(no subject)
wow i feel weird
for a while i have been constantley been beeting myself up mentally over something so incredibly selfish/stupid its scary...
i've recentley been being kinda having my emotions played with.... its no ones fault but it just seems this way.
i think sadly that these feelings wouldnt exist if i hadnt become such close friends with michelle. nothing will ever cease our friendship, but i think its true. before tim and shell broke up two times ago (the time before i went out with her) i had been friends with my best friend's girlfriend. a little before the break up i had been getting closer to shell in a friendly way. then i got even closer to her. i accepted her as a best friend. then i got more physicaly closer (which tim had even fought for me to have to a certain degree). but that had to stop because of their mutual feelings for each other. but i want whats best for my best friends even if it hurts me.
i had gone from being friends with my best friend's girlfriend, to haveing my two best friends be in an intimatly emotional relationship. i felt alone and confused, like "what about me now?" its like a group of three friends that one of the friends is being left out of the loop. its a really sucky feeling for someone searching for happiness in themself and externally, but its no ones fault. it almost hurts to see them happy with eachother.
why the hell am i complaining about this. its so incredibly selfish that its scary. i KNOW i shouldnt be thinking this, but part of me is. i hate myself for this. anyone got a shovel?
i know what i actually did wasnt selfish but there are still traces of these unwanted thoughts. have u ever met someone who thought the wrong thing but did the right thing?
what the hell do i freakin want? part of me wants someone to share an emotionally intimate relationship with, but another part thinks i should focus on "more important" things like school (cough cough). but really, emotional pleasentry is what i think would be best for me. i am a very lonely person emotionally. i know my friends will always be there for me, but thats not always enuff. that coupled with my non religious beliefs makes the tumble weed ever more prominent in my baren desert of a mind. (*cricket*cricket*)
dam i'm a bitcher aint i?
for a while i have been constantley been beeting myself up mentally over something so incredibly selfish/stupid its scary...
i've recentley been being kinda having my emotions played with.... its no ones fault but it just seems this way.
i think sadly that these feelings wouldnt exist if i hadnt become such close friends with michelle. nothing will ever cease our friendship, but i think its true. before tim and shell broke up two times ago (the time before i went out with her) i had been friends with my best friend's girlfriend. a little before the break up i had been getting closer to shell in a friendly way. then i got even closer to her. i accepted her as a best friend. then i got more physicaly closer (which tim had even fought for me to have to a certain degree). but that had to stop because of their mutual feelings for each other. but i want whats best for my best friends even if it hurts me.
i had gone from being friends with my best friend's girlfriend, to haveing my two best friends be in an intimatly emotional relationship. i felt alone and confused, like "what about me now?" its like a group of three friends that one of the friends is being left out of the loop. its a really sucky feeling for someone searching for happiness in themself and externally, but its no ones fault. it almost hurts to see them happy with eachother.
why the hell am i complaining about this. its so incredibly selfish that its scary. i KNOW i shouldnt be thinking this, but part of me is. i hate myself for this. anyone got a shovel?
i know what i actually did wasnt selfish but there are still traces of these unwanted thoughts. have u ever met someone who thought the wrong thing but did the right thing?
what the hell do i freakin want? part of me wants someone to share an emotionally intimate relationship with, but another part thinks i should focus on "more important" things like school (cough cough). but really, emotional pleasentry is what i think would be best for me. i am a very lonely person emotionally. i know my friends will always be there for me, but thats not always enuff. that coupled with my non religious beliefs makes the tumble weed ever more prominent in my baren desert of a mind. (*cricket*cricket*)
dam i'm a bitcher aint i?