You Must Realize Thay My Grey Sky Eyes Neither Rain Nor They Glow, Now You Know
"When you feel the world is crashing all around your feet come running headlong into my arms..."
In response to Jeremy's last post, I find myself looking at my own spiritual walk and evaluating it. I look at some people and see how their spiritual walks seem to come so easily and grace abounds in their lives while I always feel like I am in an uphill battle against Satan and his forces. I know that Paul teaches Christians to take up their cross daily and he says that he dies to his sin everyday, but I get so tired of fighting sometimes and I want to give up. I am crushed so much. I am broken-hearted so much. My only solace is knowing that I cannot save myself and that Christ's grace flows abundantly. I ask forgiveness so much and I wonder if whether or not I have an incorrect view of Christ. Like He's some sort of genie who succumbs to my will. I look at Him to just fix me and not to what He did for me. That's what breaks my heart. I know that He took all my sin and all my ugliness into His body on that cross, but I often do not believe. I yearn for the Fear of the Lord, but I don't always show it. I long for closeness to God, but I constantly push Him away. My walk with Christ is always work, but work that I don't mind doing. Jeremy is right in his observation when he says that it's [a relationship with Christ] not a weekend thing. It's a constant striving. I love the Lord and His teachings, but I don't always show it. I am however constantly in awe at the fact that He chose me. It makes me feel very insignificant and boastful, in a way, at the same time. I just wish there were something I could do to show him how sorry I am and how much I love Him. As I write this, I think about all the things I've done to Him (too numerous to count) and wonder why it's me who He chose. I did nothing to deserve or earn His favor. All of the praise and glory belongs to Him. I am nothing. nothing... nothing...
-Later Dayz
In response to Jeremy's last post, I find myself looking at my own spiritual walk and evaluating it. I look at some people and see how their spiritual walks seem to come so easily and grace abounds in their lives while I always feel like I am in an uphill battle against Satan and his forces. I know that Paul teaches Christians to take up their cross daily and he says that he dies to his sin everyday, but I get so tired of fighting sometimes and I want to give up. I am crushed so much. I am broken-hearted so much. My only solace is knowing that I cannot save myself and that Christ's grace flows abundantly. I ask forgiveness so much and I wonder if whether or not I have an incorrect view of Christ. Like He's some sort of genie who succumbs to my will. I look at Him to just fix me and not to what He did for me. That's what breaks my heart. I know that He took all my sin and all my ugliness into His body on that cross, but I often do not believe. I yearn for the Fear of the Lord, but I don't always show it. I long for closeness to God, but I constantly push Him away. My walk with Christ is always work, but work that I don't mind doing. Jeremy is right in his observation when he says that it's [a relationship with Christ] not a weekend thing. It's a constant striving. I love the Lord and His teachings, but I don't always show it. I am however constantly in awe at the fact that He chose me. It makes me feel very insignificant and boastful, in a way, at the same time. I just wish there were something I could do to show him how sorry I am and how much I love Him. As I write this, I think about all the things I've done to Him (too numerous to count) and wonder why it's me who He chose. I did nothing to deserve or earn His favor. All of the praise and glory belongs to Him. I am nothing. nothing... nothing...
-Later Dayz