And so we drift together 4/5
Title: And so we drift together
Author: edgeofthedesert
Rating: T for language and sexual references
Characters: Rachel Berry, Noah Puckerman, and appearances from almost all glee characters
Pairing: Eventual Puck/Rachel with Finn/Rachel, Jesse/Rachel, Matt/Rachel and Puck/Brittany
Word Count: 9108 for this part
Spoilers: None. AU.
Summary: The 3 times she asks Noah Puckerman out over the course of 2 years make her think they'll never have a chance together. Time and fate may change that...
A/N: I keep changing the amount of chapters for this story but it will definitely be 5, I promise. Read, enjoy, and review everyone!
She doesn’t see or hear from Noah for a week or so.
When she gets back from Matt’s the morning after the party, Mercedes is right in her face asking for details and offering pancakes she made. Rachel declines. She happens to already be full since Matt bought her breakfast while he walked her home this morning.
“You know you have to tell me everything. Did you have sex with him?” Mercedes asks curiously.
Rachel’s deep blush is pretty much a giveaway.
Mercedes laughs and prattles on about how crazy their hook up is while making more pancakes.
Rachel listens and pretends to agree while she goes into her room to change clothes. She doesn’t need to shower since…she did that at Matt’s too.
Matt is not a bad guy. And if this were a different world where her childhood crush she never got over didn’t go to the same school as her, Matt would be the perfect guy. The obvious choice. And despite the fact he has a girlfriend and he’s one of her very good friends, Rachel can’t seem to forget about Noah. She’s never been able to fully forget since 7th grade.
That doesn’t mean she can’t necessarily enjoy whatever this is with Matt. Their first hook up was more drunken and bumbly than this one. Plus Rachel chose to forget how awkward and strange the situation was and just..felt.
So yes…Matt was good. And a perfect gentleman who bought her breakfast the morning after.
But she feels bad about the whole encounter with Noah after a week of not hearing from him. This wouldn’t be strange if she hadn’t sent him a couple texts.
She’s walking back from her vocal lesson on Friday afternoon to go back to the dorm and get ready. She has an ice cream date with Matt that night. She’s a little reluctant to go on an actual date with the guy, but at the urging of Mercedes and Grace she decides to consider it.
She’s passing by a coffee cart when she sees Noah and Jake talking and laughing while they wait for their coffee. Jake sees her first and waves her over with a smile. Noah looks over as well, but his smile is…smaller…strained. She’s never seen something like that directed over to her.
“Hey guys! What’s up?” she greets.
“Hey Rach! Just getting coffee and catching up. I haven’t even seen you much this week girl,” Jake replies.
“I know,” Rachel sighs. “Starting up classes and everything…it’s really busy. I haven’t seen you either Noah. Did you get my texts or anything?”
“Yeah uh…I must have gotten them while I was on the phone or sleeping or something. If I don’t answer right away I just forget about it. Sorry,” Noah answers nonchalantly with a shrug.
Rachel feels the coldness in his words. Noah has never been mad at her before and she doesn’t know what to make of it.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the dorm Rach? I hear you have a hot date tonight huh?” Jake teases. Rachel blushes as her friend nudges her on the shoulder playfully. Noah looks on with a steely gaze and when Rachel notices she coughs lightly.
“Yes, actually I do have to be getting back. I’ll see you later Jake. And Noah! Please don’t be a stranger to the dorm. Mercedes and I are making breakfast tomorrow. Come over!” she says to him with a pleading look in her eyes. She needs him to not be mad at her.
He shrugs. “Maybe. I mean Brittany is coming tonight so-“
“Nonsense! You know Brittany is always welcome. Bring her. You’ll come right?” she asks looking into his eyes.
She silently says an apology in her head, and as if he hears her, his gaze becomes a little softer. She smiles warmly and hopefully at him. She can see the smile beginning to emerge on his face but the moment is interrupted by Jake.
“Whatever he’ll be there. He can’t really pass free breakfast can he?” Jake comments with a scoff.
The three of them laugh lightly. Rachel gives the boys a reluctant wave goodbye before hurrying off to her dorm.
x 0 x 0 xThings return to normal over the next couple of weeks.
Classes really get underway and Rachel makes a point of forging relationships with her professors this semester. She goes to office hours, asks questions, and basically everything she can to make sure they know who she is. Her requirement class this semester is a little tough, and going for help every other day is the only way she’s going to get through it. Who knew an astronomy class would be so difficult? At least she decided to take the class with Mercedes.
It’s one particular Tuesday morning at 9am when the girls are in class and completely exhausted. They both woke up a little later than usual and didn’t have any time to get coffee before class.
Naturally they’re miserable.
They sit in the back of the class, trying not to nod off during the lecture. Rachel feels her phone vibrate in her lap and sighs, knowing it’s Matt who she’s been texting since class started.
Sorry you couldn’t get coffee before class :-( How about I meet you at your class when you get out with some coffee?
Rachel stares at the text message for a moment and grimaces. Mercedes looks over at her and gives her a curious look. Rachel discreetly hands over the phone and lets Mercedes read the most recent text.
And then Mercedes looks at her like she’s crazy.
‘What’s wrong with that?’ she mouths to her.
Rachel doesn’t really have an answer for her. Because for intents and purposes there’s nothing wrong with a boy she’s dating bringing her coffee when she gets out of class. But Rachel can’t find anything cute about this….no matter how cute it is.
So she just shrugs.
Mercedes sighs and goes back to writing notes for the lecture. Meanwhile Rachel quickly texts Matt back to let him know he doesn’t have to do that.
Because she really doesn’t want him to.
x 0 x 0 xA few days later she’s in Matt’s bed, rethinking this entire situation.
He’s in the bathroom cleaning up and she’s lying in his bed, staring at the posters on his wall in contemplation.
Other than appreciation for the fact that he just made her come, she doesn’t feel a lot for Matt romantically. She wishes she did. Clearly he’s a wonderful guy…but she just can’t do it.
He comes back to bed and gets in behind her, spooning around her and laying a kiss on her shoulder.
“So one of the guys was telling me about this really great restaurant I think we should go to. Max Brenner,” he tells her softly.
Rachel’s eyes widen. “Matt that place is so expensive! I mean really we’re only college students and it’s not practical-“
“No it’s fine. I made a reservation for next weekend and everything. Don’t worry about a thing. You just get dressed up and I’ll take you out. You deserve it,” he says with a warm smile.
She doesn’t really have a choice at that moment does she?
x 0 x 0 xThe next morning she meets Mercedes at a diner by campus they like to come to sometimes for breakfast. The girls sit down and order quickly while talking mindlessly over minor details of the week. Besides seeing each other in class they haven’t spent as much time as they would like, hence meeting for breakfast.
“How’s everything with Matt? You didn’t come back last night,” Mercedes asks her with a smirk.
Rachel tries to hide the sour look on her face by looking passive and reaching for her coffee. She shrugs. “It’s…ok. He wants to take me to Max Brenner next weekend.”
Mercedes chokes on her orange juice. “Um…isn’t that place hard to get a reservation for…and pretty expensive?”
Rachel nods worriedly.
“But…you’re going right?”
“I told him I would…kind of,” Rachel answers skeptically.
The conversation is interrupted by the arrival of their food and the girls start to eat in silence. Rachel picks at her French toast, feeling Mercedes glance at her every now and then. It’s not until she hears her fork clatter that she looks up and see Mercedes staring at her with a pensive look on her face.
“You don’t even like this guy,” she states.
Rachel sputters. “That’s not true!”
Mercedes shakes her head. “Look Rachel, I know the past year when it comes to guys has been…tough. Jesse was an absolute jerk and I think you’re over him…but I also don’t think you like Matt. Sure the first couple of hook ups were fun and good for you to get back out there but…an actual relationship? You don’t want that with him.”
“What makes you say that?” Rachel asks curiously.
“I just…I know you by now. If you want something, you’re usually passionate, excited and obsessed. I haven’t seen any of that with Matt. He’s a good guy Rachel but he’s just not the guy you want. Remember when he wanted to bring you coffee? Any self respecting girl would swoon over that but you looked at it like he was some kind of freak. You were completely reluctant to go on a date with him in the first place. You find excuses not to go out with him all the time. You don’t want to be with him Rachel,” Mercedes finishes sternly.
Rachel bites her lip and fiddles with the napkin on her lap, not able to meet Mercedes eyes anymore. She feels a little ashamed.
She hears her friend sigh. “I don’t think you’re a terrible person or anything Rach. I love you and you’re my friend. I want to see you happy. But it’s not going to be with him. You can’t go on this date with him, let him spend all this money on you, and then decide you don’t want to be with him. It just wouldn’t be right.”
Rachel looks up to see a comforting look on her friend’s face. She’s thankful someone was able to talk some sense into her and she’s glad it was Mercedes. No matter what the girl actually thinks she doesn’t completely judge Rachel for whatever she does. She just listens and tells her what she needs to hear.
“You’re right,” Rachel whispers. “I’m going to have to call him when we get back huh?”
“Yup. But for now eat your French toast ok?”
Rachel smiles appreciatively at her friend before taking a bite of her breakfast.
x 0 x 0 xTalking to Matt is a little harder than she expects it to be.
To make it easier on the both of them (mostly herself) she tells him over the phone and blames any doubts she has on not being over Jesse yet.
“I just…I’ve been hurt before Matt. And I was really trying but I need more time,” she tells him softly over the phone.
“I know that Rachel but…what if we just go slower? I’ll wait for you and everything because you’re worth it and-“
“Matt that’s sweet but…no. I just…I’ve been through a lot ok and it’s not fair to you if we do that. School is getting harder than I expected too and I’m just overwhelmed. I’m so sorry though,” she interrupts.
“Ok…I guess I’ll see you around?” he asks hopefully.
Rachel hesitates for a moment, not wanting to get his hopes up. “Maybe Matt. I’m really busy but…hopefully we’ll talk to each other soon.”
They say their goodbyes, his more pathetic and sad than hers, and hang up.
She shouldn’t feel this relieved by breaking up with someone…but she is.
x 0 x 0 xBy the middle of October everyone in the hall is consumed with work.
They also figure out that the sophomore slump is a real thing.
Rachel struggles heavily. Her major classes are tough this year, astronomy is a bitch, her vocal teacher is giving her more complex pieces that she has to spend a lot of time practicing, and she’s helping out with the musical this year to get her foot in the door.
The problem is that no matter how hard she tries, things don’t completely go her way. She got a horrible grade on her astronomy midterm despite the hours of studying she did with Mercedes and time spent in office hours and review sessions. Her vocal teacher keeps commenting on her inability to repress emotions at the right moments of the song ,which completely distracts from her voice. Oh and there’s something wrong with her tone. She also hoped that by helping with set design for the musical production, she would make friends in the department and get noticed for her hard work. Unfortunately she’s just a grunt worker who is only looked at when she paints something outside of the line accidentally.
