hear so many people are volunteering to look for her. Stefan’s worried about putting in an appearance, but she agrees that he has to. Her mother’s on the warpath, and she’ll notice any suspicious absences. The boyfriend of one of Caroline’s best friend failing to show up for the search would definitely qualify.
He drives her to a secluded part of the woods and asks her to hide. He promises to return within the hour, and she nods. In all honesty, she’s happy to be there by herself for a short while. Damon can’t follow them out here because of his ring (she still doesn’t understand how a ring protects him from the sun, but Stefan says it’s magic and tells her not to worry about it). Stefan’s been doing his best, but she’s tired of him by now. He can’t help but remind her of Damon, and of everything that’s coming. She just wants some time to sit alone and contemplate what might be the last day of her life.
A part of her wants to run home anyway, to show her mother what Damon has done to her. She can envision her mother leading the torch-bearing mob down to the Salvatore Boarding house. But that image also gives her pause. She isn’t sure how her mother will react to seeing her daughter as a walking dead girl. What if she’s disgusted, or scared?
She knows she’s a coward, but she can’t stand the thought that her mother would look at her like that. If she’s going to die today, she prefers to go with the image of her mother caring about her rather than being afraid of her. It’s entirely selfish, but she can’t change how she feels.
Stefan returns shortly, softly calling her name. She leaves her hiding spot (crouching behind some bushes) and goes to meet him. Stefan smiles in relief to see her, but she can’t process his smile because he’s got company.
Elena looks a mess. Her eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles under her eyes. Her nose is red and shiny, as are her cheeks. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days and just spent a good hour or so crying her heart out. Caroline’s throat wells up at the sight of her friend, her legs threatening to collapse underneath her. Elena gives a heart-wrenching sob and flies at Caroline. Soon the two girls are kneeling on the ground, arms locked tightly around each other, tears flowing steadily.
Stefan steps back to give them a moment. Caroline can barely keep up with events, clutching Elena tightly to herself knowing that this might be their last meeting. The passing of time suddenly seems like it’s too fast, because less than a day to make this kind of decision isn’t enough. Caroline buries her head into Elena’s shoulder and tries to stop her tears, tries to force time to stop through sheer will. Maybe if she stays here, with Elena like this, the day will stop along with her.
When it happens, she’s too slow to pick up on it. She remembers hugging Elena, resting her head on the other girl’s shoulder. She remembers pulling Elena closer and closer because she’s just so scared at that time. But then she goes from sobbing on Elena’s shoulder to sniffing at her neck in an instant. She breathes in deep, tears stopping as she considers how nice her friend smells. The ache starts in her belly, a slow throb that suddenly explodes and Caroline is starving!
Elena changes in one second from friend to meal and Caroline screams as she throws herself away from the other girl. Elena shouts in alarm, calling her name and trying to scramble after her. Stefan is there and she sees the understanding in his eyes. It makes her feel ashamed, but no less panicked because Elena is still trying to reach her.
“Don’t!” Stefan’s trying to hold Elena back, but she’s not listening. She’s worried about Caroline, terrified for Caroline, and doesn’t understand what’s wrong now. Caroline is frantically trying to get far enough away so she can calm herself down and the woods are suddenly small and suffocating.
“You smell like food!” she finally screams, her voice cutting through the air like shards of glass. Elena stops fighting, stops demanding, and just stops right there. Her breath is caught in her throat and suddenly Elena gets it. She understands the finality of it. Her face is easy to read and in that moment, Elena goes from worrying about Caroline to mourning her.
Stefan stands uncertainly between the two girls. She sees that he wants to comfort Elena, but isn’t sure how she will take it. He turns to her and Caroline sees pity there, along with sympathy. He knows all about this; he’s gone through it himself. It’s only a second later that he makes up his mind, kneeling in front of Caroline and looking deep into her eyes.
“My teeth hurt,” she mutters pitifully. He nods, bares his teeth and points to the canines. She nods in agreement.
“They’re trying to grow,” he explains. “It’s easier to get a good grasp.”
This brings to mind images of Caroline latched onto Elena’s throat and Caroline’s disgusted with herself. Stefan suggests that they move, in case any of the other searchers heard them. It’s such a lame excuse, because he’s explained all the heightened senses and whatever to her before. Stefan will hear anyone approaching way before they could see her. It’s one of the reasons why he agreed to take her out.
Elena’s crying again, but it’s quiet and she’s trying to hide it from Caroline. Caroline makes a deliberate choice to walk a good distance away from Stefan and Elena, whilst still following. Stefan leads them to the remains of a house. He tells them it used to be his house and then he starts in on this long story of the days of yore. He talks about his father, about Damon going to war, about some orphan girl named Katherine, and (for no apparent reason) how Damon taught him to play football. Caroline gets that Stefan’s trying to show them what his life was like, how he and Damon used to get along, but she doesn’t care. She can’t help but feel like it’s his way of saying ‘See? He wasn’t so bad, once upon a time. That’s why I put up with him now, even though he’s all homicidal and totally ruined Caroline’s life’.
