I had the same problems when I wanted to go to Holland when I was with Sybren. I understand completely. It was like sure... whatever. In the long scheme of things maybe me going to Holland wouldn't have done a world of good. BUT. I needed to. I'd chosen who I wanted to be with and them not letting me go was going to do so much more damage than me going would ever have done. I'd never even *met* Sybren. I needed to see him and even make sure that this relationship I was investing my time and emotions in would work out. And, if they liked it or not, I was an adult and I had the right to make my own decisions, "childish" or not. They ended up letting me go, but in the end it didn't matter cause we broke up and I never got to meet him anyway.
But especially if you've already met Joe well... I think you have a right to see him in the summer. You're still young. Why the hell would you waste a summer away at an art store? You're going to be working for the rest of your life! I think the big thing here is that if you don't go see him you'll be left with regret and anger, and you should have face-to-face contact to sustain the relationship too.
So summary, your mum is a meany-poo and I think you should be yourself to the full. Why not? You = awesome! :D
Yea. I mean, not saying anything bad about art stores-- I'm rather fond of them, except that they steal all my moneys -- but. just. stupid!
I actually tried talking about it more with my dad last night. It wasn't really planned, more spontaneous. Dad: "Hey, how're you feeling? *asks, watching me frown at the computer, which is covered with rising air fare ticket costs*" Edh: "Not.. so great..." Dad: "Hmmmm?" Edh: "I still want to go. I want your permission, but that's all." .... < talk talk talk, dad 'wavers' a bit (one thing you should know is that my dad has no spine when it comes to my little sister and me) > Dad: "Well. I can't give you my permission, we need to include your mother." Edh: "*sighs, knowing that her mother is the evil mastermind of the family*" ... *both go downstairs, talk with mother, edhie tries to be rational and mature and all that shit, and ends up sobbing, leaving, throwing up, sobbing, writing rather wrathful notes, crying, throwing up some more, crying more, and finally feeling slightly better but only after talking to Joe for a long while.*
They consolidated their point. All they said was that I'm acting like a child, not like a mature adult; I can't spend the summer "wasting" my time (or, alternately, "doing nothing"/ "Doing whatever you did while you were there over the winter", "playing all summer", "not doing anything", etc, etc, etc); and it doesn't matter what I feel like. I rather like that point, in a very, very bitter kind of way. It doesn't matter how unhappy I get -- and yes, my mother said this, directly.
She even keeps saying that I "sound depressed" (in a way like she means to fix it) and I'm like, "and how will doing this help me?".
*growls*
I honestly think I'm just going to have to say, "Look. I'm going to buy that ticket. You can either give me your blessing and let all that is well, be well, and possibly earn the chance for a compromise-- or you can deny it and you guys can sulk. I'm nineteen. I'm buying that ticket with my own money. You can -- hell, you can stop paying for my school and kick me out of the house, if you really want to, but I'm not giving up on this."
*sighs*
And now mum is making an extra appt with my psychiatrist. Because I'm apparently not seeing things clearly.
And-- I fought with them again the evening after I posted this. And the thing that's really bugging me is, I'm trying to do as they ask and be mature-- hell, I even bought flowers and wrote a note with a semi-cartoony drawing of myself looking sorry. I made dinner -- a beef and veggie soup and sweet potato biscuits, and it was really damn good. And then we fought again, and they called me "immature" and a "bully" again. I mean, wtf? I'm doing my best. and they won't even compromise. I'd be willing to go for, say, 2 months instead of the whole summer (3 mo). They might even be able to bargain me down from that. But they say "No" and I say "Screw you guys I'm gonna buy that ticket anyway." just. gah.