Her only salvation is that everyone is feeling this way. She often sits with Grace, Mercedes, Jake, and sometimes Noah to complain about how unfair their lives are.
“It’s bullshit,” Grace groans. “Anatomy and Physiology is actually the most impossible class ever created. I’m not kidding. I’m going to fail and never be a nurse.”
“You’re telling me,” Noah says from his spot on Rachel’s couch. “I don’t get how this music theory class is supposed to help me if I can’t understand any of it. I’ve never studied so much in my life…and I hate studying.”
“Does this mean you’ve been to the library for once?” Rachel teases.
Noah chuckles. “Yeah..no. I refuse to step into a library while I’m here. I don’t need that shit.”
The 5 friends continue ranting until a cell phone rings. It happens to be Noah’s phone, which he looks at with a raised eyebrow. He answers the phone with a hello and gets up without a word to anyone.
“What was that?” Mercedes asks. “He looked a little strange.”
Jake shrugs. “It’s probably Finn or something. The guys having a lot of issues and calling Puck all the time.”
He doesn’t come back in the room for a good 30 minutes. When he does, he apologizes for leaving for so long and returns to his spot on Rachel’s bed.
“Who was it?” Rachel asks nonchalantly, not wanting to seem too nosy.
“It was Finn,” he answers simply.
“Oh Finn! I feel like I never hear about him. How is he, what is he doing?”
“He’s ok I guess. I mean a lot of girl problems and shit but he’s at some bible college in Philly. It’s kind of stupid. You know how religious his mom is and shit. I think he wants to major in physical education.”
“Oh…that’s nice. I’m not terribly surprised he ended up at a bible college. His mom was really strict when we dated. I never went over his house because he said she didn’t like girls over or something. Is he still dating Quinn?”
Noah looks at her completely bewildered. “Wait he said his mom didn’t like girls over? That’s bullshit. Quinn was over all the time when they dated like freshman year.”
Rachel’s eyebrows quirk up. “Well…maybe she just liked Quinn more or…I don’t know. They started dating not long after he and I broke up.”
“They started talking and hooking up in like October or something. I just thought it was fucked up the whole time because Quinn is a bitch and it always shows.”
Rachel becomes even more confused at this revelation. “Noah…Finn and I didn’t even break up until the end of October.”
Noah’s eyes widen. “Shit. Shit shit shit. He never told me when you guys broke up, he just kind of started talking about Quinn so I figured you guys broke up and I hardly saw you and…shit! B I’m really sorry.”
Rachel merely smirks. “What can you do now? It’s been years and it shouldn’t matter anymore. So why is Quinn such a bitch…besides the obvious?”
“Did Tina never tell you any of their high school shit? It was ridiculous. They were always off and on, fighting all the time and stuff. Then senior year when they were definitely on, Quinn has sex with Sam Evans because Finn didn’t want to lose his virginity but Quinn did. So she went to Sam which is fucked up because we were really good friends with him. But they still stayed together.”
Everyone in the room at this point is enthralled by their conversation.
“That shit is fucked up man. How are they even together now?” Jake comments.
“So he’s calling me all the time now because they fight a lot. He eventually did have sex with her but now he wants to stop because he feels bad but she says it’s ok if they have sex and that God won’t be that pissed because they love each other. But he doesn’t know if he should break up with her because she’s the ‘perfect Godly woman my mom always wanted.’ It’s really exhausting to keep up with,” Noah explains.
Rachel just shakes her head and snickers. She really dodged a bullet there with Finn.
x 0 x 0 xShe gets to see the golden couple in the flesh when she sees Noah’s acapella group perform for their fall show.
The entire hall goes, as usual, and the show is really fantastic. Noah gets more of a role since he’s a year older now, and even gets to be in a couple of the skits they put on.
After the show, the group is in the lobby waiting for Noah so they can congratulate him. Rachel looks around at the crowd of people surrounding them and finally sees 3 familiar faces-Brittany, Finn, and Quinn. Brittany and Quinn are talking animatedly to each other while Finn looks on completely bored. Quinn is attached to his hip, arms around the waist while his arm is thrown over their shoulder. If Rachel didn’t know what she knew she would actually think they’re the perfect couple.
Noah appears from backstage and greets all of his friends. She gives him a big hug and smile with many compliments over the arrangements of some of the songs.
“Seriously Noah, some of those arrangements were fantastic. I really really enjoyed the show and you did so well!” she compliments.
He blushes a little. “Thanks B. You know when I have set up some of the arrangements you’re going to have to help me. I need it to live up to your expectations and shit.”
She grins brightly and agrees with him. She enjoys that he values her opinion so much.
Before he goes to meet with Brittany, Finn, and Quinn he invites the group to the after party over at his apartment. Hopefully this party will be less awkward than the last.
x 0 x 0 xRachel should not have expectations.
What she expected was a fun celebration with drinks, laughter, and lots of music. She expected to dance with all of her friends and maybe even steal a dance with Noah at some point of the night.
Except she spends most of this party drinking more than she should so she can avoid having to talk to Finn or Quinn.
She’s not mad about him cheating on her. It’s in the past and honestly, she’s had worse done to her (thank you Jesse). They were kids. But that doesn’t mean she wants to talk to him or have a conversation right now.
Quinn seems to have the same idea, because even though the two girls acknowledge each other’s presence, Quinn pretends that Rachel doesn’t exist. Instead she hangs all over Finn, dancing and grinding up against him so that he’ll stop looking at Rachel curiously.
His constant staring the whole night is just uncomfortable.
Besides talking to Brittany quickly when she first arrives at the apartment, she hasn’t seen the other golden couple all night. It’s pretty late, almost 1am, and Rachel needs to pee so she wanders around the apartment and looks for a bathroom. She comes up to a familiar dark hallway where she once made out with Matt and finds herself in an odd position.
There are a few people talking together in the hall but her attention falls on Noah and Brittany nestled together against the wall. Brittany’s head is thrown back with a dreamy smile on her face while Noah kisses and nips at her neck. His hands are hidden under her shirt and under her skirt. He’s basically surrounding her against the wall and lifts his head up to whisper something to her against her lips before kissing her slowly and languidly. Brittany nudges at his belt with her hand, making a motion to undo it. Before she can, Noah’s hand immediately emerges from under her skirt to stop her. He stops their kiss with a laugh and says something to her before looking around.
And then he spots Rachel.
It’s like déjà vu, except Rachel is more wide eyed and entranced than anything else. Noah simply looks at her while Brittany kisses against his neck and trails her hand under his shirt.
And then he smirks. He smirks with an unfamiliar look in his eye before lifting Brittany’s head to take her lips forcefully. The kiss is heated and Brittany becomes pliant in Noah’s arms. He takes her legs and lifts her up against him so that she can wrap herself around him.
Rachel should walk away. She should walk away and just…go home. But she can’t stop looking.
And now Noah won’t stop looking at her, even if he is making out with his girlfriend.
He lifts Brittany from the wall and walks backwards over to the door right next to where they were standing before. He stares at her the whole time before disappearing into the bedroom and closing the door.
x 0 x 0 xShe probably had that coming.
Rachel walks away from the hallway bewildered and distracted. She knows now how it felt to be Noah in that situation, walking in on an intimate moment with someone you know and wanting to look away but not being able to. Although Noah seemed more…perturbed. She doesn’t know Noah’s feelings about her exactly, but he must feel something if he seemed so put off by her making out with Matt.
She hasn’t thought about this in a long time, not since the initial incident. But being in the same position as him has made her think. She should be mad since he intentionally upped the ante just for her benefit. Anyone with eyes would recognize that. He knows how she felt about him in the past…the longing she had for him in middle school. So it’s a little cruel to play on those emotions.
Except she’s not mad…she’s jealous.
Jealous because Noah is made up of defined muscles and hardness. Jealous because she’s seen the guy in just his briefs but can’t do anything about it. Jealous because she had to see him in action to finally understand how much she wants Noah Puckerman but can’t have him.
But Brittany can. She can have him anyway she wants.
Rachel shakes herself off and decides to find the rest of her friends so she can get out of here. This isn’t a fun party anymore.
On the way she passes by Finn and Quinn again, avoiding their gaze. But she can feel Finn staring at her once again. It’s not any comfort to know that he at least is noticing her. She wants someone else to.
x 0 x 0 xShe doesn’t see Noah for the rest of the semester.
It’s a whirlwind of the end of classes, the theater production, and then final exams. She works harder than she ever has before to get her grades up. Astronomy never got any easier and the professor for her history of Shakespearean theater class is a hardass.
Through all of that she hardly has anytime to think about Noah. She really doesn’t. She doesn’t spend much time in the dorm either except to sleep and eat occasionally. She and Mercedes miss each other all the time and promise one night that they’ll hang out a lot during winter break to make up for it.
But coming home after such a hard semester is the biggest relief yet. Her dads spoil her with all of her favorite meals and a nice trip to Cleveland to see a play she likes. She thinks it’s just because they miss her so much when she’s gone.
She’s sitting in her room one morning catching up on some reading when her daddy walks in.
“Hey sweets! I’m going off to work but just to let you know, we’re going to the Puckermans tonight for Hanukkah. Won’t that be fun? Celebrating with our 2 favorite NYU students!” he exclaims excited.
She gives him a tight smile and agrees before he kisses her on the forehead and heads off.
She’s not entirely surprised, but it’s been a long time since the Berrys and Puckermans have come together like this. It hasn’t been since high school really. She’s excited about seeing Sarah and Mrs. Puckerman but Noah…who knows.
Hours later she wakes up from a short nap to a text message.
Yo B. I hear you guys are coming for dinner tonight. Like old times huh?
She stares at the phone confused. He hasn’t made an effort to talk to her since his party…so why now?
Then again she hasn’t made an effort either.
Yes it will be like old times. Maybe your mother will tell the story about how you had nightmares after Schindler’s List again.
I swear I’ll walk out of the house if she does that shit.
No you won’t. You say that every time but you never do. You just blush and she pinches your cheeks.
Damn Aviva. You know too much Rachel.
By now she’s smiling and giggling at the memories of Aviva Puckerman telling that childhood story. It always warms her heart, the thought of Noah being scared that everything in Schindler’s List would happen to him and his mom. Sure he was a little kid at the time but it shows a more gentle side not many get to see.
She continues texting him with a grin on her face, completely forgetting why she didn’t want to talk to him in the first place.
x 0 x 0 xShe sees Noah a lot more after that dinner.