She’s being unfair, but she can’t help it. Her gums itch and her heart hurts because she just wants to go home and be safe. But all this talk is just reminding her of how quickly the day is passing and she’s going to be dead soon. And it’s a forever thing, no matter what road she takes.
She can’t even get comfort from the one friend who knows because she’s afraid that she’ll just end up attacking Elena. The tension is still there and she knows that Elena is looking at her with that forlorn look. It makes her want to cry and scream and do something violent because it’s all so unfair.
Stefan’s still talking as he starts digging. She’s confused by the change of pace and catches up with his story. Katherine the orphan was actually Katherine the vampire and (woe) she turns the brothers against one another. She’s gone now, because the Founding Families caught onto the vampire game and killed her. Her and twenty-six other vampires that were apparently whooping it up in Mystic Falls. This is just unbelievable. All those vampires, looking for a place to party (or whatever vampires do), and they pick Mystic Falls? She would have picked New York, or someplace classier.
Elena’s having a hard time absorbing all this. Her eyes are all glassy and wide, and she shakes her head a lot. Caroline knows these to be Classic-Elena-I-Don’t-Get-It signs. Of course, Elena’s not that airheaded. She gets it; she just doesn’t want to accept it. But with Caroline, walking dead girl extraordinaire, right before her, Elena can’t deny it.
It’s a lot to take in, especially the part where Stefan starts talking about the Founders’ Council. They still have that council today; Caroline’s mom is on it. Stefan’s going on like the present Council knows everything about vampires, just like the past Council. Apparently they keep track of vampire attacks in town and deal with the issue. If that’s the case, Caroline figures the current Council has just earned itself a gigantic FAIL. Damon’s been running around this town for months, and hell, he’s even been to the Founders’ Ball. Shouldn’t vampire experts know a vampire when they see one?
Stefan says it’s harder than it looks. She understands a bit, because she didn’t get it until early this morning (and only after Damon had already killed her), but still. She’s feeling surly and blaming everyone around for being ignorant fools makes her feel . . . well, not better, but she wants to do it anyway.
The sun is coming down when they start heading back. Elena’s still staring at her and trying hard to make it seem like she wasn’t staring. Caroline’s still a good distance away, because this is getting scarier instead of better and what if she attacks Elena? Stefan walks between the two of them, Damon’s ring in his pocket, and not one of his hundred plus years helping him find something to say.
Elena’s followed Stefan here in his car and she wants to follow them back to the Salvatore house. Stefan doesn’t think that’s a good idea, but Elena doesn’t care. She doesn’t care if she can’t be too close to Caroline without provoking the other girl’s hunger. If this is Caroline Forbes’s last day on earth, Elena Gilbert will be with her.
Caroline knows Elena’s trying to be a good friend. And dying with only the Salvatores for company doesn’t sit well with her. But the argument is wearing on her last nerve and doesn’t anyone care what she thinks?
She’s leaning against a tree with her eyes closed as she waits for them to finish. She kind of drifts off for a while and comes back to herself when she feels someone shaking her gently. Caroline snaps back to reality, seeing Stefan leaning into her, worry etched on his face.
“Just tired,” she says quickly. The implication of her words hit her a few seconds after and watching Stefan’s face fall just confirms it. Caroline thinks about it and notices that, yes, she is feeling tired. She hasn’t felt tired at all today, not really. It’s just been about the emotional drain this day, but now it was different. Her limbs are feeling heavy and her eyes want to close. It’s like being sleepy and her body’s more than ready to just rest already.
But this isn’t a cry for naptime. This is something much more permanent. She feels the panic come back as she stares at Stefan’s face and it’s just too soon.
“No!” the word forces itself out of her throat and she pushes Stefan away from her. She’s running in the second, Elena’s screams and Stefan’s shouts behind her. She doesn’t know where she’s going-just that she needs to go. She’s crashing through the woods, batting branches out her way, feet constantly tripping over themselves-all in a desperate attempt to get away.
But this isn’t a problem she can outrun. The energy she received at the shock of her impending demise eventually peters out. Soon she’s barely able to stumble around upright, the cuts and scrapes all over her body starting to hurt painfully, and then she falls.
Tears come; huge, frightened sobs escape her as she lays there on the ground. She cries for what seems like hours, cries for everything that she’s losing and everything she’s being denied. She cries because she’s alone, tired, and she wants her parents here to hold her. She cries because she wants someone to make it right, but it can’t be made right. She cries because she’s dying and it’s wrong.
Stefan finds her; he’s probably been just behind her this entire time. His hand appears on her shoulder and, instead of being comforted, his presence makes her cry harder. She makes no move to right herself, feels that she could just lay there and cry until her body shuts all the way down. He turns her over after a bit, arms sliding under her body and pulling her into a sitting position. He settles her back against a tree, but keeps his arms around her. She doesn’t want to look at him, keeps her eyes closed and the tears flowing even as he rocks her gently.
