My only love sprung from my only hate; too early unknown and known too late.
So basically, this week has sucked tremendously. I have a few best friends and of them Ron, Lauren, and Marisa have gotton into car accidents this week. Ron's was the worst with the fatality and all. I can't believe how close I came to loosing my best friend. He is such a major part of my life and I love him to peices. I am always always here to listen; thankfully, he knows that. Sometimes it bothers me tht people don't know how close we really are. If he had died, I feel as though everyone would be comforting Vanessa and Erin (including me), but that I would get overlooked. That boy has played more roles in my life than anyone else as of yet (preist, brother, boyfriend, rival, best friend, psychologist, teacher, etc.). It was odd because for two days I didn't know where he was or how he was. I've never felt so vulnerable. I didn't like it. I'm never letting us drift like that again. I never really knew Jon or what he thought of me. The first time I ever met him was my freshmen year when I put paint in his face because he was making fun of me and Shayla (everything was all in good fun though). Then when I dated Ron we sat across from each other at lunch. He joke/yelled at me one day becuase I wouldn't sit with Ron the entire period. I was shy about that. Then there was the time I got a phone call from him on Ron's cellphone. He was a good kid. He always made me smile. It's so hard to believe that he is gone. They say that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Ron, John, Alanna, and everyone else who was amazingly close to that boy (the Nevada paper called the three of htem men, no offense but they are not men) will only get stronger from this. The way that I look at it, when you die you are already as strong and as wise as you can possibly be. This world has taught you everything that you need to know and you have taught every lesson that you are meant to teach with the exception of one. Jon finished his learning and he gained his stregnth so now he's elsewhere. The final lesson he had to teach will be taught through his death. I mean, let's be honest, no matter how close or how distant you were from him we are all listening for him. Jon Nelson, wherever you are I hope that you are not resting in peace. I mean I know that you liked to "chillax," but you also seemed like the type of guy to laugh and act. So wherever you are, I hope that you get a good portion of nights well rested, but otherwise, live it up kid. Live it up.
In other news. I got the highest grade on my chemistry final: a 73. I didn't really care though because I was still worried.
Alba, I love you and all, but to be honest prom was a bust. I look at my dress and think I love it so much I cant wait to wear it and have such an amazing time with Alba at the prom. Then I realize, senior prom is in the past. It hurts a lot to think that the night of my senior prom I went to a friend's wake and then you only looked at me once the entire night. I wanted to be your mermaid princess and it hurt like hell that I couldnn't be. I wish like hell that you could have just talked to me at prom adn we could have salvaged some of the evening. I wish like hell that it didn't bother you so much. There is so much pain everywhere this week. I just feel like I am sinking in a pain littered quick sand. I'm glad that we tlked today, not about anything important...but we talked. I feel like we havnt done that in a few weeks and it made me really really happy. I am so sorry for the way that I have been acting lately. I'm sorry that I'm acting selfish. I want to make you understand how important this boy is to me. How important you both are to me. I guess that we are just going to take things day by day and hope for the best. I love you and I always will. You will always be a part of me. Cross our fingers, close our eyes, breathe, jump and lets see where we land. Let me reiterate the fact that I love you. Get seatbelts for your Nova.
Graduation could have been better it was just so long and as with the rest of this week my mind was elsewhere. Myabe that's a good thing. I wanted to talk to people about graduation, but it seemed like no one really wanted to express they're feelings. My dress and Shirley Temple were the highlights of the evening. My present from my aunt and uncle, a necklace and earrings involving freshwater pearls, was amazing as well. I wish that I had gotton to say goodbye to more people and that I could have talked to Alicia Rossi about this entire week.
I wore a prom dress for the shaving cream fight :)
I shaved my legs with Veet in the Garden City Gazebo :)
I get to learn how to scuba dive this summer :)
I hope that I can learn to surf as well :)
Tomorrow I have to get a possible wart removed :(
I am currently reading Anthony Burgess's The Wanting Seed. It is such a fucking amazing book. On another note I sadly dont remember the plots of Kurt Vonneguts Breakfast of Champions or Hocus Pocus. If anyone would like to fill me in that would be great. P.S. God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian, is such an amazing Vonnegut book. I'm pretty sad that the cafe in Border's is closed for a month. Where will I read, waste time, and see Jarid? Damn kid this week has kicked my ass.
I guess that I will just be getting stronger.
p.s. Don't walk down the wrong staircase at graduation.
p.s.s. This week has just been creepy.
In other news. I got the highest grade on my chemistry final: a 73. I didn't really care though because I was still worried.
Alba, I love you and all, but to be honest prom was a bust. I look at my dress and think I love it so much I cant wait to wear it and have such an amazing time with Alba at the prom. Then I realize, senior prom is in the past. It hurts a lot to think that the night of my senior prom I went to a friend's wake and then you only looked at me once the entire night. I wanted to be your mermaid princess and it hurt like hell that I couldnn't be. I wish like hell that you could have just talked to me at prom adn we could have salvaged some of the evening. I wish like hell that it didn't bother you so much. There is so much pain everywhere this week. I just feel like I am sinking in a pain littered quick sand. I'm glad that we tlked today, not about anything important...but we talked. I feel like we havnt done that in a few weeks and it made me really really happy. I am so sorry for the way that I have been acting lately. I'm sorry that I'm acting selfish. I want to make you understand how important this boy is to me. How important you both are to me. I guess that we are just going to take things day by day and hope for the best. I love you and I always will. You will always be a part of me. Cross our fingers, close our eyes, breathe, jump and lets see where we land. Let me reiterate the fact that I love you. Get seatbelts for your Nova.
Graduation could have been better it was just so long and as with the rest of this week my mind was elsewhere. Myabe that's a good thing. I wanted to talk to people about graduation, but it seemed like no one really wanted to express they're feelings. My dress and Shirley Temple were the highlights of the evening. My present from my aunt and uncle, a necklace and earrings involving freshwater pearls, was amazing as well. I wish that I had gotton to say goodbye to more people and that I could have talked to Alicia Rossi about this entire week.
I wore a prom dress for the shaving cream fight :)
I shaved my legs with Veet in the Garden City Gazebo :)
I get to learn how to scuba dive this summer :)
I hope that I can learn to surf as well :)
Tomorrow I have to get a possible wart removed :(
I am currently reading Anthony Burgess's The Wanting Seed. It is such a fucking amazing book. On another note I sadly dont remember the plots of Kurt Vonneguts Breakfast of Champions or Hocus Pocus. If anyone would like to fill me in that would be great. P.S. God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian, is such an amazing Vonnegut book. I'm pretty sad that the cafe in Border's is closed for a month. Where will I read, waste time, and see Jarid? Damn kid this week has kicked my ass.
I guess that I will just be getting stronger.
p.s. Don't walk down the wrong staircase at graduation.
p.s.s. This week has just been creepy.