hmm
so, i don't usually write in this anymore.
its been so long.
i don't even know where to begin or even end. i mean i got married, i have gone out to sea so much and been with jamie so long i don't really ever do anything. oh and i miss all my friends in michigan. from evan and krissy and matt, to paul and nrl. even amir. i know its weird. he and i ended in horrible horrible terms, however, i still miss him. i miss my brothers and cousins. oddly enough i think i even miss my parents. you know those sorry old souls that up until a year or so ago, i couldn't even stand let alone didn't even enjoy thinking about. ::huge sigh:: i think life is so odd, when i finally know what i want i can't get it, yet when i didn't know what i wanted i had it all the time. blah horrible it is. ally, if you read this i miss you too. humph. i can't think about all the people i miss. i don't understand why i feel so atrocious. i mean, i guess by all means i really should. i really messed up and left all my friends and as it should be i ignored them. so by all means, i should not really even be considered a friend. ::sighs:: i guess i am just a sad old soul too. i am kinda excited though, because i only have a year and a half left in the navy. september 2006, here i come. WOOHOO. i love thinking about that date.
so, yesterday i came home from being underway. i am not sure what it is about underways i love the most (i am being sarcastic..) i think its the lack of sleep, along with the people yelling at me. perhaps the way that i don't see or hear from anyone other than the ignorant, stupid people aboard the submarine whose whole quest is the titty bar. this has left me with such a sick feeling in my stomach. to think that i have spen too long among this mentality. ::sighs:: i stare at things i used to find easily amusing. and i don't even understand. how i miss the life i once knew, the intelligence of the people i used to hang out with. sometimes i am not the person i wish i could be, but then again. i don't think i ever will be. or maybe i will be just not here. humph. i sure hope that in sep of 06 i will be able to reacquaint myself with everyone with whom i have so severred my relations.
this is me crying out to those who are intelligent enough to understand. and don't think i am being a jerk or hypocritical if you respond and i dont. because i am go underway for another month in a day or two. what fun. i love it. i love it so much. i can't wait to do it again.
oh i do have a story of sorts. its about isaac breaking down at work. i mean seriously breaking down. it was the friday before a monday underway and i had a duty free weekend. (meaning i did not have to spend the night on the boat and i didn't have to stand and protect the boat for no reason.) and i just wanted to get home before jamie left for work. i just wanted to eat lunch with her. i had some work to do. it was going to take me a decent amount of time to do it, but i could easily do it at home and i was much more comfortable doing that. plus, i would be able to see jamie and eat lunch with her. and teh work would not interfere with either. so that would work for me. now this is work that i have taken home before and everyone else couldn't go home till i finished it (stupid navy policy) and i hate doing that to people. i hate being the reason that they are unhappy? uneasy? i am not sure what i mean. but maybe i mean miserable. i am not sure. but i hate being "that person" when that person is a negative thing that doesn't need to exist. hmm i think that makes sense. so i told one of my bosses (aka anav (assistant navigator)) what i planned on doing. and he sat and yelled at me and told me that there was no way i would do that. that i would have to do all the work on the boat till it was done. now, to do the work on the boat it would take twice as long and i had about 5 hours of work. ok twice is an exaggeration, but i knew it would take me about 6 or 7 hours at work vice 4-5 at home. so this upset me. then i found out no one could leave till it was done. and then they told me that people were going to help me. now i am not one to have people take care of what i need to do. i am a firm believer that if i am told or asked to do something, unless i just can't do it myself, then i do it. and not get help. like i believe it was my responsibility and i don't like pawning that off, even partly, on someone else. so that really upset me because it was friday and i had spent everyday that week working from 7:30AM, to 9:30PM. all of that on top of us leaving for a month and knowing that i wouldn't be able to eat lunch and maybe not dinner with jamie did. i went and hid and just started shaking and shaking. i cried a little. i know, it sounds stupid. but i just couldn't handle it. ::sighs:: well i am going to go get jamie from work.
its nice being back on the internet again. i hope people are still alive and actually read this. when i get more time i will write everyone. sorry i am such an arrogant prick. but i do want to be your friend.
