brutally honest.
I am sad and lonely and helpless.
I am going to be brutally honest.
I like to be left alone at home because that is when I feel most comfortable.
I like to sleep in my own bed at night because I like to sleep in my underwear.
I like to listen to my music loud in my car, but none of my friends enjoy those same tunes.
I want to love somebody, but I have to learn to love myself before I can love any body else.
I want people to understand me, but I don't even understand me.
I want people to reach out to me, yet I don't want the sympathy.
I want to fix my mistakes, but that is impossible.
I want to let go, but I am too weak.
I'm vulnerable.
And gullable.
I smile when faced with customers, but I turn around and cry in the back room.
I am most happy when I am helping others and their problems, and less concerned with myself. But I haven't taken much time out lately to do that.
I want her to be happy, yet my selfishness won't allow her to do so.
I'm scared.
And weak.
And when faced with reality, I am in denial.
When I listen to number 13 on that blue C.D I can't help but scream the words.
I come home after school some times and sit on this chair until I eat dinner because I feel I can't do anything until I have my nutrients.
I twist the ring on my left hand around and around and around when I am bored/anxious/nervous.
I spell words backwards in my head until I fall asleep, go crazy, or find a more interesting word to do it with.
Sometimes I give myself the creeps.
I get cold easily.
Yet I always seem to have a nervous cold sweat.
I don't read enough.
I procrastinate when I have a lot of time, and cram and get more done when I have no time.
And I give myself too much credit for doing my homework, when I am actually not even doing it; I think about useless things instead.
I don't give myself enough credit for things people think I should.
Sometimes I break out my Savage Garden C.D when I think about 6th grade.
All I do is text message in Adv. Am. Lit.
I say words such as "sex" and "vagina" aloud because those words don't bother me.
Every day I stick 5 powdered-sugar donuts in a plastic bag for breakfast and eat them on the way to school with a surfer cooler capri sun.
The blue Christmas lights in my room wake me up when I am sleeping every hour on the hour. They give me bad dreams...
Sometimes I think I am independent.
Sometimes I am so dependent [on love] that I feel empty and worthless.
I try to blame my insecurities on my stepmother.
I try to blame my "bi-polarness" on lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, or PMS.
Sometimes I am so happy I don't know how to contain myself.
Sometimes all I want is to be held.
I want to get out of this town so bad, but once I do, i'm sure i'll miss it.
I never ever want to leave Green Bay.
I am afraid of what people would think.
I want to be okay soon.
Maybe I shouldn't worry so much.
At least until I am 25, when my brain is "fully developed" and I know what I want from life.
I am going to be brutally honest.
I like to be left alone at home because that is when I feel most comfortable.
I like to sleep in my own bed at night because I like to sleep in my underwear.
I like to listen to my music loud in my car, but none of my friends enjoy those same tunes.
I want to love somebody, but I have to learn to love myself before I can love any body else.
I want people to understand me, but I don't even understand me.
I want people to reach out to me, yet I don't want the sympathy.
I want to fix my mistakes, but that is impossible.
I want to let go, but I am too weak.
I'm vulnerable.
And gullable.
I smile when faced with customers, but I turn around and cry in the back room.
I am most happy when I am helping others and their problems, and less concerned with myself. But I haven't taken much time out lately to do that.
I want her to be happy, yet my selfishness won't allow her to do so.
I'm scared.
And weak.
And when faced with reality, I am in denial.
When I listen to number 13 on that blue C.D I can't help but scream the words.
I come home after school some times and sit on this chair until I eat dinner because I feel I can't do anything until I have my nutrients.
I twist the ring on my left hand around and around and around when I am bored/anxious/nervous.
I spell words backwards in my head until I fall asleep, go crazy, or find a more interesting word to do it with.
Sometimes I give myself the creeps.
I get cold easily.
Yet I always seem to have a nervous cold sweat.
I don't read enough.
I procrastinate when I have a lot of time, and cram and get more done when I have no time.
And I give myself too much credit for doing my homework, when I am actually not even doing it; I think about useless things instead.
I don't give myself enough credit for things people think I should.
Sometimes I break out my Savage Garden C.D when I think about 6th grade.
All I do is text message in Adv. Am. Lit.
I say words such as "sex" and "vagina" aloud because those words don't bother me.
Every day I stick 5 powdered-sugar donuts in a plastic bag for breakfast and eat them on the way to school with a surfer cooler capri sun.
The blue Christmas lights in my room wake me up when I am sleeping every hour on the hour. They give me bad dreams...
Sometimes I think I am independent.
Sometimes I am so dependent [on love] that I feel empty and worthless.
I try to blame my insecurities on my stepmother.
I try to blame my "bi-polarness" on lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, or PMS.
Sometimes I am so happy I don't know how to contain myself.
Sometimes all I want is to be held.
I want to get out of this town so bad, but once I do, i'm sure i'll miss it.
I never ever want to leave Green Bay.
I am afraid of what people would think.
I want to be okay soon.
Maybe I shouldn't worry so much.
At least until I am 25, when my brain is "fully developed" and I know what I want from life.