“I’m sorry,” he says sometime later. This makes her open her eyes so she can glare at him. She doesn’t want pity; she wants someone to fix it, but he’s not that someone.
“It’s not enough,” she shrieks suddenly. Her hands ball up into fists and then she’s hitting him over and over again. It doesn’t faze him, so he lets it continue. His quiet expectance drives her out of her mind with rage and she grabs him by the shirt and shakes him. “It’s not enough! Sixteen years is not enough! It can’t be over! How is it over? Sixteen is nothing! I want more; I deserve more. How could he-just took it away-how could he-how . . . How could you let him?”
His head snaps to the side and then he turns back to her. Her assault hasn’t made a dent-it’s infuriating. “Caroline, you need to calm down. There’s someone near-“
She doesn’t care! She’s full of anger and she’s indignant and she deserves more! She keeps screaming, keeps hitting-even when he moves in front of her and grabs her fists, she keeps struggling. He’s torn between getting them safely away from intruders but also letting her get it all out of her system. He tries to pull her up gently, to move her away, but she drags her feet, kicking and clawing to be free.
Finally he snaps and he grabs her roughly by the shoulders and shakes. “Caroline!” he roars. “Do you want this? Do you?”
Night has fallen, but even in the dark she can see what he means. His eyes have bled black and red, there are hideous black veins all over his face, and his mouth . . . his lips are curled back and his teeth are monstrous. He’s a monster, a vampire, and it’s terrifying to look at.
She stares at him, eyes full of tears and defeat. She’s crying again, this time less hysterically than before. She shakes her head, because she doesn’t want it, it’s too frightening to want, and that means she has to die.
“I am sorry,” he says to her brokenly. “But we have to move.”
She agrees, because there’s nothing else for her to do. He releases her shoulders and grasps her hand. He’s in the process of pulling her to feet when there’s an explosive boom from behind them. Stefan jerks and something wet hits her face even as she begins to scream again. Soon Stefan’s crumpled up on the ground and she’s desperately shaking him. The wet substance on her face drips down and she catches a bit of it on her tongue. It’s blood-Stefan’s blood, and sure enough, her hands are also covered in it.
“Caroline?”
The voice is familiar, not just from years of watching him on the television, but also because she’s known him her whole life. Logan Fell used to babysit her; being the youngest member of the current generation of Founding Families, he used to babysit a lot of them. But she’s never seen him like this, shocked and confused, holding something gold object in one hand and a smoking gun in the other.
“Jesus, Caroline! Get away from him! Where have you been?” the questions start and they don’t stop. Logan’s beside her and trying to pull her away from Stefan. But she can’t leave Stefan, not when he’s obviously hurt and making these scary gurgling noises. And she doesn’t understand why Logan has a gun, can only scream at him when he brings it up and points it at Stefan again.
Something blurs through the woods and hits Logan, sending him flying back. Logan’s still got a grip on Caroline when this happens, so she goes along for the ride. They travel back a few feet, Caroline hitting the ground with Logan on top of her. She pushes him off her frantically, flipping them so that now she’s on top. Logan’s staring at her with wide blue eyes and it takes her a second to realize he’s not blinking. He’s dead, just that like, and Caroline’s mind goes blank.
She looks back to Stefan and sees Damon standing over him. She should be worried about that; she should be trying to help Stefan. She should be doing something to stop Damon because he’s a killer and he’s just killed Logan Fell, her old babysitter, and now he’s doing something to Stefan.
But Logan’s been cut open and there’s blood everywhere. It’s not like when Stefan was shot. That blood hadn’t affected her at all, other than scaring her with its sudden appearance. Logan’s blood is different. It smells like blood usually does, but she finds it alluring now. It makes her stomach growl and her gums itch once more. It’s like with Elena, only a hundred times stronger. Her brain stutters and falters and the blood clouds her consciousness. She lowers her head to the wound on Logan’s chest, knowing she should be disgusted but not caring because it smells so good. It’s like she hasn’t eaten in years, like she’s suddenly starving and parched at the same time, and the blood just calls to her.
Her tongue flicks out and laps at the blood. The metallic taste hits her tongue and her taste-buds explode. It’s the most delicious thing she’s ever had and she needs more. Whatever restraint she’s had, she loses it in a second. Eagerly, she pushes her mouth to the wound and starts sucking. The blood keeps coming, filling her mouth and sliding down her throat in a hot flood. She feels her eyes crossing, it’s just so good, and she wants more. She needs more!
She feels hands grasping her by the shoulder, trying to pull her back. She fights them, struggles to get closer to the precious blood just pumping out of Logan’s body. But her assailant is stronger than she is and with one hard tug, she’s pulled away. She fights at first, kicking and scratching, but then she’s thrown back. She hits a tree and the pain of impact clears her senses and suddenly her mind’s working again.