its been so long.
i don't even know where to begin or even end. i mean i got married, i have gone out to sea so much and been with jamie so long i don't really ever do anything. oh and i miss all my friends in michigan. from evan and krissy and matt, to paul and nrl. even amir. i know its weird. he and i ended in horrible horrible terms, however, i still miss him. i miss my brothers and cousins. oddly enough i think i even miss my parents. you know those sorry old souls that up until a year or so ago, i couldn't even stand let alone didn't even enjoy thinking about. ::huge sigh:: i think life is so odd, when i finally know what i want i can't get it, yet when i didn't know what i wanted i had it all the time. blah horrible it is. ally, if you read this i miss you too. humph. i can't think about all the people i miss. i don't understand why i feel so atrocious. i mean, i guess by all means i really should. i really messed up and left all my friends and as it should be i ignored them. so by all means, i should not really even be considered a friend. ::sighs:: i guess i am just a sad old soul too. i am kinda excited though, because i only have a year and a half left in the navy. september 2006, here i come. WOOHOO. i love thinking about that date.
so, yesterday i came home from being underway. i am not sure what it is about underways i love the most (i am being sarcastic..) i think its the lack of sleep, along with the people yelling at me. perhaps the way that i don't see or hear from anyone other than the ignorant, stupid people aboard the submarine whose whole quest is the titty bar. this has left me with such a sick feeling in my stomach. to think that i have spen too long among this mentality. ::sighs:: i stare at things i used to find easily amusing. and i don't even understand. how i miss the life i once knew, the intelligence of the people i used to hang out with. sometimes i am not the person i wish i could be, but then again. i don't think i ever will be. or maybe i will be just not here. humph. i sure hope that in sep of 06 i will be able to reacquaint myself with everyone with whom i have so severred my relations.
this is me crying out to those who are intelligent enough to understand. and don't think i am being a jerk or hypocritical if you respond and i dont. because i am go underway for another month in a day or two. what fun. i love it. i love it so much. i can't wait to do it again.
oh i do have a story of sorts. its about isaac breaking down at work. i mean seriously breaking down. it was the friday before a monday underway and i had a duty free weekend. (meaning i did not have to spend the night on the boat and i didn't have to stand and protect the boat for no reason.) and i just wanted to get home before jamie left for work. i just wanted to eat lunch with her. i had some work to do. it was going to take me a decent amount of time to do it, but i could easily do it at home and i was much more comfortable doing that. plus, i would be able to see jamie and eat lunch with her. and teh work would not interfere with either. so that would work for me. now this is work that i have taken home before and everyone else couldn't go home till i finished it (stupid navy policy) and i hate doing that to people. i hate being the reason that they are unhappy? uneasy? i am not sure what i mean. but maybe i mean miserable. i am not sure. but i hate being "that person" when that person is a negative thing that doesn't need to exist. hmm i think that makes sense. so i told one of my bosses (aka anav (assistant navigator)) what i planned on doing. and he sat and yelled at me and told me that there was no way i would do that. that i would have to do all the work on the boat till it was done. now, to do the work on the boat it would take twice as long and i had about 5 hours of work. ok twice is an exaggeration, but i knew it would take me about 6 or 7 hours at work vice 4-5 at home. so this upset me. then i found out no one could leave till it was done. and then they told me that people were going to help me. now i am not one to have people take care of what i need to do. i am a firm believer that if i am told or asked to do something, unless i just can't do it myself, then i do it. and not get help. like i believe it was my responsibility and i don't like pawning that off, even partly, on someone else. so that really upset me because it was friday and i had spent everyday that week working from 7:30AM, to 9:30PM. all of that on top of us leaving for a month and knowing that i wouldn't be able to eat lunch and maybe not dinner with jamie did. i went and hid and just started shaking and shaking. i cried a little. i know, it sounds stupid. but i just couldn't handle it. ::sighs:: well i am going to go get jamie from work.
its nice being back on the internet again. i hope people are still alive and actually read this. when i get more time i will write everyone. sorry i am such an arrogant prick. but i do want to be your friend.