(no subject)
Title:Arranged marriages; the clichéd-but-not-quite-remix
Pairing: Nino/Ohno
Rating: light-ish R
Summary: Where Nino agrees to marry Ohno to get his paws on his crazy grandmother’s fortune. There’s laughter, boats, drama, expired curry and blackmail, but in the end, Nino’s life might just be going in the direction of a clichéd ending after all AU
A/N: I swear it’s because I see the same plot all the time. This is terribly long (5000 words, omg) and pointless, but there is no such thing as too much Ohmiya,y/y? Also, this is for turtle_ai who is not going to die just yet.
-
It’s like a drama in fast forward. Nino grunts as he stares at the picture of Ohno Satoshi. Ohno is cute, he supposes, and shorter than him. He’s also a man, which twists the drama thing a little but suits Nino’s preferences just fine. He wonders if he’ll suddenly fall in love with Ohno and have his heart broken by Ohno’s evil first love who has his baby from when they were seventeen. Nino snorts; he supposes that he’ll just have to get it over with.
-
Ohno forgets about the ‘wedding’. He’s on a boat six hours away from shore when he gets a call from his mother. Oh, he says, in response. He wonders what the girl he’s marrying looks like, and if she’s angry enough to cancel the wedding altogether. He ends up getting married through video call. He can’t see the bride though, all he hears is her voice, strangely masculine saying ‘I do’ before his mother’s face swims into view, telling him that he’d better be on his way back soon or he’ll be too dead to even regret it.
Nino chuckles to himself and smiles his charming smile at Ohno’s mother. It’s no problem, he tells her, to think I was feeling bad about having to rush off after the wedding.
Well, Ohno’s mother says, welcome to the family Ninomiya-kun, I hope you’ll settle into Satoshi’s home well. Nino grins, I’ve already sent my stuff over, he says, Ka-chan, I’ll call on you with Ohno-kun when he comes back.
Ohno’s mother beams and does something like a swoon. Such a sweet boy, she murmurs to herself as she gets into her car, Satoshi had better be nice to him or I’ll have his head.
Nino waves as she drives away. Then he gets into his car and drives off to meet Sho.
-
I can’t believe you actually went through with it, says Sho. Nino just grins, if it makes grandma happy, he says.
Sho snorts, you mean if it means grandma leaves her fortune to you.
That too, Nino says, and I would have gotten it anyway, I’m way too cute to resist. And my new husband is cute, even though we haven’t even met yet. So is his mom.
You are not going to mess up their family, says Sho warningly, sipping his coffee. Nino just grins again, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sho rolls his eyes, but lets it drop. And I’m officially on the gay side of bisexual after the last time, Nino adds, shuddering at the memory.
Sho just sighs, Well, look after yourself Nino. Don’t go falling in love with the guy or anything.
Nino shakes his head, even my life isn’t that much of a drama Sho-chan, he says.
Except it really is.
-
Ohno returns two days later smelling of the sea and carrying a container of fish. There are signs of life in his house, which is unusual, but Ohno pays it no mind; it’s his wife, he supposes, and he hopes she’s making something good to eat.
It’s for this reason that he’s startled enough to drop his things all over the floor when he sees his room filled with things he’s pretty sure weren’t there when he left. There is a piano, for starters and what looks like half a recording studio. There is also another closet and a few posters on the walls. Ohno blinks and rubs his eyes. When he opens his eyes again, there is a man standing in front of him.
Hi, says the man, I took the liberty of making myself at home. I’m Nino, by the way. And I’m hungry; I don’t suppose you’ve brought anything home for dinner?
-
When all has been explained and amiably accepted by both parties, they janken for cooking duty. It’s a good thing that Ohno wins too; his cooking is enough to scare away even the most ardent of lovers, although Nino is hardly going to be his lover, Ohno thinks, nose twitching slightly from the smells making their way out of the kitchen.
Nino doesn’t strike him as the cooking type though. Ohno isn’t sure exactly what types Ninomiya Kazunari falls under. Nino is charming, rather good looking, and speaking with clear, confident ease that leaves one spell bound. But there is something about Nino that reeks secrecy. Everything he says is laced with emotional detachment, visible only under closer scrutiny of his grin (which is, Ohno has to admit, rather attractive). Ohno wonders why Nino married him; but he figures that it doesn’t really matter- it’s completely his own business.