Stefan’s standing in front of her, breathing hard and green eyes burning with intensity. His eyes drop to her lips and then they darken just a bit. Caroline swallows nervously, not liking the greedy look that flitters across Stefan’s face for one second, and she wipes her hand across her mouth. It comes back feeling wet and sticky. She looks down at it, sees that it’s red with blood, and then it hits her that she was just drinking Logan Fell’s blood.
Her mouth opens to scream, but no sounds come out. Her stomach churns and she wants to throw up, to get it out of her. But her body isn’t listening, won’t comply with her horror and disgust. The blood hits in her belly, warming her and chasing away the cold touch of death. Caroline takes in a couple deep breaths, eyes watering under the disappointed look on Stefan’s face.
“Oops.”
This comes from behind Stefan. Stefan turns around and she sees Damon standing over Logan’s body, fiddling with the ring Stefan had dug up that afternoon. He slips it onto his finger and then hops over Logan’s body, already dismissing the corpse as insignificant. His eyes flash her way and he starts beaming at her like he’s proud or something. He claps a seething Stefan on the back and winks at her.
“Looks like I’ve got my own personal immortal cheerleader. Don’t pout Stefan; I promise I’ll share.”
Stefan growls and Caroline turns her head away and cries.
~O~O~O~
Author: Eena_Angel2001
Rating: M
Disclaimer: TVD belongs to Smith.
Spoilers: General S1 Spoilers, starting specifically with ‘You’re Undead to Me’.
Summary: She will fight, claw, scratch, and (now) bite to be free of him . . .
Warnings: Violence, Sexual situations (but nothing explicit)
Notes: Response to the “What if Damon turned Caroline instead of Vicki?” question floating around LJ.
Notes2: Title from Alanis Morisette’s “Narcissus” from her album Under Rug Swept.
~O~
~O~O~
~O~O~O~
Chapter Four: Final Hour
The low hum of the fluorescent lights is broken up only by the occasional drip-drip of water hitting the tiled floor. It’s an odd sort of quiet, one that seems artificial. It’s hard to believe that she’s really here, and she knows what the problem is. She hears the hum of the lights, the drip of the water, but she doesn’t hear herself breathing.
She’s not breathing.
It’s a nice bathroom, all dark wood and granite top. The sink is bone-white with an ornate dark gold faucet that is all curved and embellished with carvings. The mirror is one of those old-fashioned oval ones, framed in that same dark gold as the faucet. It doesn’t have a shower, only a large bathtub that matches the sink. The only out-of-place object would have to be the lights. The bathroom was too nice to have the same fluorescent tube lights they used at the school.
She hates fluorescent lights. It’s hard to look good under them, especially when you’re already fair-haired and fair-skinned. And now, it’s worse. Her skin is whiter than before, a paleness that is not flattering in the least. She looks ill, or maybe like an albino. She’s not sure which is worse. She doesn’t want to sound snobby, but the only albino she’s ever seen is that crazy-monk-killer in the Da Vinci Code (Bonnie made her watch it) and he was, well you know, crazy.
Usually she can make this lighting work for her. She’s spent the last three years playing with makeup and colours to make herself presentable under those lights. The key is in keeping the blush light and to play up the natural colour in her cheeks. Colour that comes from the blood under the surface.
Caroline leans closer to the mirror and stares at her cheeks. They’re pale and colourless. She tries pinching them, slapping them, huffing and puffing rapidly-but nothing will bring the colour back.
She supposes that it never will come back.
Caroline steps away from the mirror, feet splashing in the puddle of water she has left on the floor. Stefan suggested she clean herself up and she has just spent about an hour doing that. Now she’s just standing there, dripping water onto the floor, staring at her reflection. The changes are subtle, but she sees them. The lack of colour in her cheeks, the absence of the rise and fall of her chest, the chill of her skin-all the trappings of a walking corpse.
She starts rummaging through the drawers, soon finding a comb. She runs it through her damp hair, de-tangling all the knots. Done, she replaces the comb and looks uncertainly at the robe Stefan has left for her. He sent her in here without anything to change into, though he promised he would find something. She could hear him, pacing the floor of his room just beyond the door. She wonders if he’s gone and done just that. Certainly, she’s been in here for a while and he’s fast enough to have come and gone at least five times. Caroline isn’t sure why he bothered to offer in the first place. Stefan seems pretty sure that she wouldn’t (or rather, that she shouldn’t choose to) live out the night. He gave her a whole bunch of reasons, but all she understood was that he thought she should die.
Maybe she should. The alternative isn’t that appealing. Yeah, there’s the whole living forever thing, but it isn’t free. No more sunlight, no more friends or family, no more cheerleading, no more college, no more future-none of the stuff she had been dreaming of for years. No wedding, no awesome husband, no adorable blonde toddlers, no amazing career-nothing. It’s all gone. There’s nothing left but blood, eternity, and . . . Damon.
