What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know

[paintitgray]

Characters: Kurayami (paintitgray), Smoke (inthecenterfold)
Date/Time: Sunday, May 8th, early afternoon
Location: Smoke's home
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kurayami gets her memories of Edensphere back.

Comments

[inthecenterfold]

The intense knocking on his door nearly made him jump out of bed, where he'd been casually smoking a cigarette. Suzy did jump and scramble out of the room, then into Aniki's old room.

He wasn't expecting anyone, but then he'd been avoiding the journals again. He had no idea what the Sphere was up to now, but he hated it. So he was actually a little curious why someone would be coming to visit him. Most people that remained in the Sphere didn't even know where he lived.

Smoke opened the door to find a sopping wet Kurayami, which immediately triggered a mixture of anguish and shock on his face, as well as a myriad of thoughts. She's not Kurayami anymore- Then how did she get here? At least invite her in dumbass- I don't even know her anymore, why would I do that for anyone...

He barely managed to get out a response. "Can I... help you?"

[paintitgray]

Oh, god. Oh, god, the look on his face. Kurayami felt something under her ribs crumple, just a little. Rainwater was dripping from her feathers, from the hem of her skirt, from her chin, but she lifted her head to look him in the eye, as steadily as she could.

She caught her breath, and the word she managed was all she could think of to say. "Smoke..."

[inthecenterfold]

"I never told you my name--" Wait, obviously someone else could have, and even told her where he lived...

He looked away, closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "What do you want?" His voice was small and dejected, not wanting to believe the recognition in her eyes.

[paintitgray]

The knot that caught at her throat made it hard to speak. She'd never seen him like this - she'd guessed that he was hurt, that he was worried, because he was never as succinct even over the journals as he'd been in that stilted, awkward exchange - but the Smoke in front of her now looked defeated, even heart-broken.

...no. She had seen him like this. Once. That realization, more than slightly terrible, forced words out of her mouth, as she stepped across the threshold uninvited and caught his sleeve in cold fingers.

"I remembered," she blurted, and reached up to trace the marks on his cheek with the tips of her fingers. She hesitated short of actually touching him, and realized at that point that her hands were trembling.

"Why didn't you try?" Her voice broke on the word, and she swallowed hard to steady it - she'd been running, it wasn't her fault, but she had to be strong again if he was in a state like this. She wanted to know. "Why did you tell me you were...just a customer? Dammit, Smoke, you could have at least

1/... 3 I think.

[inthecenterfold]

Immediately, one hand reached out to grab hers as it neared his face, and the other gripped her shoulder. He pulled her across the threshold with a slight spin, then shut his door. He kind of leaned there, left arm bent as his support, and his right hanging down.

"This never happened before." He was absolutely stunned, and completely frustrated. "First Cross, now you-"

2/3

[inthecenterfold]

"People don't go away, lose their memories, and come back with their memories!" His fists were balled up now. "It doesn't work that way here! When they're gone, they're just gone! Forever!" He emphasized his anger at the whole situation when his right hand clenched tighter, jostling a little in the air.

3/3

[inthecenterfold]

Whether he meant that memories or people were gone, in his mind it basically equated to the same end result. It was a loss, a breaking of a bond - and right now it was hurting him like hell to remember the one that was there.

"I tried in the past, I really fucking did, but I just can't do it anymore. It's not the same - they're never the same, even when they try too! And then I realized..." He leaned back on the door. "I've been trying so hard not to be Gojyo anymore - why the hell was I expecting Lithium to still be Aurora? Or Mirror to be Sky? And Trust to just be... Trust..."

He sighed and looked down, still not even sure if he could believe her that her memories really were back. "Usually I try to just stay away... it's easier that way. If they want to know, they'll ask around, and they'll find me, but I don't push it on anyone up front."

He slowly tilted his head up again. "I couldn't stay away this time."

[paintitgray]

She stood there, dripping a quiet puddle onto his dry floor and listening, her tongue cleaved to the roof of her mouth in the face of - shit, so much loss. People shouldn't come back, period; something in her gut had been telling her that since she arrived here.

She gritted her teeth. God. She was crying, silently, tears mingling with the rain on her face. How much of it was for his sake? She spared a moment to hope that he couldn't tell the difference, with how wet her cheeks already were.

But she was the same, however the rules normally worked here. She remembered - well, she didn't know how much she remembered, or what might still be missing, but she remembered enough. Talking to him, drawing him, bantering with him, dancing with him, kissing him behind the tea house, sharing his company at midnight, holding him while he was in pain...endless images, piling up and spilling over each other

1/2

[inthecenterfold]

"Geez," he reached out with both arms to pull her into a hug. "At least stop shivering before you try talking again." He'd wanted to get her a towel, but that would've meant leaving the immediate area, which he didn't want to do lest she evaporate on him or something equally ridiculous. He took special care to avoid her wings with his right hand, and hold her head with his left, though it drifted to her shoulder after a moment or two. He rubbed her back and shoulder just long enough to generate some heat for her, because with his own shirt sopping wet now he knew it wasn't exactly a midsummer's day out there. Unfortunately, as he pulled back a little, that also meant he was close enough to hear and see the difference between the rain and the tears.

"Shit, Kura... Don't cry..." His left hand went back to her head while his right went to her shoulder. "I can't stand it when pretty girls cry. It makes me wanna..."