Nino is a good cook, Ohno grins appreciatively at his rice till Nino pokes him with a chopsticks and tells him to eat. Over dinner, Nino explains his intentions to stay with Ohno till (or if) they decided to separate. Ohno nods, I do have a guest room, you know He says, when Nino is done, You could stay there instead.
Nino shrugs, you mean the room that smells like fifty year old curry? I’d rather not. He pauses, you don’t snore do you?
Ohno says that he thinks he doesn’t.
Well, says Nino, it’s settled then. And you’re on washing up duty.
-
Settled, of course, is a variable term. Ohno has a tendency to forget things, even the important stuff, something that only intensifies when he’s drunk. And Ohno likes drinking, which naturally leads to messy encounters with Nino when he (and a random girl) collapses on the bed in a passionate embrace only to find a non-too-please Nino who isn’t exactly above kicking a half naked girl out of the house.
I’m not jealous or anything, you understand, says Nino one day at breakfast as Ohno nurses a hangover, but I dislike the female population intensely at the moment and you bringing them home for drunken one night stands isn’t helping.
Ohno pouts at his toast. I can’t help forgetting, he says, and can you speak softer? My head hurts.
Sorry, says Nino, but I mean it. We’re going have to find a way to solve this problem.
-
We, of course, means Nino, who puts his idea into action immediately, and without informing Ohno. Ohno wakes up the next day with another huge hangover, a naked girl to a room that smells of fifty year old curry.
When the girl has been packed off without breakfast and Ohno has been cleaned up so he doesn’t smell of rotten food, Nino passes him the bread, looking very satisfied.
I changed the doors, he says, before Ohno asks, because someone with limited brain space when drunk would probably go through the door that looks like the one from his room. I even cleaned it up a little, but apparently, old curry isn’t a smell that goes away after ten rounds of air freshener.
Oh, says Ohno. And Nino grins some more.
Nino decides that Ohno is very pleasant to live with. Ohno listens to orders (Phrased, of course, as polite requests that will benefit him) and lets Nino use the showers first. Ohno is also straight, which is a little bit of a pity, because Nino likes sex with no strings attached, but it doesn’t matter that much.
Ohno is an artist, one that is actually well paid even though he produces an average of five pieces a year, because he’s good enough. Nino finds that he can understand why; Ohno’s drawings stir feelings in people, makes them think about life and relationships, even if Ohno does not necessarily intend for them to do so. It’s his art that allows him a reasonably nice apartment in the good part of town with a studio that overlooks the city. It’s also his art (and, by default, his income) that made him a choice candidate for Nino’s family business (which happens to include, among other things, interior design). A perfect collaboration between the two was ideal.
In actuality, it didn’t have to be sealed by a marriage. The marriage bit was thought up by Nino’s insane grandmother and Ohno’s-less insane but-still-batshit grandmother who, having grown up and married rich together decided to honor their schoolgirl pact and throw in a marriage as well. Unfortunately, since there are no girls in either Ohno or Nino’s families of marriageable age and the two old women considered a gay marriage the lesser evil that marriage between Ohno and Nino’s one month old cousin, Nino was delivered two options; marry Ohno or be denied the family fortune.
Of course, Nino could have declined and his grandmother would, in all probability, have given him her money and family business anyway. But Nino’s life lacked a spark and ,in a fit of loneliness and boredom, he agreed and his grandmother did not intend to let him forget that (she records ever single conversation she has, just so she can prove herself right)
As such, Nino decided that Ohno would be an interesting person to spend time with, even if he was blissfully unaware of the finer details that led to their marriage (his mother had informed him of his upcoming nuptials the week before, and he had agreed easily).
It’s of Nino’s cynical view towards affection, a view that he readily admits to having and also prevents him from starting a relationship of any kind, with anyone. And seeing that Ohno is content with random sex with random and assorted females, Nino figures that he married smart.
-
They visit Ohno’s mother together, choosing a time where Ohno’s father (who hasn’t been informed of his son’s marriage) is out.
So, she says, how has married life been?
Ohno stares blankly into space and jolts a little when Nino nudges him.
We’re settling in well, Nino says when Ohno asks his mother to repeat her question. Ohno’s mother ignores Ohno, and beams at Nino.