She shudders, just thinking his name. The fear is back, but it’s barely covering the anger. The outrage has been building since her enlightening conversation with Stefan and above all things, she wants to know just who he thinks he is! Her life was never his business, but he’s gone and taken it all the same.
There’s knocking on the door. “Caroline?” Stefan calls from the other side. “You okay?”
No Stefan; she is most certainly not okay. She’s standing naked in Stefan Salvatore’s bathroom and she can’t even enjoy the idea of it because she’s dead. Another flare of red-hot rage shoots through her belly before the shock comes back and squashes it.
What good would it do anyway?
She grabs the too-big robe and pulls it on. She walks to the door, where Stefan’s still knocking lightly, taking a moment to kick at her ruined bikini. She never wants to see the pink thing again. Of course, she just might get her wish.
She opens the door and Stefan stops knocking immediately. By the time she gets the door fully open, he’s already on the other side of the room, standing in front of his bed. She can see some white bags on the floor and he’s looking nervously at something that she assumes is for her. Caroline clutches the robe close to her body, out of anxiety rather than the cold. She hasn’t felt cold since she woke up.
“I didn’t know . . . I just guessed for most of it,” Stefan mumbles as she approaches. He’s really uncomfortable and a glance at the bed reveals why. She feels her lips quirk up in the beginnings of a smile. The image of Stefan wandering the underwear aisle in the women’s section is too funny for words.
He catches her smile and gives an embarrassed chuckle. “I just went for comfort,” he says, showing her the track pants and plain white t-shirt he got her. “Also, the cap and the glasses are for you. You’re going to need to cover your hair when we go.”
Of course she has to. Damon’s done such a fine job of covering his tracks that the whole town is out in the woods looking for her. She thinks back to the flashes of the morning news, seeing Logan Fell looking pale and distressed while telling the citizens of Mystic Falls about her disappearance. There’s mention of a wild animal attack and a ‘group of unfortunate souls’ who fell victim to the creature. There’s no mention of the fact that she’s Caroline Forbes, so what the hell would she be doing out in the woods with a bunch of druggie losers? Damon laughed at her when she asked this, going on about how he’s a genius and Vicki Donovan finally proved to be good for something. She doesn’t care to find out what he means exactly. The sound of his laughter is enough to remind her of the night before and how he laughed while she was bleeding out on the floor.
That’s the point when Stefan drags her back upstairs and suggests she clean up. He talks about having to take care of a few things, but she refuses to be left alone with Damon for any amount of time. So he agrees to take her along and pushes her towards the bathroom to clean up.
She runs her hands over the clothes, hating how dull and drab they are while knowing that she has bigger problems. And it’s not Stefan’s fault that the clothes are dull and boring. He’s shopping for her with discretion on his mind, not the high label standards of Caroline Forbes. It’s beyond stupid to care so much about the cheap clothes, but she feels tears gathering in the corners of her eyes nonetheless.
“Caroline?” Stefan sounds worried. He puts a hand on her shoulder and she does her best not to flinch. She turns her head away, not wanting him to see her crying over something so trivial.
“I’m okay,” she assures him, blindly gathering the clothes into her arms. “I’ll just go change.”
She escapes to the bathroom with further interruption. She shuts the door behind her, knows that it offers only the flimsiest barrier between her and Stefan. But it’s solid and hard enough to give her a sense of privacy. She sinks to the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest. She rests her forehead on her knees and lets herself cry once again.
Five minutes later, she wipes her cheeks and gets dressed.
~O~O~O~
The town’s organizing a search for her and it kind of makes her feel good to hear so many people are volunteering to look for her. Stefan’s worried about putting in an appearance, but she agrees that he has to. Her mother’s on the warpath, and she’ll notice any suspicious absences. The boyfriend of one of Caroline’s best friend failing to show up for the search would definitely qualify.
He drives her to a secluded part of the woods and asks her to hide. He promises to return within the hour, and she nods. In all honesty, she’s happy to be there by herself for a short while. Damon can’t follow them out here because of his ring (she still doesn’t understand how a ring protects him from the sun, but Stefan says it’s magic and tells her not to worry about it). Stefan’s been doing his best, but she’s tired of him by now. He can’t help but remind her of Damon, and of everything that’s coming. She just wants some time to sit alone and contemplate what might be the last day of her life.
A part of her wants to run home anyway, to show her mother what Damon has done to her. She can envision her mother leading the torch-bearing mob down to the Salvatore Boarding house. But that image also gives her pause. She isn’t sure how her mother will react to seeing her daughter as a walking dead girl. What if she’s disgusted, or scared?
She knows she’s a coward, but she can’t stand the thought that her mother would look at her like that. If she’s going to die today, she prefers to go with the image of her mother caring about her rather than being afraid of her. It’s entirely selfish, but she can’t change how she feels.
