(no subject)

[edge_of_my_seat]

f bomb f bomb f bomb.
i dont i just instigated the discussion
that lead to xiomara and i decided to try being friends.
after thinking a lot and talking to her i decided that
that might be best for right now, but nothing is permanent.
but if i thats what i wanted to try, why do i feel so fucking sad
and alone.
i hate this intense feeling of loneliness.
she is such a fucking awesome human being.
and imjust really confused and dont know what i want
and i dont feel like im giving her what she deserves right now
i thinks she deserves better than what i can give right now
and i want her to be as happy as she can be because she deserves to be
and now im wrestling with the fact that i probably hurt her
what the fuck am i doing with my life
and i dont even know if it was the right thing to do.
im 19 now. obviously im so stoked on that.
im so confused so confused so confused.
and i feel sad.
im sorry.

p.s. i had a really good birthday full of people i love
excellent presents and fun times
and i acted like a complete snop and a jerk
and i acted ungrateful and i dont know why.
i am more grateful than i could explain and im sorry.
thank you.

IM