In Memoriam
I got an invitation to attend a function organized by ayacchi the other night, a memorial service for a well known and highly repsected orthopedic surgeon in the east bay area, and a doctor that she worked closely with who passed away in a very untimely manner. Altho i knew about his passing months ago, i always had the mental picture that he was much older, in the golden years of his life, but the biggest shock to me was seeing his pictures and realizing how young he was. On top of that he was leaving behind a young wife and 2 children, one who was just out of college and the other who hadnt yet graduated. I couldnt imagine a worse time for a father to leave his family like that.
It was a beautiful memorial service with several respected colleagues who came up and spoke about him and the orthopedics medical field in general. While i was sitting there listening to the various speakers, what kept going thru my mind was a sense of my own impending mortality. I don't really fear or worry much about my own death since my profession has made me somewhat densensitized, but i couldnt help think about what kind of legacy i would leave behind, what kind of impact my life and presence would have on the world, and the people around me, and maybe ppl i have never and may never meet. Basically, who would show up at my memorial service and what would they possibly have to say about me.
In a way, i dont really care what other ppl have to say, including friends or loved ones. Mainly because i already know how those close to me think and feel, and if they want to tell everyone else thats great, but they certainly don't have to do it for my sake. As far as friends go, i guess its the same, because either they have good things to say out of love, friendship or respect, or they dont have anything good to say at all. For the former, its just affirmation which i dont really need to confirm, and for the latter, well if they truly didn't like me, i don't think my departed soul is going to stick around earth just to hear that. Still i am curious how much of an impact i will have made on the lives of the people i live, work, and play with every day, or ones i haven't done so in years. It's almost like finding out my ultimate score in the 'six degrees of separation' game.
While i may not care much about my mark on the world, i have been changing my view on life and death. Most of my life, i've always felt i've lived a solitary life, and that my choices, feelings and actions had minimal impact and effect on others. Basically if i went to the grave, the world would keep on moving without a blink. I've slowly began to change the way i think about that and now i am starting to treat myself with more care and responsibility, being more mindful of the future. I guess i've come to realize that my life isnt entirely my own any more and as long as there are ppl who are a part of it, they are part investors/owners as well. To draw a business analogy, i hope i'm still a majority shareholder, but in the future that may not even be true anymore :p
I don't really know where i'm going with all of this so i think i'll stop here.
It was a beautiful memorial service with several respected colleagues who came up and spoke about him and the orthopedics medical field in general. While i was sitting there listening to the various speakers, what kept going thru my mind was a sense of my own impending mortality. I don't really fear or worry much about my own death since my profession has made me somewhat densensitized, but i couldnt help think about what kind of legacy i would leave behind, what kind of impact my life and presence would have on the world, and the people around me, and maybe ppl i have never and may never meet. Basically, who would show up at my memorial service and what would they possibly have to say about me.
In a way, i dont really care what other ppl have to say, including friends or loved ones. Mainly because i already know how those close to me think and feel, and if they want to tell everyone else thats great, but they certainly don't have to do it for my sake. As far as friends go, i guess its the same, because either they have good things to say out of love, friendship or respect, or they dont have anything good to say at all. For the former, its just affirmation which i dont really need to confirm, and for the latter, well if they truly didn't like me, i don't think my departed soul is going to stick around earth just to hear that. Still i am curious how much of an impact i will have made on the lives of the people i live, work, and play with every day, or ones i haven't done so in years. It's almost like finding out my ultimate score in the 'six degrees of separation' game.
While i may not care much about my mark on the world, i have been changing my view on life and death. Most of my life, i've always felt i've lived a solitary life, and that my choices, feelings and actions had minimal impact and effect on others. Basically if i went to the grave, the world would keep on moving without a blink. I've slowly began to change the way i think about that and now i am starting to treat myself with more care and responsibility, being more mindful of the future. I guess i've come to realize that my life isnt entirely my own any more and as long as there are ppl who are a part of it, they are part investors/owners as well. To draw a business analogy, i hope i'm still a majority shareholder, but in the future that may not even be true anymore :p
I don't really know where i'm going with all of this so i think i'll stop here.