Stefan returns shortly, softly calling her name. She leaves her hiding spot (crouching behind some bushes) and goes to meet him. Stefan smiles in relief to see her, but she can’t process his smile because he’s got company.
Elena looks a mess. Her eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles under her eyes. Her nose is red and shiny, as are her cheeks. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days and just spent a good hour or so crying her heart out. Caroline’s throat wells up at the sight of her friend, her legs threatening to collapse underneath her. Elena gives a heart-wrenching sob and flies at Caroline. Soon the two girls are kneeling on the ground, arms locked tightly around each other, tears flowing steadily.
Stefan steps back to give them a moment. Caroline can barely keep up with events, clutching Elena tightly to herself knowing that this might be their last meeting. The passing of time suddenly seems like it’s too fast, because less than a day to make this kind of decision isn’t enough. Caroline buries her head into Elena’s shoulder and tries to stop her tears, tries to force time to stop through sheer will. Maybe if she stays here, with Elena like this, the day will stop along with her.
When it happens, she’s too slow to pick up on it. She remembers hugging Elena, resting her head on the other girl’s shoulder. She remembers pulling Elena closer and closer because she’s just so scared at that time. But then she goes from sobbing on Elena’s shoulder to sniffing at her neck in an instant. She breathes in deep, tears stopping as she considers how nice her friend smells. The ache starts in her belly, a slow throb that suddenly explodes and Caroline is starving!
Elena changes in one second from friend to meal and Caroline screams as she throws herself away from the other girl. Elena shouts in alarm, calling her name and trying to scramble after her. Stefan is there and she sees the understanding in his eyes. It makes her feel ashamed, but no less panicked because Elena is still trying to reach her.
“Don’t!” Stefan’s trying to hold Elena back, but she’s not listening. She’s worried about Caroline, terrified for Caroline, and doesn’t understand what’s wrong now. Caroline is frantically trying to get far enough away so she can calm herself down and the woods are suddenly small and suffocating.
“You smell like food!” she finally screams, her voice cutting through the air like shards of glass. Elena stops fighting, stops demanding, and just stops right there. Her breath is caught in her throat and suddenly Elena gets it. She understands the finality of it. Her face is easy to read and in that moment, Elena goes from worrying about Caroline to mourning her.
Stefan stands uncertainly between the two girls. She sees that he wants to comfort Elena, but isn’t sure how she will take it. He turns to her and Caroline sees pity there, along with sympathy. He knows all about this; he’s gone through it himself. It’s only a second later that he makes up his mind, kneeling in front of Caroline and looking deep into her eyes.
“My teeth hurt,” she mutters pitifully. He nods, bares his teeth and points to the canines. She nods in agreement.
“They’re trying to grow,” he explains. “It’s easier to get a good grasp.”
This brings to mind images of Caroline latched onto Elena’s throat and Caroline’s disgusted with herself. Stefan suggests that they move, in case any of the other searchers heard them. It’s such a lame excuse, because he’s explained all the heightened senses and whatever to her before. Stefan will hear anyone approaching way before they could see her. It’s one of the reasons why he agreed to take her out.
Elena’s crying again, but it’s quiet and she’s trying to hide it from Caroline. Caroline makes a deliberate choice to walk a good distance away from Stefan and Elena, whilst still following. Stefan leads them to the remains of a house. He tells them it used to be his house and then he starts in on this long story of the days of yore. He talks about his father, about Damon going to war, about some orphan girl named Katherine, and (for no apparent reason) how Damon taught him to play football. Caroline gets that Stefan’s trying to show them what his life was like, how he and Damon used to get along, but she doesn’t care. She can’t help but feel like it’s his way of saying ‘See? He wasn’t so bad, once upon a time. That’s why I put up with him now, even though he’s all homicidal and totally ruined Caroline’s life’.
She’s being unfair, but she can’t help it. Her gums itch and her heart hurts because she just wants to go home and be safe. But all this talk is just reminding her of how quickly the day is passing and she’s going to be dead soon. And it’s a forever thing, no matter what road she takes.
She can’t even get comfort from the one friend who knows because she’s afraid that she’ll just end up attacking Elena. The tension is still there and she knows that Elena is looking at her with that forlorn look. It makes her want to cry and scream and do something violent because it’s all so unfair.
Stefan’s still talking as he starts digging. She’s confused by the change of pace and catches up with his story. Katherine the orphan was actually Katherine the vampire and (woe) she turns the brothers against one another. She’s gone now, because the Founding Families caught onto the vampire game and killed her. Her and twenty-six other vampires that were apparently whooping it up in Mystic Falls. This is just unbelievable. All those vampires, looking for a place to party (or whatever vampires do), and they pick Mystic Falls? She would have picked New York, or someplace classier.
Elena’s having a hard time absorbing all this. Her eyes are all glassy and wide, and she shakes her head a lot. Caroline knows these to be Classic-Elena-I-Don’t-Get-It signs. Of course, Elena’s not that airheaded. She gets it; she just doesn’t want to accept it. But with Caroline, walking dead girl extraordinaire, right before her, Elena can’t deny it.