Goodness... :/ Edh-ness. *hugs* I'm really sorry your mum is being a mole. Well... you might just have to do that. Buy a ticket and just go, I mean. You are 19. If they're not even willing to compromise... it's obviously something you really want... then they're not being the mature ones. I dunno though, would hate to see you kicked out of school and home :S I know you think it's worth it though. How difficult! Agggh. Your mum doesn't sound supportive at all, nor does it sound like she's listening to you either - more like she's imposing her views of life on you. But well - I think you already know this anyway - your parents are never going to take your relationship with Joe seriously. Never. Not unless he moves to Boulder and starts going out with you in places where your parents can see. My parents didn't really take my relationship with Sybren seriously (even though it was quite serious and we were together for a long time) and Sybren's parents didn't either. It's not ideal, of course, having a long-distance relationship and most parents will not even understand how you could fall for someone on the other side of the world. I'm very sad to say that you'll often run into problems like this with your parents, maybe joe's parents too. There isn't really a way to make them understand - especially as they view you as someone too young to know the full impact of the decisions you're making. That may be true - I think that was true for me with Sybren - but they've also got to learn that you have to be allowed to make these decisions anyway.
So hun. My best of luck to you. I hope you can reach a peace with your parents. It sucks that you guys should be fighting over something that should give you a lot of joy :/ *hugs* Lots of love to you.
As for me, I'm alright. Not great, but you know, getting by. I don't think I'll be completely happy again until a few months have gone past - you know, to heal. That's why I haven't been writing any blog posts lately, they'd just all be angst. But I've got my family and my friends and my housemates - a whole support network. It's been really nice :)
It was really weird..... last night, I went and read back through my journal. Sorta through mid-2005 to mid-2006 ... you know, the hard times. It didn't feel depressing, really. It was sorta interesting, because it felt like looking in on my hard times, because I really don't remember a lot of it. And one thing I didn't remember was that you were my most steadfast commenter for a long time.... *hugs you in appreciation* Thank you, for, you know, being nice and stuff.
^ that thank you was lame. But I mean it. *hugs more*
And do you still like : http://edhelur.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-72715556? I... I don't know, I guess I feel like trying to be a good friend(-like person) and cheering you up. Not that that one's particularly cheery. I want to give you things, apparently.
Of course you count as a friend! Psh. You don't even have to ask.
And you're welcome dude :) Haha you're so cute <3 You don't have to give me a painting! I do still like that one though - I like a lot of things you did in that period. Even though you were so unhappy (which I didn't like) it really spurred you on to do something amazing things with your art, I think cause you needed an outlet. You still do good things I think I just don't see it as much ;_;
Thanks <3 You don't have to cheer me up though! I mean, you don't have to go out of your way to cheer me up. Hanging around with my friends and family cheers me up in general - they don't have to do anything special, just be there and talk to me. And you're doing that! So thanks for that :3 *SQUEEZE* Also I tend to be the sort of person that deals with these things on their own. Not because I'm bottling or anything, but that's just how it goes, I think I prefer to deal with them privately then cry on someone's shoulder 24/7. Makes me feel a bit guilty because a lot of nice people have said "If you need to call me, talk to me, hang out or anything please call me, my door's open" and I haven't taken up any of the offers cause I don't feel like I need to talk to anybody XD
But especially if you've already met Joe well... I think you have a right to see him in the summer. You're still young. Why the hell would you waste a summer away at an art store? You're going to be working for the rest of your life! I think the big thing here is that if you don't go see him you'll be left with regret and anger, and you should have face-to-face contact to sustain the relationship too.
So summary, your mum is a meany-poo and I think you should be yourself to the full. Why not? You = awesome! :D
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I actually tried talking about it more with my dad last night. It wasn't really planned, more spontaneous.
Dad: "Hey, how're you feeling? *asks, watching me frown at the computer, which is covered with rising air fare ticket costs*"
Edh: "Not.. so great..."
Dad: "Hmmmm?"
Edh: "I still want to go. I want your permission, but that's all."
.... < talk talk talk, dad 'wavers' a bit (one thing you should know is that my dad has no spine when it comes to my little sister and me) >
Dad: "Well. I can't give you my permission, we need to include your mother."
