(no subject)
I'm not ok. Last night, I have realized I am not the person everyone wants me to be. My mom wishes me to be the little girl she used to know, the one who did well in school. My boyfriend wishes I was the girl he first met, the shy and conservative and new to everything (even though he likes how I am now). I feel so bad for disappointing everyone that mean alot to me (even though I may say that I hate my parents, I just want to make them happy). I realized that the person everyone talks about, really isn't me. And it hurts not making the people closest (not my parents, but) to me happy.
I am not happy with myself, I am picking myself apart. Over the summer, people have said something that weren't true. People need to understand, At that point of my life, I just let everything I knew, go. Which was probably the worst mistake I have made. I am not a slut. I am not what people hear about me. I need a chance to prove myself to everyone.
Thanks to Nick, I have learned that what people really say about me, DOES matter. And as much as I'm not comfortable with myself, I need to learn not to make fun of people, because really, people do the exact same thing that I do to them. Me making fun of people doesn't make me any better than anyone.
I need to start over with everything. I feel all of this will make me become a better person. Starting...
Now.
(Nick came over today. It felt really good to know everything is ok with us. I love him with all my heart... Also, I can't stop listening to Aaron Rothe - What beautiful Is.)
I am not happy with myself, I am picking myself apart. Over the summer, people have said something that weren't true. People need to understand, At that point of my life, I just let everything I knew, go. Which was probably the worst mistake I have made. I am not a slut. I am not what people hear about me. I need a chance to prove myself to everyone.
Thanks to Nick, I have learned that what people really say about me, DOES matter. And as much as I'm not comfortable with myself, I need to learn not to make fun of people, because really, people do the exact same thing that I do to them. Me making fun of people doesn't make me any better than anyone.
I need to start over with everything. I feel all of this will make me become a better person. Starting...
Now.
(Nick came over today. It felt really good to know everything is ok with us. I love him with all my heart... Also, I can't stop listening to Aaron Rothe - What beautiful Is.)