It’s a lot to take in, especially the part where Stefan starts talking about the Founders’ Council. They still have that council today; Caroline’s mom is on it. Stefan’s going on like the present Council knows everything about vampires, just like the past Council. Apparently they keep track of vampire attacks in town and deal with the issue. If that’s the case, Caroline figures the current Council has just earned itself a gigantic FAIL. Damon’s been running around this town for months, and hell, he’s even been to the Founders’ Ball. Shouldn’t vampire experts know a vampire when they see one?
Stefan says it’s harder than it looks. She understands a bit, because she didn’t get it until early this morning (and only after Damon had already killed her), but still. She’s feeling surly and blaming everyone around for being ignorant fools makes her feel . . . well, not better, but she wants to do it anyway.
The sun is coming down when they start heading back. Elena’s still staring at her and trying hard to make it seem like she wasn’t staring. Caroline’s still a good distance away, because this is getting scarier instead of better and what if she attacks Elena? Stefan walks between the two of them, Damon’s ring in his pocket, and not one of his hundred plus years helping him find something to say.
Elena’s followed Stefan here in his car and she wants to follow them back to the Salvatore house. Stefan doesn’t think that’s a good idea, but Elena doesn’t care. She doesn’t care if she can’t be too close to Caroline without provoking the other girl’s hunger. If this is Caroline Forbes’s last day on earth, Elena Gilbert will be with her.
Caroline knows Elena’s trying to be a good friend. And dying with only the Salvatores for company doesn’t sit well with her. But the argument is wearing on her last nerve and doesn’t anyone care what she thinks?
She’s leaning against a tree with her eyes closed as she waits for them to finish. She kind of drifts off for a while and comes back to herself when she feels someone shaking her gently. Caroline snaps back to reality, seeing Stefan leaning into her, worry etched on his face.
“Just tired,” she says quickly. The implication of her words hit her a few seconds after and watching Stefan’s face fall just confirms it. Caroline thinks about it and notices that, yes, she is feeling tired. She hasn’t felt tired at all today, not really. It’s just been about the emotional drain this day, but now it was different. Her limbs are feeling heavy and her eyes want to close. It’s like being sleepy and her body’s more than ready to just rest already.
But this isn’t a cry for naptime. This is something much more permanent. She feels the panic come back as she stares at Stefan’s face and it’s just too soon.
“No!” the word forces itself out of her throat and she pushes Stefan away from her. She’s running in the second, Elena’s screams and Stefan’s shouts behind her. She doesn’t know where she’s going-just that she needs to go. She’s crashing through the woods, batting branches out her way, feet constantly tripping over themselves-all in a desperate attempt to get away.
But this isn’t a problem she can outrun. The energy she received at the shock of her impending demise eventually peters out. Soon she’s barely able to stumble around upright, the cuts and scrapes all over her body starting to hurt painfully, and then she falls.
Tears come; huge, frightened sobs escape her as she lays there on the ground. She cries for what seems like hours, cries for everything that she’s losing and everything she’s being denied. She cries because she’s alone, tired, and she wants her parents here to hold her. She cries because she wants someone to make it right, but it can’t be made right. She cries because she’s dying and it’s wrong.
Stefan finds her; he’s probably been just behind her this entire time. His hand appears on her shoulder and, instead of being comforted, his presence makes her cry harder. She makes no move to right herself, feels that she could just lay there and cry until her body shuts all the way down. He turns her over after a bit, arms sliding under her body and pulling her into a sitting position. He settles her back against a tree, but keeps his arms around her. She doesn’t want to look at him, keeps her eyes closed and the tears flowing even as he rocks her gently.
“I’m sorry,” he says sometime later. This makes her open her eyes so she can glare at him. She doesn’t want pity; she wants someone to fix it, but he’s not that someone.
“It’s not enough,” she shrieks suddenly. Her hands ball up into fists and then she’s hitting him over and over again. It doesn’t faze him, so he lets it continue. His quiet expectance drives her out of her mind with rage and she grabs him by the shirt and shakes him. “It’s not enough! Sixteen years is not enough! It can’t be over! How is it over? Sixteen is nothing! I want more; I deserve more. How could he-just took it away-how could he-how . . . How could you let him?”
His head snaps to the side and then he turns back to her. Her assault hasn’t made a dent-it’s infuriating. “Caroline, you need to calm down. There’s someone near-“
She doesn’t care! She’s full of anger and she’s indignant and she deserves more! She keeps screaming, keeps hitting-even when he moves in front of her and grabs her fists, she keeps struggling. He’s torn between getting them safely away from intruders but also letting her get it all out of her system. He tries to pull her up gently, to move her away, but she drags her feet, kicking and clawing to be free.
Finally he snaps and he grabs her roughly by the shoulders and shakes. “Caroline!” he roars. “Do you want this? Do you?”