Her fathers and Mrs. Puckerman miss the good times of their mutual family friendship so much that they decide to make it happen a lot more during the winter break. They have lunch after Temple and a joint outing to go ice-skating.
Noah also invites her to spend New Years Eve at his house but she declines, saying she already promised Mercedes she was going to her house.
She almost says yes though.
x 0 x 0 xThe sophomore slump continues.
One would think that the second semester is supposed to be a little easier but unfortunately for Rachel that’s not the case.
Her theater workshop this semester is tougher than ever. The professor has been known to be extremely critical and Rachel always seems to be the one he notices the most. He nitpicks everything she does while the class looks on in satisfaction because it’s not them being noticed.
She decides to get a new vocal teacher this semester since the last one got on her nerves so much. She at least likes this one better. She’s more patient and eager to teach Rachel things instead of just watching her sing and telling her what she did wrong.
Her vocal lessons are basically the only good part of her day.
Not even being in the dorm is much salvation anymore. Grace and Jake decided to make the mistake of dating at the end of the last semester. While Mercedes, Rachel, and the rest of their friends tried to be supportive and happy for them, they knew it would blow up eventually.
And it did. All the time.
Even though Rachel didn’t always like Karen, she felt kind of bad that she had to witness the brunt of the drama with Jake and Grace. The girl would constantly come over to her room just to escape the shouting or make up sex.
So Rachel goes to the library.
She loves Jake and Grace dearly, but she does not love them together. Jake has his own set of issues and is actually quite needy and pessimistic. He also seems to have a depressive streak. And it’s just not healthy when coupled with Grace’s incessant need to help people and save them. Sure she wants to be a nurse but…she can’t save everyone.
Rachel doesn’t want to be around when shit really hits the fan. So she runs away.
x 0 x 0 xThe semester passes over and Rachel becomes exhausted.
In addition to her classes and vocal work, she tries out for the musical production and actually gets a substantial supporting role. She wasn’t expecting to get anything, knowing that seniors and juniors get first pick, but the casting committee was so impressed with her audition that they gave her something good.
The rehearsals are long and hard, but don’t interfere too much with her schoolwork. She has a lot of downtime to do it during practice and concentrate on it well enough. But she’s excited. She’s going to own this part and impress everyone. She knows it.
After spring break, everyone starts talking about the huge festival that will be happening on campus very soon. NYU has it every year and campus performing arts groups perform in the main part of campus on Friday and Saturday while everyone is able to get food and drinks from different vendors. Then at night there’s a huge carnival with games and free food from great places around the city. They’re also supposed to have Girl Talk and Lil Wayne come for a concert on Friday night.
But really it’s the biggest excuse for everyone on campus to drink all the time.
It’s not an exaggeration. Even though the festival is supposed to be on Friday and Saturday, people begin their own festivities on Wednesday and last all the way to Sunday.
Everyone is really excited about it and talks about the different parties they’re planning on going to both nights. Rachel didn’t pay attention to the festival much last year, but she guesses she’ll participate and take a break from everything this time. She really needs one anyway.
x 0 x 0 xIf there’s one thing this big party is good for, it’s people watching.
Rachel, Mercedes, and Karen are sitting on the grass in the sun, watching everyone in the main quad area go absolutely insane. Rachel can smell the beer and vomit everywhere, and her heart pounds from the bass of the music from the band that’s currently playing. They laugh watching a completely plastered girl topple over another until it seems a wrestling match is occurring.
Rachel doesn’t get the big deal about this weekend, but she enjoys watching everyone lose themselves a little. She’ll go to parties, drink, and have fun but she can’t see herself doing anything too stupid.
As Rachel looks away from drunk girls she sees a 2 blurs dart past her. She follows the people with her eyes as they run around to other people yelling and high fiving them.
It’s…it’s Noah and Finn.
Mercedes notices them at the same time and cackles loudly.
“Oh no. Puck is already trashed and it’s 3pm. We need to get him over here. Puck!” Mercedes calls out amused.
Both boys look in their direction, and it takes them a second to recognize the girls before their faces light up.
“B! Mercedes! Gracie!” Noah yells with arms wide open. The two boys run over and give the girls enthusiastic hugs and high fives. They’re a little stunned, especially because Mercedes and Grace don’t know Finn but they guess he’s a friendly drunk.
Rachel is glad to see Noah otherwise. She hasn’t seen him for a few weeks, being too entirely busy to even socialize with others. She’s missed him. And he’s kind of a fun drunk.
“Have you guys had anything to drink because we have? You need to come over my place. We’re stocked,” he slurs happily.
“There’s so much vodka!” Finn pipes up.
The boys continue to ramble on about asinine things while the girls giggle and look on amused. Rachel feels like she’s in 8th grade again, watching Noah and Finn make plans to try and take over the world but fail miserably.
One of Noah’s friends joins the group however and tells the boys they have to get back for more pre-gaming before they go to the concert. They whine about not wanting to leave the girls but Rachel assures them they’ll try and see them later. Once they make her pinky promise them she’ll find them, they agree to leave with Noah’s friend.
The girls laugh for a good two minutes once the boys leave, completely entertained and wondering what shenanigans they’ll get up to if they’re with Noah and Finn this weekend. Rachel really does hope she’ll run into them again.
x 0 x 0 xShe’s at the carnival the next night with Mercedes and Jake, eating free samosas they snagged at one of the food carts. They stand along and watching the activity around them, bopping along to the music the DJ is playing.
Rachel looks over to the moon bounce obstacle course just in time to see Noah and Finn stumbling off the monstrosity with difficulty because of how much they’re laughing. She looks at the boys closely. They’re clearly still drunk, but for some reason Noah is wearing a jacket she doesn’t recognize with ridiculous sunglasses. Finn stares at his surroundings once the boys have found their footing and spots Rachel. She gives him a small wave with a smile and Finn nudges Noah and gestures over to Rachel. They both walk over to the group, smiling goofily at her the entire time.
Everyone greets each other happily with Jake giving Noah and Finn some complicated handshake she’s surprised all of the boys can manage since they’re pretty drunk already. They stand around in a circle for awhile, discussing the carnival and also how crazy the concert was last night.
“Dude, everyone was smoking pot in our section. It was kind of awesome,” Finn whispers as if it’s some scandalous secret.
Noah snorts. “Yeah I had to hold him back a couple times. Finnocence is a little out of his element don’t you think?”
“Hey! I’m at stuffy Christian school place or whatever. And I’m a single guy! I can do what I want,” Finn retorts proudly.
Rachel snickers and wonders what happened now for Finn and Quinn to break up. Noah mentioned to her awhile ago that the two had finally resolved the sex issue-or rather Finn gave into Quinn and let her do what she wanted to him.
“Finn decided he has to get laid tonight,” Noah informs them.
“That’s right!” the tall boy quips.
Mercedes can’t help chuckling and looks at Rachel with an, ‘Are they for real?’ expression on her face. Rachel merely shrugs. She looks at the boys again and sees they’re bickering over something unimportant. Rachel decides to interrupt their conversation.
“Hey Noah where did you get that jacket and sunglasses?” she asks curiously.
Noah looks down at his garments confused, as if he’s completely forgotten that he’s even wearing them. He thinks for a moment and finally comes to a realization.
“Oh…yeah we found this at some frat open house. We kind of just went to scope things out and get free beer and then I found this jacket in a closet. It’s cool right?” he tells them nonchalantly, like there is nothing abnormal about the situation.
The girls giggle and Jake shakes his head. The fun is interrupted though when Mercedes phone chirps. The girl looks at the phone and sighs disappointed.
“We have to go. Everyone wants to pre-game and get ready to go out later and it’s already like 9.”
Rachel nods in agreement and looks to the boys to tell them goodbye and she’ll see them later, when Finn grabs her hand in earnest. “Wait Rachel! You have to stay! I have to tell you some stuff or whatever,” the boy rambles nervously. She raises her eyebrow and tells Mercedes and Jake she’ll catch up with them later before turning back to Finn and Noah.
Noah stares at Finn like he’s crazy while the boy takes a deep breath and begins to speak.
“So like…I have to apologize. Because when we dated freshman year I was the biggest doofus ever. I mean…you’re the coolest. You always have been. And you’re smoking hot! But I was stupid and the worst boyfriend ever and you didn’t deserve any of it. I shouldn’t have been talking to Quinn behind your back and I should have appreciated everything we had.”
Noah continues to stare at Finn with wide eyes, just as surprised as Rachel at the confession Finn just let out. Finn keeps rambling and spouting nonsense until Rachel shakes her head profusely and holds her hand up to signal Finn to shut up.
“Finn,” she begins carefully. “It’s ok. I forgave you…a long time ago for freshman year. You’re right…you were a horrible boyfriend. But hopefully you’ve grown up…a little bit. And you obviously recognize you made a mistake. So please stop apologizing.”
Finn breathes a sigh of relief and grins widely at her. “Awesome. I really want to be friends and stuff. It’s really good to see you Rachel.” And with that he engulfs her into a hug. Rachel looks at Noah helplessly while he looks on. He can only shrug with a confused look.
The three friends start to walk home, Noah leading the way and Finn and Rachel lagging behind. Finn wraps his arm around Rachel the whole time, holding her close and talking to her about things she can’t even understand. She smiles and nods at the right times, but mostly her attention is on Noah who says hi to just about everyone they pass.
When they arrive to her dorm, the door to her apartment is open and her crew of friends is standing around the table doing shots. Except for Jake and Grace who are arguing heatedly until Jake storms out of the room.
Rachel is pretty sure they’re broken up right now…she doesn’t have the energy to find out at this point.
Everyone greets her happily and she excuses herself to her room to find something to wear so they can leave to go out. She walks into her room and opens her closet, sifting through her clothes contemplatively. She hears footsteps coming closer however, and turns around to see Finn standing behind her.
He doesn’t say much, looking into her closet as well and sifting through her things. She watches him bite his lip, picking up a red tank top she owns with a deep V neck. He looks at it then looks at her, before making the decision and handing it over to her.
“Wear this…you’ll look really hot,” he murmurs while standing closer to her to give her the shirt. She looks up hesitantly, wanting to back away somewhat.
“Um…ok…but you have to leave the room so I can change,” she tells him carefully.
He blushes embarrassed before muttering a “right” and leaving her room.
Rachel shakes her head and begins to change out of her clothes and get dressed. While doing her make-up she thinks about the situation she knows is already emerging.
Finn is obviously trying to rekindle whatever flame they had. He’s single, for now, and probably figures that hooking up with Rachel is a safe bet. It’s not like they’d actually get back together. Rachel isn’t that stupid and Finn and Quinn wouldn’t break up for good.
