Fin.
I went down mid-week to visit W in LA. Sorry if I wasn't very forthcoming about that - my LJ/Twitter/Facebook/etc are all public, and I'd rather not tell the world that my house is empty for a couple days.
I'm back now, everything is fine.
And it's more than fine. I supose if you've known me more than a couple years, you already know what this post is going to be about.
Though I didn't intend it, this trip became about saying goodbye to W.
I've known for a long itme (deep down somewhere) that this needed to happen, but apparently I needed to go about it in my own unique Sam way.
I still miss her, I still adore her personality, beauty, smile, and spending time with her.
In these two years, we've moved apart. Dancing is (understandably) not the priority for her it once was, and though I've moved on to other things (climbing, aerials, etc.), it's still a large part of my life that I can't really think of giving up.
It was nice to be in LA again. Not just to see all the things I missed, but to fully realize how much I don't belong here. The Bay Area is my home.
I hope W finds all the happiness here that so eluded me.
Interestingly, her second play helped with this - she played Pheobe in As You Like It - a girl being chased after by a poor lovesick boy (um, hi.) that she wants nothing to do with.
This is not to say that I'll never come down to LA again (indeed, I'm going down again in a couple weeks, but it's not W-related, and I don't think I'll see her while there), but things feel different now.
Fuck, I'm crying in the airport.
We have both moved on relationship-wise, and she seems happy with her new boy, who is (honestly) really hot, and seems like a good guy, even though I think I'm better. But that's just the thing - being in LA and meeting her friends, who are all astoundingly attractive, I can't imagine why she'd settle for seeing me once a month, instead of being with one of them. Even one of them with half the witty personality makes more sense than being with me.
For my part, I went out with Rene, which was sort of inevitable to anyone who knew us, and royally cocked things up by not getting over W (which was sort of inevitable to anyone who knew me really well), while not admitting to myself how much I had fallen for Rene. I still miss Rene tons, and really feel bad about pushing her away. I'm sorry Rene. Really sorry.
W and I are good friends, and have been for long enough for me to be comfortable saying so here. We're both happy with this, and will probably remain friends for a long time. If we end up together again, it would be nice, but I don't think it'll happen.
Goodbye Dahling.
I'm back now, everything is fine.
And it's more than fine. I supose if you've known me more than a couple years, you already know what this post is going to be about.
Though I didn't intend it, this trip became about saying goodbye to W.
I've known for a long itme (deep down somewhere) that this needed to happen, but apparently I needed to go about it in my own unique Sam way.
I still miss her, I still adore her personality, beauty, smile, and spending time with her.
In these two years, we've moved apart. Dancing is (understandably) not the priority for her it once was, and though I've moved on to other things (climbing, aerials, etc.), it's still a large part of my life that I can't really think of giving up.
It was nice to be in LA again. Not just to see all the things I missed, but to fully realize how much I don't belong here. The Bay Area is my home.
I hope W finds all the happiness here that so eluded me.
Interestingly, her second play helped with this - she played Pheobe in As You Like It - a girl being chased after by a poor lovesick boy (um, hi.) that she wants nothing to do with.
This is not to say that I'll never come down to LA again (indeed, I'm going down again in a couple weeks, but it's not W-related, and I don't think I'll see her while there), but things feel different now.
Fuck, I'm crying in the airport.
We have both moved on relationship-wise, and she seems happy with her new boy, who is (honestly) really hot, and seems like a good guy, even though I think I'm better. But that's just the thing - being in LA and meeting her friends, who are all astoundingly attractive, I can't imagine why she'd settle for seeing me once a month, instead of being with one of them. Even one of them with half the witty personality makes more sense than being with me.
For my part, I went out with Rene, which was sort of inevitable to anyone who knew us, and royally cocked things up by not getting over W (which was sort of inevitable to anyone who knew me really well), while not admitting to myself how much I had fallen for Rene. I still miss Rene tons, and really feel bad about pushing her away. I'm sorry Rene. Really sorry.
W and I are good friends, and have been for long enough for me to be comfortable saying so here. We're both happy with this, and will probably remain friends for a long time. If we end up together again, it would be nice, but I don't think it'll happen.
Goodbye Dahling.