These should be tears of joy not pain.
I am currently in a state of realization and it's not been so good. Since Sunday night, I have found out a friend of mine is engaged who has only been with her boyfriend for like 10 months, and today I got an invite in the mail to a college friend's wedding. I don't know what to do, I can't handle it. Am I bitter? Yes. Do I wish that I could be honestly happy for my friends? Yes. But I can't. The green eyed monster of jealousy has taken over and I can't do it anymore. I can't.
So here I am, sitting on my couch, in tears, and all I can think about is how much of a horrible person I am that: 1. I can't be happy for my friends that are getting married, and 2. That I can't get him to propose after 5 years and these 2 have gotten less in 3 years.
Is it wrong of me to want to give Josh the altimatum? Is it wrong of me to want to just jump off a bridge? I can't handle this anymore. And I have nowhere to go. I feel so much pain. I am dying inside. I just want to marry him. I want to start our lives together. But I am beginning to think that it's not what he wants and I guess I just have to sit him down and talk about it. It's just so hard. When my friend told me she was engaged on Sunday, I text her back with "Congratulations" and then started crying in front of most of Josh's family like an asshole.
I don't know how much longer I can deal. And it doesn't help that Saturday, I have to go to a Bridal shower. Yeah that ought to make things better for me. Nope doubt it.
So here I am, sitting on my couch, in tears, and all I can think about is how much of a horrible person I am that: 1. I can't be happy for my friends that are getting married, and 2. That I can't get him to propose after 5 years and these 2 have gotten less in 3 years.
Is it wrong of me to want to give Josh the altimatum? Is it wrong of me to want to just jump off a bridge? I can't handle this anymore. And I have nowhere to go. I feel so much pain. I am dying inside. I just want to marry him. I want to start our lives together. But I am beginning to think that it's not what he wants and I guess I just have to sit him down and talk about it. It's just so hard. When my friend told me she was engaged on Sunday, I text her back with "Congratulations" and then started crying in front of most of Josh's family like an asshole.
I don't know how much longer I can deal. And it doesn't help that Saturday, I have to go to a Bridal shower. Yeah that ought to make things better for me. Nope doubt it.