I’m glad to hear that Nino kun. A pause. Have you guys had sex yet?
Ohno chokes on nothing at all. Nino snerks. Just once, he says, we’ve been busy.
Ohno looks at him, horrified. Nino shrugs.
Ohno’s mother squeals.
-
Have you never thought about sex with a male? Nino asks, purely out of curiosity, on the drive back home. He snickers when Ohno turns bright red and stutters for a while. Ohno doesn’t appear to have even considered it at all, seeing how his lazy-ish demeanor switches to flustered (and, truth be told, rather adorable)
Because of this, Nino nearly crashes the car into a tree when Ohno says, almost too softly to hear, Yes.
-
Perhaps, Nino functions better when he’s being lied to. Nino doesn’t know how to deal with truths, especially when said truths are expressed in a weepy or emotional way. And even though only the first part can be said to be true about Ohno, Nino is still uncomfortable. He can’t even make a quick escape, since he’s driving them home.
So, he wriggles about uncomfortably while Ohno describes the events that led to his thoughts about gay sex.
Ohno had, in university, met a fine young man, two years younger than him, but in the same grade. This man’s name was Sakurai Sho.
Wait, says Nino, you mean Sakurai Sho the news guy who grew up in the house next to mine? Or the Sakurai Sho old creepy banker who tried to touch my ass at a party last year?
The News Guy, Ohno confirms, and continues.
Sakurai Sho was very friendly, and well liked by his peers. Until, of course, he was found to be gay when a certain Aiba Masaki accidentally revealed his preferences one night at a drunken party to about half the student body. But Ohno doesn’t care about things like that, never thought they mattered. Hence, they ended up friends, eating together at lunch and camping together after school, Sho with his textbooks and Ohno with his paints.
They were platonic friends, at least Ohno thought they were, until graduation, which was when, in a drunken stupor, Sho confessed his growing infatuation with Ohno and kissed him. With tongue.
Was it good? Interrupts Nino again, snerking at the thought of blackmail material against his best friend
Ohno hem and haws for a while before confirming that yes, it was very good.
After that, Sho had fallen asleep, lips still pressed to Ohno’s mouth and fingers skirting the waistband of Ohno’s pants, leaving Ohno frozen, and very uncomfortable. Although, the worst part was when Sho had woken up the next day remembering exactly nothing and had instead, a week after graduation announced to all his friends that he was happily attached to Aiba Masaki and had gotten a job with Fuji TV.
It was heartbreaking, Ohno says sadly, I think about it every time we meet for lunch.
You still meet him? Asks Nino
Yeah. Aiba-chan and I like shopping for stuff at the camping store, Ohno says, looking even more depressed.
Nino considers this for a while. How about those girls you bring home?
I like breasts, says Ohno.
Ah, says Nino, I can understand that, just replace breasts with ass though.
Ohno blinks. You means you like guys too? He shifts about, as if he can’t decide whether he should move closer to Nino or away from him.
I believe the correct term is bisexual, Nino rolls his eyes as he parks the car. And speaking of sex, Nino adds casually as they step out of the car. Why don’t you try it with me?
-
Sex with Ohno is, surprisingly, nothing short of amazing. Nino wasn’t expecting much, seeing Ohno’s general lack of movement, but there is a switch that Ohno flips when it comes to sex. Ohno is good at kissing too (which makes Nino wonder how good Sho must then be, under the prudish cover), detailed and gentle and half playful. And poor, poor, sex deprived Nino finds it very, very pleasant indeed.
Nino is half peeved when Ohno decides, without consulting him, that Nino should bottom. Do I look a girl to - ohshitharderyoubastard. Ohno grins, feral and dangerous as his grips Nino’s hips hard enough to leave marks that Nino will kick him for the next day. It’s perfect, exactly what Nino enjoys in sex all rolled into one small man (with amazing hips)
When it’s over, Nino sighs, sweaty and sated and pushes Ohno off him. Ohno is fast asleep, drooling over Nino’s pillow and sprawled over Nino’s side of the bed, as well as his own. Nino cleans himself up, not bothering to do the same for Ohno , squeezes under Ohno’s arms and tucks the clean bits of blanket over himself.
Just before he falls asleep, Nino grins to himself; he totally married right.