He’s really bumbly but he seems to have a good heart. She figures she’ll have fun anyway with him and everyone else tonight. If he happens to lean in and kiss her at any point in time, she won’t necessarily stop him.
She doesn’t have to…she’s not attached…he isn’t attached…
It’s all fair game.
x 0 x 0 x
She kind of hates how right she is about Finn.
The boy stays attached to her from the time they leave the dorm until they get to a party. He only leaves her side to get her drinks from a few feet away.
Besides that, everyone seems to be having a great time. Despite spilling some of his drink on her white top earlier, Noah and Mercedes are dancing and laughing together. Grace is dancing with a friend of hers and Rachel is…attempting to dance with Finn. Mostly it just involves him grinding behind her to compensate for the fact that he can’t actually dance.
She ignores it for the most part, letting him do whatever he wants back there while she dances with Mercedes and Grace in front of her.
The party is pretty full and there isn’t much space in what seems to be the living room turned makeshift dance floor.
Finn’s hands are low on her hips, straying every now and then to the hem of her top so that his fingertips graze the skin underneath. His breath is on the back of her neck and his pelvis is nestled against her ass. Which is how she can tell he’s a little hard for her.
She vaguely hears him whisper, “Fuck you’re so hot Rachel.” But the music is too loud for her to hear everything he says.
He turns her around to face him and she looks up, surprised, before he leans in and kisses her. He pulls her towards him tightly and she doesn’t really have much of a choice other than to kiss him back.
That’s the thing with Finn. Even when they dated he always just pulled her into these make out sessions all the time. She never really knew how to get out of it and just went with it.
They continue like this, making out on the dance floor while everything else moves around them. It’s not bad and it stays pretty innocent for the most part, except when Finn grabs her ass or whispers how hot she is in her ear.
20 minutes later she manages to free herself enough from Finn to look around and see who’s still around. She ignores Finn’s pleas to go back to her place because hell if she’s going down that road, and instead goes to look for the rest of her friends.
She goes into another room in the house where the lights are actually on and sees Mercedes, Grace, and Grace’s friend talking and laughing. Rachel tries to make her way over but before she can, Jake comes out of nowhere and angrily stalks over to the trio.
Rachel can tell by the look on his face that he’s drunk…and angry. Which is not a good idea considering how big he is. He’s yelling at Grace who has a scowl on her face while her friend stands there kind of terrified. Jake makes a move to tower over the guy who runs away and hides in a bathroom nearby. Jake continues to yell for “That little pussy to come out here and face me like a man!” while Grace cries for him to stop and Mercedes stands between him and the bathroom. She pushes him away, telling him to stop being an idiot and get out of here. Jake roars at Mercedes to get out of his way but she stands her ground and doesn’t move.
“Or what Jake? Are you gonna hit me?” she asks coolly. Rachel’s breath hitches, ready to go defend her friend if that’s what she has to do. Her two friends continue to stare at each other and the room is completely silent.
But Jake finally relents. Not without muttering “fuck this” and walking away. Rachel breathes a sigh of relief and goes to comfort Grace who is standing there completely mortified and crying. The noise in the room picks up again and Mercedes comes over to the girls and suggests they call it a night.
That might be the best idea they’ve had all night.
They find Noah in the kitchen, chugging water and laughing it up with a bunch of guys he probably just met. Evidently he didn’t notice the ruckus going on in the living room.
The 5 friends walk home, and this time Rachel is able to avoid Finn’s advances by playing the good friend to Grace. While the situation is unfortunate, at least it gives her a complete out to Finn wanting to come up to her room.
x 0 x 0 xShe sleeps in Mercedes room that night.
She doesn’t know why but the girls go on discussing the night’s events and how to deal with the Jake and Grace situation. And Mercedes laughs hysterically of course when Rachel tells her about Finn. But it gets so late that Rachel doesn’t even feel like trudging back to her room, so she just lies next to Mercedes so they can both go to sleep.
They lie there, a little tired but not able to fully fall asleep either.
“Hey,” Mercedes whispers. “Did I mention what Puck told me tonight?”
“No you didn’t,” Rachel answers and looks at her friend.
“He and Brittany broke up.”
Rachel sits up quickly in shock. “What?”
“Well…they’re on a break. Or something. Apparently they’ve had issues for the past couple of months and Brittany said they should just take a break. I think that was at the beginning of the week. Which is why Finn’s here…to help him through it or something,” Mercedes explains.
Rachel stares into space, unable to actually process that Noah and Brittany…there might not be a Noah and Brittany anymore.
She turns to say something to Mercedes but is stopped by the ringing of her cellphone. She picks it up from the floor and looks at the screen to see Noah Puckerman on display.
She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. It’s almost 4am…what could he possibly be calling her for?
“Hello?”
“B what’s up? How are you?” Noah whispers.
“Um…Noah it’s 4am and you just saw me a few hours ago. And why are you whispering?”
“Because Finn is sleeping and I don’t wanna wake him. He wouldn’t want me calling you.”
“Why?”
“He’d get jealous or something. So what are you doing?”
He’s clearly still a little drunk, otherwise he wouldn’t be asking her pointless questions. She looks at Mercedes a little confused but the girl just shrugs and laughs.
“Well Mercedes and I were just about to go to bed but now I’m sitting here…talking to you.”
“Oh…sorry. Well um…uh…”
“Noah is there a point to this call?” she finally asks exasperated.
“Yes! There is…it’s just…I’m kind of nervous ok?” he replies quickly.
There’s a pause. She can hear him breathing nervously on the other end and she waits patiently for him to say something.
“I’m an idiot,” he states.
“Ok. Why’s that?” Rachel drawls.
“Because I was too scared to say yes to you in middle school,” he tells her quietly.
At this her jaw drops.
What is going on?
“You were…you were my best friend in middle school. I know everyone always thinks it’s Finn but…you were just there. You were the coolest girl I knew and I didn’t…I didn’t want to lose that by screwing up a relationship. But I did anyway and I feel like I fucking fool now.”
“Noah what are you talking about? You didn’t lose me I’m right here-“
“When Finn told me the summer before freshman year that he was going to ask you out? I wanted to punch him. I really did. So I stayed away most of the time thinking it was just…better that way. But then you guys broke up and things got crazy. And there was Brittany so I just…I’m such an idiot ok.”
She doesn’t know what to say. She breathes slowly and looks to see if Mercedes is still awake but she’s fast asleep. She doesn’t know how much she heard but she wishes Mercedes was awake so she could confirm that Rachel isn’t crazy. This is actually happening.
“Can I ask you something?” he says tentatively, not knowing if he’s scared her off or not.
“Of course, yes.”
“How come you came to every one of our glee club shows, even after Tina dropped out?”
Her breath hitches. “How do you know about that?”
“My mom always saw you and mentioned that you were there. I always wondered but…never thought to ask.”
Rachel sighs. “I wanted to support you. I never missed any of your shows because you’re my friend Noah, and you’ll always be my friend. Friends support each other.”
“Oh,” he says simply. After a pause he continues to speak. “Do you remember the first day of 7th grade?”
Rachel scoffs. “Yes I do. I was the new girl with the terribly awkward short haircut. God I hated my hair then. It made me look ridiculous.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
Rachel closes her eyes and exhales sharply. Every part of her body is on alert and she pinches herself to make sure she’s not dreaming.
“Noah I…what are you trying to say? Why did you call me?” she stutters.
“I think I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with you but I just don’t know how to say it,” he says clearly.
She nearly drops the phone, biting her lip to keep from blurting out something ridiculous. She holds the phone away from her for a moment to breath and collect herself. She looks towards Mercedes again and the girl is still asleep, so she gets up and goes into the living room to keep from disturbing her.
When she sits down on the couch, she puts the phone back to her ear, hearing Noah frantically whispering her name.
“I’m still here Noah,” she assures him.
“Oh. Good. I thought I scared you off or some shit,” he says with relief.
“No it’s just…I’m surprised. I never thought you felt that way about me. I mean there was middle school and then Brittany. And what about Brittany? What’s happening with her? How can you tell me you love me when you’ve been with her for so long?”
“Rach that’s not even…that’s not fair ok. It’s different. And Brittany and I have been having problems for awhile…things just aren’t the same. You know sometimes we just sit there on the phone in silence for hours? We don’t have things to talk about anymore. We’re just not the same people. And I love her, I do because Brittany has always been awesome and we have all this stuff between us…but it’s not like me and you B. It’s a different thing.”
“Well what is it that you and I have?”
“It’s…it’s just…we have this potential Rach. I always feel it when I’m with you. And no matter how long I go without seeing you it doesn’t matter. It’s still like we’re in the 7th grade poking each other in the middle of temple service. And I…I don’t want to look back on my life and think I made a mistake by not trying with you. Because I feel like I make a mistake every single day by not saying something to you.”
“Noah I-“
“I know you feel something for me too Rach. I know you. You can’t lie.”
“You’re right…I’ve always felt something for you,” she murmurs truthfully.
“Well…is it…do you love me too?” he asks nervously.
“I don’t know!” she cries. “Noah, I’ve had feelings for you for so long but I’ve never been able to just…let myself feel them. I’ve had a boyfriend, you’ve had a girlfriend. I’ve had to push them down for so long that I don’t even know what they are anymore. You can’t just say all this and expect me to know how I feel!
By the end her voice is raised and half shouting at him. He’s silent on the other line, except for the obvious sound of him breathing.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I told you I’m a fucking idiot.”
She feels a little bad now. It takes some courage to tell someone how you feel about them and she knows Noah isn’t always a touchy feely person. She hasn’t even had the guts to admit how she feels about him for all these years.
“What do you think it would be like if I had said yes in high school?” he asks curiously.
She wants to say that they’d still be together, even right now. That instead of being on the phone with each other they would be in his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.
But she doesn’t know that.
“I don’t know, Noah. Nothing is set in stone. We could still be together, or something could have gone wrong and we’d hate each other by now. I’m not psychic.”
“I think we’d still be together. Because I don’t think I could hurt you the way any guy ever has. And you would never hurt me.”
She smiles for the first time since the conversation got so serious. By now her body has relaxed enough that she notices how tired she actually is. She looks at the time and sees that it’s nearing 5am.
“Noah it’s getting late…or early…I don’t know anymore. Can we talk tomorrow? I think we need to talk face to face.”
“Yeah you’re probably right. God I’m going to feel like shit in a few hours. I can come over tomorrow night?”
“Yeah that sounds great. I’ll see you then.”
“Ok…I’ll see you later B,” Noah says sleepily.
“Yeah…bye Noah,” Rachel finishes with a smile on her face.
She hangs up the phone and jumps up from the couch, resisting the urge to throw her hands up in the air and yell for joy. She giggles though.