2/2

[inthecenterfold]

He didn't get to finish that comment, because he leaned in to do exactly what he'd been about to say: he kissed her. It was a short, gentle kiss, but as soon as he stopped he moved to kiss her cheeks near each eye. Then, he stood there with his forehead touching hers and a somber smile on his face.

The last few days could be the memories to gradually disappear.

[paintitgray]

She couldn't help it - her arms lifted as he held her close, and she wound them around his neck, as if he might try to walk away any second, instead of - kissing her.

Her tears. He was kissing her tears. She curled her fingers into his hair, trying to shake her head a little but too close to move much. "I'm not crying," she protested, hoarsely, automatically. "And I'm not pretty..."

He'd always insisted on that - why did he always insist on that? She made a face, and tilted her chin up far enough to kiss him back. There were words still bubbling up in her, and she didn't want to think about them quite yet; and she did want to kiss him. So much so that it would have been embarrassing if she'd stopped to think about it, which was one more reason not to.

How close had she come to losing him, this time? Without ever knowing it? How much more was it possible to hate the Tree for toying with them like this?

Shoving that thought aside, along with tears and rain and anger, she just shut her eyes and concentrated on Smoke; his

[inthecenterfold]

Instinctively, he let his hands fall down her sides before settling on her waist, then pulled her closer. Even with his eyes closed, though, he could see her tears - like he'd spent far too much time staring into a crying woman's face to ever truly forget it.

He smirked at her a bit first chance he got. "Bullshit to both." He nudged at the bottom edge of her shirt with his right hand, just enough to touch her chilled skin. "This part..." He moved his left hand up to brush her bangs away behind her ear, then rested it on the nape of her neck. "This part too..." He kissed her again, because he was too relieved in that moment not to, and afterward stayed close to her mouth so he could whisper, "And yes, even your wings. You're pretty, Kura, and I mean that."

[paintitgray]

His hands felt startlingly hot against her skin, and she sucked in her breath as he touched her, pressing close when he pulled her against him. She was still drenched, and she was getting him soaking wet, too - but the wet fabric between them was starting to warm up, and her shivering was starting to fade.

She shook her head, wordlessly, eyes closed, and pulled him in for another kiss. She didn't care, in that moment, whether she was pretty or plain. She didn't want the compliments he was so good at dispensing; she just wanted him, because whatever words came out of Smoke's mouth, true or false...when he looked at her, lately, she was learning to guess what he was thinking. How he really felt, whether it was good or bad - pain or anger or humor or lust or affection in his odd-colored eyes. And his hands on her cold skin? That was real, and true.

[inthecenterfold]

For Smoke, it wasn't hard to imagine where he wanted this to go, and with the past month of clandestine kisses on top of the intensity emotions that jump-started this entire encounter... A small shudder of anticipation rippled through him. He returned Kurayami's kisses with an open mouth and teasing tongue while his mind started playing scenarios-

That was when it occurred to him. She had wings. He'd never once seen her lay on her back, she slept on her side, and only once did he push her against a wall. Never mind making out, if he ever wanted to go further with her...

His mind reeled at the conclusion. He'd never let anyone top him as far as he could remember, and being in the vulnerable position like that... He winced mentally and hugged Kurayami maybe a little tighter just then before letting go again.

C'mon, c'mon, there's gotta be something... But what other choice was there? Even if he convinced her to lay on her side, he imagined at least one wing would get crumpled up as a result. Then he realized she may not even like

[paintitgray]

There was no real way to miss that wince, that moment of hesitation. For a split second, as he drew away from her, Kurayami considered asking him what was wrong. Then she remembered the damp layer of tears on her cheeks, just beginning to dry, and decided against it. There were too many possible answers.

Instead, she waited. And found herself being led gently towards...a chair.

Slightly bewildered, she glanced from Smoke to the chair and back again as he sat down. His fingers were curled around hers, tugging just slightly, more of a shy request than anything...

Wait. A look of what probably verged on comical surprise flashed across Kurayami's face, as she registered that last thought. Shy. Smoke looked shy? Her brow furrowed slightly as she searched his face for a clue to what was going on, but what she saw there just deepened her bewilderment. He did look shy, with his chin tilted up to look at her - and hesitant, and unsure of himself, and even a little vulnerable. About what? Kissing her? Smoke?Thoroughly confused,

[inthecenterfold]

Smoke sighed to himself, mildly frustrated-yet-not-surprised that she didn't quite get his hint. He continued kissing her as he decided what to do; he ended up reaching his left hand up behind her head and hooked his right hand behind her knee. That didn't take long, so he tugged gently on her lips as he pulled back with a teasing, insistent grin.

"Oh just c'mere.He positioned his left leg between hers and pulled gently on her right knee so that, when she buckled, she'd be sitting in his lap. That accomplished, he massaged her thigh with his right hand, taking special care to dip over to her inner thigh and back again. He let his left hand fall along the length of her body until it rested on her hip, though it didn't rest long. Meanwhile, instead of kissing her on the mouth some more, he took to her neck and chin. He made sure to nose up under her wet collar as much as possible and down her collarbone as well. That was when he repositioned his left hand again, pushing it up under her shirt (higher this time) and trying to warm her