Part two is here.
Pairing: Nino/Ohno
Rating: light-ish R
Summary: Where Nino agrees to marry Ohno to get his paws on his crazy grandmother’s fortune. There’s laughter, boats, drama, expired curry and blackmail, but in the end, Nino’s life might just be going in the direction of a clichéd ending after all AU
A/N: I swear it’s because I see the same plot all the time. This is terribly long (5000 words, omg) and pointless, but there is no such thing as too much Ohmiya,y/y? Also, this is for turtle_ai who is not going to die just yet.
-
It’s like a drama in fast forward. Nino grunts as he stares at the picture of Ohno Satoshi. Ohno is cute, he supposes, and shorter than him. He’s also a man, which twists the drama thing a little but suits Nino’s preferences just fine. He wonders if he’ll suddenly fall in love with Ohno and have his heart broken by Ohno’s evil first love who has his baby from when they were seventeen. Nino snorts; he supposes that he’ll just have to get it over with.
-
Ohno forgets about the ‘wedding’. He’s on a boat six hours away from shore when he gets a call from his mother. Oh, he says, in response. He wonders what the girl he’s marrying looks like, and if she’s angry enough to cancel the wedding altogether. He ends up getting married through video call. He can’t see the bride though, all he hears is her voice, strangely masculine saying ‘I do’ before his mother’s face swims into view, telling him that he’d better be on his way back soon or he’ll be too dead to even regret it.
Nino chuckles to himself and smiles his charming smile at Ohno’s mother. It’s no problem, he tells her, to think I was feeling bad about having to rush off after the wedding.
Well, Ohno’s mother says, welcome to the family Ninomiya-kun, I hope you’ll settle into Satoshi’s home well. Nino grins, I’ve already sent my stuff over, he says, Ka-chan, I’ll call on you with Ohno-kun when he comes back.
Ohno’s mother beams and does something like a swoon. Such a sweet boy, she murmurs to herself as she gets into her car, Satoshi had better be nice to him or I’ll have his head.
Nino waves as she drives away. Then he gets into his car and drives off to meet Sho.
-
I can’t believe you actually went through with it, says Sho. Nino just grins, if it makes grandma happy, he says.
Sho snorts, you mean if it means grandma leaves her fortune to you.
That too, Nino says, and I would have gotten it anyway, I’m way too cute to resist. And my new husband is cute, even though we haven’t even met yet. So is his mom.
You are not going to mess up their family, says Sho warningly, sipping his coffee. Nino just grins again, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sho rolls his eyes, but lets it drop. And I’m officially on the gay side of bisexual after the last time, Nino adds, shuddering at the memory.
Sho just sighs, Well, look after yourself Nino. Don’t go falling in love with the guy or anything.
Nino shakes his head, even my life isn’t that much of a drama Sho-chan, he says.
Except it really is.
-
Ohno returns two days later smelling of the sea and carrying a container of fish. There are signs of life in his house, which is unusual, but Ohno pays it no mind; it’s his wife, he supposes, and he hopes she’s making something good to eat.
It’s for this reason that he’s startled enough to drop his things all over the floor when he sees his room filled with things he’s pretty sure weren’t there when he left. There is a piano, for starters and what looks like half a recording studio. There is also another closet and a few posters on the walls. Ohno blinks and rubs his eyes. When he opens his eyes again, there is a man standing in front of him.
Hi, says the man, I took the liberty of making myself at home. I’m Nino, by the way. And I’m hungry; I don’t suppose you’ve brought anything home for dinner?
-
When all has been explained and amiably accepted by both parties, they janken for cooking duty. It’s a good thing that Ohno wins too; his cooking is enough to scare away even the most ardent of lovers, although Nino is hardly going to be his lover, Ohno thinks, nose twitching slightly from the smells making their way out of the kitchen.
Nino doesn’t strike him as the cooking type though. Ohno isn’t sure exactly what types Ninomiya Kazunari falls under. Nino is charming, rather good looking, and speaking with clear, confident ease that leaves one spell bound. But there is something about Nino that reeks secrecy. Everything he says is laced with emotional detachment, visible only under closer scrutiny of his grin (which is, Ohno has to admit, rather attractive). Ohno wonders why Nino married him; but he figures that it doesn’t really matter- it’s completely his own business.