She giggles like a little 7th grader.
Author: edgeofthedesert
Rating: T for language and sexual references
Characters: Rachel Berry, Noah Puckerman, and appearances from almost all glee characters
Pairing: Eventual Puck/Rachel with Finn/Rachel, Jesse/Rachel, Matt/Rachel and Puck/Brittany
Word Count: 9108 for this part
Spoilers: None. AU.
Summary: The 3 times she asks Noah Puckerman out over the course of 2 years make her think they'll never have a chance together. Time and fate may change that...
A/N: I keep changing the amount of chapters for this story but it will definitely be 5, I promise. Read, enjoy, and review everyone!
She doesn’t see or hear from Noah for a week or so.
When she gets back from Matt’s the morning after the party, Mercedes is right in her face asking for details and offering pancakes she made. Rachel declines. She happens to already be full since Matt bought her breakfast while he walked her home this morning.
“You know you have to tell me everything. Did you have sex with him?” Mercedes asks curiously.
Rachel’s deep blush is pretty much a giveaway.
Mercedes laughs and prattles on about how crazy their hook up is while making more pancakes.
Rachel listens and pretends to agree while she goes into her room to change clothes. She doesn’t need to shower since…she did that at Matt’s too.
Matt is not a bad guy. And if this were a different world where her childhood crush she never got over didn’t go to the same school as her, Matt would be the perfect guy. The obvious choice. And despite the fact he has a girlfriend and he’s one of her very good friends, Rachel can’t seem to forget about Noah. She’s never been able to fully forget since 7th grade.
That doesn’t mean she can’t necessarily enjoy whatever this is with Matt. Their first hook up was more drunken and bumbly than this one. Plus Rachel chose to forget how awkward and strange the situation was and just..felt.
So yes…Matt was good. And a perfect gentleman who bought her breakfast the morning after.
But she feels bad about the whole encounter with Noah after a week of not hearing from him. This wouldn’t be strange if she hadn’t sent him a couple texts.
She’s walking back from her vocal lesson on Friday afternoon to go back to the dorm and get ready. She has an ice cream date with Matt that night. She’s a little reluctant to go on an actual date with the guy, but at the urging of Mercedes and Grace she decides to consider it.
She’s passing by a coffee cart when she sees Noah and Jake talking and laughing while they wait for their coffee. Jake sees her first and waves her over with a smile. Noah looks over as well, but his smile is…smaller…strained. She’s never seen something like that directed over to her.
“Hey guys! What’s up?” she greets.
“Hey Rach! Just getting coffee and catching up. I haven’t even seen you much this week girl,” Jake replies.
“I know,” Rachel sighs. “Starting up classes and everything…it’s really busy. I haven’t seen you either Noah. Did you get my texts or anything?”
“Yeah uh…I must have gotten them while I was on the phone or sleeping or something. If I don’t answer right away I just forget about it. Sorry,” Noah answers nonchalantly with a shrug.
Rachel feels the coldness in his words. Noah has never been mad at her before and she doesn’t know what to make of it.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back to the dorm Rach? I hear you have a hot date tonight huh?” Jake teases. Rachel blushes as her friend nudges her on the shoulder playfully. Noah looks on with a steely gaze and when Rachel notices she coughs lightly.
“Yes, actually I do have to be getting back. I’ll see you later Jake. And Noah! Please don’t be a stranger to the dorm. Mercedes and I are making breakfast tomorrow. Come over!” she says to him with a pleading look in her eyes. She needs him to not be mad at her.
He shrugs. “Maybe. I mean Brittany is coming tonight so-“
“Nonsense! You know Brittany is always welcome. Bring her. You’ll come right?” she asks looking into his eyes.
She silently says an apology in her head, and as if he hears her, his gaze becomes a little softer. She smiles warmly and hopefully at him. She can see the smile beginning to emerge on his face but the moment is interrupted by Jake.
“Whatever he’ll be there. He can’t really pass free breakfast can he?” Jake comments with a scoff.
The three of them laugh lightly. Rachel gives the boys a reluctant wave goodbye before hurrying off to her dorm.
x 0 x 0 xThings return to normal over the next couple of weeks.
Classes really get underway and Rachel makes a point of forging relationships with her professors this semester. She goes to office hours, asks questions, and basically everything she can to make sure they know who she is. Her requirement class this semester is a little tough, and going for help every other day is the only way she’s going to get through it. Who knew an astronomy class would be so difficult? At least she decided to take the class with Mercedes.
It’s one particular Tuesday morning at 9am when the girls are in class and completely exhausted. They both woke up a little later than usual and didn’t have any time to get coffee before class.
Naturally they’re miserable.
They sit in the back of the class, trying not to nod off during the lecture. Rachel feels her phone vibrate in her lap and sighs, knowing it’s Matt who she’s been texting since class started.
Sorry you couldn’t get coffee before class :-( How about I meet you at your class when you get out with some coffee?
Rachel stares at the text message for a moment and grimaces. Mercedes looks over at her and gives her a curious look. Rachel discreetly hands over the phone and lets Mercedes read the most recent text.
And then Mercedes looks at her like she’s crazy.
‘What’s wrong with that?’ she mouths to her.
Rachel doesn’t really have an answer for her. Because for intents and purposes there’s nothing wrong with a boy she’s dating bringing her coffee when she gets out of class. But Rachel can’t find anything cute about this….no matter how cute it is.
So she just shrugs.
Mercedes sighs and goes back to writing notes for the lecture. Meanwhile Rachel quickly texts Matt back to let him know he doesn’t have to do that.
Because she really doesn’t want him to.
x 0 x 0 xA few days later she’s in Matt’s bed, rethinking this entire situation.
He’s in the bathroom cleaning up and she’s lying in his bed, staring at the posters on his wall in contemplation.
Other than appreciation for the fact that he just made her come, she doesn’t feel a lot for Matt romantically. She wishes she did. Clearly he’s a wonderful guy…but she just can’t do it.
He comes back to bed and gets in behind her, spooning around her and laying a kiss on her shoulder.
“So one of the guys was telling me about this really great restaurant I think we should go to. Max Brenner,” he tells her softly.
Rachel’s eyes widen. “Matt that place is so expensive! I mean really we’re only college students and it’s not practical-“
“No it’s fine. I made a reservation for next weekend and everything. Don’t worry about a thing. You just get dressed up and I’ll take you out. You deserve it,” he says with a warm smile.
She doesn’t really have a choice at that moment does she?
x 0 x 0 xThe next morning she meets Mercedes at a diner by campus they like to come to sometimes for breakfast. The girls sit down and order quickly while talking mindlessly over minor details of the week. Besides seeing each other in class they haven’t spent as much time as they would like, hence meeting for breakfast.
“How’s everything with Matt? You didn’t come back last night,” Mercedes asks her with a smirk.
Rachel tries to hide the sour look on her face by looking passive and reaching for her coffee. She shrugs. “It’s…ok. He wants to take me to Max Brenner next weekend.”
Mercedes chokes on her orange juice. “Um…isn’t that place hard to get a reservation for…and pretty expensive?”
Rachel nods worriedly.
“But…you’re going right?”
“I told him I would…kind of,” Rachel answers skeptically.
The conversation is interrupted by the arrival of their food and the girls start to eat in silence. Rachel picks at her French toast, feeling Mercedes glance at her every now and then. It’s not until she hears her fork clatter that she looks up and see Mercedes staring at her with a pensive look on her face.
“You don’t even like this guy,” she states.
Rachel sputters. “That’s not true!”
Mercedes shakes her head. “Look Rachel, I know the past year when it comes to guys has been…tough. Jesse was an absolute jerk and I think you’re over him…but I also don’t think you like Matt. Sure the first couple of hook ups were fun and good for you to get back out there but…an actual relationship? You don’t want that with him.”
“What makes you say that?” Rachel asks curiously.
“I just…I know you by now. If you want something, you’re usually passionate, excited and obsessed. I haven’t seen any of that with Matt. He’s a good guy Rachel but he’s just not the guy you want. Remember when he wanted to bring you coffee? Any self respecting girl would swoon over that but you looked at it like he was some kind of freak. You were completely reluctant to go on a date with him in the first place. You find excuses not to go out with him all the time. You don’t want to be with him Rachel,” Mercedes finishes sternly.
Rachel bites her lip and fiddles with the napkin on her lap, not able to meet Mercedes eyes anymore. She feels a little ashamed.
She hears her friend sigh. “I don’t think you’re a terrible person or anything Rach. I love you and you’re my friend. I want to see you happy. But it’s not going to be with him. You can’t go on this date with him, let him spend all this money on you, and then decide you don’t want to be with him. It just wouldn’t be right.”
Rachel looks up to see a comforting look on her friend’s face. She’s thankful someone was able to talk some sense into her and she’s glad it was Mercedes. No matter what the girl actually thinks she doesn’t completely judge Rachel for whatever she does. She just listens and tells her what she needs to hear.
“You’re right,” Rachel whispers. “I’m going to have to call him when we get back huh?”
“Yup. But for now eat your French toast ok?”
Rachel smiles appreciatively at her friend before taking a bite of her breakfast.
x 0 x 0 xTalking to Matt is a little harder than she expects it to be.
To make it easier on the both of them (mostly herself) she tells him over the phone and blames any doubts she has on not being over Jesse yet.
“I just…I’ve been hurt before Matt. And I was really trying but I need more time,” she tells him softly over the phone.
“I know that Rachel but…what if we just go slower? I’ll wait for you and everything because you’re worth it and-“
“Matt that’s sweet but…no. I just…I’ve been through a lot ok and it’s not fair to you if we do that. School is getting harder than I expected too and I’m just overwhelmed. I’m so sorry though,” she interrupts.
“Ok…I guess I’ll see you around?” he asks hopefully.
Rachel hesitates for a moment, not wanting to get his hopes up. “Maybe Matt. I’m really busy but…hopefully we’ll talk to each other soon.”
They say their goodbyes, his more pathetic and sad than hers, and hang up.
She shouldn’t feel this relieved by breaking up with someone…but she is.
x 0 x 0 xBy the middle of October everyone in the hall is consumed with work.
They also figure out that the sophomore slump is a real thing.
Rachel struggles heavily. Her major classes are tough this year, astronomy is a bitch, her vocal teacher is giving her more complex pieces that she has to spend a lot of time practicing, and she’s helping out with the musical this year to get her foot in the door.
The problem is that no matter how hard she tries, things don’t completely go her way. She got a horrible grade on her astronomy midterm despite the hours of studying she did with Mercedes and time spent in office hours and review sessions. Her vocal teacher keeps commenting on her inability to repress emotions at the right moments of the song ,which completely distracts from her voice. Oh and there’s something wrong with her tone. She also hoped that by helping with set design for the musical production, she would make friends in the department and get noticed for her hard work. Unfortunately she’s just a grunt worker who is only looked at when she paints something outside of the line accidentally.
