the green slime
fifth grade. i’m like 10 years old.
it’s halloween and it’s friday. we’re having a halloween party in class, courtesy of the mom of one of the cool kids who’s an only child of divorced parents. right now i can remember going to one of this kid’s birthday parties earlier in the year and his mom got him like ALL the awesome toys. the kind of toys where you look at your friend who’s at the party as the kid opens his presents and you just sort of both go, "AAAAAGH!!" because it’s like one great toy you want after another.
so at the class halloween party there’s a crossword puzzle contest, and the winner gets a can of ghostbusters green slime. i’m freaking out, i want to win this can of slime so bad because i know it’s got a plastic monster toy inside the slime at the bottom of the can. and to say i’m a little obsessed with ghosts and monsters at this age would be a ridiculous understatement. i sit there, i stare at the can of slime, and i wait. the kids eat, the kids play, the kids joke around and talk. me, i wait. i wait to get that crossword puzzle.
finally, she hands out the puzzles. they’re just cheap xeroxes and it turns out to be a HALLOWEEN WORD SEARCH. not a crossword. even easier. holy shit. as soon as i get mine i start furiously finding all the words. backwards, forwards, horizontal, diagonal. i don’t even look up from the paper to see if anyone else is writing as fast as me. if i do look away, it’s to look at the can of slime on the table at the front of the classroom.
it is no time before i’m finished with the puzzle. i run as fast as i can to put my paper on the table next to the slime, and I AM FIRST. the kid’s mom looks at the puzzle and gives me a half smile as she hands me the slime. i’m so happy i could explode. but as i turn to go back to my seat, i notice something:
the kids were still talking and eating and playing. no one else was doing the puzzle. they could give a fuck about ghostbuster slime with a monster in it. the word search xeroxes that weren’t on the floor or being wadded up and thrown around were sitting at empty desks. a girl and a couple of her friends looked up at me.
i felt like a loser, even though i’d just won something awesome. it was so odd to me. i’m not competitive and i never have been, but i can remember blazing through the word search with the same drive and determination i was supposed to have out on the kickball field (but of course did not). i wanted to have the can of slime so bad. but why? i already had a couple at home. and it was cheap, i could ride my skateboard to lionel playworld and get my own for like 2 bucks.
also, each can of slime had a different plastic monster in it. and you never knew which one you were gonna get. the one that ended up in the slime i got from the halloween word search contest was a duplicate of one i already had.
but this isn’t a story about me feeling like a dork. i could have put the slime in my desk all nonchalant and pretended it was nothing, just to try and save face. i could have joined all the other kids and laughed at whatever they were laughing at. but i didn’t. that loser feeling i had? it lasted the time it took to walk back to my desk. i opened the slime, dug through and found the monster, and played with it by myself until it was time to go home. because normally if i brought this stuff to school, the teacher would take it and i would be in trouble. might not even get it back.
it was fucking great, a far better reward than winning some stupid-ass kickball game. i was sitting at my school desk, playing alone with monsters and slime, watching its creepy twisted plastic face tear through the weird smelly stringy glop and bubbles. in the life of andrew at age 10, it was hard to beat.
it’s halloween and it’s friday. we’re having a halloween party in class, courtesy of the mom of one of the cool kids who’s an only child of divorced parents. right now i can remember going to one of this kid’s birthday parties earlier in the year and his mom got him like ALL the awesome toys. the kind of toys where you look at your friend who’s at the party as the kid opens his presents and you just sort of both go, "AAAAAGH!!" because it’s like one great toy you want after another.
so at the class halloween party there’s a crossword puzzle contest, and the winner gets a can of ghostbusters green slime. i’m freaking out, i want to win this can of slime so bad because i know it’s got a plastic monster toy inside the slime at the bottom of the can. and to say i’m a little obsessed with ghosts and monsters at this age would be a ridiculous understatement. i sit there, i stare at the can of slime, and i wait. the kids eat, the kids play, the kids joke around and talk. me, i wait. i wait to get that crossword puzzle.
finally, she hands out the puzzles. they’re just cheap xeroxes and it turns out to be a HALLOWEEN WORD SEARCH. not a crossword. even easier. holy shit. as soon as i get mine i start furiously finding all the words. backwards, forwards, horizontal, diagonal. i don’t even look up from the paper to see if anyone else is writing as fast as me. if i do look away, it’s to look at the can of slime on the table at the front of the classroom.
it is no time before i’m finished with the puzzle. i run as fast as i can to put my paper on the table next to the slime, and I AM FIRST. the kid’s mom looks at the puzzle and gives me a half smile as she hands me the slime. i’m so happy i could explode. but as i turn to go back to my seat, i notice something:
the kids were still talking and eating and playing. no one else was doing the puzzle. they could give a fuck about ghostbuster slime with a monster in it. the word search xeroxes that weren’t on the floor or being wadded up and thrown around were sitting at empty desks. a girl and a couple of her friends looked up at me.
i felt like a loser, even though i’d just won something awesome. it was so odd to me. i’m not competitive and i never have been, but i can remember blazing through the word search with the same drive and determination i was supposed to have out on the kickball field (but of course did not). i wanted to have the can of slime so bad. but why? i already had a couple at home. and it was cheap, i could ride my skateboard to lionel playworld and get my own for like 2 bucks.
also, each can of slime had a different plastic monster in it. and you never knew which one you were gonna get. the one that ended up in the slime i got from the halloween word search contest was a duplicate of one i already had.
but this isn’t a story about me feeling like a dork. i could have put the slime in my desk all nonchalant and pretended it was nothing, just to try and save face. i could have joined all the other kids and laughed at whatever they were laughing at. but i didn’t. that loser feeling i had? it lasted the time it took to walk back to my desk. i opened the slime, dug through and found the monster, and played with it by myself until it was time to go home. because normally if i brought this stuff to school, the teacher would take it and i would be in trouble. might not even get it back.
it was fucking great, a far better reward than winning some stupid-ass kickball game. i was sitting at my school desk, playing alone with monsters and slime, watching its creepy twisted plastic face tear through the weird smelly stringy glop and bubbles. in the life of andrew at age 10, it was hard to beat.