How long has it taken for you to look so fine fine fine fine fine?
Too damn fucking long. She has no idea. I wish wish wish I had this journal in November of last year so I could make you understand how much I hated my mum. How small she made me feel. How I even moved out because I couldn't stand her any longer. It took a while but I pulled myself back together then it got to GCSEs and I have never been more scared of anything in my life. Because failure wasn't an option or my I would be disowned. Results day. I nearly broke down. But when I got my results I was happy and I thought myabe she could be too. But later that day we spoke on the phone and I could tell from her tone that 2 A*s was far less than she wanted me to get. And that's the first sign it was going to go wrong again. That night we had a very ugly argument. But we put it behind us and I thought maybe, just maybe I'd be able to start this year with no troubles. Today she tells me an A isn't good enough. In her eyes I am still a failure and I WILL NEVER BE FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH. DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT FEELS LIKES? The last five years of my life amount to nothing because none of it is good enough. I could fucking kill her. Instead, I am going to investigate finding somewhere else to live. Any offers welcome. Jude said I could live with her but I think she was joking. Still, if she isn't I am so out of here.