ok... I guess I am "that" kind of person...
Well... for the very few ppl who actually read my very occasional updates. I had a life-altering experience this weekend that I need to process and get out of my system.
I finally went with a new friend of mine I met through work to a club he's been trying to get me to join for some time. Dave introduced me to his wife, Emma, who is such a fun, sweet, sexy woman, and they took me to this club - called Intimate Times.
As you may have surmised, it is a swingers club. On top of that, it is an "on site" club - meaning ppl have sex right there (well upstairs - a big room with lots of comfy sofas, carpets, fireplace, swing, massage table and saw-horse).
I've never felt so nervous in my recent life.
But when I got there... oh my god. Every preconception I had was either confirmed or comepletely shattered. And all the good things were confirmed - all the negatives shattered. I was so welcomed. I was so enaged with the few ppl that showed up that night (it was a sunday - the first they'd ever been open for - so it was pretty dead) I couldn't believe how laid back, friendly, and positive everyone was.
No alpha male assholes
No bitchy women (well one, but she was the bartender and isn't even in the lifestlye)
No pressure
No negativity
Everyone was just a normal person. None of the women were pornstars and none of the men were toned, fit, hugely endowed apes. It was just... it felt like a home.
I has such a great time talking to everyone and meeting ppl - and I got to know the owners and the very inner circle (Dave and Emma are really a part of the inner circle - so I was lucky I was introduced through them). When things were winding down around 2:30-3:00 the flirting increased exponentially - I danced a bit to some cool music Dave put on (he likes the same stuff I do) - and I was getting used to the women being topless and everyone just playfully touching and laughing and talking. It was all so relaxed and ... warm. It was just so friendly and loving.
Anyway, I figured, since I came with Dave and Emma (they drove and I rode with them) and since I was driving them home (Dave did a thing of absenth(sp) so didn't want to chance driving) I figured I'd listen to the tunes downstairs whilst everyone went upstairs for some late night fun.
The rules are, as a single guy, you have to be invited up by a woman or couple who are members or who've paid the correct charge and are wearing a bracelet. I'm none of the above - so I figureed "hey - this was such a good night I hope they have me back, even tho I'm a single guy". Well... Dawn, who was working the door earlier in the night, leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, asking if I was going to join them upstairs or not. I panicked! I was so flustered and flattered... i didn't know what to do. I was NOT expecting to go upstairs on my first night... if ever... as a single guy. I was so turned on and terrified at the same time that I was just honest: "you know what? I REALLY want to go upstairs with you guys... but I'm really self-conscious and I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet" - she was so totally cool with that and told me i had nothing to be nervous about but she understood comepletely. Then Dave looked at me and I was just sheepishly grinning... he was saying "Dude, you got invited up, why aren't you going?" and I didn't want to seem like I was some scrag or loser who was there just for sex. I felt awkward and wasn't sure what to do. I was so scared to push that particular boundry - but I also knew the fear wasn't anything more than that. Fear.
When Dawn came back from the washroom I asked her quietly "umm... if it's alright, Dawn, can I change my mind and go upstairs with you?" She just smiled and kissed me and said she was happy I changed my mind. She took me by the hand and her hubby Trevor was already up there waiting for the owner's wife Dee who showed up soon after Dawn and I. So everyone starts getting naked, putting their stuff in lockers provided and finding comfy places to start playing. I'm terrified to take off my shirt. LOL
I hate taking off my shirt... it's my one self-conscious thing... I don't care about what my cock looks like, about size, about my legs, etc... but my torso is my Achilles Heel (or Torso as it were). I asked Dawn if it was ok and she was smiling and just said of course it was ok. But then I thought... all of these ppl are exposing themselves in all of their beautiful glory - all of their flaws were there to see... and they were ALL beautiful physically in that moment more than ever. It was amazing. Everyone was so sexy and sensual... even the guys! lol So I thought... no I need to do this... this is the last big barrier I need to challenge.
So I took off my shirt and was buck-ass naked!
I was shaking in fear. Dawn was SO nice... telling me to breathe and that it was all good and nothing would happen that I didn't want to happen. She helped me a lot and she was even more beautiful than before. I felt so close to her and the intimacy was so intense... but it was also this loving friend-type thing. It felt like home.
