Rolling in the deep; where a lost heart is found (i)
Title: Rolling in the deep; where a lost heart is found
Pairing: Ohno/Jun
Rating: Pg
Disclaimer: Don't own
Summary: sometimes, nothing ever hurts because your heart is gone. Other times, it's just because you've misplaced it and it's hiding. Ohno, stone cold and confused, finds that it's not impossible to feel again AU
A/n: For iphridian for the arashi_on fundraiser. I know that this is entirely different from what you wanted, but afk;kjhgfds idek, I hope you enjoy it. Lots of squishes and seaweed to calerine , who is an awesome beta, slight delay notwithstanding♥
1.
It gets messy. Ohno hates when it's messy. He should have expected it; most times, he just has to keep it quiet and slit once across the throat, but sometimes, there is a fighter. The man struggles right up to when Ohno releases his grip on his chest and tries to cut. Blood spurts everywhere. It gets on Ohno's nose and on his shoes before he can do it properly and push the body away. The man fights to his very last breath, and Ohno wonders what he had to live for that was important enough to try so hard.
The blood on his hands is warm and slippery. Ohno frowns.
Ohno's logic is very simple; murder never really weighs on his conscience if there isn't any blood when he reaches home. Ohno forgets, labels it as an action of no important consequence. He's good at that. it works, too, exceedingly well, and so much so that even Ohno manages to convince himself that it doesn't really happen. Not in the delusional sort of way, but rather forming a detachment that convinces him that it doesn't really matter. It's only wrong if he wants it to be.
They're never very pleasant anyway, Ohno tells himself sometimes, on the rare occasion that he thinks about this; it's only when they're seconds away from dying that they remember how to say 'please'.
And it's too late then, far too late.
2.
Ohno leaves the knife on the coffee table; it's all bloody and gross and it's all the same, really. No one knows who Ohno is, at any rate, he doesn't have any accessible record.. And, even if they had the slightest clue, it's hard to notice Ohno; it gives him an edge, being invisible to the average eye.
Ohno takes his time cleaning up in the nice sink the man has in his office. The soap smells lovely and Ohno feels better when all the blood is gone, down the drains and out of Ohno's mind. It's all fine till he slips out, unnoticed, the same way he came out. Once he hits the streets though, something changes.
A nagging feeling of uneasiness settles in his stomach as he walks down the streets.
He's being watched.
It's not unusual, being watched, most of his employers want assurance that he'll do the job. They're never disappointed, Ohno always gets the job done.
But this watcher isn't just watching, this watcher wants him; there is intent, firm intent that sets Ohno on edge. It isn't exactly malicious intent, Ohno knows that well enough to recognize it, but it isn't friendly either. It's almost predatory, in a way, and Ohno throws his guard up even higher.
Ohno is painfully aware of it, as he gets his lunch and heads home. He studies his fingernails while waiting at the traffic lights. There's a little bit of dried blood under the nail of his right pinky. Ohno frowns. Blood is never good.
3.
Ohno's home is bare and quiet and empty. It's not really a home, just a place where he sleeps. The studio is for his art, and Ohno never goes there when he's working. He'll leave soon enough, when he finds another house, obsolete and tiny with a landlady who accepts cash without question. And after that, he'll find another one, and another. He'll go on and on until -
Ohno isn't sure when he'll stop.
Perhaps, it'll be when he gets caught, or when he lets himself get caught. or maybe it'll be when he dies, perhaps a car accident or getting mugged late at night by a gang of burglars. Ohno doesn't know when he'll stop, but he's pretty sure it won't be voluntarily so that he can settle down and live peacefully.
It's not because he enjoys killing per se; Ohno isn't the blood-thirsty sort of assassin (like others he could mention) who kills for the moment, for the blood and the thrill. Ohno isn't like that. He doesn't feel pity though, he's not exactly a good person either. No; Ohno doesn't do what he does for the killing, Ohno does it because it's all he's ever known. Truth be told, Ohno isn't even sure what peaceful means; happiness, maybe, but not peacefulness.
