(no subject)
one of the major pitfalls of livejournal promoting community and livejournal friends is the fact that you can't write about those who you know read your livejournal.
lately ive been feeling really out of control.
im pretty currently stuck where i am
but there are a lot of big events supposedly coming up in my life.
this leads to a lot of anticipation in an already unhealthily anxious person.
3 weddings coming up, going to india to photograph an orphanage in january,
a really shitty schedule next semester, then my first summer of not being a teenager any longer, then moving to london, then moving to santa cruz.
i am angry at myself for letting my guard down and getting my hopes up again.
i did it at last year under the same circumstances and it ended up causing me nothing but embarrassment. i dont want that to happen again. my fucking heart steers me uncontrollably off cliffs on a whim or any time a pretty girl bats her eyelashes at me.
off sheer luck, fate, chance, or nothing, i ran into susanne twice during thanksgiving break.
i ended up talking to her on the phone for a while one day.
she told me she wanted to hangout, but even thought they recently broke up,
scott still controled her social life and he would be mad.
i told her that she should do what she wants.
she gave me a bullshit excuse later that night and said shed see met at christmas.
the next day cait said they had talked while she was home
and that she told cait that she wasn't in love with scott
and that she had been in love with me.
what good that information does my ego is beyond me.
if anyone out there in the vast reaches of cyberspace wants to tell me how to get an internship with a portrait photographer i would be in great debt to you.
my grandpa always used to say "life gets complicated after 18"
he probably didnt even get to bitch about it in his lj like i do.
the times they are a'changin.
this was a lot more simple.
lately ive been feeling really out of control.
im pretty currently stuck where i am
but there are a lot of big events supposedly coming up in my life.
this leads to a lot of anticipation in an already unhealthily anxious person.
3 weddings coming up, going to india to photograph an orphanage in january,
a really shitty schedule next semester, then my first summer of not being a teenager any longer, then moving to london, then moving to santa cruz.
i am angry at myself for letting my guard down and getting my hopes up again.
i did it at last year under the same circumstances and it ended up causing me nothing but embarrassment. i dont want that to happen again. my fucking heart steers me uncontrollably off cliffs on a whim or any time a pretty girl bats her eyelashes at me.
off sheer luck, fate, chance, or nothing, i ran into susanne twice during thanksgiving break.
i ended up talking to her on the phone for a while one day.
she told me she wanted to hangout, but even thought they recently broke up,
scott still controled her social life and he would be mad.
i told her that she should do what she wants.
she gave me a bullshit excuse later that night and said shed see met at christmas.
the next day cait said they had talked while she was home
and that she told cait that she wasn't in love with scott
and that she had been in love with me.
what good that information does my ego is beyond me.
if anyone out there in the vast reaches of cyberspace wants to tell me how to get an internship with a portrait photographer i would be in great debt to you.
my grandpa always used to say "life gets complicated after 18"
he probably didnt even get to bitch about it in his lj like i do.
the times they are a'changin.
this was a lot more simple.