Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

[snowburned]

Characters: Kazahana (snowburned) and Hakuteiken (nobbiest)
Date/Time: BACKDATED to shortly after the triple murder was discovered but before the ant evacuation began
Location: Medical Island
Rating: PG maybe, we'll see
Summary: Husband and wife reunite and make awkward conversation

Comments

[snobbiest]

Reciprocation. She hadn't forgotten, and that added yet another wave of relief but also this pang of wrongness he wasn't quite able to pinpoint. Perhaps it was because of those growing seeds of doubt that those feelings were becoming stronger... Nevertheless, what was important was that she was here. Right now. His treasure had returned, and he couldn't possibly allow her to be taken away again.

"Don't wander off or investigate anything alone--that was careless." It seemed natural and almost automatic to chide her even though she'd just apologized. Not that he'd said it harshly or coldly; it was simply a reminder of something she already knew. He gave a gentle squeeze before continuing, "The nature of this place makes it even harder to know what's going to happen--entering the elevator seems normal and routine enough, but even then we cannot truly guarantee that we will arrive at our destinations. Always be prepared for the extraordinary."

Now that was out of the way, he slowly released her. "Have you been well? Are you still without another roommate?"

[snowburned]

Kazahana frowned for a moment, but let it go--going alone had been careless, but a sort of planned carelessness she was aware of going in. She'd known of the danger, but it had been important to go. "I don't regret going," she said, a quiet strength in her voice. "I had to take the chance that I could find out something important. But it's not part of my plans to do it again."

So it was the elevator again. "You seem to get trapped there an awful lot," she said, unable to hide the touch of amusement. "Maybe you're the one who should be careful not to use it alone."

"I'm well enough now, as much as anyone can be here," she continued, choosing honesty over reassurance. "Kiba was there when I re-hatched. I remember everything that happened, but...I try not to think about it too much." She shrugged. "He's moved into Toushi's old room for the moment. Bastet and I thought it would be better if he wasn't alone after the most recent murders."

Her stomach twisted uneasily at the question, both because she still missed her disappeared friend and because she had an idea of what Hakuteiken's motivation for asking it might be. She'd come to care for him, but the very fact that she felt relief more than joy when he'd reappeared said something about the state of their marriage, something she wasn't sure she was ready to face just yet.

[snobbiest]

There was a part inside of him that both disapproved of yet understood her response and how important it was to her, but like many other times any attempt to recollect it simply failed. He remained silent at her amused comment; after all, it wasn't like he'd used it alone that one time, and all the passengers still wound up on the fourth floor.

Why did he have to think about the fact that if it was funny to her, he was alright with it?

Also. Kiba. If he wasn't mistakened, that person was always writing to her on the journals and constantly went to meet up with her. And now, he was living with her. It was one thing that Toushi had been (and no, he hadn't approved of that, either)... but now, Kiba? Hakuteiken frowned visibly. Although his most prevalent feeling wasn't quite jealousy, he still didn't exactly approve of such living conditions. Honestly, living with another man... again.

"Very well; understandable concerns, given the murders' brutal nature. I take that it would be troublesome that I request to live in your quarters as well--for your protection, and his as well."

[snowburned]

There it was, exactly what she'd expected him to ask. It wasn't an unreasonable request, really, yet it was only that she'd seen it coming that allowed her to dampen down her reaction.

"Kiba of all people doesn't need protection," she said, smiling a little. "He has a sword and he knows how to use it. We were looking out for his emotional well-being, not his physical safety. He'd just lost his roommate, too, so it's not been a good time for him."

She could have brought up the fact that she'd found her sword, too, though she was still working on what to do with it, but this discussion wasn't really about her ability to protect herself. "Memory's still living there too," she said after a minute. "That puts all three bedrooms filled. There wouldn't be space for you to have your own room." The inevitable next suggestion hung in the air, and she was certain they were both aware of it. Would he want to share with her, despite the fact that their marriage (such as it was) hadn't come close to that sort of thing yet?

If he did, how did she feel about it?

[snobbiest]

...once more, she had a full house. He momentarily considered pushing it--after all, since they were married, he should be able to request sharing the same room. However, those feelings of doubt and uncertainty washed over him, and he was beginning to realize that those feelings tied in more and more with concerns about their marriage and inconsistencies in his memories.

And if he was really her husband, why didn't he feel more jealous and protective in this situation? Either he was a really horrible husband (and this has crossed his mind on a number of occasions), or he wasn't her hus--

NO. He had far too much pride to even complete that thought.

Though, considering how angry or upset she'd been in times past when he demonstrated some distrust in some form, he decided to refrain from pushing her buttons any further. She had a full house, and Kiba was house-trained a capable swordsman. Now that she'd died once, Kazahana would be exercising better caution. There was no point in pressing her toward anger... right?

How capable was this Kiba? As far as he was concerned, Hakuteiken was quite a skilled swordsman himself. He just hadn't retrieved that weapon yet, but he hoped he would find it soon enough. As of now, he couldn't approve of Kiba, not until he knew that he was worthy of being wi-- would be a proper and trustworthy protector for Kazahana.

"Understood. How capable and trustworthy is he?" He'd never officially met the man; their meeting at the site of Kazahana's death was rather short-lived and ill-timed. And maybe he didn't quite intend to challenge her choice in friends or company, but his tone of voice very well suggested it.

[snowburned]

"Plenty." If there was an edge to Kazahana's tone, it was because she sensed the disbelief in Hakuteiken's. Was this how it had been between them in the life before the sphere? Was he always probing, critical, unwilling to trust?