Ohno's nights are all spent fitfully, restless and half-awake because you never know when you'll get caught by surprise. His days are easier, Ohno is not an easy person to successfully attack while he's conscious. During the days where he has work, Ohno walk along the streets, blending in and circling round his target area until he's in, without anyone noticing.
The killing part is the easiest; it's the only part that Ohno has learnt to block out fully, not like the loneliness and the discontent that haunts him everywhere he goes.
Of course, Ohno has a vague sense that it isn't right, one that has gotten clearer since his mother died and his father was taken away by the police one night, Ohno knows that he wouldn't want to reproduce and raise a child to be like him and do what he does. He keeps to himself, living each day as it comes.
It's lonely though, even his parents had each other until his mother died and then his father had him, to train and tell his life stories to. Ohno hadn't even really understood what being lonely was until his father was gone too, and all Ohno had left was himself, three knives, his parent's reputation and a good stream of clients to get him started.
4.
He's off for a while; he's already finished ten jobs this month and he gets slightly grumpy and fuzzy after that; reality and dreams start to mix about, and Ohno can't deal with that. When he's off, no one calls him and he can pretend toe someone else, another nobody, but at least a nobody who doesn't live a lie. Ohno wakes up and cleans his house of any traces of himself. Then, he smiles, for the first time since the month before and sets out for the studio.
Ohno's studio is really a studio that Ohno pays the rent for. It used to be his mother's studio, and when she died, Ohno went on renting it for himself. At first, it was just so he could visit and try to remember how his mother's arms felt and the faint lavender she always smelt like. After that, Ohno discovers that he enjoys painting as much as she did and also possesses the same amount of talent.
The studio is his retreat, a reward that he allows himself. It's because he's pretty weak, as far as assassins go, Ohno's father never had to take breaks or stop to ponder the moral niceties of cold blooded murder. But then again, Ohno has always been more like his mother; sensitive and talented and always in need of someone to lean on.
The studio is same as always. Ohno unlocks the door and just sits on the floor for a couple hours, relaxing and letting the tiny bit of reprise wash over him gently. All of a sudden, Ohno stops.
Something is different. It's slight, almost too slight to be detected, but Ohno knows it's there.
It's Jasmine, a faint whiff of Jasmine below the Lavander that is his Mother. It's not the landlady; she always smells vaguely like sewage waste, nor the cleaning lady; she smells of old rice. It's not a woman, Ohno realizes, because his senses are acute enough to tell the difference. It means that someone has been in his studio, his studio that no one has a right to access. And a man too; someone who has been through the studio to it's furthest corners and touched the art that Ohno considers only his right to touch.
Ohno's mind flashes nothing but red for the few minutes that he processes this. He's angry, furious at this intrusion into the innermost part of him; his studio, on his off day too. And beyond that, Ohno is afraid, of what this stranger who smells like Jasmine wants from him, and of the change he will inevitably bring. He's afraid because Ohno can't deal with change; he's never been taught how, and the stubborn part of him doesn't want to start learning anytime soon.
5.
Jun tries his best to keep perfectly still. It's been hours without any sound from Subject 3140 and Jun is getting slightly nervous. He can almost smell the rage in the room, it's bold and strong and powerful. He's dealing with one of the best, and Jun doesn't know if he can deal with 3140 by himself. So he remains crouched, motionless (he can, because Jun is one of the best too) and completely silent and waits for something to happen.
Of course, slipping into the guy's house probably wasn't the best idea for a peaceful approach. Nino will laugh at him for this, Jun realizes, and rightly so too, because 3140 is certainly alert enough to realize that something is different (and he already has, at any rate, and it's for this reason that Jun is in a pinch)
'Come out,'
Jun nearly jumps out his skin, but retains the presence of mind to stay still. He pulls his legs closer to his chest and holds his breath.
'Come out,' 3140 says again, louder this time, more sure of himself.
He can't know, Jun tells himself, he's just hedging. don't fall for it.
It's been three minutes, and the man finally moves. Just a little, but enough for Jun to realizes that 3104 is not, in fact, hedging and knows that Jun is hiding somewhere in the room. it's not a big room, even, so the odds of Jun not being found are very much not in his favor.