Suffice it to say - I had my first orgy. It was like porn sex mizxed with tenderness and friendship. It was amazing! There were 3 couples: Dave and Emma, Dawn and Trevor, and the owners, Dee and John. There was also me, and anothe guy that... well... during the whole session I asked Dawn questions while we sat together touching each other and just holding each other while we watched Dee and Trevor and John. She said did you notice how I got you alone on this couch and was subtley put politely spurning the advances of the man who wasn't really invited - but he was there and I think everyone was ok with him - but to a point. So i saw how that if I wasn't really wanted at one place or with a certain person wasn't really ready for anything that it was all ok and it was just at that moment or whatever... there was less sting of rejection, but he did kind of bring it on by inviting himself up and I think he knew it.
But the weird thing is I didn't feel out of place at all. I felt perfectly comfortable and at home aside from the terror and panic of the fact this was actually happening at all. Shock I'm thinking.
I don't want to go into dirty details... well I DO want to, but I won't... lol. But the night ended with me and Emma pleasing Dawn - and I guess I am pretty good since I made Dawn squirt and her legs wouldn't stop shaking and she kept answering Emma's dirty talk of "is he good? do you like it hun?" with "oh my fucking god that feels so good! He's so fucking good!" - and Emma was just beaming at me and I felt so wonderful. I never actually had intercourse... I just wasn't ready - well - I was more afraid I'd last only 5 seconds... actually. lol
Earlier in the night, before all this happened, both Dawn and Dee asked me if I was going to come back - which felt really good to be asked. I felt like I wasn't intruding - I felt accepted, and I was... when I was finished pleasing Dawn, everyone started cheering and laughing and were saying "don't our lives suck? We have such horrible night-lives" and it was so fucking caring and welcoming. I wanted to cry for about 3 hours after just because I felt so wanted and cared for. And I realised I really cared for them as well. It was all good... I mean I had different levels of caring.. I knew Dave most, then Emma and Dawn, and then Trevor and Dee... so obviously I am getting to know them as friends at different rates. but...
Anyway, afterwards I'm lying recouperating(sp) next to Dawn and her hubby Trevor (who is such a laid back and cool guy... he's awesome) and Dawn finally reaches over and grabs me and says "so seriously, you ARE coming back, right?" and everyone laughed and I was like... "hmmm... I dunno... I'll think about it". She asked again, as did Trevor and Dee, when everyone was leaving and it was nice that she wasn't just saying that post-orgasm. These ppl, even tho I'm a single guy, accepted me and wanted me a part of their lives.
I feel so fucking blessed.
On the drive home Emma was all excited for me and was telling me I should come on a friday night, which is devoted to newbies and the Adult Friend Finder site, because, as she says, "there are so many hot single girls looking for single guys in the scene, Michael, and I know they'll love you... you should totally go. We're bringing you on a friday!"
I just... I couldn't stop smiling or shaking.
I dunno...
I'm not sure how people will judge me about this. I'm not telling my family. Not because I think they'd hate me or anything... but because I just don't think they want to hear. Well, maybe my dad would.... LMAO!!!
I told Ashleigh first (I work with her and, well, have a huge crush on her I'm dealing with... which she knows and is actually considering and what not) - because of everone I know, she's the most like me in thinking. She wants to be a swinger - always has - and now she feels maybe she would be ready if she knew someone she could talk to while there. Kinda how Dave and Emma were there for me. I told Ian... and that was my most nervous moment. As much as I love the guy, I was afraid he'd look down on me... and that wouldn't bother me except that I'd be disappointed in him for looking down on me... but he was happy for me.
So Claire, Llia, Sarah... I'm sorry if any one of you is disappointed in me or think less of me. But this is who I am. This night confirmed all my suspicians and removed any doubts I had. I hope you guys understand, because I love you all. But I need to be me. And this is a part of me I need to explore and it is who, I suspect, I really am. Well, I mean, part of me.
Anyone else reading this... I'm sorry if you're disappointed but again. I am who I am... and I'm happy with myself.