Nino is a good cook, Ohno grins appreciatively at his rice till Nino pokes him with a chopsticks and tells him to eat. Over dinner, Nino explains his intentions to stay with Ohno till (or if) they decided to separate. Ohno nods, I do have a guest room, you know He says, when Nino is done, You could stay there instead.
Nino shrugs, you mean the room that smells like fifty year old curry? I’d rather not. He pauses, you don’t snore do you?
Ohno says that he thinks he doesn’t.
Well, says Nino, it’s settled then. And you’re on washing up duty.
-
Settled, of course, is a variable term. Ohno has a tendency to forget things, even the important stuff, something that only intensifies when he’s drunk. And Ohno likes drinking, which naturally leads to messy encounters with Nino when he (and a random girl) collapses on the bed in a passionate embrace only to find a non-too-please Nino who isn’t exactly above kicking a half naked girl out of the house.
I’m not jealous or anything, you understand, says Nino one day at breakfast as Ohno nurses a hangover, but I dislike the female population intensely at the moment and you bringing them home for drunken one night stands isn’t helping.
Ohno pouts at his toast. I can’t help forgetting, he says, and can you speak softer? My head hurts.
Sorry, says Nino, but I mean it. We’re going have to find a way to solve this problem.
-
We, of course, means Nino, who puts his idea into action immediately, and without informing Ohno. Ohno wakes up the next day with another huge hangover, a naked girl to a room that smells of fifty year old curry.
When the girl has been packed off without breakfast and Ohno has been cleaned up so he doesn’t smell of rotten food, Nino passes him the bread, looking very satisfied.
I changed the doors, he says, before Ohno asks, because someone with limited brain space when drunk would probably go through the door that looks like the one from his room. I even cleaned it up a little, but apparently, old curry isn’t a smell that goes away after ten rounds of air freshener.
Oh, says Ohno. And Nino grins some more.
Nino decides that Ohno is very pleasant to live with. Ohno listens to orders (Phrased, of course, as polite requests that will benefit him) and lets Nino use the showers first. Ohno is also straight, which is a little bit of a pity, because Nino likes sex with no strings attached, but it doesn’t matter that much.
Ohno is an artist, one that is actually well paid even though he produces an average of five pieces a year, because he’s good enough. Nino finds that he can understand why; Ohno’s drawings stir feelings in people, makes them think about life and relationships, even if Ohno does not necessarily intend for them to do so. It’s his art that allows him a reasonably nice apartment in the good part of town with a studio that overlooks the city. It’s also his art (and, by default, his income) that made him a choice candidate for Nino’s family business (which happens to include, among other things, interior design). A perfect collaboration between the two was ideal.
In actuality, it didn’t have to be sealed by a marriage. The marriage bit was thought up by Nino’s insane grandmother and Ohno’s-less insane but-still-batshit grandmother who, having grown up and married rich together decided to honor their schoolgirl pact and throw in a marriage as well. Unfortunately, since there are no girls in either Ohno or Nino’s families of marriageable age and the two old women considered a gay marriage the lesser evil that marriage between Ohno and Nino’s one month old cousin, Nino was delivered two options; marry Ohno or be denied the family fortune.
Of course, Nino could have declined and his grandmother would, in all probability, have given him her money and family business anyway. But Nino’s life lacked a spark and ,in a fit of loneliness and boredom, he agreed and his grandmother did not intend to let him forget that (she records ever single conversation she has, just so she can prove herself right)
As such, Nino decided that Ohno would be an interesting person to spend time with, even if he was blissfully unaware of the finer details that led to their marriage (his mother had informed him of his upcoming nuptials the week before, and he had agreed easily).
It’s of Nino’s cynical view towards affection, a view that he readily admits to having and also prevents him from starting a relationship of any kind, with anyone. And seeing that Ohno is content with random sex with random and assorted females, Nino figures that he married smart.
-
They visit Ohno’s mother together, choosing a time where Ohno’s father (who hasn’t been informed of his son’s marriage) is out.
So, she says, how has married life been?
Ohno stares blankly into space and jolts a little when Nino nudges him.
We’re settling in well, Nino says when Ohno asks his mother to repeat her question. Ohno’s mother ignores Ohno, and beams at Nino.