Another short, sharp move and Jun realizes that 3014 knows where he's hiding and will drag him out and possibly kill him if he doesn't show himself and his gun first.
Jun takes about two seconds to process this and make a descion.
He's about a second and a half too late.
6.
Jun hasn't been in too many near death situations, but this one is, by far, the most dangerous one yet. Of course, having a knife, cold and sharp, pressed against one's neck is always dangerous, but it's an animal, this time. They're all animals; Jun knows this for a fact because he's been taught this for a fact. They kill for monetary gain and pure physical pleasure. They don't hesitate, don't ever feel pricklings of the conscience.
Jun exhales all at once, smacks himself mentally for being careless and tries to brace himself for the slice of the knife. He's been trained to tilt ever so slightly and play dead until it's clear.
Nothing happens.
Jun opens his mouth to say something, but a firm hand clamps down on his shoulder and another reaches down to pull his gun out of it's holster. The knife is slowly removed from where it's lying snug against his neck and ,all of a sudden, Jun finds himself pushed with enough force to send him stumbling back against the wall.
He looks up slowly, hardly knowing what to expect; none of what 3014 is doing is in keeping with their nature. But for all that his mind manages to imagine, what he gets is entirely unexpected.
The first thing he sees is the nozzle of his gun. Then, he sees eyes, dark and frightened and filled with soul. Jun makes a little noise and the gun moves closer to his face.
'Why.'
3014's voice is not icy cold like 3005 or 3012. Instead, Jun hears beautiful lilts in his voice, like a melody trying to burst free. It cuts, though, like ice would, into Jun's senses.
'I don't know,' he says honestly, because he really doesn't, 'I need to take you somewhere.'
'Or else?' The voice grows defensive, angry again, instead of just apprehensive cautiousness.
'I was supposed to be peacefully negotiating,' Jun admits, ' or holding you at gunpoint if you refuse.'
'You were watching me,'
'I was,'
'Why.' 3014 doesn't seem to be asking questions as much as he is demanding answers. Jun finds himself answering, even though he's never been one to take orders from anybody.
'We want you,'Jun opts for honesty, to the best of his knowledge.
This seems to strike something inside 3014. He looks up (because he is, actually, rather tiny for someone so lethal) into Jun's eyes and stares hard. He's looking for something, maybe fear, or hesitation or guilt. He doesn't seem to find anything.
'You want me to kill for you.' He says, after a few minutes of silence.
'I don't think so,' Jun frowns, because he's pretty sure they can kill whoever they want by themselves. Or not, maybe, seeing how Jun could be shot in the head any second.
'I'll come,' 3014 says, just as Jun contemplates buzzing Nino for backup. Jun can only stare, really, because something tells him that 3014 is very, very special.
6.
Ohno isn't sure why he follows the man who smells of Jasmine. All his senses and all logic screams at him to just shoot the guy and forget. But he wants Ohno, someone, or something wants Ohno, and Ohno finds himself lowering the gun and following the man out of his studio.
He doesn't trust the man - Ohno trusts nobody- but the man doesn't want to , and won't, hurt him. He's focused, but without any intent to kill. And beyond that, the man meets Ohno's gaze, firm and proud, but with genuine emotions - not concern, or curiosity, just unlabeled emotions- that Ohno finds he's been craving without quite understanding them.
The need for change overwhelms him like a rush, hard and fast; he wants something to happen, something to change him. It leaves him whirling, because Ohno has never let himself think about change too much. Now that he has, though, Ohno isn't sure if he wants to stop.
7.
'Bringing him in,' Jun says into his phone, 'call Boss,'
The line is silent for a long while.
Jun sighs, 'Please, Nino.'
Nino's grin can be heard down the phone, 'No problem at all, Jun-pon,' he coos, 'Since you asked so nicely.'
'Fuck you,' Jun says, more on principle than actual annoyance.
'I'm sorry,' Nino laughs, 'Sho-chan would have to kill you if you did.'
This marks the end of their exchange. Jun shows 3014 into the appropriate room, and then he leaves; it's lunch time, and Sho is treating (again).