Thank you all for listening to me rant... I just needed to get it out...
Love you all...
Michael
xxx
I finally went with a new friend of mine I met through work to a club he's been trying to get me to join for some time. Dave introduced me to his wife, Emma, who is such a fun, sweet, sexy woman, and they took me to this club - called Intimate Times.
As you may have surmised, it is a swingers club. On top of that, it is an "on site" club - meaning ppl have sex right there (well upstairs - a big room with lots of comfy sofas, carpets, fireplace, swing, massage table and saw-horse).
I've never felt so nervous in my recent life.
But when I got there... oh my god. Every preconception I had was either confirmed or comepletely shattered. And all the good things were confirmed - all the negatives shattered. I was so welcomed. I was so enaged with the few ppl that showed up that night (it was a sunday - the first they'd ever been open for - so it was pretty dead) I couldn't believe how laid back, friendly, and positive everyone was.
No alpha male assholes
No bitchy women (well one, but she was the bartender and isn't even in the lifestlye)
No pressure
No negativity
Everyone was just a normal person. None of the women were pornstars and none of the men were toned, fit, hugely endowed apes. It was just... it felt like a home.
I has such a great time talking to everyone and meeting ppl - and I got to know the owners and the very inner circle (Dave and Emma are really a part of the inner circle - so I was lucky I was introduced through them). When things were winding down around 2:30-3:00 the flirting increased exponentially - I danced a bit to some cool music Dave put on (he likes the same stuff I do) - and I was getting used to the women being topless and everyone just playfully touching and laughing and talking. It was all so relaxed and ... warm. It was just so friendly and loving.
Anyway, I figured, since I came with Dave and Emma (they drove and I rode with them) and since I was driving them home (Dave did a thing of absenth(sp) so didn't want to chance driving) I figured I'd listen to the tunes downstairs whilst everyone went upstairs for some late night fun.
The rules are, as a single guy, you have to be invited up by a woman or couple who are members or who've paid the correct charge and are wearing a bracelet. I'm none of the above - so I figureed "hey - this was such a good night I hope they have me back, even tho I'm a single guy". Well... Dawn, who was working the door earlier in the night, leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, asking if I was going to join them upstairs or not. I panicked! I was so flustered and flattered... i didn't know what to do. I was NOT expecting to go upstairs on my first night... if ever... as a single guy. I was so turned on and terrified at the same time that I was just honest: "you know what? I REALLY want to go upstairs with you guys... but I'm really self-conscious and I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet" - she was so totally cool with that and told me i had nothing to be nervous about but she understood comepletely. Then Dave looked at me and I was just sheepishly grinning... he was saying "Dude, you got invited up, why aren't you going?" and I didn't want to seem like I was some scrag or loser who was there just for sex. I felt awkward and wasn't sure what to do. I was so scared to push that particular boundry - but I also knew the fear wasn't anything more than that. Fear.
When Dawn came back from the washroom I asked her quietly "umm... if it's alright, Dawn, can I change my mind and go upstairs with you?" She just smiled and kissed me and said she was happy I changed my mind. She took me by the hand and her hubby Trevor was already up there waiting for the owner's wife Dee who showed up soon after Dawn and I. So everyone starts getting naked, putting their stuff in lockers provided and finding comfy places to start playing. I'm terrified to take off my shirt. LOL
I hate taking off my shirt... it's my one self-conscious thing... I don't care about what my cock looks like, about size, about my legs, etc... but my torso is my Achilles Heel (or Torso as it were). I asked Dawn if it was ok and she was smiling and just said of course it was ok. But then I thought... all of these ppl are exposing themselves in all of their beautiful glory - all of their flaws were there to see... and they were ALL beautiful physically in that moment more than ever. It was amazing. Everyone was so sexy and sensual... even the guys! lol So I thought... no I need to do this... this is the last big barrier I need to challenge.
So I took off my shirt and was buck-ass naked!
I was shaking in fear. Dawn was SO nice... telling me to breathe and that it was all good and nothing would happen that I didn't want to happen. She helped me a lot and she was even more beautiful than before. I felt so close to her and the intimacy was so intense... but it was also this loving friend-type thing. It felt like home.