Her only salvation is that everyone is feeling this way. She often sits with Grace, Mercedes, Jake, and sometimes Noah to complain about how unfair their lives are.
“It’s bullshit,” Grace groans. “Anatomy and Physiology is actually the most impossible class ever created. I’m not kidding. I’m going to fail and never be a nurse.”
“You’re telling me,” Noah says from his spot on Rachel’s couch. “I don’t get how this music theory class is supposed to help me if I can’t understand any of it. I’ve never studied so much in my life…and I hate studying.”
“Does this mean you’ve been to the library for once?” Rachel teases.
Noah chuckles. “Yeah..no. I refuse to step into a library while I’m here. I don’t need that shit.”
The 5 friends continue ranting until a cell phone rings. It happens to be Noah’s phone, which he looks at with a raised eyebrow. He answers the phone with a hello and gets up without a word to anyone.
“What was that?” Mercedes asks. “He looked a little strange.”
Jake shrugs. “It’s probably Finn or something. The guys having a lot of issues and calling Puck all the time.”
He doesn’t come back in the room for a good 30 minutes. When he does, he apologizes for leaving for so long and returns to his spot on Rachel’s bed.
“Who was it?” Rachel asks nonchalantly, not wanting to seem too nosy.
“It was Finn,” he answers simply.
“Oh Finn! I feel like I never hear about him. How is he, what is he doing?”
“He’s ok I guess. I mean a lot of girl problems and shit but he’s at some bible college in Philly. It’s kind of stupid. You know how religious his mom is and shit. I think he wants to major in physical education.”
“Oh…that’s nice. I’m not terribly surprised he ended up at a bible college. His mom was really strict when we dated. I never went over his house because he said she didn’t like girls over or something. Is he still dating Quinn?”
Noah looks at her completely bewildered. “Wait he said his mom didn’t like girls over? That’s bullshit. Quinn was over all the time when they dated like freshman year.”
Rachel’s eyebrows quirk up. “Well…maybe she just liked Quinn more or…I don’t know. They started dating not long after he and I broke up.”
“They started talking and hooking up in like October or something. I just thought it was fucked up the whole time because Quinn is a bitch and it always shows.”
Rachel becomes even more confused at this revelation. “Noah…Finn and I didn’t even break up until the end of October.”
Noah’s eyes widen. “Shit. Shit shit shit. He never told me when you guys broke up, he just kind of started talking about Quinn so I figured you guys broke up and I hardly saw you and…shit! B I’m really sorry.”
Rachel merely smirks. “What can you do now? It’s been years and it shouldn’t matter anymore. So why is Quinn such a bitch…besides the obvious?”
“Did Tina never tell you any of their high school shit? It was ridiculous. They were always off and on, fighting all the time and stuff. Then senior year when they were definitely on, Quinn has sex with Sam Evans because Finn didn’t want to lose his virginity but Quinn did. So she went to Sam which is fucked up because we were really good friends with him. But they still stayed together.”
Everyone in the room at this point is enthralled by their conversation.
“That shit is fucked up man. How are they even together now?” Jake comments.
“So he’s calling me all the time now because they fight a lot. He eventually did have sex with her but now he wants to stop because he feels bad but she says it’s ok if they have sex and that God won’t be that pissed because they love each other. But he doesn’t know if he should break up with her because she’s the ‘perfect Godly woman my mom always wanted.’ It’s really exhausting to keep up with,” Noah explains.
Rachel just shakes her head and snickers. She really dodged a bullet there with Finn.
x 0 x 0 xShe gets to see the golden couple in the flesh when she sees Noah’s acapella group perform for their fall show.
The entire hall goes, as usual, and the show is really fantastic. Noah gets more of a role since he’s a year older now, and even gets to be in a couple of the skits they put on.
After the show, the group is in the lobby waiting for Noah so they can congratulate him. Rachel looks around at the crowd of people surrounding them and finally sees 3 familiar faces-Brittany, Finn, and Quinn. Brittany and Quinn are talking animatedly to each other while Finn looks on completely bored. Quinn is attached to his hip, arms around the waist while his arm is thrown over their shoulder. If Rachel didn’t know what she knew she would actually think they’re the perfect couple.
Noah appears from backstage and greets all of his friends. She gives him a big hug and smile with many compliments over the arrangements of some of the songs.
“Seriously Noah, some of those arrangements were fantastic. I really really enjoyed the show and you did so well!” she compliments.
He blushes a little. “Thanks B. You know when I have set up some of the arrangements you’re going to have to help me. I need it to live up to your expectations and shit.”
She grins brightly and agrees with him. She enjoys that he values her opinion so much.
Before he goes to meet with Brittany, Finn, and Quinn he invites the group to the after party over at his apartment. Hopefully this party will be less awkward than the last.
x 0 x 0 xRachel should not have expectations.
What she expected was a fun celebration with drinks, laughter, and lots of music. She expected to dance with all of her friends and maybe even steal a dance with Noah at some point of the night.
Except she spends most of this party drinking more than she should so she can avoid having to talk to Finn or Quinn.
She’s not mad about him cheating on her. It’s in the past and honestly, she’s had worse done to her (thank you Jesse). They were kids. But that doesn’t mean she wants to talk to him or have a conversation right now.
Quinn seems to have the same idea, because even though the two girls acknowledge each other’s presence, Quinn pretends that Rachel doesn’t exist. Instead she hangs all over Finn, dancing and grinding up against him so that he’ll stop looking at Rachel curiously.
His constant staring the whole night is just uncomfortable.
Besides talking to Brittany quickly when she first arrives at the apartment, she hasn’t seen the other golden couple all night. It’s pretty late, almost 1am, and Rachel needs to pee so she wanders around the apartment and looks for a bathroom. She comes up to a familiar dark hallway where she once made out with Matt and finds herself in an odd position.
There are a few people talking together in the hall but her attention falls on Noah and Brittany nestled together against the wall. Brittany’s head is thrown back with a dreamy smile on her face while Noah kisses and nips at her neck. His hands are hidden under her shirt and under her skirt. He’s basically surrounding her against the wall and lifts his head up to whisper something to her against her lips before kissing her slowly and languidly. Brittany nudges at his belt with her hand, making a motion to undo it. Before she can, Noah’s hand immediately emerges from under her skirt to stop her. He stops their kiss with a laugh and says something to her before looking around.
And then he spots Rachel.
It’s like déjà vu, except Rachel is more wide eyed and entranced than anything else. Noah simply looks at her while Brittany kisses against his neck and trails her hand under his shirt.
And then he smirks. He smirks with an unfamiliar look in his eye before lifting Brittany’s head to take her lips forcefully. The kiss is heated and Brittany becomes pliant in Noah’s arms. He takes her legs and lifts her up against him so that she can wrap herself around him.
Rachel should walk away. She should walk away and just…go home. But she can’t stop looking.
And now Noah won’t stop looking at her, even if he is making out with his girlfriend.
He lifts Brittany from the wall and walks backwards over to the door right next to where they were standing before. He stares at her the whole time before disappearing into the bedroom and closing the door.
x 0 x 0 xShe probably had that coming.
Rachel walks away from the hallway bewildered and distracted. She knows now how it felt to be Noah in that situation, walking in on an intimate moment with someone you know and wanting to look away but not being able to. Although Noah seemed more…perturbed. She doesn’t know Noah’s feelings about her exactly, but he must feel something if he seemed so put off by her making out with Matt.
She hasn’t thought about this in a long time, not since the initial incident. But being in the same position as him has made her think. She should be mad since he intentionally upped the ante just for her benefit. Anyone with eyes would recognize that. He knows how she felt about him in the past…the longing she had for him in middle school. So it’s a little cruel to play on those emotions.
Except she’s not mad…she’s jealous.
Jealous because Noah is made up of defined muscles and hardness. Jealous because she’s seen the guy in just his briefs but can’t do anything about it. Jealous because she had to see him in action to finally understand how much she wants Noah Puckerman but can’t have him.
But Brittany can. She can have him anyway she wants.
Rachel shakes herself off and decides to find the rest of her friends so she can get out of here. This isn’t a fun party anymore.
On the way she passes by Finn and Quinn again, avoiding their gaze. But she can feel Finn staring at her once again. It’s not any comfort to know that he at least is noticing her. She wants someone else to.
x 0 x 0 xShe doesn’t see Noah for the rest of the semester.
It’s a whirlwind of the end of classes, the theater production, and then final exams. She works harder than she ever has before to get her grades up. Astronomy never got any easier and the professor for her history of Shakespearean theater class is a hardass.
Through all of that she hardly has anytime to think about Noah. She really doesn’t. She doesn’t spend much time in the dorm either except to sleep and eat occasionally. She and Mercedes miss each other all the time and promise one night that they’ll hang out a lot during winter break to make up for it.
But coming home after such a hard semester is the biggest relief yet. Her dads spoil her with all of her favorite meals and a nice trip to Cleveland to see a play she likes. She thinks it’s just because they miss her so much when she’s gone.
She’s sitting in her room one morning catching up on some reading when her daddy walks in.
“Hey sweets! I’m going off to work but just to let you know, we’re going to the Puckermans tonight for Hanukkah. Won’t that be fun? Celebrating with our 2 favorite NYU students!” he exclaims excited.
She gives him a tight smile and agrees before he kisses her on the forehead and heads off.
She’s not entirely surprised, but it’s been a long time since the Berrys and Puckermans have come together like this. It hasn’t been since high school really. She’s excited about seeing Sarah and Mrs. Puckerman but Noah…who knows.
Hours later she wakes up from a short nap to a text message.
Yo B. I hear you guys are coming for dinner tonight. Like old times huh?
She stares at the phone confused. He hasn’t made an effort to talk to her since his party…so why now?
Then again she hasn’t made an effort either.
Yes it will be like old times. Maybe your mother will tell the story about how you had nightmares after Schindler’s List again.
I swear I’ll walk out of the house if she does that shit.
No you won’t. You say that every time but you never do. You just blush and she pinches your cheeks.
Damn Aviva. You know too much Rachel.
By now she’s smiling and giggling at the memories of Aviva Puckerman telling that childhood story. It always warms her heart, the thought of Noah being scared that everything in Schindler’s List would happen to him and his mom. Sure he was a little kid at the time but it shows a more gentle side not many get to see.
She continues texting him with a grin on her face, completely forgetting why she didn’t want to talk to him in the first place.
x 0 x 0 xShe sees Noah a lot more after that dinner.