They'd been married. Hakuteiken's dream had told them that much, and her own could at least confirm that they'd known each other. She had no reason to doubt his word, either. But had it been a happy marriage? Was there a reason she hadn't recognized him?

It was possible, she realized, that she hadn't wanted to know him again. Yet for his faults, she didn't think he was a bad person.

"He's saved me once already," she said. "I remembered that much in my second dream. We knew each other when we were children. So yes, I trust Kiba entirely."

And thought brought up another subject. The signs of childbirth that Bastet had mentioned weren't present on Kazahana's body, and Kiba had vouched for her inability to harm or neglect a child. Why had she had one, then? It had to mean something, even if only as a metaphor.

[snobbiest]

Second dream? So when she was reborn, she retained memories of Edensphere and acquired a new dream that presented more information than she'd gathered during her first time in this world. Hakuteiken quickly recounted his first meeting with Kiba--no doubt other possessed power but in his rage, he lost his control. Unacceptable. But somewhere inside, the knowledge that Kiba had saved Kazahana in the past was comforting and heartwarming. Relieving.

Not that he'd let on about that.

"I see. From what I recall in a brief 'meeting' -an unofficial introduction, if you would- he certainly could use some exercise in control." After saying this much, Hakuteiken felt like he could go on about why he still disapproved of Kiba, but he didn't have anything concrete to go by beyond that time. "Nevertheless, I will not question your choice in company; this is neither the time nor place. In light of the recent murders, residents are either busy or afraid. Having returned, I have taken up some responsibilities with the guard. These are busy times, though I'm considering requesting a spar with him in the future."

A short pause. "A test of abilities."

[snowburned]

Kazahana was quiet for a moment. She didn't love the idea of two people close to her staging a fight, even a mock one for supposedly benign purposes, but there was a point at which she couldn't be the one to tell them what to do. "You'll have to ask him," she said. "If he likes the idea, he'll say so."

But there were more important things than male pissing contests. "I don't suppose you read people's journal entries from when you were trapped in the elevator, did you?" she asked. "I wrote...well, I didn't write much. But it was about something I saw in my second dream--myself, carrying a baby." The subject was even less comfortable, but if she'd seen their child--and she was still uncertain about it--he did have a right to know.

[snobbiest]

"Next time I meet him, I shall request it." He said with quiet conviction.

He went silent at that point. A child. He thought hard about it but couldn't really recall anything about a baby. If there was one, shouldn't he at least have some sort of paternal instinct? A sense that he shouldn't only be protecting his wife, but also his child? Shouldn't he desire to be keeping the family unit together?

But something in his gut told him that they didn't have a child. Something told him strongly and firmly that there was a good reason they didn't have a child. Wouldn't it have been nice, however, to have someone carry on his family name? Not that he could recall his family name, but once he did--

--no, he didn't feel like they had a child. If they did, he was fully convinced that he'd have dreamed about it and would've been combing through Edensphere in search of it once he'd found Kazahana.

"A baby. What did the child look like?" Part of him was glad, and another part of him was... in denial? Still rejecting such a possibility? "Unfortunately, I don't believe that we had a child, though it's difficult to determine, given our circumstances."

[snowburned]

The urge to sigh in relief was so strong Kazahana couldn't hold it back this time. "I don't either, really," she said, grateful that she could. "I couldn't really see it in any case. I did check for certain...physical signs, but there was no special indication." She shrugged. "There has to be something to it. One thing about this place I'm certain of is that we're supposed to learn things from out dreams. I'll just have to figure out what this is later."

Despite the relief, she didn't feel any more settled about their situation. She didn't know what to say to him. It had been easier when they'd first tried this dating experiment, before the weight of expectation stared them in the face. Wasn't it an inevitability, an obligation that she should eventually want to make their past marriage real in the present? What if she didn't?

What if she couldn't?

[snobbiest]

Ambivalence. He felt a tinge of disappointment about not having a child--it was mixed with a heavy and dark feeling of sadness. And the doubt in his mind was becoming more of a sort of dread, but he was still far too prideful to confess he might've possibly made a mistake when he first met her.

"I'll just have to figure out what this is later." She was right. Because that was all they could really do in this strange world. It conveniently gave and take but left essential information out for its people to sort out for themselves.

"Agreed. I'm certain you will learn its true interpretation as you gather information with time."

Speaking of information gathering, he'd only briefly glanced the pages of the journal before managing to find Bastet and demand request an update. He'd seen something about a ball; there was a mention that it was going to happen, and people were requesting to go with each other.

Hakuteiken wanted to ask to go with her, but his conflicting emotions disturbed him greatly despite his composure. "Speaking of information gathering, I happened to note an upcoming ball while glancing the journal."

A short, semi-awkward pause. "...I apologize once more for my disappearance, though I suppose by now you've already found a date for that occasion."

[snowburned]

Kazahana flushed, lit up with embarrassment and a little of something like defiance. "Sort of," she mumbled, then frowned at him. "I didn't go out looking for one! I know we're not exactly a normal married couple right now, but that doesn't mean I think I'm free to date. Truth and I are going as friends. You weren't here and I didn't know when you'd be around again."

The words tumbled out sounding angrier than she'd expected. It wasn't fair to Hakuteiken; he hadn't forced her into this position and he hadn't been absent on purpose. But if not for him, she wouldn't feel this sense of confinement. She could have said yes to Truth and had a good time as friends or more, if they chose.