Edh: "*sighs, knowing that her mother is the evil mastermind of the family*"
... *both go downstairs, talk with mother, edhie tries to be rational and mature and all that shit, and ends up sobbing, leaving, throwing up, sobbing, writing rather wrathful notes, crying, throwing up some more, crying more, and finally feeling slightly better but only after talking to Joe for a long while.*
They consolidated their point. All they said was that I'm acting like a child, not like a mature adult; I can't spend the summer "wasting" my time (or, alternately, "doing nothing"/ "Doing whatever you did while you were there over the winter", "playing all summer", "not doing anything", etc, etc, etc); and it doesn't matter what I feel like.
I rather like that point, in a very, very bitter kind of way. It doesn't matter how unhappy I get -- and yes, my mother said this, directly.
She even keeps saying that I "sound depressed" (in a way like she means to fix it) and I'm like, "and how will doing this help me?".
*growls*
I honestly think I'm just going to have to say, "Look. I'm going to buy that ticket. You can either give me your blessing and let all that is well, be well, and possibly earn the chance for a compromise-- or you can deny it and you guys can sulk. I'm nineteen. I'm buying that ticket with my own money. You can -- hell, you can stop paying for my school and kick me out of the house, if you really want to, but I'm not giving up on this."
*sighs*
And now mum is making an extra appt with my psychiatrist. Because I'm apparently not seeing things clearly.
Um. Wtf?
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And-- I fought with them again the evening after I posted this. And the thing that's really bugging me is, I'm trying to do as they ask and be mature-- hell, I even bought flowers and wrote a note with a semi-cartoony drawing of myself looking sorry. I made dinner -- a beef and veggie soup and sweet potato biscuits, and it was really damn good. And then we fought again, and they called me "immature" and a "bully" again. I mean, wtf? I'm doing my best. and they won't even compromise. I'd be willing to go for, say, 2 months instead of the whole summer (3 mo). They might even be able to bargain me down from that. But they say "No" and I say "Screw you guys I'm gonna buy that ticket anyway."
just. gah.
anyway. How're you?
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So hun. My best of luck to you. I hope you can reach a peace with your parents. It sucks that you guys should be fighting over something that should give you a lot of joy :/ *hugs* Lots of love to you.
As for me, I'm alright. Not great, but you know, getting by. I don't think I'll be completely happy again until a few months have gone past - you know, to heal. That's why I haven't been writing any blog posts lately, they'd just all be angst. But I've got my family and my friends and my housemates - a whole support network. It's been really nice :)
Reply
It was really weird..... last night, I went and read back through my journal. Sorta through mid-2005 to mid-2006 ... you know, the hard times. It didn't feel depressing, really. It was sorta interesting, because it felt like looking in on my hard times, because I really don't remember a lot of it. And one thing I didn't remember was that you were my most steadfast commenter for a long time....
*hugs you in appreciation*
Thank you, for, you know, being nice and stuff.
^ that thank you was lame. But I mean it. *hugs more*
And do you still like : http://edhelur.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-72715556? I... I don't know, I guess I feel like trying to be a good friend(-like person) and cheering you up. Not that that one's particularly cheery. I want to give you things, apparently.
oh well. :S
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And you're welcome dude :) Haha you're so cute <3 You don't have to give me a painting! I do still like that one though - I like a lot of things you did in that period. Even though you were so unhappy (which I didn't like) it really spurred you on to do something amazing things with your art, I think cause you needed an outlet. You still do good things I think I just don't see it as much ;_;
Thanks <3 You don't have to cheer me up though! I mean, you don't have to go out of your way to cheer me up. Hanging around with my friends and family cheers me up in general - they don't have to do anything special, just be there and talk to me. And you're doing that! So thanks for that :3 *SQUEEZE* Also I tend to be the sort of person that deals with these things on their own. Not because I'm bottling or anything, but that's just how it goes, I think I prefer to deal with them privately then cry on someone's shoulder 24/7. Makes me feel a bit guilty because a lot of nice people have said "If you need to call me, talk to me, hang out or anything please call me, my door's open" and I haven't taken up any of the offers cause I don't feel like I need to talk to anybody XD
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