Her fathers and Mrs. Puckerman miss the good times of their mutual family friendship so much that they decide to make it happen a lot more during the winter break. They have lunch after Temple and a joint outing to go ice-skating.
Noah also invites her to spend New Years Eve at his house but she declines, saying she already promised Mercedes she was going to her house.
She almost says yes though.
x 0 x 0 xThe sophomore slump continues.
One would think that the second semester is supposed to be a little easier but unfortunately for Rachel that’s not the case.
Her theater workshop this semester is tougher than ever. The professor has been known to be extremely critical and Rachel always seems to be the one he notices the most. He nitpicks everything she does while the class looks on in satisfaction because it’s not them being noticed.
She decides to get a new vocal teacher this semester since the last one got on her nerves so much. She at least likes this one better. She’s more patient and eager to teach Rachel things instead of just watching her sing and telling her what she did wrong.
Her vocal lessons are basically the only good part of her day.
Not even being in the dorm is much salvation anymore. Grace and Jake decided to make the mistake of dating at the end of the last semester. While Mercedes, Rachel, and the rest of their friends tried to be supportive and happy for them, they knew it would blow up eventually.
And it did. All the time.
Even though Rachel didn’t always like Karen, she felt kind of bad that she had to witness the brunt of the drama with Jake and Grace. The girl would constantly come over to her room just to escape the shouting or make up sex.
So Rachel goes to the library.
She loves Jake and Grace dearly, but she does not love them together. Jake has his own set of issues and is actually quite needy and pessimistic. He also seems to have a depressive streak. And it’s just not healthy when coupled with Grace’s incessant need to help people and save them. Sure she wants to be a nurse but…she can’t save everyone.
Rachel doesn’t want to be around when shit really hits the fan. So she runs away.
x 0 x 0 xThe semester passes over and Rachel becomes exhausted.
In addition to her classes and vocal work, she tries out for the musical production and actually gets a substantial supporting role. She wasn’t expecting to get anything, knowing that seniors and juniors get first pick, but the casting committee was so impressed with her audition that they gave her something good.
The rehearsals are long and hard, but don’t interfere too much with her schoolwork. She has a lot of downtime to do it during practice and concentrate on it well enough. But she’s excited. She’s going to own this part and impress everyone. She knows it.
After spring break, everyone starts talking about the huge festival that will be happening on campus very soon. NYU has it every year and campus performing arts groups perform in the main part of campus on Friday and Saturday while everyone is able to get food and drinks from different vendors. Then at night there’s a huge carnival with games and free food from great places around the city. They’re also supposed to have Girl Talk and Lil Wayne come for a concert on Friday night.
But really it’s the biggest excuse for everyone on campus to drink all the time.
It’s not an exaggeration. Even though the festival is supposed to be on Friday and Saturday, people begin their own festivities on Wednesday and last all the way to Sunday.
Everyone is really excited about it and talks about the different parties they’re planning on going to both nights. Rachel didn’t pay attention to the festival much last year, but she guesses she’ll participate and take a break from everything this time. She really needs one anyway.
x 0 x 0 xIf there’s one thing this big party is good for, it’s people watching.
Rachel, Mercedes, and Karen are sitting on the grass in the sun, watching everyone in the main quad area go absolutely insane. Rachel can smell the beer and vomit everywhere, and her heart pounds from the bass of the music from the band that’s currently playing. They laugh watching a completely plastered girl topple over another until it seems a wrestling match is occurring.
Rachel doesn’t get the big deal about this weekend, but she enjoys watching everyone lose themselves a little. She’ll go to parties, drink, and have fun but she can’t see herself doing anything too stupid.
As Rachel looks away from drunk girls she sees a 2 blurs dart past her. She follows the people with her eyes as they run around to other people yelling and high fiving them.
It’s…it’s Noah and Finn.
Mercedes notices them at the same time and cackles loudly.
“Oh no. Puck is already trashed and it’s 3pm. We need to get him over here. Puck!” Mercedes calls out amused.
Both boys look in their direction, and it takes them a second to recognize the girls before their faces light up.
“B! Mercedes! Gracie!” Noah yells with arms wide open. The two boys run over and give the girls enthusiastic hugs and high fives. They’re a little stunned, especially because Mercedes and Grace don’t know Finn but they guess he’s a friendly drunk.
Rachel is glad to see Noah otherwise. She hasn’t seen him for a few weeks, being too entirely busy to even socialize with others. She’s missed him. And he’s kind of a fun drunk.
“Have you guys had anything to drink because we have? You need to come over my place. We’re stocked,” he slurs happily.
“There’s so much vodka!” Finn pipes up.
The boys continue to ramble on about asinine things while the girls giggle and look on amused. Rachel feels like she’s in 8th grade again, watching Noah and Finn make plans to try and take over the world but fail miserably.
One of Noah’s friends joins the group however and tells the boys they have to get back for more pre-gaming before they go to the concert. They whine about not wanting to leave the girls but Rachel assures them they’ll try and see them later. Once they make her pinky promise them she’ll find them, they agree to leave with Noah’s friend.
The girls laugh for a good two minutes once the boys leave, completely entertained and wondering what shenanigans they’ll get up to if they’re with Noah and Finn this weekend. Rachel really does hope she’ll run into them again.
x 0 x 0 xShe’s at the carnival the next night with Mercedes and Jake, eating free samosas they snagged at one of the food carts. They stand along and watching the activity around them, bopping along to the music the DJ is playing.
Rachel looks over to the moon bounce obstacle course just in time to see Noah and Finn stumbling off the monstrosity with difficulty because of how much they’re laughing. She looks at the boys closely. They’re clearly still drunk, but for some reason Noah is wearing a jacket she doesn’t recognize with ridiculous sunglasses. Finn stares at his surroundings once the boys have found their footing and spots Rachel. She gives him a small wave with a smile and Finn nudges Noah and gestures over to Rachel. They both walk over to the group, smiling goofily at her the entire time.
Everyone greets each other happily with Jake giving Noah and Finn some complicated handshake she’s surprised all of the boys can manage since they’re pretty drunk already. They stand around in a circle for awhile, discussing the carnival and also how crazy the concert was last night.
“Dude, everyone was smoking pot in our section. It was kind of awesome,” Finn whispers as if it’s some scandalous secret.
Noah snorts. “Yeah I had to hold him back a couple times. Finnocence is a little out of his element don’t you think?”
“Hey! I’m at stuffy Christian school place or whatever. And I’m a single guy! I can do what I want,” Finn retorts proudly.
Rachel snickers and wonders what happened now for Finn and Quinn to break up. Noah mentioned to her awhile ago that the two had finally resolved the sex issue-or rather Finn gave into Quinn and let her do what she wanted to him.
“Finn decided he has to get laid tonight,” Noah informs them.
“That’s right!” the tall boy quips.
Mercedes can’t help chuckling and looks at Rachel with an, ‘Are they for real?’ expression on her face. Rachel merely shrugs. She looks at the boys again and sees they’re bickering over something unimportant. Rachel decides to interrupt their conversation.
“Hey Noah where did you get that jacket and sunglasses?” she asks curiously.
Noah looks down at his garments confused, as if he’s completely forgotten that he’s even wearing them. He thinks for a moment and finally comes to a realization.
“Oh…yeah we found this at some frat open house. We kind of just went to scope things out and get free beer and then I found this jacket in a closet. It’s cool right?” he tells them nonchalantly, like there is nothing abnormal about the situation.
The girls giggle and Jake shakes his head. The fun is interrupted though when Mercedes phone chirps. The girl looks at the phone and sighs disappointed.
“We have to go. Everyone wants to pre-game and get ready to go out later and it’s already like 9.”
Rachel nods in agreement and looks to the boys to tell them goodbye and she’ll see them later, when Finn grabs her hand in earnest. “Wait Rachel! You have to stay! I have to tell you some stuff or whatever,” the boy rambles nervously. She raises her eyebrow and tells Mercedes and Jake she’ll catch up with them later before turning back to Finn and Noah.
Noah stares at Finn like he’s crazy while the boy takes a deep breath and begins to speak.
“So like…I have to apologize. Because when we dated freshman year I was the biggest doofus ever. I mean…you’re the coolest. You always have been. And you’re smoking hot! But I was stupid and the worst boyfriend ever and you didn’t deserve any of it. I shouldn’t have been talking to Quinn behind your back and I should have appreciated everything we had.”
Noah continues to stare at Finn with wide eyes, just as surprised as Rachel at the confession Finn just let out. Finn keeps rambling and spouting nonsense until Rachel shakes her head profusely and holds her hand up to signal Finn to shut up.
“Finn,” she begins carefully. “It’s ok. I forgave you…a long time ago for freshman year. You’re right…you were a horrible boyfriend. But hopefully you’ve grown up…a little bit. And you obviously recognize you made a mistake. So please stop apologizing.”
Finn breathes a sigh of relief and grins widely at her. “Awesome. I really want to be friends and stuff. It’s really good to see you Rachel.” And with that he engulfs her into a hug. Rachel looks at Noah helplessly while he looks on. He can only shrug with a confused look.
The three friends start to walk home, Noah leading the way and Finn and Rachel lagging behind. Finn wraps his arm around Rachel the whole time, holding her close and talking to her about things she can’t even understand. She smiles and nods at the right times, but mostly her attention is on Noah who says hi to just about everyone they pass.
When they arrive to her dorm, the door to her apartment is open and her crew of friends is standing around the table doing shots. Except for Jake and Grace who are arguing heatedly until Jake storms out of the room.
Rachel is pretty sure they’re broken up right now…she doesn’t have the energy to find out at this point.
Everyone greets her happily and she excuses herself to her room to find something to wear so they can leave to go out. She walks into her room and opens her closet, sifting through her clothes contemplatively. She hears footsteps coming closer however, and turns around to see Finn standing behind her.
He doesn’t say much, looking into her closet as well and sifting through her things. She watches him bite his lip, picking up a red tank top she owns with a deep V neck. He looks at it then looks at her, before making the decision and handing it over to her.
“Wear this…you’ll look really hot,” he murmurs while standing closer to her to give her the shirt. She looks up hesitantly, wanting to back away somewhat.
“Um…ok…but you have to leave the room so I can change,” she tells him carefully.
He blushes embarrassed before muttering a “right” and leaving her room.
Rachel shakes her head and begins to change out of her clothes and get dressed. While doing her make-up she thinks about the situation she knows is already emerging.
Finn is obviously trying to rekindle whatever flame they had. He’s single, for now, and probably figures that hooking up with Rachel is a safe bet. It’s not like they’d actually get back together. Rachel isn’t that stupid and Finn and Quinn wouldn’t break up for good.