Night has fallen, but even in the dark she can see what he means. His eyes have bled black and red, there are hideous black veins all over his face, and his mouth . . . his lips are curled back and his teeth are monstrous. He’s a monster, a vampire, and it’s terrifying to look at.
She stares at him, eyes full of tears and defeat. She’s crying again, this time less hysterically than before. She shakes her head, because she doesn’t want it, it’s too frightening to want, and that means she has to die.
“I am sorry,” he says to her brokenly. “But we have to move.”
She agrees, because there’s nothing else for her to do. He releases her shoulders and grasps her hand. He’s in the process of pulling her to feet when there’s an explosive boom from behind them. Stefan jerks and something wet hits her face even as she begins to scream again. Soon Stefan’s crumpled up on the ground and she’s desperately shaking him. The wet substance on her face drips down and she catches a bit of it on her tongue. It’s blood-Stefan’s blood, and sure enough, her hands are also covered in it.
“Caroline?”
The voice is familiar, not just from years of watching him on the television, but also because she’s known him her whole life. Logan Fell used to babysit her; being the youngest member of the current generation of Founding Families, he used to babysit a lot of them. But she’s never seen him like this, shocked and confused, holding something gold object in one hand and a smoking gun in the other.
“Jesus, Caroline! Get away from him! Where have you been?” the questions start and they don’t stop. Logan’s beside her and trying to pull her away from Stefan. But she can’t leave Stefan, not when he’s obviously hurt and making these scary gurgling noises. And she doesn’t understand why Logan has a gun, can only scream at him when he brings it up and points it at Stefan again.
Something blurs through the woods and hits Logan, sending him flying back. Logan’s still got a grip on Caroline when this happens, so she goes along for the ride. They travel back a few feet, Caroline hitting the ground with Logan on top of her. She pushes him off her frantically, flipping them so that now she’s on top. Logan’s staring at her with wide blue eyes and it takes her a second to realize he’s not blinking. He’s dead, just that like, and Caroline’s mind goes blank.
She looks back to Stefan and sees Damon standing over him. She should be worried about that; she should be trying to help Stefan. She should be doing something to stop Damon because he’s a killer and he’s just killed Logan Fell, her old babysitter, and now he’s doing something to Stefan.
But Logan’s been cut open and there’s blood everywhere. It’s not like when Stefan was shot. That blood hadn’t affected her at all, other than scaring her with its sudden appearance. Logan’s blood is different. It smells like blood usually does, but she finds it alluring now. It makes her stomach growl and her gums itch once more. It’s like with Elena, only a hundred times stronger. Her brain stutters and falters and the blood clouds her consciousness. She lowers her head to the wound on Logan’s chest, knowing she should be disgusted but not caring because it smells so good. It’s like she hasn’t eaten in years, like she’s suddenly starving and parched at the same time, and the blood just calls to her.
Her tongue flicks out and laps at the blood. The metallic taste hits her tongue and her taste-buds explode. It’s the most delicious thing she’s ever had and she needs more. Whatever restraint she’s had, she loses it in a second. Eagerly, she pushes her mouth to the wound and starts sucking. The blood keeps coming, filling her mouth and sliding down her throat in a hot flood. She feels her eyes crossing, it’s just so good, and she wants more. She needs more!
She feels hands grasping her by the shoulder, trying to pull her back. She fights them, struggles to get closer to the precious blood just pumping out of Logan’s body. But her assailant is stronger than she is and with one hard tug, she’s pulled away. She fights at first, kicking and scratching, but then she’s thrown back. She hits a tree and the pain of impact clears her senses and suddenly her mind’s working again.
Stefan’s standing in front of her, breathing hard and green eyes burning with intensity. His eyes drop to her lips and then they darken just a bit. Caroline swallows nervously, not liking the greedy look that flitters across Stefan’s face for one second, and she wipes her hand across her mouth. It comes back feeling wet and sticky. She looks down at it, sees that it’s red with blood, and then it hits her that she was just drinking Logan Fell’s blood.
Her mouth opens to scream, but no sounds come out. Her stomach churns and she wants to throw up, to get it out of her. But her body isn’t listening, won’t comply with her horror and disgust. The blood hits in her belly, warming her and chasing away the cold touch of death. Caroline takes in a couple deep breaths, eyes watering under the disappointed look on Stefan’s face.
“Oops.”
This comes from behind Stefan. Stefan turns around and she sees Damon standing over Logan’s body, fiddling with the ring Stefan had dug up that afternoon. He slips it onto his finger and then hops over Logan’s body, already dismissing the corpse as insignificant. His eyes flash her way and he starts beaming at her like he’s proud or something. He claps a seething Stefan on the back and winks at her.
“Looks like I’ve got my own personal immortal cheerleader. Don’t pout Stefan; I promise I’ll share.”
Stefan growls and Caroline turns her head away and cries.
~O~O~O~