life
I'm going to vent now. You don't have to read it, and if you're going to comment negatively, I would rather you not read it. Anyways< i just need to do it. It will be VAGUE, so yeah.
I don't understand how feelings can make me hurt so bad. It just hurts sooo much to know that you want something so bad that is right in front of you, yet you know it is completely out of reach. It's like you're being teased because you know even thought it's there, you can't have it. Like Bethany said it "it's like when you're little and your mom puts your toys that she took away on a shelf where you can't reach it, but you can still see it." There's no feeling like wanting and knowing you will probably never have.
I'm repeating myself, but I don't know how to describe it.
It's hard to explain myself without coming out to just say what is bothering me. I don't talk about what is TRULY bothering me very often because I really feel nobody else cares. Not in the sense that they don't want to try to fix it or help me or whatever, but in the sense that they can't comprehend why I'm feeling like I am, and so therefor they don't try. I pretty much keep everything to myself until things get so bad that I cry about it multiple times a week. Then I know I need to get it out. I don't know why I do this but I do. This week was a perfect example of that. I'm not wanting any of you to feel sorry for me, but I just want to let you know why I've been in the mood I have been, and there really are reasons for my bitterness.
I feel as though I hurt people more often than I intend to. It's just that at different times I direct my attention towards certain things, or people, and everything else is just kind of there. I realize I do it, but not until something happens that makes me do so. I guess I push people away, and I don't intend to. If I honestly didn't want to be friends with you, or didn't want to do something with you, or didn't want to talk to you, you'd know it. Trust me. I know that I aggravate you guys, and people get tired of me, but doesn't that happen with everyone? I don't know. I just make those comments sometimes that aren't meant to be hurtful, but somehow they are. I'm sorry.
I just wish I could make things better. I wish I could HAVE what I WANT for a change, instead of watching it disappear. I just wish sometimes that my life was the way I wanted it to be.
I don't understand how feelings can make me hurt so bad. It just hurts sooo much to know that you want something so bad that is right in front of you, yet you know it is completely out of reach. It's like you're being teased because you know even thought it's there, you can't have it. Like Bethany said it "it's like when you're little and your mom puts your toys that she took away on a shelf where you can't reach it, but you can still see it." There's no feeling like wanting and knowing you will probably never have.
I'm repeating myself, but I don't know how to describe it.
It's hard to explain myself without coming out to just say what is bothering me. I don't talk about what is TRULY bothering me very often because I really feel nobody else cares. Not in the sense that they don't want to try to fix it or help me or whatever, but in the sense that they can't comprehend why I'm feeling like I am, and so therefor they don't try. I pretty much keep everything to myself until things get so bad that I cry about it multiple times a week. Then I know I need to get it out. I don't know why I do this but I do. This week was a perfect example of that. I'm not wanting any of you to feel sorry for me, but I just want to let you know why I've been in the mood I have been, and there really are reasons for my bitterness.
I feel as though I hurt people more often than I intend to. It's just that at different times I direct my attention towards certain things, or people, and everything else is just kind of there. I realize I do it, but not until something happens that makes me do so. I guess I push people away, and I don't intend to. If I honestly didn't want to be friends with you, or didn't want to do something with you, or didn't want to talk to you, you'd know it. Trust me. I know that I aggravate you guys, and people get tired of me, but doesn't that happen with everyone? I don't know. I just make those comments sometimes that aren't meant to be hurtful, but somehow they are. I'm sorry.
I just wish I could make things better. I wish I could HAVE what I WANT for a change, instead of watching it disappear. I just wish sometimes that my life was the way I wanted it to be.