He’s really bumbly but he seems to have a good heart. She figures she’ll have fun anyway with him and everyone else tonight. If he happens to lean in and kiss her at any point in time, she won’t necessarily stop him.
She doesn’t have to…she’s not attached…he isn’t attached…
It’s all fair game.
x 0 x 0 x
She kind of hates how right she is about Finn.
The boy stays attached to her from the time they leave the dorm until they get to a party. He only leaves her side to get her drinks from a few feet away.
Besides that, everyone seems to be having a great time. Despite spilling some of his drink on her white top earlier, Noah and Mercedes are dancing and laughing together. Grace is dancing with a friend of hers and Rachel is…attempting to dance with Finn. Mostly it just involves him grinding behind her to compensate for the fact that he can’t actually dance.
She ignores it for the most part, letting him do whatever he wants back there while she dances with Mercedes and Grace in front of her.
The party is pretty full and there isn’t much space in what seems to be the living room turned makeshift dance floor.
Finn’s hands are low on her hips, straying every now and then to the hem of her top so that his fingertips graze the skin underneath. His breath is on the back of her neck and his pelvis is nestled against her ass. Which is how she can tell he’s a little hard for her.
She vaguely hears him whisper, “Fuck you’re so hot Rachel.” But the music is too loud for her to hear everything he says.
He turns her around to face him and she looks up, surprised, before he leans in and kisses her. He pulls her towards him tightly and she doesn’t really have much of a choice other than to kiss him back.
That’s the thing with Finn. Even when they dated he always just pulled her into these make out sessions all the time. She never really knew how to get out of it and just went with it.
They continue like this, making out on the dance floor while everything else moves around them. It’s not bad and it stays pretty innocent for the most part, except when Finn grabs her ass or whispers how hot she is in her ear.
20 minutes later she manages to free herself enough from Finn to look around and see who’s still around. She ignores Finn’s pleas to go back to her place because hell if she’s going down that road, and instead goes to look for the rest of her friends.
She goes into another room in the house where the lights are actually on and sees Mercedes, Grace, and Grace’s friend talking and laughing. Rachel tries to make her way over but before she can, Jake comes out of nowhere and angrily stalks over to the trio.
Rachel can tell by the look on his face that he’s drunk…and angry. Which is not a good idea considering how big he is. He’s yelling at Grace who has a scowl on her face while her friend stands there kind of terrified. Jake makes a move to tower over the guy who runs away and hides in a bathroom nearby. Jake continues to yell for “That little pussy to come out here and face me like a man!” while Grace cries for him to stop and Mercedes stands between him and the bathroom. She pushes him away, telling him to stop being an idiot and get out of here. Jake roars at Mercedes to get out of his way but she stands her ground and doesn’t move.
“Or what Jake? Are you gonna hit me?” she asks coolly. Rachel’s breath hitches, ready to go defend her friend if that’s what she has to do. Her two friends continue to stare at each other and the room is completely silent.
But Jake finally relents. Not without muttering “fuck this” and walking away. Rachel breathes a sigh of relief and goes to comfort Grace who is standing there completely mortified and crying. The noise in the room picks up again and Mercedes comes over to the girls and suggests they call it a night.
That might be the best idea they’ve had all night.
They find Noah in the kitchen, chugging water and laughing it up with a bunch of guys he probably just met. Evidently he didn’t notice the ruckus going on in the living room.
The 5 friends walk home, and this time Rachel is able to avoid Finn’s advances by playing the good friend to Grace. While the situation is unfortunate, at least it gives her a complete out to Finn wanting to come up to her room.
x 0 x 0 xShe sleeps in Mercedes room that night.
She doesn’t know why but the girls go on discussing the night’s events and how to deal with the Jake and Grace situation. And Mercedes laughs hysterically of course when Rachel tells her about Finn. But it gets so late that Rachel doesn’t even feel like trudging back to her room, so she just lies next to Mercedes so they can both go to sleep.
They lie there, a little tired but not able to fully fall asleep either.
“Hey,” Mercedes whispers. “Did I mention what Puck told me tonight?”
“No you didn’t,” Rachel answers and looks at her friend.
“He and Brittany broke up.”
Rachel sits up quickly in shock. “What?”
“Well…they’re on a break. Or something. Apparently they’ve had issues for the past couple of months and Brittany said they should just take a break. I think that was at the beginning of the week. Which is why Finn’s here…to help him through it or something,” Mercedes explains.
Rachel stares into space, unable to actually process that Noah and Brittany…there might not be a Noah and Brittany anymore.
She turns to say something to Mercedes but is stopped by the ringing of her cellphone. She picks it up from the floor and looks at the screen to see Noah Puckerman on display.
She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. It’s almost 4am…what could he possibly be calling her for?
“Hello?”
“B what’s up? How are you?” Noah whispers.
“Um…Noah it’s 4am and you just saw me a few hours ago. And why are you whispering?”
“Because Finn is sleeping and I don’t wanna wake him. He wouldn’t want me calling you.”
“Why?”
“He’d get jealous or something. So what are you doing?”
He’s clearly still a little drunk, otherwise he wouldn’t be asking her pointless questions. She looks at Mercedes a little confused but the girl just shrugs and laughs.
“Well Mercedes and I were just about to go to bed but now I’m sitting here…talking to you.”
“Oh…sorry. Well um…uh…”
“Noah is there a point to this call?” she finally asks exasperated.
“Yes! There is…it’s just…I’m kind of nervous ok?” he replies quickly.
There’s a pause. She can hear him breathing nervously on the other end and she waits patiently for him to say something.
“I’m an idiot,” he states.
“Ok. Why’s that?” Rachel drawls.
“Because I was too scared to say yes to you in middle school,” he tells her quietly.
At this her jaw drops.
What is going on?
“You were…you were my best friend in middle school. I know everyone always thinks it’s Finn but…you were just there. You were the coolest girl I knew and I didn’t…I didn’t want to lose that by screwing up a relationship. But I did anyway and I feel like I fucking fool now.”
“Noah what are you talking about? You didn’t lose me I’m right here-“
“When Finn told me the summer before freshman year that he was going to ask you out? I wanted to punch him. I really did. So I stayed away most of the time thinking it was just…better that way. But then you guys broke up and things got crazy. And there was Brittany so I just…I’m such an idiot ok.”
She doesn’t know what to say. She breathes slowly and looks to see if Mercedes is still awake but she’s fast asleep. She doesn’t know how much she heard but she wishes Mercedes was awake so she could confirm that Rachel isn’t crazy. This is actually happening.
“Can I ask you something?” he says tentatively, not knowing if he’s scared her off or not.
“Of course, yes.”
“How come you came to every one of our glee club shows, even after Tina dropped out?”
Her breath hitches. “How do you know about that?”
“My mom always saw you and mentioned that you were there. I always wondered but…never thought to ask.”
Rachel sighs. “I wanted to support you. I never missed any of your shows because you’re my friend Noah, and you’ll always be my friend. Friends support each other.”
“Oh,” he says simply. After a pause he continues to speak. “Do you remember the first day of 7th grade?”
Rachel scoffs. “Yes I do. I was the new girl with the terribly awkward short haircut. God I hated my hair then. It made me look ridiculous.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
Rachel closes her eyes and exhales sharply. Every part of her body is on alert and she pinches herself to make sure she’s not dreaming.
“Noah I…what are you trying to say? Why did you call me?” she stutters.
“I think I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with you but I just don’t know how to say it,” he says clearly.
She nearly drops the phone, biting her lip to keep from blurting out something ridiculous. She holds the phone away from her for a moment to breath and collect herself. She looks towards Mercedes again and the girl is still asleep, so she gets up and goes into the living room to keep from disturbing her.
When she sits down on the couch, she puts the phone back to her ear, hearing Noah frantically whispering her name.
“I’m still here Noah,” she assures him.
“Oh. Good. I thought I scared you off or some shit,” he says with relief.
“No it’s just…I’m surprised. I never thought you felt that way about me. I mean there was middle school and then Brittany. And what about Brittany? What’s happening with her? How can you tell me you love me when you’ve been with her for so long?”
“Rach that’s not even…that’s not fair ok. It’s different. And Brittany and I have been having problems for awhile…things just aren’t the same. You know sometimes we just sit there on the phone in silence for hours? We don’t have things to talk about anymore. We’re just not the same people. And I love her, I do because Brittany has always been awesome and we have all this stuff between us…but it’s not like me and you B. It’s a different thing.”
“Well what is it that you and I have?”
“It’s…it’s just…we have this potential Rach. I always feel it when I’m with you. And no matter how long I go without seeing you it doesn’t matter. It’s still like we’re in the 7th grade poking each other in the middle of temple service. And I…I don’t want to look back on my life and think I made a mistake by not trying with you. Because I feel like I make a mistake every single day by not saying something to you.”
“Noah I-“
“I know you feel something for me too Rach. I know you. You can’t lie.”
“You’re right…I’ve always felt something for you,” she murmurs truthfully.
“Well…is it…do you love me too?” he asks nervously.
“I don’t know!” she cries. “Noah, I’ve had feelings for you for so long but I’ve never been able to just…let myself feel them. I’ve had a boyfriend, you’ve had a girlfriend. I’ve had to push them down for so long that I don’t even know what they are anymore. You can’t just say all this and expect me to know how I feel!
By the end her voice is raised and half shouting at him. He’s silent on the other line, except for the obvious sound of him breathing.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I told you I’m a fucking idiot.”
She feels a little bad now. It takes some courage to tell someone how you feel about them and she knows Noah isn’t always a touchy feely person. She hasn’t even had the guts to admit how she feels about him for all these years.
“What do you think it would be like if I had said yes in high school?” he asks curiously.
She wants to say that they’d still be together, even right now. That instead of being on the phone with each other they would be in his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.
But she doesn’t know that.
“I don’t know, Noah. Nothing is set in stone. We could still be together, or something could have gone wrong and we’d hate each other by now. I’m not psychic.”
“I think we’d still be together. Because I don’t think I could hurt you the way any guy ever has. And you would never hurt me.”
She smiles for the first time since the conversation got so serious. By now her body has relaxed enough that she notices how tired she actually is. She looks at the time and sees that it’s nearing 5am.
“Noah it’s getting late…or early…I don’t know anymore. Can we talk tomorrow? I think we need to talk face to face.”
“Yeah you’re probably right. God I’m going to feel like shit in a few hours. I can come over tomorrow night?”
“Yeah that sounds great. I’ll see you then.”
“Ok…I’ll see you later B,” Noah says sleepily.
“Yeah…bye Noah,” Rachel finishes with a smile on her face.
She hangs up the phone and jumps up from the couch, resisting the urge to throw her hands up in the air and yell for joy. She giggles though.
She giggles like a little 7th grader.