Suffice it to say - I had my first orgy. It was like porn sex mizxed with tenderness and friendship. It was amazing! There were 3 couples: Dave and Emma, Dawn and Trevor, and the owners, Dee and John. There was also me, and anothe guy that... well... during the whole session I asked Dawn questions while we sat together touching each other and just holding each other while we watched Dee and Trevor and John. She said did you notice how I got you alone on this couch and was subtley put politely spurning the advances of the man who wasn't really invited - but he was there and I think everyone was ok with him - but to a point. So i saw how that if I wasn't really wanted at one place or with a certain person wasn't really ready for anything that it was all ok and it was just at that moment or whatever... there was less sting of rejection, but he did kind of bring it on by inviting himself up and I think he knew it.
But the weird thing is I didn't feel out of place at all. I felt perfectly comfortable and at home aside from the terror and panic of the fact this was actually happening at all. Shock I'm thinking.
I don't want to go into dirty details... well I DO want to, but I won't... lol. But the night ended with me and Emma pleasing Dawn - and I guess I am pretty good since I made Dawn squirt and her legs wouldn't stop shaking and she kept answering Emma's dirty talk of "is he good? do you like it hun?" with "oh my fucking god that feels so good! He's so fucking good!" - and Emma was just beaming at me and I felt so wonderful. I never actually had intercourse... I just wasn't ready - well - I was more afraid I'd last only 5 seconds... actually. lol
Earlier in the night, before all this happened, both Dawn and Dee asked me if I was going to come back - which felt really good to be asked. I felt like I wasn't intruding - I felt accepted, and I was... when I was finished pleasing Dawn, everyone started cheering and laughing and were saying "don't our lives suck? We have such horrible night-lives" and it was so fucking caring and welcoming. I wanted to cry for about 3 hours after just because I felt so wanted and cared for. And I realised I really cared for them as well. It was all good... I mean I had different levels of caring.. I knew Dave most, then Emma and Dawn, and then Trevor and Dee... so obviously I am getting to know them as friends at different rates. but...
Anyway, afterwards I'm lying recouperating(sp) next to Dawn and her hubby Trevor (who is such a laid back and cool guy... he's awesome) and Dawn finally reaches over and grabs me and says "so seriously, you ARE coming back, right?" and everyone laughed and I was like... "hmmm... I dunno... I'll think about it". She asked again, as did Trevor and Dee, when everyone was leaving and it was nice that she wasn't just saying that post-orgasm. These ppl, even tho I'm a single guy, accepted me and wanted me a part of their lives.
I feel so fucking blessed.
On the drive home Emma was all excited for me and was telling me I should come on a friday night, which is devoted to newbies and the Adult Friend Finder site, because, as she says, "there are so many hot single girls looking for single guys in the scene, Michael, and I know they'll love you... you should totally go. We're bringing you on a friday!"
I just... I couldn't stop smiling or shaking.
I dunno...
I'm not sure how people will judge me about this. I'm not telling my family. Not because I think they'd hate me or anything... but because I just don't think they want to hear. Well, maybe my dad would.... LMAO!!!
I told Ashleigh first (I work with her and, well, have a huge crush on her I'm dealing with... which she knows and is actually considering and what not) - because of everone I know, she's the most like me in thinking. She wants to be a swinger - always has - and now she feels maybe she would be ready if she knew someone she could talk to while there. Kinda how Dave and Emma were there for me. I told Ian... and that was my most nervous moment. As much as I love the guy, I was afraid he'd look down on me... and that wouldn't bother me except that I'd be disappointed in him for looking down on me... but he was happy for me.
So Claire, Llia, Sarah... I'm sorry if any one of you is disappointed in me or think less of me. But this is who I am. This night confirmed all my suspicians and removed any doubts I had. I hope you guys understand, because I love you all. But I need to be me. And this is a part of me I need to explore and it is who, I suspect, I really am. Well, I mean, part of me.
Anyone else reading this... I'm sorry if you're disappointed but again. I am who I am... and I'm happy with myself.
Thank you all for listening to me rant... I just needed to get it out...
Love you all...
Michael
xxx