I’m glad to hear that Nino kun. A pause. Have you guys had sex yet?
Ohno chokes on nothing at all. Nino snerks. Just once, he says, we’ve been busy.
Ohno looks at him, horrified. Nino shrugs.
Ohno’s mother squeals.
-
Have you never thought about sex with a male? Nino asks, purely out of curiosity, on the drive back home. He snickers when Ohno turns bright red and stutters for a while. Ohno doesn’t appear to have even considered it at all, seeing how his lazy-ish demeanor switches to flustered (and, truth be told, rather adorable)
Because of this, Nino nearly crashes the car into a tree when Ohno says, almost too softly to hear, Yes.
-
Perhaps, Nino functions better when he’s being lied to. Nino doesn’t know how to deal with truths, especially when said truths are expressed in a weepy or emotional way. And even though only the first part can be said to be true about Ohno, Nino is still uncomfortable. He can’t even make a quick escape, since he’s driving them home.
So, he wriggles about uncomfortably while Ohno describes the events that led to his thoughts about gay sex.
Ohno had, in university, met a fine young man, two years younger than him, but in the same grade. This man’s name was Sakurai Sho.
Wait, says Nino, you mean Sakurai Sho the news guy who grew up in the house next to mine? Or the Sakurai Sho old creepy banker who tried to touch my ass at a party last year?
The News Guy, Ohno confirms, and continues.
Sakurai Sho was very friendly, and well liked by his peers. Until, of course, he was found to be gay when a certain Aiba Masaki accidentally revealed his preferences one night at a drunken party to about half the student body. But Ohno doesn’t care about things like that, never thought they mattered. Hence, they ended up friends, eating together at lunch and camping together after school, Sho with his textbooks and Ohno with his paints.
They were platonic friends, at least Ohno thought they were, until graduation, which was when, in a drunken stupor, Sho confessed his growing infatuation with Ohno and kissed him. With tongue.
Was it good? Interrupts Nino again, snerking at the thought of blackmail material against his best friend
Ohno hem and haws for a while before confirming that yes, it was very good.
After that, Sho had fallen asleep, lips still pressed to Ohno’s mouth and fingers skirting the waistband of Ohno’s pants, leaving Ohno frozen, and very uncomfortable. Although, the worst part was when Sho had woken up the next day remembering exactly nothing and had instead, a week after graduation announced to all his friends that he was happily attached to Aiba Masaki and had gotten a job with Fuji TV.
It was heartbreaking, Ohno says sadly, I think about it every time we meet for lunch.
You still meet him? Asks Nino
Yeah. Aiba-chan and I like shopping for stuff at the camping store, Ohno says, looking even more depressed.
Nino considers this for a while. How about those girls you bring home?
I like breasts, says Ohno.
Ah, says Nino, I can understand that, just replace breasts with ass though.
Ohno blinks. You means you like guys too? He shifts about, as if he can’t decide whether he should move closer to Nino or away from him.
I believe the correct term is bisexual, Nino rolls his eyes as he parks the car. And speaking of sex, Nino adds casually as they step out of the car. Why don’t you try it with me?
-
Sex with Ohno is, surprisingly, nothing short of amazing. Nino wasn’t expecting much, seeing Ohno’s general lack of movement, but there is a switch that Ohno flips when it comes to sex. Ohno is good at kissing too (which makes Nino wonder how good Sho must then be, under the prudish cover), detailed and gentle and half playful. And poor, poor, sex deprived Nino finds it very, very pleasant indeed.
Nino is half peeved when Ohno decides, without consulting him, that Nino should bottom. Do I look a girl to - ohshitharderyoubastard. Ohno grins, feral and dangerous as his grips Nino’s hips hard enough to leave marks that Nino will kick him for the next day. It’s perfect, exactly what Nino enjoys in sex all rolled into one small man (with amazing hips)
When it’s over, Nino sighs, sweaty and sated and pushes Ohno off him. Ohno is fast asleep, drooling over Nino’s pillow and sprawled over Nino’s side of the bed, as well as his own. Nino cleans himself up, not bothering to do the same for Ohno , squeezes under Ohno’s arms and tucks the clean bits of blanket over himself.
Just before he falls asleep, Nino grins to himself; he totally married right.
Part two is here.