(no subject)
thoughts of a man. thoughts of a boy. thoughts of a stranger. tonight i write. i write as a man who can not get any sleep. ack.. i feel like i am such a let down to the world. i am a let down to everyone i ever knew. to everyone i know. i can't help but think this. im not sure why, but i just can't help it. i mean i..............................
ack. blah. blorp. blup.fudge. coffee.. tea. tesla.
ahh.. why can i not know whats on my mind? why do i not know whats going on? ::sighs:: why do i feel so far away and so distant. ::shrugs:: i just want things to be right. i just want things to work out. yet the more i try, the more i hurt things. i feel like i destroy everything. everytime i touch things, they falll apart. ::cries a river, though no one is there to comfort him::
what is wrong with me?
what can i do right?
when will i just start living again?
why do i feel like a zombie. like a man with no purpose, like a person without a soul. why do i feel so empty.
::huge sigh::
"if tomorrow never comes, will she know how much i love her
did i try in every way, to show her everyday that she's my only one
if my time on earth were through, she must face this world without me
is the love i gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last if tomorrow never comes?"
::sighs:: garth brooks. those are the lyrics to this song. and i just hope that people know how much they mean to me. and if they know how i feel.
well, i am here in san diego. and i should have done what jamie said. i should have written a journal for the days i was here. and maybe it would have done well for me. and maybe then i would have more thoughts down. but, i didnt.
so now i have a barrage of words and thoughts that make no sense. and i guess thats how i feel. i feel like nothing makes sense. i mean i am stuck on a boat where we are going underay in two days, with weapons and all. and im not allowed to talk about it. i can't tell about things that happen in my day. and it kinda hurts. i just want to tell all about my day. and i wish i could sometimes. i mean about the torpedos and missles. i wish i could talk about life on the boat. but sadly i can't. i can't tell you about things in iraq. i can't say anything. on top of that, i have no clue whats happening on the smaller scale. like with me and the boat. and where i am going. ::sighs::
jamie. i miss you. i don't know how to tell you how much i miss you, and how much i need you in my life. but i do. i need you like the crops need rain. i need you like weary traveler needs a warm place to stay and sleep. i need you like the oceans need salt.
so.. right now i am sitting here, i have to go in tomorrow and go to work. and i think i might add some more later. as for now. i will leave you with this.
older people may not seem wiser, but that doesn't mean they don't know more. old people may seem foolish. that is because they have experienced more. no one is the same. don't forget that. no two people are alike. no one lives the same life. do not claim you understand someone you have no clue about and don't claim to know about a subject you only know very little about. and just because you just discovered something now, doesn't mean someone else hadn't already discovered. and some discoveries were meant not to happen. if you feel you are always wrong, maybe you are right. and if you feel you are right, maybe you are wrong. consider this and maybe then you too can know truth.
::sighs:: i feel so much better. i don't know why. i think that writing always helps me. i know this isn't coherent to anyone. well.. ok maybe it is. but i sure knows its not to me. so let me say what i think this all says:
I miss y'all. i am lost without you. life goes on, yet you will always remain. don't forget me, i won't forget you. and finally. don't be so quick to judge, for judgements of any kind are dangerous.
i love y'all.
love the ever so confused/confusing isaac
ack. blah. blorp. blup.fudge. coffee.. tea. tesla.
ahh.. why can i not know whats on my mind? why do i not know whats going on? ::sighs:: why do i feel so far away and so distant. ::shrugs:: i just want things to be right. i just want things to work out. yet the more i try, the more i hurt things. i feel like i destroy everything. everytime i touch things, they falll apart. ::cries a river, though no one is there to comfort him::
what is wrong with me?
what can i do right?
when will i just start living again?
why do i feel like a zombie. like a man with no purpose, like a person without a soul. why do i feel so empty.
::huge sigh::
"if tomorrow never comes, will she know how much i love her
did i try in every way, to show her everyday that she's my only one
if my time on earth were through, she must face this world without me
is the love i gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last if tomorrow never comes?"
::sighs:: garth brooks. those are the lyrics to this song. and i just hope that people know how much they mean to me. and if they know how i feel.
well, i am here in san diego. and i should have done what jamie said. i should have written a journal for the days i was here. and maybe it would have done well for me. and maybe then i would have more thoughts down. but, i didnt.
so now i have a barrage of words and thoughts that make no sense. and i guess thats how i feel. i feel like nothing makes sense. i mean i am stuck on a boat where we are going underay in two days, with weapons and all. and im not allowed to talk about it. i can't tell about things that happen in my day. and it kinda hurts. i just want to tell all about my day. and i wish i could sometimes. i mean about the torpedos and missles. i wish i could talk about life on the boat. but sadly i can't. i can't tell you about things in iraq. i can't say anything. on top of that, i have no clue whats happening on the smaller scale. like with me and the boat. and where i am going. ::sighs::
jamie. i miss you. i don't know how to tell you how much i miss you, and how much i need you in my life. but i do. i need you like the crops need rain. i need you like weary traveler needs a warm place to stay and sleep. i need you like the oceans need salt.
so.. right now i am sitting here, i have to go in tomorrow and go to work. and i think i might add some more later. as for now. i will leave you with this.
older people may not seem wiser, but that doesn't mean they don't know more. old people may seem foolish. that is because they have experienced more. no one is the same. don't forget that. no two people are alike. no one lives the same life. do not claim you understand someone you have no clue about and don't claim to know about a subject you only know very little about. and just because you just discovered something now, doesn't mean someone else hadn't already discovered. and some discoveries were meant not to happen. if you feel you are always wrong, maybe you are right. and if you feel you are right, maybe you are wrong. consider this and maybe then you too can know truth.
::sighs:: i feel so much better. i don't know why. i think that writing always helps me. i know this isn't coherent to anyone. well.. ok maybe it is. but i sure knows its not to me. so let me say what i think this all says:
I miss y'all. i am lost without you. life goes on, yet you will always remain. don't forget me, i won't forget you. and finally. don't be so quick to judge, for judgements of any kind are dangerous.
i love y'all.
love the ever so confused/confusing isaac