'Bye,' he says to 3014, who starts and looks back at him as though he's never had anyone say Goodbye to him before.
'Bye,' he says back, soft and unsure. Jun leaves, but he isn't sure what to make of this.
8.
When Jun comes back from lunch with an Aiba on his shoulder, he finds 3014 sitting in their rest room eating a curry bun.
'Hey,' says Jun cautiously.
3014 looks up and doesn’t speak till he finishes chewing,
'We're working together,' he says, 'to kill people.'
“What?' says Jun, the same time Aiba says, “ We don't kill people.'
3014 shrugs, 'Thats why your boss wants me to do it for you.'
Jun frowns.
3014 looks at Jun, long and hard, ' I'm Ohno.'
'Oh-chan?' Aiba leaves Jun's shoulder and latches onto Ohno's shoulder instead. Ohno looks surprised, but only slightly. He doesn't shake Aiba off ( rather futile anyway, as Jun has learned over the years) and even maybe looks a little pleased at friendly human contact.
He's human, Jun realises, very human; vulnerable to his thoughts and to his emotions. 3014 - Ohno- isn't just a number like all the others; he has a heart, and perhaps thats why the Boss wanted him.
9.
'He's leading,' Sho says sullenly.
Ohno nods amicably, 'Okay.'
Nino grins, 'Captain,' he says, 'Lets call him Captain.'
Nino and Aiba have taken to Ohno quickly. Aiba takes to everyone quickly though, so t's only Nino that shocks Jun a little. When Nino first meets Ohno, he's able to latch onto Ohno's free arm and worm his way into Ohno's life. And Nino is hardly a sociable person,, all the more with strange assassin.
Jun can't understand it, and, truth be told, he's a tiny bit jealous.
Sho doesn’t take to Ohno quite so easy (Jun doesn't think of Ohno as 3014 now; he's slipped into it far too easily). Sho has his own set of values, far above the one Nino or even Jun has. Sho likes organized, vertical structure, preferably with him right on top. Which has been the case, until Ohno comes, peacable and quiet and hardly leader-like at all.
Jun can see that it grates on Sho's nerves.
As for Jun ; Jun doesn't quite know what to think. Perhaps, in a tiny part of his mind, he likes to think he understands Ohno best. Other parts of him are wary of Ohno ; he could end up killing them all. Jun isn't even sure if he does know Ohno at all.
In the days building up to their raid, Ohno blends into their little unit seamlessly. The Ohno that is around during this time is so gentle that Jun wouldn't believe he could hurt a fly had he not felt Ohno's knife on his neck. Ohno likes sketching and sleeping and curry buns. He also likes Nino and Aiba-chan.
And yes, Jun might more than a little jealous, because Jun was the one who brought Ohno back. He isn't sure what this entitles him to, but Jun is annoyed anyhow.
10.
On the morning of the raid, Sho throws a fit because Ohno has no visible plan.
'We just go in and kill him,' Ohno says easily, and then , 'He's bad, right?'
'Very bad,' Nino assures him.
'Then it's fine,' Ohno says with a small smile, 'If Nino thinks he's bad.'
Sho goes purple He doesn't get to yell though, because Ohno is already going out with Aiba . Nino goes back to his computer. He's not grinning though. Jun sighs. He pats Sho on the shoulder.
'Lets go.'
Sho, torn between throwing a tantrum or being a mature adult , goes.
11.
It is, undoubtably, a success by all standards. Except the moral sort. Sho brought poison, the nicer kind that allowed for al less painful death. Jun wonders if he will ever forget when Ohno pulled his knife across the man's throat . It's not the look of wild desperation on the man's face though; it's Ohno's face.
Ohno probably never notices, but Jun sees a child, a helpless child following instructions. He sees lonely confusion and then pain. Jun has to look away. In the bathroom, Sho is throwing up. Even Aiba isn't smiling any more.
'What?' asks Ohno, as he wipes his hands and drops the knife on the floor. It clatters against the wood for while, and they stand there in silence until it stops.
Ohno reaches over and plucks the man's file off his desk and hands it to Jun.
'Lunch?' he asks mildly.
part 2